Raising Ryan
by Super Chino
Summary: Sequel to Bad Behavior. While Ryan's finally found a home that appreciates him, there are still ghosts from his past that keep him from enjoying certain parts of his new life. And, even on his best behavior, there's still trouble to be had.
1. Not So Happy Holidays

Raising Ryan 

Chapter 1 – Not So Happy Holidays

A/N – I bring you the first chapter to the Bad Behavior sequel! We're going to start this one off with a bang and then do some weaving around. I have lots of good stuff planned. Fans of Bad!Ryan, be sure you're strapped in, especially for chapter 2! I don't know enough about the Hanukah season to fake it here, and I don't want to offend anyone who celebrates the holiday so…my version of Christmas in this one is going to be strictly Christmas. Enjoy:D

Kirsten hurried down the stairs to answer the door. Swinging the door open, she noticed the mailman backing down her driveway, he'd left a rather large box on the front step. Bringing the box inside, she gave the door a kick with her leg and read the return address. Chino. This was from Dawn. Kirsten thought it was odd she'd addressed it to her rather than to Ryan.

Taking the box back upstairs, she closed her bedroom door and set the package down on her bed. Removing the brown shipping paper, she opened the box to find two Christmas presents and two envelopes inside, one being addressed to her.

Opening her envelope, she read Dawn's note.

_Kirsten, _

_I hope the holidays are nice for your family. I've enclosed two presents for Ryan…don't be surprised if he doesn't want them (long story). As his Mom I only felt it fair to give you a heads up…Atwoods and holidays are like water and oil. Ryan hates the holidays. And I do mean he hates them. I'm embarrassed to admit, there's no good memories there for him. Just be patient with him. Not sure why I'm telling you this, you're great with him. I just thought you should know to expect a rough road ahead._

_Merry Christmas,_

_Dawn_

Perplexed, Kirsten folded the note back up and stood up to put it in her dresser. Turning around she caught sight of Ryan laying on one of the lounge chairs outside, methodically throwing a ball up in the air. She'd noticed he'd been different but she couldn't quite put her finger on the problem. Now she knew. Ryan had adjusted quite well after his adoption, sure he managed to keep control of his smart mouth and that penetrating glare of his, but he had come around a bit and accepted his place in this family. Kirsten couldn't help but wonder what Christmas would be like, given the information in his Mother's note. Part of her couldn't help but question if it was Dawn's attempt at ruining their holiday, making Kirsten read into things that weren't there. Still, there was Ryan's behavior that she couldn't deny. He'd been moody alright. And with only one week left until Christmas, time would tell all.

Downstairs Seth walked into the living room as his Mom was coming downstairs with the two presents in her hands.

"Would those be for me?" Seth inquired, rubbing his hands together and blocking Kirsten's path to the tree.

"No," she smiled. "These are for Ryan. His Mom sent them."

They both looked down at the plain red paper, no bows, no nametag, just Ryan's name written on the top in magic marker. Nothing special. The simple package gave them both an idea what Christmas in Chino must have been like…nothing special.

"Are you going to give them to him?" Seth asked. He noticed Ryan's mood lately as well. Somehow gifts from his Mom didn't seem like a good idea.

"Well, I think I'll put them under the tree and let Ryan know where they are. He can deal with them when he feels he's ready. His Mom…she wrote me a note saying the holidays are really hard on Ryan. Specifically, she said he hates them. We need to give him some space on this one."

"Okay. But, maybe I could convert him," Seth pondered.

"And maybe Ryan will beat the crap out of you for not leaving it alone," Kirsten reminded her son. Ryan still had a temper and Christmas was not the time to test him on it.

"Good point."

Climbing the stairs outside, Kirsten walked over and took a seat across from Ryan. "Hey."

"Hey."

"Whatcha doing?"

Catching the ball, Ryan turned his eyes at her. "What?"

"Nothing. I was just…"

"You're just handling me with kid gloves. What is it?"

Kirsten hated this trait of Ryan's. He could see through anything. Coming from such a different world, she hated that she couldn't protect him even if she wanted to. All he had to do was look at her and he could always tell something was going on.

Sighing slightly, "Well, as a matter of fact, I do have some news. There was a package that arrived this morning and it had some Christmas presents in it for you…they're from your Mom. I put them under the Christmas tree."

Ryan turned his head back to the sky, his jaw set in frustration. "Unfuckingbelievable," he muttered under his breath.

"Ryan, she's trying."

"Yeah like eight years too late! I couldn't get the woman to celebrate Christmas while I was there and now that I'm gone, NOW she wants to give me Christmas!"

Ryan forced his mouth shut and went back to whipping the ball up in the air.

"We can't change the past Ryan, but I think she realizes what she's missed."

"I don't want them."

"Ryan…"

Catching the ball again, Ryan sat up quickly on the lounger, startling Kirsten.

"Look, I'm not giving in on this. I'll be a good boy, I'll stay out of your way, I'll do what I'm told to do. I don't want to ruin Christmas for you guys but…just wake me up when it's over."

That being said, he stood up in a huff, walked into the pool house and slammed the door.

At the patio door, Kirsten ran into Seth.

"I guess he's going to be a little more stubborn than we expected," she admitted.

"I heard it all. He's definitely got the whole Grinch thing down," Seth replied.

"I need to talk to you a minute." Ushering her son inside, she closed the door behind them. "I think you should know that…his Mom sent me a letter with his presents and…she basically told me to expect him to be a handful until Christmas is over. I thought you were right and that maybe we could change him but, for this Christmas we might have to do it his way."

"But he's been doing really good since he came here and he knows things are different here. Why can't he just give it a chance?"

"Seth, we have no idea what's in his past when it comes to the holidays. We don't want to make him so uncomfortable that he feels he needs to get out or get away. We need to let this be."

Pouting a bit, "Okay."

"And, promise me, if you notice anything or if he tells you anything…you'll tell me?"

Nodding, Seth raised his eyes to the pool house. He told his Mom what she wanted to hear, but he wasn't sure he could let Ryan off the hook that easily. Time would tell.

Later that evening in the pool house, Ryan was laying on his bed staring up at the ceiling when Sandy walked in.

"Hey kid," he greeted.

Ryan only pursed his mouth and rolled his eyes. He was even more perturbed when Sandy took a seat in the infamous Warden's chair. "Let me guess, I need an attitude adjustment," Ryan said sarcastically as he pulled himself into a sitting position.

"Nah. Not today, I'm not in the mood."

"Then what do you want?" Ryan asked, glaring.

"Nothing. Can't I come in and just say 'hi'?"

"Not from that chair you can't. That chair means something's up. You know it and I know it."

Kirsten was right. Ryan had a way of just knowing things. He could read a person's 'tells' a mile away. And now he even shed light on the fact that this chair had some 'tells' of it's own.

Leaning forward, "Is there anything we can do to…make things easier for you?"

"Yeah, stop talking about it."

Sandy let his head dip in disappointment, "That's not what I meant."

"Maybe not, but that's my answer."

"Life has been…a lot different since you came to Newport. Who knows, maybe Christmas here would be different too."

Ryan stayed silent and kept his head down. He knew Sandy was probably right but he didn't care. Too many bad Christmases had tainted the magic of the holiday altogether. It meant nothing to him. It was just another day.

Realizing it was a good time to stop pushing, "Dinner's ready if you're…"

"I'm not hungry," Ryan interrupted.

Sandy shook his head and stood up. "Okay." Patting Ryan's head as he pulled away, "If you change your mind, you know where everything is." Without another word, from either of them, Sandy left the pool house.

It was around midnight when Ryan entered the kitchen. The kitchen was dark and he tried to make as little noise as possible. Making himself a sandwich, Ryan sat down at the kitchen table. Just as he raised his snack to his mouth, the kitchen light flipped on.

"Sorry, is that too bright?" Seth asked.

"Turn it off," Ryan demanded, squinting his eyes shut.

Opting for the subtle under the cabinet lighting, "That looks good. Mind if I…"

"Go ahead."

Making his own sandwich, Seth took a seat across from Ryan, both boys eating in silence. Ryan finished his sandwich first and Seth seized the opportunity.

"Can I ask you something?" Even in the dimly lit room, Seth recognized Ryan's sneer. "I mean, were…was Christmas in Chino really that bad?"

Thinking on Seth's question for a moment, Ryan nodded slowly. "It was worse than bad." He watched Seth absorb his answer, realizing just how clueless the entire Cohen family was. "You guys just don't understand what it was like, why I can't get into this. I got tired of hoping maybe this was the Christmas my Mom would be sober, maybe this was the Christmas I wouldn't end up in the ER because AJ did something to me. Maybe this was the year she'd actually get me a present and I'd have something to open on Christmas morning like everyone else. I got tired of getting my hopes up only to have them crushed over and over and over. I don't look forward to this anymore…I know better."

Ryan let his eyes roam to meet Seth's. The look of horror on his face said it all.

"Ryan, I don't know…what to say…"

"There's nothing to say…just…when I ask people to back off about this…now you know why."

Nodding, "Well the good news is no one in this house has ever spent Christmas in the ER, my Mom is too busy on Christmas to be drunk and I'm spoiled rotten so there's always a ridoinkulous amount of presents under the tree."

"No presents. Make sure you tell your parents that…no…presents."

Tapping his fingers on the table, Seth felt a plan brewing. "What if…what if I challenge you to have a nice Christmas?"

"What?"

"Seriously. We know now how Christmas usually goes for you. Give it a shot. If something goes wrong, you get to gloat with that whole 'I-told-you-so' thing. Lord knows anything that could possibly go wrong around here won't be on the level of anything that happened in Chino."

"Hope is a dangerous thing Seth."

"Apparently, it's only dangerous in Chino. In Newport, hope is a good thing."

Ryan looked terribly uncomfortable and stuck in his ways.

"Just think about it. I promise I won't bring it up again." Seth could tell the wheels were turning in Ryan's head. "I'm gonna go sit by the tree for a little bit before I turn in. You staying up?"

Ryan shook his head again. "My Mom hasn't put up a Christmas tree in four years. I'm gonna get to bed."

"Okay man. I'll see you tomorrow."

Ryan watched as Seth took a seat on the couch in front of the tree. It must be nice to really enjoy something like this. Leaving the main house, Ryan paused at the pool house door and sat down on the step. He could see the Christmas tree just fine from here. Maybe Seth was right, maybe if he allowed it, maybe this year would be the one that was different. Shaking his head at his own thoughts, he pushed them right out of his head. Too many times he'd hoped for something better and too many times he'd been let down. No. This year he'd stick to what he knew. If he got through this year unscathed, maybe next year he'd let his guard down. Maybe.

The next morning Seth was up bright and early paying a visit to his Mom to discuss Ryan's late night confessions. They both agreed to let it go, to let Ryan do what he needed to in order to get through this holiday. You can't force happiness on someone, that defeats the whole point. They could only sit back and wait to see if he'd come around on his own.

In Chino, Dawn dragged a small Christmas tree into her living room, swearing when the needles pricked her bare feet. Her friend Angie had returned with a sack full of McDonald's. After tossing the little tree into a tree stand and covering it with the only ornaments she had, they sat down on the couch to eat.

"Boy that really is a pathetic looking tree," Dawn griped at her attempt at holiday ambiance.

"What do you mean? That's a nice little tree," Angie commented.

"You know, it's the first tree I've put up in about four or five years." Dawn admitted, disgracefully.

"Seriously? But you had kids…" Angie canned her comment when she realized where it was going.

"I know. Like I said, they deserved so much more." Her voice choked with emotion. "I'm sorry."

Angie moved over to comfort her friend.

"Ryan was just a little boy when I stopped buying him presents and then I stopped putting up the tree. I told him it was too much work. You could just see the disappointment in his eyes."

"Is there anything I can do?" Angie offered.

"I think all Atwoods state wide would agree that the holidays are a nightmare. I know Ryan isn't enjoying Christmas because of what I put him through. I ruined it for him. I don't think…I don't think I can get through this without him."

"Dawn, honey, you just gotta remind yourself that he's in a good place. You did this because it's what's best for him."

"I've never felt this alone, this empty, before. I don't want to feel like this Ang."

"What are you saying?"

"I'm saying I miss him…and…and…I've got two bottles of Jack next to the fridge. Can you go get one of them? It's going to be a long holiday."

Skidding to a stop, Ryan sat on his bike and stared at the ocean. He hadn't been down to the pier in a long time, not since the Cohens officially took custody of him. He didn't need to. Today was different. He frowned at the white-capped waves knowing he would probably be spending a lot of time down here. He pulled his leather jacket closed and zipped it up before shoving his hands in his pockets. Even though it was mid-afternoon in Southern California, it was December and there was still a brisk wind blowing persistently off the water.

Ryan's mind wandered in a thousand different directions and yet he couldn't seem to concentrate on any one thought. He needed an outlet, an escape. Just a little something, a distraction. Adding to his wandering thoughts, Dina came to mind, bringing a smile to his face. Too bad she lived so far, that would be the perfect distraction. He'd find a replacement for her, all in due time. In the meantime, he needed something now. He knew the Cohens, all three of them, would be watching him like a hawk so he had to careful not to draw too much attention with his…distraction.

Pulling his hands out of his pockets, he wrapped them around the grips of his handlebars and rode to the edge of town. Dropping his bike on the sidewalk he entered the empty convenience store. It was no surprise that Newport's elite wouldn't be caught dead in a place like this…which is exactly why this was the place for Ryan to be. Something was keeping this store open and Ryan was confident there was more to the place than meets the casual eye. Considering he was only on the outskirts of Newport, the place was pretty run down and the storekeeper was equally dilapidated.

Locking eyes with the owner Ryan tipped his head back questionably as he made his way over to the magazine rack. He purposely took his time leafing through a muscle car magazine, wearing down the owner's patience. Storeowners didn't like kids that looked like Ryan hanging around in their store. Anyone who looked like trouble probably was and the owners wanted nothing to do with them.

"Hey, can I help you with something there kid?" the owner asked, hoping to rush Ryan along.

"No."

Sighing, the impatient owner shifted his weight and continued to stare at Ryan.

Lifting his eyes to the top of the magazine, Ryan glanced at the owner. "Is there a problem?" he asked, his jaw set and his eyes fierce with his own impatience, all with the intent of making the owner uncomfortable. It was working.

"No, no problem at all," the owner insisted, raising his hands in surrender. "I just thought maybe there's something specific you were looking for."

Still paging through the magazine, "Depends. What've you got?"

The owner seemed well versed in this little game, glancing out the front windows of the store to make sure no one was coming in. "Are you thirsty?"

Ryan knew he was offering him beer or some sort of alcohol. "No."

"Maybe you're, ah, low on caffeine, maybe need a fix?"

"No." Drugs weren't exactly Ryan's thing, not to mention, they're too obvious. Since he worked with kids in Juvie, Ryan felt Sandy could sniff out drugs in a heartbeat. His true addiction was cigarettes.

Running out of options, the owner continued, "You know, I've lived here for almost ten years now and I still can't get used to that smoky haze every morning. Drives me crazy."

A smile lit up Ryan's face. "I know what you mean. It's been pretty bad the last two days. It's slow to burn off but it gets lighter eventually." Closing the magazine, Ryan returned it to the display stand and turned his eyes to the owner.

"Two days…yes…two days," the owner repeated nodding.

Slipping his hands into his pockets, Ryan walked up to the counter. "You a cop?" he asked point blank, fully aware he'd say 'no' even if he was…but his 'tells' would give him away if he was lying.

"No." Quietly the owner put his arms out, palms up, revealing the rows of train tracks on his arms. He was a junkie. "I do good business. I can get whatever you need. Smoky haze for two days, you wanted two packs of cigarettes, what brand?"

"Marlboro, reds."

Nodding, the owner reached under the counter and produced Ryan's two packs of cigarettes and a lighter, based on their coded conversation. He noticed Ryan looking at the packs of condoms behind the counter. "Tell you what, I'll throw one of those in so you can have some fun this weekend, maybe you'll remember who's a nice guy in this town and the next time you run out of smokes…"

Ryan couldn't help but snort a laugh. Some things never changed and even though he was in Newport, this reeked of Chino. Glancing at the owner's nametag, "We'll see Jack. Maybe."

"Next time I'll give you one free pack with whatever you buy, how's that sound?"

That deal sounded pretty good actually. At ten dollars a pack, a free one would be great. Jutting his bottom lip out with approval, Ryan threw twenty-two dollars down on the counter to cover his smokes and lighter. "I'll see you around Jack."

Finally Jack relaxed a bit. He had another kid on his side, another client to support his habit. This kid would be back, he could tell.

It was nearly time for dinner when Ryan walked back into the house. Cutting through the kitchen on the way to his room, he encountered Kirsten.

"Oh Ryan, there you are. Where were you?" she questioned with genuine concern.

"Out," he paused. "Just…riding around. I went down to the pier for a while," he admitted without looking at her. He was telling the truth, just not all of it.

"Oh that sounds nice. Just make sure you mention you're going out next time, we were worried about you."

"I promised you I wouldn't leave again," he stated impatiently.

"I know honey, and I believe you. But I also know that you're under a lot of stress right now. I'm just doing my job as a Mom. Okay?"

Nodding, "I understand," he grumbled while walking past her in the direction of the pool house.

In doing so, Kirsten wrinkled her nose at a rather foul smell. Make that a rather burnt smell. "Ryan, were you smoking?" she asked without beating around the bush.

"No."

He paused with the patio door open and looked at her. Damn if that kid didn't have the best poker face in the world. In a household where no one smoked, there's only one reason why a person would smell like smoke…especially if they just came from the pier.

"Okay," she replied, noticing a fleeting look of guilty in his eyes. This wasn't worth arguing over, not at this time.

She watched Ryan jog up the stairs and disappear into the pool house. Inhaling, she sighed slowly. Dawn's letter echoed in Kirsten's head…'_expect a rough road ahead'_. Looks like Ryan was getting on head start on his version of the holidays and yet, somehow, Kirsten knew his cigarettes were going to be the least of her problems.

(TBC)…

And thus it begins… :D


	2. Boiling Point

Raising Ryan 

Chapter 2 – Boiling Point

"Ryan, you have to at least give this holiday thing a try."

"I told you to drop it Seth. You're like a broken record already." Ryan walked faster causing Seth to step up the pace to keep up with him. It had been twenty minutes of relentless holiday chatter from him. Ryan had heard enough.

"Things are what you make them out to be Ryan and Christmas will be a disaster if that's what you…"

"Would you shut up already!" Ryan screamed. Whirling around, he threw all of his weight forward and shoved Seth with all his might sending him sprawling onto his back on the tiled floor. "It might be that black and white for you, but it's not for me. Every day I tried to make the best of what I had, turn it around into something better and let me tell you, there wasn't much to work with. So don't give me this 'look at the bright side' shit!"

Coming out of his office, "What's going on in here?" Sandy asked, noticing his son flat on his back and Ryan's face contorted in anger.

"Nothing," Ryan snapped.

"I asked a question, I expect an answer." Sandy moved to stand between the two boys and still neither was talking.

"It was just…a scuffle," Ryan finally admitted.

"A scuffle? Then why does Seth look like he's in pain?"

"Dad, it's my fault. I was talking to him about Christmas and…I might have, gone a little too far."

"Regardless of what happened or what was said, you guys are like brothers and brothers don't lay their hands on each other…not in this house. Is that clear? Seth? Ryan?"

"Ryan…Dude, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have kept up the way I did."

"Ryan, is there anything you want to say to Seth?"

With anger still prevalent on his face, "Yeah sure, I'm telling you for the last time to leave it alone. Maybe this time you'll listen to me." Turning on his heel, he left the living room.

In the pool house he grabbed his jacket and put it on while walking across the yard on his way to the driveway. Just as he rounded the front of the house, he ran into Kristen, who'd just come home.

"Hey Ryan." Her greeting was returned with an ominous look as Ryan mounted his bike. "Where are you going?" she asked as he pedaled away in a hurry.

"Out!"

"Out where?"

"Just out!" His voice trailed off as he coasted toward the end of the driveway without looking back.

Not exactly the best thing to come home to after a long day. She found Sandy in his office as his desk, rubbing his forehead.

With a calm voice, "I'm not sure if you knew this or not, but, I think Ryan just took off."

Looking up at his wife, "I'm not surprised. The boys had a fight."

"They did? About what?'

Shrugging, "Apparently Seth was trying to get Ryan to see the light when it comes to Christmas and Ryan had had enough. He shoved Seth, knocked him flat on his back."

"Oh boy. That's not good."

"No it's not. I wonder where he went."

"Well, based on what we've learned from the past I'd say he's either in Long Beach looking for a party, or at the pier. Considering he was on his bike, I'm gonna guess he went to the pier to cool off."

"Honey, you're a genius."

Ryan had been standing at the railing next to the water long enough for his eyes to dry out from the wind. Straightening up, he turned his back to the wind and reached into his jacket's inner pocket, retrieving his pack of cigarettes and his lighter. Tapping the pack a few times he raised it to his mouth to extract a smoke. Cupping his hands over it, he fought against the wind to light it.

Sandy watched from a distance as Ryan took a seat on a bench facing the shops. He watched Ryan checking his pack, probably taking inventory of his remaining cigarettes. Once they were hidden back in his jacket, he hunched forward, clearly chilled by the wind. Sucking on the cigarette, there seemed to be a constant cloud of smoke coming from his head. When he finally slowed down and took the stub out of his mouth, he cupped it in his hands again, protecting it from the wind, studying it as a distraction.

Walking up to Ryan, Sandy took a seat next to him without saying a word. Ryan's eyes searched sideways and immediately recognized the person next to him.

"What do you want?" Ryan asked candidly.

"Nothing."

Growing irritated, "Then why are you here?"

"No reason."

"I know you have a point to being here, just spill it already."

"Oh, so you find it frustrating too when you know damn well something's going on, but the person you need the answers from isn't talking."

Ryan narrowed his eyes at Sandy. Sandy was good at this 'turning the tables' crap. Damn him and his lawyer background.

"I'm sorry okay? Seth is a good kid. He didn't deserve that. I know he meant well, he just doesn't understand."

"That's a nice apology, too bad you're telling it to the wrong Cohen."

Dropping his head down, "I'll tell him when I get home. I just needed to cool off first. He really pissed me off."

"Tell me something, Ryan. Anything. Anything at all that might help me understand all of this."

"Nothing I say could ever help anyone understand any of this. If you haven't lived through it, it's almost impossible to believe."

"So let me get this straight, whatever it was, it was so bad that's it's ruined the holidays for you for the rest of your life?"

"Pretty much," Ryan grumbled.

"I see, but you're in a position now to change some of that. You have some control this time around. Why not try something different and see what happens?"

"Now you sound like Seth," he griped, frustration building all over again. "I have a question for you guys…why can't anyone just leave me the fuck alone? Why do I have to be the one to change?"

"Because you're the only one that's miserable."

That comment hit a mark. Sandy noticed Ryan didn't have a comeback for that one.

"Ryan, you can't tell me you like living like this, frustrated and angry every day. I'm not asking you to dress up like Santa and sing Holly Jolly Christmas, but from where I stand, you're putting an awful lot of energy into making sure it's a bad experience. This year…this year could really be something if you gave it even half a chance. This isn't Chino and your problems and the people causing them are not here. This year could be the year you turn it all around but that's up to you kid. You've got to want it for yourself."

Standing up, Sandy didn't give Ryan a chance to respond. "You think on that for a while. In the meantime, you'll apologize to Seth and you'll take over his chores for the next week for getting physical with him. I wouldn't allow him to hit you…we're going to ignore the fact that he'd probably never raise a hand to you in the first place. But, you're not allowed to hit him either."

Sandy watched as Ryan sat still, chewing on his words.

"And one more thing, give me the cigarettes." Sandy could swear he saw fire in Ryan's eyes.

"Kirsten lets me have one if I ask her for it, especially if she knows I'm stressed out."

"Fair enough. I'll just call her and confirm she gave that to you and we're good to go." Pulling out his cell phone, Ryan stopped him in mid dial.

"She doesn't know about these," Ryan raged back. "I got these myself."

"Are they stolen?"

Ryan shook his head and purposely took a long drag off of the stick in his hand before flicking it across the sidewalk to dispose of it. "I bought these."

"You're underage, how did you buy them?"

"With my allowance. Not everybody follows the rules Sandy. You can always find someone willing to cross that line."

"Give me the pack," Sandy requested again, his hand held out in front of Ryan. "The rules are the same as the day you came home with me Ryan, no smoking in this house."

"I'm not in the house," Ryan sassed back.

"Now, Ryan," Sandy demanded, his heart racing knowing this confrontation would probably get worse before it got better.

Standing up, Ryan glared at Sandy and reached into his jacket for the pack. Once again he tapped the pack and slowly raised it toward his face.

"Don't you dare," Sandy warned, causing Ryan to pause briefly.

Locking his eyes with Sandy, Ryan continued to raise the pack to his mouth. Wrapping his lips around another cigarette, he teasingly pulled it from the pack.

When he dropped his arm back down, along with his guard, Sandy sprung to life and snatched the cigarette out of his mouth with a single swat and grab motion.

"I told you no," Sandy repeated. "Give them to me. Now."

If Sandy thought there was fire in Ryan's eyes before, there was now a full-blown firestorm erupting.

Slapping Sandy in the chest with his right hand, Ryan pressed the nearly empty pack of cigarettes against his coat. Ryan looked like he was on the verge of hyperventilating. His chest heaved up and down with each forced breath and he was audibly breathing hard. His unforgiving eyes were staring a hole through Sandy.

"Thank you," Sandy answered calmly, taking custody of the pack. "Lighter too Ryan."

Reaching into his coat again, Ryan held out the lighter for Sandy.

"I know you're struggling right now kid, but that doesn't give you a free pass to break the rules."

"I'm just getting started," Ryan threatened, glaring at Sandy again.

"That's okay, I'm expecting it."

Not at all what Ryan wanted to hear. On the brink of hysterical blindness from anger, he walked away from Sandy, picked up a landscaping rock and hurled it into the ocean with a primal growl. If this was Ryan's version of just getting started, Sandy worried what might follow.

"You look like someone put you through the wringer," Kirsten stated at the sight of her husband walking through the door. "I take it you found Ryan."

Flopping down on the couch, Sandy pinched the bridge of his nose between his eyes and shook his head. "He's fighting this with everything he's got. It's only going to get worse before it gets better."

"Did he say anything? Anything at all?"

Dropping his arm down, defeated, "I found him at the pier, he was smoking." Sandy watched his wife's eyebrows arch. Clearly she was under the impression they were past the whole cigarette thing, minus, of course, the occasional bribe. "He claims he bought them, said he found someone that's willing to sell to underage kids."

"How many did he have?"

Reaching into his pocket, Sandy removed the half crumpled pack and looked inside. "There's only three left in here. He's gone through almost a whole pack and I'm guessing he's got more than this. You know he went as far as to try to light up in front of me? Granted, there are worse things in life, but right now he's all about being defiant."

Silence engulfed the living room as they both tried to concoct a plan to control Ryan, or at least contain him. If they weren't careful, this was something that could get really ugly, really fast. Unfortunately, neither of them had any solutions.

Finally, "I guess, I guess we're just going to have to be tough on him for a while. I'm not even talking about the whole Christmas thing. I'm talking about curbing this bad behavior of his. He knows the rules."

Throwing her head back against the couch, "It really is going to get worse first, isn't it?"

"I'm afraid so. We've known him long enough to know he isn't going to take this lying down."

It was around eleven in the morning the next day when Kirsten realized she hadn't seen Ryan yet. Assuming he probably snuck out to the pier, or was just avoiding everyone, she went to the pool house to snoop around. Placing her hand on the doorknob, she could hear something inside. It took a moment for her brain to register what she was hearing, but once it did she flew into a rage.

Yanking the door open, she rushed across the threshold and prepared to hand it to Ryan with both barrels cocked, no pun intended. Sure enough, he was doing just what it sounded like he was doing. This time she'd caught him red-handed in the middle of the act still bucking against the unknown girl beneath him.

"RYAN! Get out of that bed! GET UP!"

Having no idea that Kirsten had even entered the room, Ryan about jumped out of his skin and actually flashed her a look of horror.

"I said get up! NOW!" Kirsten continued to rage as both teenagers scrambled across the bed in opposite directions.

The girl ran past Kirsten and quickly covered herself with a beach towel while collecting her items where they laid scattered across the floor. Ryan in the meantime, bare-chested and jeans pushed down past his buttocks, did a quick back crawl to the opposite side of the bed where he fell off with a thud and cracked his head against his night table, causing the lamp to teeter precariously before regaining it's balance.

Ryan swallowed hard and doubled over in an attempt to cover himself up as Kirsten stalked to his side of the bed. They were both ignoring the random girl that was running out the door across the room.

At least Ryan had the courtesy to look somewhat concerned, scared was a stretch, but by his facial expression, he knew he'd screwed up this time.

"You scared the shit out of me," he admitted quietly.

"Sorry to have messed up your plans," Kirsten spat scornfully. "Who is that girl?"

"Paige."

"Paige who?"

There was silence. Kirsten's pot of boiling water finally ran over.

"You don't even know her last name and you brought her home and into your bed? And while we're on the subject where is your protection?"

"I've got…"

"Wherever you've got it, it's not on you," she pressured.

"You looked at me that closely?"

"Didn't exactly leave much to the imagination Ryan." Huffing her disgust with the entire situation, "Stand up and get dressed."

"Can you…maybe…"

"Turn around? No. This doesn't bother me and apparently you don't care either or you wouldn't do things that give me a front row seat to viewing your crotch. Get over it and stand up."

Squirming on the floor, Ryan mentally wrestled with what was worse, showing his front or turning his back to Kirsten during this fit of hers. Giving in he rolled onto his knees and stood up with his back to Kirsten, quickly pulling up his jeans in the process.

"Go sit in the kitchen, I'll be right there."

"Can I get a shirt?"

"No."

Holding her ground Kirsten forced Ryan to walk right past her. He kept his head down and edged past her silently, his bare feet carrying him from the pool house.

In the kitchen he pulled out one of the barstools and sat down. He'd done it this time. Between Sandy catching him smoking and Kirsten catching him screwing some random girl, of the two, he'd take Sandy's scenario over again in a heartbeat.

"Hey, I haven't seen you all day, where you been?" Seth's voice penetrated the quiet kitchen and Ryan shut his eyes, showing he was not in the mood to talk.

"What's with you dude? You're quiet, you're shirtless…" Seth's mouth gaped widely as Ryan's eyes flipped open and narrowed at him.

"Ryan…were you mattress dancing?"

Rolling his head away from Seth, Ryan chewed the inside of his cheek and stared at the refrigerator.

"Oh my God you were!" Seth blurted desperately. "Dude, tell me everything! Was it hot? Was she pretty? Did she know any really good bedroom tricks?"

Curling his lips in a snarl at Seth, Ryan opened his mouth to bite his head off, but thought otherwise when he heard Kirsten open the patio door.

Seth did his best to silently signal that they'd talk later.

"Oh Rosa, I'm glad you're still here," Kirsten said. "Before you go, I need the guest room prepared, new sheets, some towels."

"Yes Mrs. Cohen."

"Why do we need the guest room prepared?" Ryan asked dryly, on the verge of a confrontation.

With one hand on her hip and the other on the counter, "Because that's where you'll be staying until Christmas is over. Your privacy privileges have been revoked until that time."

"What!" Ryan fumed.

"She caught you mattress dancing, didn't she?" Seth interrupted candidly.

"Seth! Out! Now!" Kirsten dictated angrily, chasing Seth out of the kitchen.

Ryan was so pissed off, he laughed. "I'm not sleeping in the guest room. I'm sleeping in my own bed."

"No. You're not."

"Watch me."

Kirsten didn't say a word as Ryan tugged the door open and ran up the patio steps two at a time. Instead, she sat down on one of the barstool and messed with a hangnail on one of her fingers. Ignoring the thrashing outside, she waited patiently for Ryan to return. And did he ever.

"Why the fuck is my door locked?" he raged, fury consuming him.

"I told you Ryan, it's off limits until after Christmas."

Ryan felt as if he was struck dumb. The words were going in but they just weren't registering. "You can't do that!" he fumed.

"Watch me." Giving Ryan a taste of his own medicine, Kirsten glared at him, not giving an inch. She was proud of herself for stumping him. She'd rendered him absolutely speechless. Without any further comments, she stood up and walked toward the living room.

"I'm not sleeping in the guest room!" Ryan yelled. When Kirsten didn't reply, he turned to the counter and placed both palms out flat on the counter, stretched back and concentrated on his bare feet on the tile floor. He'd show her.

Late that evening Sandy wandered into his bedroom where Kirsten was snuggled against a pile of pillows on the bed, reading a book.

"Are you aware of the fact that Ryan is missing?" Sandy said rather matter-of-factly. They'd gotten used to Ryan's little quirks and there wasn't much that surprised them anymore. Given the day he had, the fact that he was missing was not earth shattering.

"He'll turn up eventually," Kirsten mumbled, still engrossed in her book.

Taking a seat on the edge of the bed, Sandy sighed, causing Kirsten to take a break.

"What is it?"

Shaking his head, "It's just that…lately it feels like we're right back where we started. The cigarettes, the sex, the cocky attitude and the mouth to go with it, this is the kid I brought home from Juvie. I guess I thought he'd learned more by now," Sandy explained over his shoulder.

"You're not giving him any credit Sandy. He's come a long way since he's been here and, until Christmas rolled around, he was doing really well. Whatever is in his past that concerns this time of year, it's obviously very upsetting to him. That's why he's acting out. He keeps saying to wake him up when it's over. He just wants to get past this…badly. He'll cool down again."

"You're probably right. I just wish I could do more."

"We're doing plenty Sandy. He's got to meet us halfway. He's not trying, not these days anyway."

The next morning Kirsten was up early, before anyone else. Checking the guest room confirmed her suspicions. The bed was tidy and still turned down from the night before, just as Rosa had left it. Ryan had kept his word. He didn't sleep there. She wandered the house checking the couches for him, nothing. When she walked over to the patio door, her heart raced for a moment when it dawned on her that Ryan could break into damn near anything and she found herself getting irritated by the idea that he may very well have let himself back into the pool house for the night.

Marching over there with purpose, she pulled on the pool house door. Locked. Pressing her hands up against the window she peered inside. Everything was exactly the way she left it, Ryan was nowhere in sight.

Trying to remind herself not to jump the gun, _he'd turn up eventually_, she went back through the house and opened the front door to grab the morning paper. To her shock, instead of finding the paper, she discovered Ryan sprawled out on the front steps and out cold. Bending down next to him she discovered he wasn't only being stubborn, he was drunk, or had been drunk. He reeked of alcohol.

"Ryan? Ryan, wake up!" she ordered, shaking him vigorously. She watched his face twist in anger and his arm swatted at the air in an attempt to push her away. "Let's go Ryan, it's morning. Get it together! It's time to get up!" Banking on the fact that he'd be hung over, she continued shaking him and talking loudly.

"Let go!" he eventually hollered. "Stop fucking yelling at me!" he begged, rubbing his head.

When he got around to opening his eyes, Kirsten could see his lids were only at half-mast. Dealing with a drunk or hung over Ryan, difficult as it was, was one of the best ways to get the truth out of him. "When did you get home?"

"I don't know?" he garbled incoherently.

"Where did you go?"

"I don't remember."

"Hmm. Meet any girls?"

No answer.

"Ryan?"

"Yeah there were girls!" he answered in a tone that screamed 'duh!'

"Did you…hook up with anyone?"

"Of course. But you'll be happy to know I used a condom."

"Well good, at least we're getting somewhere," Kirsten mocked.

Surprised, Ryan opened his eyes, "You're lying." He studied Kirsten for her reaction.

"Lying? About what?"

"Not caring," he replied, closing his eyes again. "I know you don't want me sleeping around."

"True, but I can't stop you Ryan. I can only hope that you don't get sick as a result or end up a Father. Obviously you're the one that doesn't care about yourself, or about what I've told you because you aren't slowing down like you said you would."

Ryan's eyes fluttered open and he pressed his eyebrows down. Oh yeah. That day in the Nursery at the hospital. He promised her he'd slow down. Figures she'd remember that.

"Let's go Ryan. I'm sure you're awful comfortable laying there on the concrete, but it's time to make breakfast."

Casting an evil look her way, Ryan pulled himself over onto all fours and, with much effort, to an upright position. His body was stiff as a board from sleeping on the cold pavement.

"I'd like for you to make some scrambled eggs. Everyone loves those."

Feeling green, Ryan's throat tightened and he lurched with the beginning stages of a gag. By some miracle he managed to control it and refrained from vomiting on the front porch. Damning himself for knowing how to cook a few things, he knew this was punishment for going out drinking. Avoiding eye contact with Kirsten, he walked through the door. Somehow, someway, he had to keep it together long enough to cook breakfast. He didn't want to give her the satisfaction of puking. He'd show her what he was made of.

For the second night in a row, Ryan had managed to disappear undetected.

"I'm telling you, we're going to have to install a low-jack on that kid," Sandy joked. "But you were right. He did come back."

"He's trying to punish us but I think it's taking more of a toll on him instead."

"I can't believe he slept on the front porch," Sandy laughed.

"Hey, you're the one that said it would get worse before it gets better."

"I wish I was wrong about that."

"Doesn't look like it."

"Wonder where we'll find him tomorrow…"

Seth was startled when his cell phone went into its song-and-dance at nearly three in the morning. With his eyes still shut, he snatched it off his night table and answered it. No one he knew would call him at three in the morning. Honestly, no one called him at all. It had to be a wrong number.

Hoarse from sleeping, "Dude, it's the wrong number. Trying dialing again."

"Seth?" The voice on the line was equally as hoarse, leading Seth to bolt upright in his bed.

"Ryan? Is that you?" It sounded like Ryan but the voice was so slurred, Seth wasn't sure.

"Don't hang up. It's me."

"No. No, of course not. Dude where are you? What's with all the cars?"

"Um…I'm outside. I…I need a ride. Come get me."

Sneaking out of the house at three a.m., borrowing the car without asking and then sneaking a drunk Ryan back in sounded like a great adventure to Seth, who was all too happy that Ryan turned to him for help in the first place.

"You got it buddy, just tell me where you are."

"Where I am?" In his current condition, it hadn't occurred to Ryan that Seth had no idea where he was. "I went to the party."

"Okay, you went to a party and where was it?"

"Um…can't remember."

"Ryan, do you know where you are right now?"

There was a pause. "No. I don't know. I can't…"

"It's okay Ryan. Just tell me what you see. Okay? Can you do that?"

"See? Um…" Ryan's voice faded away as he searched his surroundings. "Big chicken."

Chuckling on his end of the line, "A big chicken? You see a big chicken?"

"Yeah. Big chicken."

"Okay, so, like, Kentucky Fried Chicken?"

"No man. That's…that's that old man. This is the big chicken."

Sitting in the dark on his bed, Seth shrugged to himself. He was at a loss for the big chicken. "Okay buddy, what else do you see? Tell me some more stuff."

"Um…gas station."

"Okay that's good. What kind of gas station Ry? Does it have a picture on it?"

"Um…there's…a sun…green sun."

"BP? Is it a BP gas station?"

"Green sun," Ryan repeated.

"Okay so, on one corner is the green sun and on the other is the big chicken?"

"Yeah. Can you come get me?

"Ryan buddy, I have no idea where you are."

"Come on man, I told you two things, just come get me."

"I want to man, I really do, and I will, but I can't exactly program the GPS with 'green sun' and 'big chicken'. Just a little more Ryan, is there anything else?"

Sighing disgustedly, "I guess…big 'M'."

Rolling his eyes at Ryan's descriptions, "Big 'M'? Dude, how can I…wait, is it a yellow 'M'? Look again."

"'M'…yellow 'M'…yeah. Yellow."

"You mean like McDonald's Ryan? Like a McDonald's 'M'?"

"Yeah."

"Okay, okay that's good buddy. Let me think a minute." Seth repeated Ryan's ambiguous clues over and over. "Green sun, big chicken and a yellow 'M'…McDonald's, a BP and some chicken thing…what the hell? Where is there a McDonald's and a BP?" Thinking on it for a minute, "Dude! I think I know where you are! The big chicken, is he wearing a sombrero?"

"Big chicken…has…hat on. Has a hat on."

"Eureka! Damn I'm good!"

Seth could hear Ryan swallowing something, "Dude are you still drinking?"

"Yeah."

"Ryan, stop okay. That's enough."

There was silence before Ryan grunted, followed by more silence and then shattering glass.

"Ryan?"

"Bottle's gone."

"Okay buddy, that's good. Now listen to me Ryan, go sit down somewhere near the big chicken okay? I'm on my way to get you. If you walk away from the big chicken, I won't know where you are so you have to stay there, okay?"

"Okay," Ryan answered. Hanging up, he staggered out of the phone booth, took a few steps across the pavement and decided walking was too much work. Taking a seat on one of the parking blocks, he rung his hands and waited for Seth to arrive.

The ride home was virtually incident free. Seth took his cue from his Mom when it came to bringing a soused Ryan home in the car and he put the mop bucket on the floor in the front seat, but Ryan never used it. By the time Seth had found Ryan he was like a chatty Cathy doll and his mouth kept jabbering all the way home. Nothing he said had a point, but it was the most Seth had ever heard him talk.

Once they were in the driveway, Ryan leaned over and honked the Rover's horn in singsong fashion.

"Ry…Ryan, don't do that buddy. You're gonna wake up my parents and that's not a good idea."

Ryan sat back in his seat like a child who was just told not to touch something.

"Come on buddy, let's get you to bed so you can sleep this off." Opening his door, Seth held off getting out when Ryan spoke again.

"I don't have a bed."

"What do you mean? Sure you do. You can sleep in the guest room."

"That's not my bed," Ryan explained angrily and pushed his car door open.

Trying to keep up with him, Seth slammed his own door and walked to the front of the car where he ran into his parents standing on the driveway in their robes.

Defeated, Seth admitted the truth. "He's been drinking. He called me to come get him. I went straight there, picked him up and came home."

Validating Seth's information, Ryan stumbled around the front of the car, tripped and hit the pavement with a splat.

"You guys may want to rethink this whole pool house thing," Seth coached softly. "I think that's what all of this is about."

In the mean time, Ryan had made his way onto all fours and was puking between his hands on the driveway.

"Seth, go get him a towel for his hands," Sandy instructed. Nodding, Seth did as he was told.

When Ryan stopped heaving, Sandy walked over and rolled him over to sit on his butt. Disorientated, Ryan held his hands out as if there was something toxic on them.

"It's okay kid. Just relax."

Returning, Seth handed his Father the towel and Sandy used it to wipe off Ryan's trembling hands.

"Let's get him inside so he can sleep some of this off," Kirsten relayed, reaching down to help pick Ryan up, but he pulled away before she could get a hold of his arm.

"Sleep in the pool house…my room…my bed," he demanded with labored breathing.

"Ryan…"

"My room in Chino didn't even have a blanket, had to sleep in my jacket. Sleep me in the pool house…I'll stop…this. Sleep in my room…please. I'll stop."

Sandy and Kirsten looked at each other and then at Seth, who nodded and shrugged back at them. Maybe he was right.

"So you'll stop drinking if we let you sleep in the pool house?" Sandy asked, trying to keep his questions simple. Ryan wasn't entirely coherent.

Ryan looked up at Sandy and nodded. "My bed."

"And the girls, Ryan?" Kirsten pressed, drawing a look from Sandy.

"Slow down the girls. Keep my promise this time."

"Okay kid, let's get you to bed." Standing up, Sandy reached down and pulled Ryan up. Seth came around and put Ryan's other arm over his shoulder. Between the two of them, they lugged Ryan into the pool house after Kirsten unlocked the door, and laid him down on his bed.

Kirsten unlaced his boots and pulled his blanket over him once he coiled his feet up onto the bed.

Clenching the blanket near his face in his fists, Ryan turned his eyes to Kirsten. "Thanks. I'll stop. I'm sorry," he whispered.

Brushing his bangs out of his eyes, Kirsten kissed his forehead. "Tomorrow is a new day honey. We'll try again, okay?"

His mouth formed the word 'okay', but nothing audible came out as his eyes closed and he drifted into unconsciousness.

(TBC)…

A/N – to answer a few things…I don't have any intentions of adding Marissa or Summer to this one. I'm still sticking with my Cohens plus one structure. I can say that certain characters will be back by popular demand…such as Dawn, Trey, Tommy the police officer from Chino and Caleb. Also, I made a mistake in the last chapter saying Ryan was adopted…he wasn't. The Cohen's are simply legal guardians. Not the same thing. These are the sort of mistakes that come from writing at two in the morning! My bad…

(Passes aspirin to Beachtree)…hope you came out of this chapter in one piece! LOL! Things are going to take a left turn soon…doesn't mean he won't get into mischief though! (Wink, wink)! ; ) Hang in there!

I know everyone has been real anxious for this sequel to get rolling. I promise to update as quickly as I can. I have a 6 year old…and a swimming pool! My days are not my own: D


	3. Breaking the Grinch

**Raising Ryan**

Chapter 3 – Breaking the Grinch

Looking at his alarm clock, Seth realized it was only two minutes later than he looked the last time, and only six minutes later than he looked the time before that. Deciding he couldn't stand it any longer, he threw the covers aside, as well as caution to the wind, and jumped out of bed.

Things had quieted down a bit once his parents let Ryan back into his room. Apparently his room meant more to him than anyone realized. While he kept his promise to keep the girls out and lay off the booze, Ryan hadn't exactly come around on the whole holiday issue. Seth hoped today he could make a difference.

The pool house was locked up tight as a drum when he approached and he knew he was about to come face to face with the Grinch himself, especially at this hour. Seth couldn't help but push his tongue through his lips and wring his hands together. What's the worst that could happen? Well, Ryan could take his face off and severely mame him. Swallowing hard at that realization, he nodded as if answering his own silent questions and decided the risk was worth it.

With the snap of the latch, he entered the dragon's lair. It was dark and quiet and the only sound was the deep, restful breathing of the beast himself. True, it was still the pool house, and it was only Ryan sleeping on his stomach, but at five-thirty in the morning, Seth knew he was about to force someone out of hibernation, someone who was not ready to come out of hibernation, on the one day of the year he wanted to avoid. There was a good chance he'd see fangs and flames, from Ryan that is, but the devil inside him wouldn't let him leave it alone.

Kneeling down next to the bed, Seth made sure he was looking at the back of Ryan's head…it's harder to hit someone that's behind you. At least Seth would have some warning if Ryan's arms started flailing.

"Ryan…" Seth whispered hoarsely.

The beast didn't move.

"Ryan…" Seth attempted again in a quiet voice.

The beast's hand flinched and a moan escaped from his otherwise still dormant shape.

"RYAN!"

That did it. The beast bolted straight up in bed and searched his lair for the intruder. When his line of sight came to rest on Seth he narrowed his eyes on him, secretly planning his death. It was at this time that Seth could have sworn he saw smoke escape from Ryan's nostrils. It might be a good time to explain to the beast why he'd been woken up from his slumber.

"Hey Buddy…Merry Christmas."

Swallowing the night's dryness in his mouth, "You woke me up, at five thirty in the morning…to tell me that? You understand I have to break both your arms now," Ryan warned with a flat tone.

"Yes, I do. Consider it a Christmas gift."

Laying back down, Ryan stretched out and closed his eyes again.

"Well…Ryan…" Seth voiced with child-like disappointed. "How can you go back to sleep? It's Christmas!"

"It'll still be Christmas six hours from now and I'm still not going to be happy about it. Maybe if we talk about this then, I'll let you keep your arms."

"Dude, come on…"

"Seth, I've spent the last two weeks telling you how much I hate Christmas, don't push it."

Sitting on the floor in a pout, Seth considered Ryan's opinion. How could someone hate Christmas? That was so…so…Atwood of him! Christmas was a tradition and a holiday that carried 'ubber' weight in the Cohen family. This was Ryan's first Christmas out of Chino and Seth was determined to show him it could be everything he ever dreamed a holiday could be…if only he'd let him.

Again, Seth decided to go against the popular choice and he opted for adding fuel to the fire. He was about to 'push it'. Hard.

Standing up, "It's time to get up Ryan."

"Go…away Seth."

Instead of responding, Seth reached down for a pillow that Ryan wasn't laying on, raised it high above his head, and with all his might, smacked Ryan right across the face with it.

"You're fucking dead!" Ryan yelled, ripping the covers back as Seth took off for the main house with Ryan hot on his tail.

Pouring his morning coffee, Sandy was startled by Seth, bursting through the patio doors and tearing across the kitchen, "RYAN'S UP!"

Lowering the cup from his lips, he watched his son flee from the room with lightning speed as Ryan came crashing through the door and halted at the sight of Sandy. It didn't take a genius to know Ryan was not happy about the early morning wake up call.

"Ryan, morning. I take it Seth wouldn't let you sleep. Coffee?"

"No. I want to go back to bed," Ryan crabbed.

"I'm sure that can be arranged. Then again, Ryan, today might be okay. Give it a chance. Last time I gave you that advice I was offering you a place to stay and it worked out rather well."

Somehow Ryan managed a glare through the peepholes known as his eyes, "This is different Sandy. This is Christmas. Holidays and Atwoods…" his words failed. "Do me a favor and don't push it, not today."

Sandy nodded, wishing he could help Ryan see things differently, but he knew that was asking a bit much. Ryan's old life left a lot of scars and this was one of them. He could tell Ryan appreciated life in Newport, but some things hadn't changed, and one of them was the way Ryan felt about the holidays. They'd managed to limp through Thanksgiving. Ryan enjoyed the meal but remained distant. The Cohen's did every little thing up so big, he still found himself needing space at times, and some times he just couldn't do it. And with all the hype of the Christmas holiday, this one was wearing on him. He just wanted it over with.

"Morning," Kirsten greeted sleepily. "Ryan, you're up," she admitted with a shocked tone.

"Yes, but he's up against his will," Sandy explained.

"Seth?"

Sandy nodded and Kirsten turned to Ryan, offering him a sympathetic look.

"Is he gone yet?" Seth whispered from the living room. With no answer he peeked around the wall into the kitchen just as Ryan put his hands on his hips and zoned in on his location. "Oh. Not gone…yet."

Easing his way into the kitchen, Seth positioned himself in the protective slot between his parents. Ryan's eyes followed him across the room.

"You know, of all the adjustments Ryan's made since coming to live in Newport, it's amazing that he can go 'Chino' on anyone in a heartbeat," Seth complained.

"Seth, you know Ryan likes to sleep in. You guys are on break from school, you should let him sleep," Kirsten reasoned.

"But the presents…"

"What presents?" Ryan questioned, dodging his eyes from one Cohen to the next. "What…presents?" he pressured again, aggravation present in his voice.

"Ryan, dude, it's Christmas morning."

Seth's voice was so innocent and quiet, Ryan didn't have the heart to yell at him again. Instead, he turned to Sandy and Kirsten.

"I told you not to buy me anything. No presents."

Clearing her throat, Kirsten attempted to ease Ryan's concerns. "I promise Ryan, I didn't go crazy because I know what you said. However, there were a few things you've been needing, I'm sure you already know what they are. Instead of giving them to you when I bought them, I wrapped them and put them under the tree."

Trying to contain his frustration, "I don't want you to do this. If you do this…it's only a matter of time before you throw it in my face. 'Ryan we bought you this and that, you owe us. Ryan straighten up or we'll take 'this' away from you'." Ryan's nerves were clearly rattled and his half-asleep stupor wasn't helping any. His chest puffed and deflated in an attempt to keep on lid on his feelings. "Christmas for me…I'm just much better off if I sleep it off and wake up tomorrow. I know this means a lot to you guys but…I just can't do it. You're going to have to do this without me."

Avoiding eye contact, Ryan turned and quietly left, closing the door behind him and leaving the Cohens standing in silence.

"Dad…"

"Let him be Seth. We have to remember what he's been through. Give him time. Nothing we're going to do or say is going to change what his history has already shown him. All we can do is go about our regular day, offer to include him and let him see for himself that it'll be okay. There's still time for him to come around. Christmas isn't over yet."

"I think you're Dad is right. The more we try to force him to participate, the more he'll withdraw. Let him sleep. He'll be back when the food is out."

Resigning himself to the fact that this Christmas morning things were going to be a little different, Seth nodded his head and shoved his hands into the pockets of his robe.

Things were a little different in the pool house too. Ryan stood in the middle of the room, staring at the floor with his hands on his hips. He knew he was making this harder than it had to be. The Cohens had proven themselves to him time and time again but it was times like this when he felt the most vulnerable. He didn't know how to act or what to say. And he'd felt the Cohen's had done plenty just by taking him in. Being showered with gifts made him feel guilty. Maybe he could find it in himself to at least show up for dinner. He owed his new family that much. Throwing himself back down on the bed, he opted to sleep a few hours longer first. He just wanted the holiday over with and for things to go back to normal. He'd learned to like the 'normal' in Newport and the sooner he could get back to it, the better.

With mid afternoon approaching, the Cohen kitchen was alive with hustle and bustle of preparations for Christmas dinner. Seth walked from one side of the kitchen to the other, attempting to snack on as much as possible and being constantly shooed away by his parents. The kitchen came to a standstill when they all realized that Ryan had walked in, dressed up in his best casual clothes and apparently ready for dinner.

Happy to see he'd changed his mind, Kirsten welcomed him into the mayhem. "Hey Ryan. I'm glad you…"

"I know, you don't have to say anything," he cut her off, nervously. "I thought maybe I could help with something."

"Absolutely!" Sandy encouraged. "How do you feel about peeling potatoes? The idea of giving Seth something with a blade just scares me on many levels."

Nodding, Ryan took a seat at the counter and Sandy passed him the peeler and a bowl of washed potatoes.

"Perfect! The potatoes are all you kid!"

Thankful he could appear to be participating even though he wasn't doing much and relieved his 'part' didn't involve assistance from anyone else, Ryan worked on the potatoes and monitored the activity fluttering about the rest of the kitchen.

Once everyone had caught up with their assigned task and food was cooking in every corner of the kitchen, and Sandy and Kirsten had shooed Seth away from the food for the millionth time, "Ryan, come with us for a minute," Kirsten coached.

"Where are we going?" Ryan questioned, hesitantly.

"Just into the living room. It'll be simple, I promise."

Tipping his head at Kirsten as if to warn against any tricks, Ryan forced himself off the barstool and followed Kirsten into the living room.

The living room was an amazing place in the Cohen home during the holidays. Ryan would never admit it, but he'd snuck in here a few times during the night when the rest of the family was asleep and sat on the couch in the dark with only the Christmas tree lit. Holidays back in Chino were nothing like this and he was embarrassed to show his interest in the holiday, even though he knew his new family would understand his curiosity. He supposed he would jinx it all if he enjoyed it too much so he kept his old mindset instead, expect nothing and you won't be disappointed. His family had a sorry excuse for a Christmas tree. It was always crooked in the stand and the branches were sparse. There were never any lights strung on the tree and his Mom only had about ten ornaments for the entire tree. And, of course, that was if they tree was allowed to be put up at all. Depending on the mood of his Mom during the holidays, there were many seasons when the boxes with decorations never left the garage. There hadn't been a tree up at his Mom's house in years.

The Cohen's tree was ridiculous. Not only was it huge, it was so coated with lights and decorations, you could only see little bits of tree branches sticking out here and there. It was like something Ryan had only seen in department stores.

"Ryan, sit down," Kirsten instructed pointing to the couch. Allowing him a moment to take a seat, she reached under the tree and retrieved a box that looked like an oversized shirt box. Sitting down on the couch next to Ryan, who was already squirming, Kirsten tried to keep the situation going in a positive direction.

"I can see you're already uncomfortable Ryan so let me explain something first," she paused. "Remember that day we were at the mall and you mentioned you liked that one jacket another boy was wearing?"

Ryan nodded, avoiding eye contact.

"Well, I know the only jacket you have is your leather jacket, which you love, and that's fine. But, I thought it would be nice if you had another one just incase you wanted to wear something different once in a while. So…I found that jacket the other boy was wearing…the one you liked. That's what's in this box and I want to give it to you. I want you to have it."

Passing the box onto Ryan's lap, Kirsten watched him carefully, cautious not to push him over the edge.

Clearly tense, Ryan allowed the box to sit on his legs and he placed his hands on the top of it, resting his fingers gingerly on the shiny paper full of Santa faces, careful to avoid the giant gold bow. His forehead winkled, unsure of what to say. Tapping his left hand three times on the box, "You didn't have to do this," he offered finally.

"I know. I wanted to. Would you like to open it?"

"I can't," he panicked, shaking his head. 'If I open this, that's when everything will start to go wrong."

"It's okay kid," Sandy coached. "We're all here and we're not going to let anything happen."

"Just this one box, Ryan. Please?" Seth begged.

With his ears ringing, Ryan looked at Seth's pleading face and swallowed hard. "I guess you guys don't save paper or bows."

"You're free to tear that sucker open kid," Sandy encouraged.

Still swallowing nervously, Ryan slowly opened one end of the wrapping paper while Kirsten smiled at Sandy and he nodded back her…so far so good.

Once the side was open, Ryan ran his hand under the paper causing it to rip right across the middle. After the paper slid aside and revealed the white box underneath, Kirsten reached across and pulled the unnecessary sheet of paper away and discarded it on the side of the couch.

Lifting the lid of the box, Ryan folded back the fresh tissue paper to reveal exactly what Kirsten said would be inside. It really was a sharp jacket and he was surprised she was able to track it down without knowing the brand or anything.

"I was eight years old the last time I got a Christmas present," Ryan admitted quietly. "It's very nice. Thank you." The corner of his mouth flashed a quick smile.

"Is that the right one? If it's not, we can take it…"

"No. That's it."

"You okay buddy?" Seth inquired rather pointedly.

Taking a deep breath, "I'm sorry I've been such a pain in the ass to all of you. It's just…every time I allow myself to enjoy something like this, something always happens and it ruins it. The last Christmas I had that was actually fun was when I was six years old. I've just got too many bad memories. Things have been going pretty good here, except for when my mouth gets me in trouble. I hate the holidays and I didn't want anything ruined here."

"Ryan, you're not what ruined all those Christmases," Sandy soothed.

"Somehow I don't think my Mom would agree with that," he recalled sarcastically. "But, like you said, she's not here so, I should be trying harder. This is one of those times I just have to trust you guys, isn't it?"

Raising his head Ryan noticed Sandy and Kirsten nodding and it didn't take long for Seth to jump on the bandwagon.

"Ryan, buddy, this is going to be the best Christmas you've ever had. You'll see. Dad? What about that Eggnog?"

"Egg what?"

"Do not even tell me you've never had eggnog," Seth said, more and more baffled every time Ryan opened his mouth to admit to something he'd missed out on during the holidays. "That's truly anti-holiday Ryan. I mean, eggnog can put someone in a festive mood with just one sip."

Entering the room, Sandy brought a tray of glasses filled with eggnog and passed them out. "Here we go."

Taking the glass, Ryan wrinkled his face at the sight of its contents. "What is that brown stuff on the top?"

"Ryan, honey, that's just nutmeg. Eggnog sort of tastes like melted ice cream, it's cold and creamy," Kirsten encouraged.

"Come on Ryan, I've seen some of the stuff you drink," Seth prodded. "This is a piece of cake. Try it."

Cautiously raising his glass to his mouth, Ryan took the smallest sip possible. It wasn't so bad. Tipping his glass a second time he took a generous swig, swallowed and then grimaced.

"Dude, seriously, you don't like it?"

"I don't like the brown stuff."

"Here Ryan, give me your glass, I'll take it out. It's only on the top." Reaching for Ryan's glass, Kirsten mothered him by scooping the nutmeg out. "There you go. Do you like the rest of it though?"

"Yeah, I think I do." Proving he meant what he said, he took another couple of sips before putting his glass down on the table.

"I do believe I see a hint of holiday creeping up on him," Seth joked, sipping from his own glass.

Shooting Seth a look, Ryan was suddenly aware of several wrapped packages around his feet. "Um, what…what are…"

"Those are your presents Ryan," Sandy explained, setting one more package down.

Staring at the pile, Ryan's mouth dropped open.

"Hey Ryan, open this one next, it's from me." With excitement oozing from every pore in his body, Seth walked on his knees around the coffee table to hand Ryan a specific package.

Again Ryan took the time to examine the paper before respectfully tearing it away. Removing the paper revealed a hardbound book about muscle cars. A crooked smile flickered across Ryan's face giving Seth the validation he needed that his gift was appreciated. "I know you like those kind of cars. That book has some neat stuff in it."

"Thanks man." Flashing another lightning fast smile, Ryan focused on the cover of the book.

Ryan didn't realize it at the time, but he'd kicked off the Cohen family Christmas by opening his gifts. One by one, packages were opened and cooed over by every member of the family. Ryan found himself enjoying the evening even though a part of him still kept his guard up. He even laughed when Kirsten got particularly excited over a pair of earrings that Sandy had bought for her.

When all was said and done, Ryan had received several new outfits, a new watch, a new pair of boots and also gym shoes, the new jacket, the muscle car book and a new backpack for school.

"So, Ryan, looks like you cleaned up pretty well," Seth boasted. "How does this compare to Christmas in Chino?"

Snorting a laugh, Ryan bit his lip and shook his head. "Can we not talk about Chino right now?"

"Does…this mean I won the challenge?" Seth gloated again.

"You know, Christmas isn't over Seth. It's not too late for me to break your arms."

"So what do you think Ryan? That wasn't so bad, was it?" Sandy inquired, a tad nervous about Ryan's reply.

"No actually. Wasn't bad at all. But I still feel bad."

"You do? Why?"

Ryan paused, "I didn't get anything for anyone. You guys got me so much stuff…all I've done is drive everyone nuts for the past two weeks."

"That's not true honey," Kirsten mothered again. "You're sitting in front of the Christmas tree and you're ripping presents open and drinking eggnog with us…that means more to us than any gift in the world."

"Here, here!" Sandy toasted, raising his eggnog to meet Seth's glass.

Ryan felt his throat tighten with emotion. He'd never had a Christmas like this…ever. He stood up and shoved his hands in his pockets. "Thanks, for everything."

"Any time kid," Sandy smiled.

"You don't have to say anything Ryan. Merry Christmas sweetie." Kirsten stepped forward and embraced Ryan. He hugged her back, looking over her shoulder at the glistening Christmas tree. He finally understood what Christmas was supposed to be like…and then Kirsten pulled away from him suddenly.

"Oh my gosh! I forgot something!"

"What?" Ryan wondered out loud. From where he stood, Christmas was more than complete.

"The stockings! I forgot to pass out the stockings!" Rushing over to the fireplace she removed Seth and Ryan's stockings from the mantel.

"Ryan, dude, this is the best part!" Seth glowed again, rubbing his hands together.

"Seth, here's yours, and Ryan…here's yours."

Ryan couldn't imagine what was in the stocking but at this point he was game to find out. Reaching into the throat of the stocking, he pulled out some chocolates wrapped in toy soldier tin foil. He ran his thumb over the face of the cartoon wrapper and smiled. Reaching back in he pulled out a pack of disposable razors and a small can of shaving cream, three pairs of new socks…"

"Beware Ryan, there is, on occasion, a pair or two of underpants in the bottom of your stocking," Seth warned.

Immediately Ryan pulled his hand out of his stocking and attempted to look inside.

"Alright guys, no worries," Kirsten laughed. "I spared everyone the underwear this year."

"Oh thank God!" Seth mumbled.

Returning to his own stocking, Ryan pulled out some additional chocolates and candies before he reached a small narrow box on the bottom of his stocking. Removing the ribbon and the lid of the box, he discovered a white envelope. Inside the envelope, tickets to the drag races to see the muscle cars.

"I think he likes it," Sandy observed, enjoying seeing Ryan's fascination with the holiday unfold. It wasn't until Sandy spoke that Ryan realized he was smiling. "I do believe we're due for some more eggnog. Ryan, you up for some more, without the brown stuff, of course."

Smiling, "Yeah. Thanks."

Kirsten rustled around tossing all the shredded wrapping paper into a garbage bag. After the floor had been cleaned up, Dawn's two presents for Ryan were revealed, still under the tree. Ryan and Kirsten seemed to zone in on them at the same time. Unsure of what to do, Kirsten waited for Ryan to say something, to do something. Instead he shifted his attention to Sandy who was singing Christmas carols on his way back into the living room with another round of eggnog. Not wanting to pressure Ryan, she let it go. The gifts could wait.

It was around one in the morning when the house was finally returned to some semblance of order and quiet. Putting the finishing touches on clean up in the kitchen, Sandy noticed the light on in the pool house. Knowing it was probably a good idea to check up on Ryan given everything he'd been through that day, Sandy made his way up the steps and through the door.

"Hey, you're up la…"

A smile lit up Sandy's face and he rushed back to the main house where he found Seth and Kirsten both in their pajamas and yawning.

"Come with me, you guys have to see this."

Ushering them both to the pool house, he signaled for them to be quiet and stepped through the door. His grin returned in an instant when Kirsten and Seth started smiling too at the sight before them.

Ryan was laying on his bed, asleep, with Seth's muscle car book opened and laying across his chest. His Christmas stocking lay next to him, with its contents emptied on his bed. Having snacked on several of the toy soldier chocolates, the foil wrappers lay scattered next to the stocking. His other gifts were lined up in an orderly fashion across the bottom of his bed.

A laugh escaped from Kirsten before she could cover her mouth. When Sandy turned to her, her hand was cupping her mouth and she had tears in her eyes.

"That is so cool!" Seth whispered to his parents.

Team Cohen had done it. They'd broken Ryan's walls down, along with ending his string of bad holidays, and he obviously had a very nice Christmas as a result of it. They were going to dine on this for a long time.

Turning off Ryan's lights, Sandy whispered to his family, "Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night."

(TBC)…


	4. Everybody\'s Talking

Raising Ryan 

Chapter 4 – Everybody's Talking

"Here's another box that's packed. Seth, could you take this one out to the garage?"

Saluting his Mom, Seth lugged the box out the front door, complaining all the way about the end of the Christmas season. Kirsten kept shifting things around the room in the direction of the front door when she inadvertently revealed Dawn's gifts on the corner of the hearth. She wasn't surprised to notice Ryan had caught sight of them immediately.

"Did you…"

"No. I still don't want them," he answered, continuing to help move boxes.

Sandy had returned from his trip to the garage and had walked in on the conversation among the boxes. "You sure Ryan?"

Wavering a minute, Ryan flipped his hand in the direction of the couch, "Maybe you guys could sit down for a minute?"

"Sure," Sandy said quietly following Kirsten to the couch.

"Okay, what else goes in the garage?" Seth asked, rubbing his hands together as he entered the living room.

"Oh, Seth, honey, can you give us a minute?" his Mom requested.

Taking one look at Ryan, Seth got the big picture and turned to leave, but Ryan thought otherwise.

"No, it's okay. He can stay. This is going to be one of those rare moments where I talk…so I guess everyone should be present."

When everyone was seated, Ryan parked himself on the edge of the coffee table, crossed his arms protectively across his stomach and closed his eyes with a deep breath.

"I know I was, pretty rotten this Christmas," he started.

"Yes, you were."

"SETH!" his parents silenced him with a unified warning.

"No he's right. This isn't easy for me. I've never really told any of you much about my life in Chino. It's mostly because now that I'm away from there, I hate to even think about it. But, all of you have been more than patient with me and I guess, I feel I owe you an explanation. When I said my Christmas memories were bad, they go beyond my Mom's shitty cooking or the fact that she was always drunk." Ryan looked to the Cohens to see if they were still with him. Of course they were, they wanted to hear this.

"This scar I have over my eye…I got that one year on Christmas Day. It was four years ago. My Mom and AJ were fighting. Bad. He was really beating her up. She was crying and her mouth was bleeding. I tried to separate the two of them, which only pissed AJ off even more. He turned on me, punched me a couple of times. I lost my balance and tripped right into the Christmas tree, knocked it over. I came down on top of the tree and one of the ornaments broke by my face. That's what cut me. Since it was obvious my Mom got beat up, the ER would have asked questions, so AJ had to take me to get stitched up. He spent the entire three hours reminding me that I meant nothing to him and what a pain in the ass I was to him. And how his dinner was going to be cold now and how it was going to cost him money to stitch me up when it was my fault for interfering in the first place. When we got back home, my Mom was tripping over herself to apologize to AJ. She didn't say one word to me. Didn't ask if I was okay. Didn't say she was sorry I got hurt. Nuthin'. To make matters worse, she'd put away our so-called Christmas dinner, but she'd saved a plate for AJ. I didn't get anything. No dinner. No presents. Now there was no tree. Christmas in Chino was always like that. Nothing but reminders of how I was in the way and just not important."

Glancing briefly at the Cohens, Ryan could see the hurt in their faces. Taking a deep breath again, he continued.

"That was only one Christmas, but they were always a mess. It was always something. On Christmas night I told all of you that the last time I got a Christmas present was when I was eight years old. What I didn't tell you is that, the year before that, my Mom got a gift for my brother but not for me. She said she forgot. How do you forget your own kid? Or worse, how do you remember one son and not the other? What am I? Fucking invisible?" he asked out loud without looking at anyone. "The following Christmas, when I was eight, I saw she had a present for me under the tree. I tried to be good, be patient, but I was little you know? God forbid I actually get excited at Christmas. On Christmas Day I couldn't stand it anymore and I kept asking her if I could open it. I wanted it so bad. She'd been drinking since the minute she got up and I guess she wasn't in the mood for my begging. She took it away from me. Said I didn't deserve it." Ryan paused, frowning, frustrated at the memory. "I don't know what she did with it, but I never got it. That was the last time she ever bought me a Christmas present."

Leaning forward, Sandy placed his hand on Ryan's knee. "Son, that's all behind you now. You don't have to say anything else."

"Yeah I do," his voice faltered for a moment. "I'm so, sorry, for the way I treated all of you." His voice trembled as he attempted to contain his emotion. "I've been here long enough to know this place isn't anything like Chino. I ruined…"

"Dude, don't say that. You didn't ruin anything," Seth soothed.

"I agree," Kirsten added. "From where I was sitting, between the toy soldier candies and the eggnog, I think we all had a really nice Christmas," she comforted with a gentle smile.

"I don't think…I don't think I would have gone so far off the deep end if she hadn't sent those damn gifts. That's what did it. I wasn't perfect, but I was doing okay until Kirsten told me she sent those. I know you guys think she's just trying to be nice, be a good Mom. And that's exactly what she wants you to think. She only did that to compete with you guys. No one gets one up on an Atwood. Ever. That was a strategic move on her part. She knows it…more importantly, I know it."

"I can take care of those Ryan," Kirsten offered.

"Please do. I don't even want to look at them."

Experiencing a moment of regret, "Under the circumstances, I don't think I could have made a bigger mistake this Christmas than putting those under the tree. Every time you walked through the room and had to look at them…I only made things worse," Kirsten realized.

"It's not your fault. You had no idea," Ryan added. "I should have told you sooner."

"Well now that we all understand what Christmas is about and what it will and won't be from now on, I think Ryan should make it up to us," Seth stated boldly.

"What do you mean?" Ryan's flat tone proved he knew something creative was going to come out of Seth's mouth.

"I'm saying you really were a brat…"

"Seth!" his Mother warned again.

"Mom, trust me on this, I think you'll like the outcome." Turning his attention back to Ryan, "I mean, you did practically body slam me onto the floor in the hallway here. So here's what I propose…for acting like a shit for two weeks, you owe us…homemade pizza. Today. No exceptions, no substitutions."

Gasping, "Oh Ryan, you do make great pizza!" Kirsten cooed. "You're going to need groceries. I'll go get my purse!"

"Put me down for mushrooms and green peppers," Sandy added.

Snorting a laugh in spite of himself, "How do you guys do this?" Ryan asked.

"Do what?"

"Pick up the pieces so quickly after, after…"

"Ryan always remember that healing takes time. Energy is well spent on forward motion. Giving your strength to things that are in the past can suck you dry and slow you down. Always concentrate on the future and where it's going. You can't change the past but the future is yours for the taking."

"Sandy, you're talking like a lawyer again," Ryan pointed out, smirking.

"Ah, sorry. How about, 'fuck the past, you'll be fine eventually and where the hell is my damn pizza!' How's that? Do I sound 'Chino'?"

With everyone laughing out loud, Ryan gave Sandy the bitter truth, "Close, but not quite," he laughed. "That's okay. I think I like you better as Newport."

"Seriously kid, don't ever be afraid to talk to us. If you feel uncomfortable talking to Kirsten or myself about something, talk to Seth. We know your past is ugly and it's difficult. You wouldn't be here if we didn't think we could handle it."

Ryan nodded and quickly changed the subject. They'd wasted enough energy on this. "So about the pizza…who's got cash?"

The New Year had rung in and loudly, at that, in Chino. Dawn had started drinking long before Christmas in an attempt to blur the fact that both of her sons were gone. Now almost a week after New Year's, she sat sober at the kitchen table. Christmas was always the same in Chino and this year was no different. She and AJ had locked horns on Christmas Eve and the police had hauled him off. Since the charge of domestic battery stuck, it violated AJ's parole and landed him six months back in the slammer. A person had to pretty much kill someone in order to serve serious time in Chino. The jail was just too crowded to keep everyone there for a full stay. AJ'd probably be home after only four months, with good behavior. Her house had never been this quiet. It was terrible to consider that she preferred the yelling and the screaming to this dead silence.

Standing up to fetch some lemonade out of the fridge, her eyes came to rest on the photo of Ryan. Closing the door, she ran her fingers, chipped nail polish and all, over his face. She wondered what his Christmas had been like. She wondered if he opened her gifts, but supposed he didn't. She suddenly found herself concerned with what he might have told the Cohens about Christmas in Chino. He trusted them. No doubt he would tell them about his past, but probably, only if they asked. Her reasoning seemed logical in her own mind, or so she hoped. She could keep him quiet when he still lived with her, but up there, she had no power to control him.

Still staring at his photo, her mind questioned what sort of Christmas gift the Cohens might have gotten him. Hell, maybe they even gave him two or three boxes to open. The more she thought about it, the more she itched to grab the bottle. But, after the three-week bender she'd been on, the bottle didn't sound appealing. She wanted Ryan. She missed him terribly.

The Cohens were hovering in the kitchen like vultures, waiting for the aroma of their late lunch to loft through the kitchen. Ryan had just put the finishing touches on his pizzas and slid the trays into the oven when the phone rang.

Being the closest to the phone at the time, Sandy picked up.

"Hello?…Yes, how are you?" Sandy flashes a look at Ryan, who immediately knows who's on the other end of the call. "Well, um…you know I just walked in myself so I'm not really sure where he is. Hold on…"

Ryan was already shaking his head 'no' and the weary look in his eyes told Sandy he didn't want to talk. Nodding at Ryan, he did his best to play along. He spoke out loud in the kitchen, cupping his hand over the receiver slightly. "Hey, is Ryan home? Oh he's not? Okay…" Raising the phone back up, "Dawn? I guess the boys went down to the pier, I'm not sure when they'll be back. Do you want me to…I see…yes I'll tell him…you're welcome…take care."

When Sandy hung up, "Thanks…for doing that," Ryan acknowledged.

Nodding, "I'm supposed to tell you that she loves you and she misses you, and that you don't have to call her back unless you want to."

"That's a dumb comment, she knows I'm not going to call."

"Easy buddy," Seth restrained.

"I'm fine." Off the looks of all the Cohens standing near him, "Really, I'm fine."

"Dude, you sure? No desire to drink yourself into oblivion? No desire to go pounce on a girl?"

Licking his lips, "I'm going to pounce on you if you don't get out of my way. I have to set the timer for the pizzas."

"For that, I will gladly move."

The sun was setting when Seth entered the pool house and sat down on the corner of Ryan's bed.

Sprawled out and flipping through his muscle car book, "Get off my bed," Ryan warned.

"Dude, you have an unhealthy obsession with your bed."

"Yeah, I do. Get off!"

"Okay, okay, I'm going. Jesus."

Without looking up, Ryan noticed Seth had taken a seat in the Warden's chair. There would be an unwarranted conversation following soon.

"So, Ryan," Seth began mumbling hesitantly. "In light of recent events," he swallowed. "I was wondering if we could talk."

"Seth, I'm really not up for any more talk about life in Chino. I've had my fill for today."

"Sure," Seth nodded nervously. "I get that, and the good news is, that's not what I want to talk about."

"Okay, so what do you want to talk about?" Keeping his eyes on his book, Ryan was only half listening to Seth's ramblings. He'd learned how to tune him out.

"I wanted to…(cough)…talk to you about girls."

With only his eyes snapping to attention, he focused on Seth, "You want to talk to me…about girls…"

Curling his lips in, Seth cocked his head, "No, wait a minute, that's wrong. I want you…to talk to me…about girls."

"You want me to talk to you about sex?" Ryan asked point blank.

"Well, yeah. You're the more experienced one. I'm sure you're brother told you some stuff, right?"

Chuckling, "Not exactly. He handed me a pack of condoms and told me to go have fun."

"Not exactly useful information," Seth whined.

Tossing his book aside, Ryan sat up and leaned back on his arms, looking at Seth skeptically. "You've never been with a girl, have you?"

"No," Seth uttered with a mouse-like voice. Looking at Ryan, "Why? You thought that I actually…"

"Yeah I guess I assumed you did. Don't take this the wrong way, but I don't think I know anyone who hasn't…"

"Thanks Ry, that was a giant ego boost in the wrong direction," Seth complained.

"Come on man, I didn't mean anything by that, you know that. So you haven't, done anything yet. So what?"

"I know, it's just, you know all about this stuff. You're worldly. It's just another thing where you're so much more advanced than I am."

Sighing at the sight of Seth wallowing in his own self-pity, Ryan gave in, "Okay, okay. I don't believe I'm going to do this. I'll give you ten minutes. Normal questions only. If you ask me anything weird, you lose your teeth."

"Why do you always threaten my physical being?" Off Ryan's look, "Okay, I agree to those terms. You, on the other hand, have to swear to not laugh at me. Do you swear?"

Realizing this whole thing was aiming to go pretty deep, Ryan negotiated his part of the contract. "I promise not to outright laugh, but depending on what you ask, I may have to snicker or smirk. I will try to contain myself. What do you want to know?"

Taking a deep breath, "Okay, um, for one, when it comes to (cough, cough)…actions of the…oral…nature…"

"You mean a blowjob?"

"Shhh!"

"Seth, it's just us. If you can't even say the word, you don't deserve to get one."

"Okay, okay. So when it comes to a…blow…job…is there actually…blowing…involved?"

Ryan snickered. Loudly.

"You promised you wouldn't laugh," Seth reminded him, pathetically serious.

"I know, I know. I'm sorry."

"So?"

"You really don't know, do you?"

When Seth shook his head, Ryan honestly felt bad for him. He knew Seth had been living a sheltered life, but no one, especially a guy, should be allowed to reach sixteen and not have a clue about this stuff. Then again, Seth didn't grow up in Chino.

"No Seth, there's no blowing involved. Matter of fact, it's the opposite."

"So, there's…sucking?"

"Yeah, if the girl is good at it. Hopefully she has some serious tongue talent."

"Tongue talent?"

"That's a more…advanced lesson. Let's not wander that far today. You only have seven more minutes."

"Fair enough. How far can you…you know…"

Ryan gets the full meaning of Seth's question by his abstract hand gestures. "Pretty far. You'll know you're pushing her limits if she starts gagging."

"Ga-gagging! You've made them gag?" Seth asked, horrified.

Snickering again, "Some girls can handle going deep and some can't. The ones that can't, sometimes they gag. It's no big deal Seth. There are worse consequences than gagging."

"Worse?" Seth swallowed heavily, suddenly weary of Ryan's 'Sex 101' talk.

"The gagging is a hint…to back off a bit. My brother ignored that signal once, about a year ago, and the girl puked all over him."

"UH! Stop! No more!" Squeezing his eyes shut, Seth put his hands over his ears. "Are brothers always this graphic?"

"It's gross, I know, but an important thing to know if you ask me. I'd rather hear that story than find out the hard way."

"I think I'll pass on the whole… ugh…I don't think I even want a blowjob now. Ever"

"Oh yeah ya do…trust me on this."

"Yeah but…"

"It's a rare occurrence Seth, but I thought you should know it can happen. I've never had a girl puke, ever. And I've had a lot of girls go down on me. Once you've had your first one, you'll be hooked. Trust me."

"Come on guys, time for dinner," Sandy yelled from the patio.

"Saved by the bell," a relived Ryan expressed.

Standing up, he looked down at Seth who was still overwhelmed and completely grossed out.

"Seth, don't sweat this. When it's right and it's meant to be, it just…comes together. It'll happen for you and it'll be fine."

"Well then, how come it comes together for you several times a week, or almost every weekend at the very least? Why can't I…"

"Because you're different than I am. I have…issues, not that that's earth-shattering news. These girls I hook up with…I fuck 'em, that's it. I don't love them. I don't care about them. I take what I need to from them and then I'm gone."

"You never loved any of them?" Seth asked, innocently curious.

"No." Catching a look from Seth, "Seth, it wasn't until I came to live with your family that I even learned what love is. I guess for a long time, to me that was close enough to love to count." His voice drifted off at the end of his sentence, realizing what he was saying. Christ, there was more to Kirsten's request to slow down than he realized.

"Well, who knows, maybe someday I'll get laid…and maybe someday…you'll get a piece of ass you can love."

"Yeah, maybe."

Both boys snickered at the comment and left the pool house for dinner.

Taking a seat across from each other, the boys loaded their plates from the selections on the table.

"So what were you guys up to?" Kirsten asked, setting a pitcher of ice tea on the table.

"Nothing. Just bonding," Seth answered innocently, causing Ryan to roll his eyes.

"Well that's nice." Kirsten answered from across the kitchen.

"Wasn't exactly 'nice'," Seth mumbled under his breath. "Maybe when we get up to the tongue talent…"

Seth's ramblings were cut short by a swift and solid kick in the shin by Ryan's boot. He followed up the physical warning with a reprimanding glare. Seth's mouth immediately fell open and he performed a silent 'oh Christ that hurt!' dance behind his mother's back as a result of the pain shooting through his shin.

"I couldn't hear you, what did you say?"

Setting some dinner rolls down on the table Kirsten noticed the mood at the table had changed. Ryan was now staring Seth down, and Seth was whimpering and shoving a fork full of food into his mouth.

"What's wrong with you?" she asked, looking at Seth quizzically.

"Nothing," he whimpered. "It's good, just…hot. So hot. It's good."

Frowning at her son, she watched him painfully eating his dinner, still whimpering.

"Ryan? Is your dinner okay?"

"Yeah. Fine."

Nodding, "I don't know what you did Seth, but I wouldn't do it again." She noticed Seth trailing his eyes to Ryan and a devilish grin curling onto Ryan's lips as he chewed. She had no idea what it was, but they'd apparently worked it out between them. She supposed it could be considered bonding.

The next morning when Ryan's alarm clock went off, he rolled over and pulled the pillow over his head. He was suddenly regretting his wish for the holidays to be over because along with Christmas, winter break from school was over too. Growing impatient with the blaring music, he tossed his pillow aside and smacked the box quiet.

Before forcing himself out of bed, he considered what he'd been through in the previous weeks. His life had definitely taken another turn. He'd survived another hurdle and it was a big one at that. Ryan couldn't remember the last time he came through a holiday unscathed. Maybe he'd take more risks. Maybe he'd trust the Cohens more, certainly more than he did at Christmas. Maybe the second semester of school would go more smoothly than the first. Maybe it was time he got out of bed before he was late for school.

It was nearly three-thirty when the boys dragged themselves through the front door and on towards the kitchen where they found Kirsten working at the table.

Taking a seat at the counter, "I hate school," Ryan moped.

"I'm right there with you buddy," Seth agreed.

"Come on guys, it's only the first day back. What happened?" Kirsten asked.

Reaching into his backpack, Ryan pulled out a ridiculously thick book and let it plunk onto the counter. "English Lit homework…book report due in eight days…on that…" he sneered, pointing at the book.

"I got a book too, sorry to say yours looks fatter. Did you get labs yet?" Seth inquired.

"Four of them." Ryan allowed his forehead to rest on the counter as if four labs were the end of the world. "And my lab partner this semester is a nightmare."

"Who did you get?"

"Shelly Sampson," he answered painfully, still face down on the counter.

"Who's Shelly Sampson?" Kirsten interrupted, but went unnoticed.

"Shelly Sampson! Touchy, clingy, automatically-thinks-any-guy-who-talks-to-her-is-her-boyfriend Shelly?"

"That's the one," Ryan moaned.

Still trying to follow the conversation, Kirsten jumped in again. "You have a girlfriend Ryan?"

"NO!" both boys yelled. The nauseating thought of being Shelly's boyfriend got Ryan's head off the counter in a hurry.

"Mom, Ryan doesn't do girlfriends…well, I mean he did them, but he doesn't…"

"Okay Seth, I get it."

Ryan smirks at him. Sadly Seth nailed that one.

When the phone rings, Ryan opts for a way out of the looming conversation and gets up to answer it.

"Hello?"

His eyes clench shut momentarily and he immediately drops his arm down by his side. "Just when I thought my day couldn't get any worse…"

"Who is it?" Seth asked, clueless. Kirsten on the other hand was already rising from the table and crossing the kitchen. Women's intuition.

Bringing the phone back to his ear…

"Ryan, baby, are you still there?"

Sighing disgustedly, "Yeah Mom, I'm still here."

"Am I calling at a bad time? I can call…"

"Any time is going to be a bad time, Mom."

"I see. Well, I was thinking about you and I was wondering how you were doing."

"I'm fine."

"Just…fine?"

"I'm not exactly having the best day and you're not exactly someone I want to be talking to so…"

"I know baby. I just want you to know how much I miss you and…"

"Don't start," he warned.

"What? I'm just saying…"

"I know what you're saying…I'm not coming back."

There was silence on the line. Ryan knew she was fighting off the tears but it didn't matter. Her tears didn't work on him any more.

"Look, I had to learn a whole new way of life when I left Chino and it wasn't easy. You're going to have to do the same thing. I can't help you anymore."

Sniffling, "I know baby. I know you had it rough."

Tipping his head back, Ryan clenched his teeth and shook his head at the ceiling. She was still going to turn this around and make it about her.

"I just thought…maybe…maybe you could come visit me some time?"

And there it was.

"How can you ask me that? Why the hell would I do that?"

"I just thought…"

"You know what? Don't think so hard. Alright? I don't want to come back Mom. Not even for a visit. And before you ask, I don't want you coming here either."

"Kirsten told me…"

"I don't care what Kirsten told you. I know you Mom. You're gonna be drunk, or you're gonna beg me to come back by telling me it'll be different this time - again, or you're going to say nasty things to the Cohens to try to under mind the progress they've made with me. I know you. You ruin everything you touch…and I don't want to be ruined anymore. You had your time with me and you wasted it. I'm done wasting time. Don't call me any more."

Before she could say another word, Ryan clicked the receiver off and tossed it on the counter.

"I've got homework to do. I'll be in my room. No girls, no booze, I promise, just me and this fucking English Lit book. She's not going to get to me. Not this time. I just need to be alone for a while."

"Okay. I'll bring you a plate for dinner," Kirsten offered gently.

Nodding, Ryan grabbed his book and his backpack and walked out the door in the direction of his room.

"Oh boy," Kirsten breathed.

"Oh boy is right," Seth agreed. "That got ugly."

"He knows her better than we do. I can only imagine where this will go from here."

"Maybe he'll feel differently when he calms down."

"Maybe."

(TBC)…


	5. Embracing Family Life

Raising Ryan Chapter 5 – Embracing Family Life 

Days rolled into weeks and before Ryan knew it, almost a month had gone by in a blur. His Mom had heeded his warning and hadn't called back. For that alone he was thankful. He'd managed to stay out of trouble, no drinking, no girls, and no fights. His only problem these days was the dreaded Shelly Sampson…and she was one hell of a problem.

Against his will, he entered his class, sat down in his seat and waited for the inevitable. Every day he did the same thing. He sat down, opened his textbook and his notebook, and pretended to be involved in a lesson, hoping, just for one day, Shelly would get the drift that he didn't want to talk to her. Today wasn't that day.

"Hey Ryan." The mere sound of her voice made him cringe. When she placed her hand on his shoulder, it was all he could do to refrain from swatting her away. "So what are you doing after school?"

Rolling his eyes, "Nothing."

"Want to do something?"

"No."

"Why not?"

He opted not to answer her and went back to flipping through his book.

"Ah, the strong silent type. Just the way I like 'em."

Ryan thought he might vomit from disgust. Lost in her own ignorance, she missed Ryan's heated glare as he shifted as far away from her as possible, at least as far as the table would allow him.

When the bell rang, Ryan was on his feet in an instant and making haste for the door. He'd made it pretty far down the hallway before he felt a tug on his school bag. Turning around, he learned his nightmare had been following him.

"You're fast! In a hurry?"

"Ya think?" Ryan barked sarcastically.

"Okay, fine. So you've gotta go." She smiled slyly as she backed away from him. "I like you Atwood. And I'm not giving up on you."

Falling against the lockers, Ryan went back to feeling sick. The end of the day just couldn't come fast enough. The end of the day. Crap. Kirsten was taking them to get new suits after school. Given his options, Ryan decided the suits were better. Hell anything was better than dealing with Shelly.

The front doors of the school burst open, signaling the end of the day by sending kids scattering in all directions. Seth found Ryan sitting on the stone wall at the bottom of the stairs.

"Hey. How did you get out here so fast? I always beat you out."

Shrugging, "I told Mr. Gracin I needed to use the bathroom which got me out of class. Then I just dawdled a bit before heading right out the front door at the sound of the bell."

"You're avoiding Shelly aren't you?"

"Mmm," he nodded.

"I feel bad for you. She's like a case of herpes. Even when she's gone she's not completely gone."

"Tell me about it. There's your Mom, let's get out of here."

Crossing the sidewalk, Seth got into the car first which turned out to be bad news for Ryan.

"Ryan! Ryan wait!"

With the car door open and one foot inside, Ryan returned to cringing. "Oh my God," he groaned under his breath.

"Hey Ryan. Where are you going?"

"Out."

"Is that your Mom?" Shelly waved her fingers at Kirsten, ignoring Ryan.

Stalling for words, "Shelly, I gotta go. They're waiting."

Stepping up to Ryan, to his horror, she grabbed the belt buckle of his jeans. "I'll see ya later." With the flip of her hair, she sauntered away while Ryan threw himself into the front seat of the car and angrily slammed the door.

"Can we go? Now?" he begged.

Kristen pulled away from the curb and Seth started rambling. "You okay Ryan?"

"No." Pushing his head back into the headrest, he ran his hand through his hair.

"Since when do not like a girl grabbing at you? Not like you. You don't have to be ashamed Ryan," Kirsten observed. "I admit, I'm shocked you've held out this long."

"This isn't about holding out," Ryan stated flatly.

"Oh. So you've already…"

"NO! he yelled, horrified at the thought. "I'd rather masturbate than hook up with her!"

"That should give you an idea how much Ryan hates her Mom. Because we both know Ryan gets enough action, he doesn't need to masturbate."

"Guys, please don't use that word. I hate that word. So what's the story then? She seems nice."

"In Chino, guys would have labeled her an alley rat. It's almost like a fatal attraction. A girl gets attached to you and no matter what you do, including flat out saying 'look I'm not interested', they're still nuts over you and they're constantly talking to you and touching you. I can't get rid of her."

"I didn't realize. Well, if there is someone you like, maybe now would be a good time to ask them out. Maybe if she sees you with someone else…"

"You mean on a date?"

"Sure."

Smiling from the backseat, "Yeah Ryan, a date. It's something you do with a nice looking girl when she's not in your bed."

"You're going to have to get out of the car sooner or later Seth…and I'll be waiting for you when you do," Ryan threatened.

When they arrived at Fashion Island, Ryan got out of the car and tormented Seth from the other side of the glass by standing with his arms folded across his chest, waiting patiently.

"That's enough boys, behave," Kirsten reprimanded.

Slipping out of the car, "I'm sorry, okay? Don't kill me right now, we're going into a public place," Seth begged.

Once they were inside the store, Ryan's zest for choosing suits over Shelly started to wane a bit. This was going to suck.

"Okay guys, what color suits do you want?"

Unanimously, "Blue."

"That was easy." Standing at the racks for what seemed like an eternity, Kirsten coordinated suits, shirts, socks and ties for both boys. They wasted the time away sitting on a couch near the dressing rooms.

"Should we really let her look alone? I mean, you and I could pick out one suit, one shirt, etc.," Ryan reasoned.

"No can do buddy. She lives for this."

"But, she's going to make us try all of that on, isn't she?"

"Yep."

"Shit."

When their heaps of 'try-on' clothes were finally brought over to them, both boys sighed at the amount of clothing.

Dressed in his third suit, Ryan walked out of the dressing room and stood in front of Kirsten for inspection.

"Oh now that one looks nice. What do you think?"

"I like this one. I like the shirt."

Kirsten turned Ryan around so he was facing the mirrors. He still couldn't get used to the way he looked in a suit. The only blue suit he'd ever seen himself in was a jumpsuit and that wouldn't cut it at any Newport party. Sure he looked nice but he felt uncomfortable, like he was trying to be something he wasn't. A t-shirt and a pair of jeans was all he needed. Ever.

Seth walked out of the dressing room in his third suit and stood next to Ryan. They both chuckled at their miserable reflections.

"Hang in there guys, we're almost done," Kirsten encouraged.

"Ryan, those pants are ridoinkulously long," Seth noticed.

"Boy you aren't kidding," his Mother agreed. "Edith? Is the seamstress here today? Could she set some alterations for us?"

Nodding, the saleswoman put a call in for the seamstress. Ryan's shoulders were hunched over and he groaned inwardly at the thought of being violated by another unwanted pair of hands in the same day.

"Why doesn't Seth need alterations?" Ryan whined.

"Dude, I'm taller than you, my pants fit," he explained drawing a scowl from Ryan. "I'm a classic fit Ryan. I never need to be altered."

"Figures."

Still poking and pulling on Ryan's suit, "Ten more minutes Ryan and you'll be all done. Hang in there."

Ryan was still pouting when a knock out of a woman with a low cut, and rather revealing, blouse walked up to them. Her skirt was skin tight and way too short for someone who needed to be at floor level to do her job, and her stiletto heels were the type of shoes Ryan had only seen on dancers in Chino.

"Hi, I'm Vanessa. Who's being fitted today?"

Seth leaned into Ryan, "You suck."

"This one Vanessa. The pants are way too long and the sleeves on the jacket are a bit long too."

"That's no problem. I'll take care of it."

Seeing the 'gaa-gaa' look both boys were wearing on their faces, "Stand still and cooperate Ryan," Kirsten warned in a flat tone.

"That's no problem."

Vanessa stepped up to Ryan and pulled on his jacket a bit. "Okay Ryan, stand up straight for a moment."

Tipping his head back a bit, Ryan studied her as she moved around him. She made sure his jacket ended at his thumb tips by his sides, she checked the arm seams to make sure they weren't extending past his shoulders and she checked the length on the sleeves.

"I like them a little longer."

"Okay, but we still have to shorten them a bit. They are way too long." After she pinned the sleeves, "Now I need you to spread your feet a bit please. We need to measure your inseam."

Doing as he was told, Ryan waited patiently while the seamstress turned to write some instructions on his ticket. Looking over his shoulder he found Seth green with envy.

With his hands in his pockets, he mouthed his frustrations to Ryan. "Damn! You suck!"

Smiling, Ryan flipped him the bird. That's what Seth gets for making fun of his short stature.

"Boys…stop," Kirsten warned just in time for Vanessa to turn her attention back to Ryan. She could feel her cheeks burning with embarrassment knowing Ryan was going to enjoy this next part. She was just praying he'd keep his mouth shut.

Vanessa knelt down in front of Ryan and took her measuring tape in her hands, it was no surprise Ryan tipped his head down to watch what she was doing…he obviously had a great view from his vantage point.

Pressing the tape measure against Ryan's leg, Vanessa raised her hand between his legs to get his measurement. Still looking down on her, Ryan's mouth opened slightly. Kirsten thought for sure her head would burst into flames from humiliation. After finishing the first hem, Vanessa measured the inseam on Ryan's other leg before working on the hem. This was more than Kirsten could bear.

"Is that necessary?"

"Ma'am, most people have one leg longer than the other. It might only be a quarter inch, but there is a difference. See here? This cuff is a bit bigger," she explained, comparing the two hems.

"Probably because he's facing that way," Seth mumbled causing Ryan to snort.

On the brink of being able to spit nails out of her eyes, "Seth, go change," his Mother demanded.

Standing up in front of Ryan, Vanessa gave him one more once over. "Actually, both boys can go change. We're finished."

"You heard her boys. Move it."

As quickly as possible, Kirsten made a point of settling her bill, collecting the items they were taking home with them and ushering the boys out of the building.

In the Rover, Kirsten turned the A/C up full blast before sending a look in Ryan's direction.

"What?" he asked innocently.

"You know damn well what!"

"Hey! I didn't do anything wrong! Seth, did I do anything wrong?" he asked, his voice squeaking as he turned around in his seat.

"Nope. As a matter of fact, you did exactly as your were told which was to stand still and cooperate."

"Yeah. See? Not my fault she came dressed to work like that."

"Nice blouse," Seth continued.

"Beautiful blouse," Ryan agreed, rubbing his chin.

"Alright, enough! There is entirely too much testosterone in this car right now!"

The boys enjoyed teasing Kirsten all the way home, discussing how they were 'up' for looking at suits today and how one of Seth's ties was limp and so on. Clearly out numbered, Kirsten could only shake her head and try not to laugh.

The razzing came to a screeching halt when the Rover pulled into the driveway and Seth recognized a bad element on their porch.

"Um, Ryan…do you see what I see?"

After figuring out what Seth was gawking at, "No fucking way!"

"Ryan, watch your mouth," Kirsten scolded.

"I don't know about you Ryan, but that…just ruined my hard on."

"SETH!"

"Right there with you buddy."

Catching sight of what the boys were looking at, "Ryan is that…"

"Shelly. That's it. I'm going to handle her case." Whipping the car door open, Kirsten grabbed his arm before he could exit.

"Ryan wait. Don't be too hard on her."

"Hard on her? Kirsten the girl is eating my brain! I can't stand her!"

"Just, try to let her down easy."

Approaching the front porch, Ryan braced himself for the dreaded encounter that was about to take place.

"Hey Ryan," Shelly greeted.

Ryan's eyebrows were bent down in frustration. "Shelly, what are you doing here?"

"I told you I wasn't giving up on you."

Holding his response until Seth and Kirsten went into the house, "Shelly, look…I'm sure you're a nice person and all but…you and me…it's just…not gonna happen."

There was a fleeting moment of hope for Ryan when he saw Shelly processing the words before a smile returned to her mouth.

"Playing hard to get. That's usually the girl's job isn't it?"

"Shelly…"

"That's okay. You're the type that needs convincing. You'll see."

Watching as she sauntered over to her car, Ryan couldn't help but take that last comment as a threat.

In the house, Kirsten was getting a surprise of her own.

"Dad? What are you doing here? Where's your car?"

'Hello Ki Ki. I came straight from the airport, thought I'd stop here on my way home. Didn't realize everyone had plans."

"I thought you were coming back until next week."

"I wasn't. Change of plans." At the sight of a brooding Ryan walking into the kitchen, "Ah, I see some things are just as I left them."

Taking offense to the comment, Ryan wrinkled his chin and puffed his lips. "Mr. Nichol."

Seeing Ryan wasn't in the mood for jest, Caleb turned his attention back to his daughter. "So I was thinking, maybe you and your…family would be interested in spending some time up at the lake?"

"Grandpa that would be awesome! Ryan, ever been on a wave runner?"

"No."

"It's awesome, you're gonna love it."

Coming to her senses, "But Dad, you just came back from a vacation. And I'm not sure the timing is good right now. There's the new phase that's getting started at work and I'm not sure if Sandy can take off right now. And the boys are just back to school from Christmas break."

"Way to ruin it Mom," Seth pouted.

"What's one day Ki Ki? Pull the boys out of school on Friday, you can take the day off and then it's just a matter of convincing that husband of yours. We can head up there Thursday night and…

"We?" Ryan questioned. "You mean you're going?"

"Of course I'm going, it was my idea." Caleb could see Ryan was openly opposed to the idea. "Ryan, Sandy and I are both alpha males and we've known each other for years without killing each other. I'm sure I can get through one weekend with you."

In the corner, Seth was jumping up and down with his hands in prayer mode, begging Ryan to agree with the plans.

"Alright, I'll go."

"Wonderful. I'll see all of you on Thursday night."

Ryan didn't realize what an odd week it had been until the last bell rang. Shelly hadn't been in school all week and he found his schedule quite enjoyable as a result of it. He wasn't avoiding certain hallways, or ducking into the boys' bathroom unnecessarily in hopes of staying off her radar. There wasn't that constantly babbling of her voice in the background, hell, the girl could give Seth a run for his money in that department. It was just a nice, refreshing week. Something Ryan hadn't experienced in a long, long time.

On top of all of that, he was about to head off on vacation. Okay, so it wasn't anything big, but it meant something to him. He was going on a family vacation where people actually acted like family and his center of focus was riding his first wave runner. He found himself filled with anticipation of the impromptu trip.

The ride up to the lake house was long. They expected to arrive around two in the morning, barring any problems. Wanting to avoid spending the long ride with Caleb, Ryan opted to ride with Kirsten in the Rover. As expected, Seth jumped ship to go with Ryan.

Sandy shook his finger at both on them before they piled into their cars. "I'll have you both know, I'm throwing you guys into the lake upon arrival for making me ride alone with Caleb."

Muttering their apologies, both boys snickered and piled into the Rover.

It was around one-thirty in the morning when Sandy phoned Kirsten on the cell phone. "We're pulling off for a minute. We think we missed the turn off."

"Okay."

Guiding their cars to the side of the road, they came to a stop.

"Why are we stopping?" Seth asked.

"They're looking at the map, it'll just be a minute."

Hearing this news, "I'll be right back," Ryan stated, opening his car door.

"Wait! Where are you going?"

"Bushes."

"What! Ryan you can't do that here! We're right out in the open!"

"So yell if you see a cop or I'll get a fine." Shutting the car door, Ryan walked over to the guardrail.

Distracted by movement in the back seat, "And where do you think you're going?" Kirsten rattled off, noticing Seth scooting across the seat in Ryan's direction.

"I was…just…going to…"

"No! No way! No you're not!"

"You're going to let Ryan go but you're going to make me hold it until we get to the lake house? That's not fair Mom. You're supposed to treat your children the same. What you do for one…" he explained, balancing his hands to make them even.

Sighing with disgust, she knew he was right. It wasn't fair. She just knew Seth would in fact take 'no' for answer. Ryan on the other hand was going to do what he wanted no matter what she said. "Hurry up Seth. Be quick about it."

"Thank you," he breathed, jumping out of the car.

"Boys are such animals," she complained to herself in the quiet car. "In my next life I'm going to have girls."

Meanwhile, her cell phone rang again. "Okay honey, we're ready. We're about another twenty minutes away."

"Sandy, I need a minute before we pull out."

"Something wrong?"

"Wrong? Nothing's wrong…necessarily, but the boys…the boys are taking a little break and they haven't gotten back in the car yet."

"Here?"

"Right here, right now."

Sighing, "I hate to say it, but that's not a bad idea."

"Sandy Cohen, if you get out of that car and go anywhere near that guardrail I'm coming after you with my tire iron!"

Laughing, "Then I guess I'm waiting!"

Pulling up to the lake house in the dark, the cars were shut off and the occupants slowly sputtered out onto the grass.

"This is a lake house?" Ryan asked gawking at the huge house before him.

"I guess so. Then again, my Grandfather doesn't do anything small. Come on, let's get out stuff and get to bed. Tomorrow…wave runners."

"Cool."

(TBC)

A/N – Tons and tons of set up in this one! Hope it didn't seem 'slow' compared to previous chapters because of that. More to follow asap. : D


	6. Just That Good

**Raising Ryan**

**Chapter 6 – Just That Good**

"Seth? Seth, wake up. Are you hungry? You and Ryan, are you boys hungry?"

Rolling over and peeling his eyes open, "Shh, Grandpa. Don't be so loud. You don't want to wake Ryan up before he's ready to get up. Trust me on this."

Caleb looked at the sleeping lump in the other bed, "It's after nine o'clock. Won't he think I'm playing favorites?"

"Alpha male number three? Nah. I'm gonna assume he'd rather not eat breakfast with you. "

Two hours later, Ryan came downstairs, still dressed in his sleepwear, a t-shirt and sweatpants.

"Morning Ryan. Hungry?" Kirsten greeted. "We saved you some pancakes."

"You…you ate already?"

"It's okay honey, come here."

Following Kirsten into the kitchen, Ryan plopped himself down heavily at the table. He was surprised to find himself feeling disappointed that he'd missed breakfast on the first day of vacation.

"I'm sorry I slept so late," Ryan apologized.

"Oh honey, don't be sorry. This is what a vacation is all about, resting, relaxing and rejuvenating." Walking over to the table, she set a dish down in front of him as well as one in front of herself before sitting down. "Besides, you're not the only one that missed breakfast," she smiled. "I just got up too."

She could see his eyes twinkle with relief. She felt a twinge of sadness for him, sad that something as insignificant as sleeping through breakfast could be considered upsetting to him. It never occurred to her that it would matter. She was determined to pay more attention to the little things the rest of the weekend, especially since it was obvious that Ryan was. He was on a roll with new experiences and positive progress in his life and she wasn't going to let that stop any time soon.

"Dude, hurry up and eat those pancakes, the lake awaits!" Seth encouraged, entering the kitchen.

"I'm done, just let me get dressed," Ryan answered, cramming the last few bites of his breakfast in his mouth as he pushed his chair back and stood up.

"Ryan, slow down, you're gonna choke," Kirsten worried.

"I'm okay," he garbled through his food before dashing back up the stairs.

Within minutes, both boys were on the dock pulling life vests on. Even though both of them knew how to swim, Kirsten wouldn't let them anywhere near the wave runner without them.

Getting on first, Seth waited for Ryan to get on and hold on. "Okay, we'll start out easy. I'll just take you around so you know what areas to avoid and all that boring stuff."

At Ryan's nod, they left the dock and did some light cruising around the lake. Keeping the wave runner at a respectable speed, Seth cruised up and down and back and forth. The lake was mostly empty, giving them free reign.

Seeing his parents on the dock, Seth motored over in their direction before stopping at the dock.

"Hey Seth, let Ryan drive for a while," Sandy suggested.

Jumping up on the pier, Seth made room for Ryan to scoot to the front of the wave runner before climbing on the back.

Sandy looked the boys over for a moment, "This isn't a pontoon boat you know. You guys are still dry."

"That's about to change," Ryan replied.

"Wh-what do you mean?" Seth inquired, leery of Ryan's response.

Smiling, "You forget I used to steal cars for a living…kinda got this thing for speed."

"Ryan…Ryan, I want to get off."

"No."

"Ryan, I'm serious."

"Hey, you keep saying you want an adventure…you're about to get another one for your record. I'd hold the hell on if I were you…"

Without further warning, Ryan gunned the wave runner and it took off from the dock like a bat out of hell with Seth immediately grabbing him around the stomach to hold on.

"Seth is in for one hell of a ride," Kirsten observed.

"I have a feeling Ryan is going to love this," Sandy answered.

They watched Ryan zipping up and down the lake, jumping the wakes of occasional passing boats, still mindful to keep away from the danger zones. Seth's panicked wailing could be heard up and down the lake as Ryan sped along.

"Would you look at the smile on Ryan's face," Sandy beamed. "It's nice to see him acting like a kid for a change."

"Yeah it is," Kirsten agreed, wrapping her arms around Sandy. "We don't get to see him like this too often."

Releasing his grip on the handlebars, Ryan let the runner coast in the water a minute. From the dock, Sandy and Kirsten couldn't hear what they were talking about, all they could see was Ryan gesturing with his hand, pointing ahead and making circle motions with his finger. Immediately after that they could see Seth saying 'no' and Ryan saying 'yes', over and over…this was about to get entertaining.

Squeezing the handlebars again, Ryan set the wave runner in full motion with Seth still screaming on the back end. Choosing just the right moment, Ryan jumped a wake and threw the runner into a turn, causing them to land hard in a giant spray of water. They were drenched. After doing this several more times, a grinning Ryan finally returned to the dock where he found Kirsten and Sandy ready and waiting with a camera.

Laughing out loud, Kirsten snapped a photo of the soaked boys. Ryan's fun with the wave runner apparent on his face while Seth's grief stricken face cowered behind him.

Seeing the dock in close proximity, Seth leaped onto the planks. "Land! Thank God!"

"What are you talkin'?" his Father teased. "That looked like fun!"

"Oh sure, from the dock! Try looking at it from behind Ryan's head!" he wailed.

Still laughing, Sandy turned back to Ryan. "Go ahead kid, go around again."

"You sure?"

"Yeah, absolutely."

"Seth?"

"Noooo way!"

"Come on man, I'll go easy this time," Ryan coaxed.

"Seriously?"

Sighing, "Okay."

With Seth climbing back on, Ryan smirked at Sandy.

"Hey Seth?" Ryan mumbled.

"Hey Ryan…"

"You should've made me promise…"

"Ryan…Ryan! No! Noooooo!"

That evening after dinner, they gathered around the fire pit to relax. Worn out from a full day on the wave runner, Ryan sat sideways in his chair and stared at the flames dancing in the pit. The clinking of metal and Seth's voice knocked him back to reality.

"Now we're talking some serious bonfire rituals. Everyone man your fork," he dictated, handing out long metal sticks to everyone.

"What are we doing?" Ryan asked, frowning at the stick.

"We're making S'mores."

"Some what?"

"You're killing me Ryan!" Seth whined. "You've never had s'mores?"

"No."

"That's it, I'm officially kicking your Mom off the planet! I can't believe she never let you make s'mores!"

Ryan's face got long and his eyes dropped down to the fork as he turned it in his fingers before he frowned at it again. Seth's remark only served as a reminder of yet another thing his childhood in Chino had denied him.

"Seth, that's enough," Sandy whispered, knocking his son with his elbow and nodding at Ryan.

Seth immediately regretted his words. "But hey, not everybody likes s'mores. And this weekend is all about new stuff right? The wave runner, me letting you sleep in until you were ready to get up, right? Now you can add s'mores to that list."

"That's okay. I think I'll pass. Maybe tomorrow. 'Night." Standing up, Ryan disappeared into the darkness in the direction of the house.

After twenty minutes or so, Sandy decided his curiosity needed a fix and he went into the house to check on Ryan. He found him in his bed, staring at the ceiling.

"Hey kid, everything okay?"

"Mmm-hmm."

"Now that doesn't sound believable."

"I'm just tired," he yawned. "And I'm starting to get cranky. Figured it was probably best if I turned in."

"Cranky? You're worried about being cranky? You forget we brought Caleb with us!"

Ryan smiled. Caleb was definitely the epitome of cranky.

"You sure there's nothing I can do for you? Make you a s'more to go?"

"Nah. Thanks."

Nodding, Sandy gave his arm a pat. "Okay kid. I'll see you in the morning."

Kirsten was up bright and early the next day, her internal time clock not realizing she was still on vacation. She showered and dressed and headed for the kitchen, more importantly, for her first cup of coffee. After passing the door to the boys' room, she stopped, backed up and peered inside. Seth was still sound asleep but Ryan's bed was not only empty, it was made. A stab of panic went through her given the past with Ryan's disappearances. _He promised he wouldn't run again_, she reminded herself. He was here. Somewhere. She'd find him.

In the kitchen she was relieved to see the coffee pot was set on a timer and had already brewed the first pot. Filling a mug she snagged from the cupboard, she raised it to her mouth and gazed out the window. Not only was the sunshine a welcome sight for sore eyes, so was the sight of Ryan sitting on the swing at the end of the pier. Grabbing a second mug, she filled it and walked out by him.

As she approached, she saw he had a bottle in his hand.

"Ryan?"

Startled, he whirled around. "Hi." Embarrassed, he held the bottle out to her. "I'm not drunk. I just really wanted one. I only had this one."

Ignoring Ryan's out stretched arm, Kirsten walked past him to set the coffee mugs down on the table. Taking a seat on the swing next to him, she finally reached over and took the bottle away from him, tipping it to see how much was left. He drank most of it, causing her to give him the Motherly eyebrows.

"Sorry."

"Beer, at this hour? Not exactly the breakfast of champions, is it?" she paused. "Okay Ryan, you haven't touched a bottle in months and you're wide awake at six-thirty in the morning…what's wrong?"

"Nothing," he answered, shrugging it off.

"Okay." Playing dumb, Kirsten reached down for her coffee knowing the silence would wear on Ryan. He could handle yelling any day, all day. Silence drove him nuts.

"My mind is just full right now, that's all."

"With what?"

Stalling long enough to get his own cup from the table, "I don't know. It's like this weekend is making me see all of these things that I've missed. Seth brags on the girls I've been with or the parties I've been to or about me stealing things but…he had a childhood. I didn't have that. Some day when he has kids he'll have all these things to teach them, stories to tell them. What am I going to do? Teach my son how to bypass a car alarm?"

"It's never too late to make memories Ryan. Matter of fact, you'll spend your entire life making memories. Besides, I'm sure if you ask Seth, he'll tell you about the one hundred and one things we do wrong as parents and how he's going to change it when he has his own kids some day. Everyone is always striving for better and you always want your kids to have better than you had. It's natural evolution."

"Yeah I guess."

There was silence for a few minutes as they stared at an early morning boater passing by, both silently considering the fact that Dawn didn't strive to do better for her kids. No natural evolution there at all.

"Why do I get the feeling there's more than what you're telling me?" Kirsten finally prompted. She noticed Ryan shift uncomfortably in his seat. "It's okay Ryan. What's on your mind?"

"It's nothin'. It's stupid."

"What? What's stupid?"

"You really want to know?"

"Yes, of course."

Setting his coffee down, Ryan reached into his jacket pocket and pulled out a piece of green paper that had been folded several times. "Really, we don't have to…"

"Ryan, let me see that."

Hesitantly, Ryan handed the paper to Kirsten. She noticed a look of heavy anticipation on his face, as if he was holding his breath. Opening the folds revealed a flyer from the school…for soccer tryouts.

She felt her mouth drop open. "Ryan…" she breathed, and that was all it took to send him back pedaling.

"I know, I know. I told you, it's dumb. I'm not a 'team' type of guy." Shoving his hands in his pockets, he returned to staring at the lake.

"Ryan, that's not what I meant. I think this is wonderful! I think you should do it! Why didn't you say something sooner?"

Hemming and hawing, "Because it costs money. Money I don't have and I feel funny…"

"Not another word. It's done. You're going to tryouts!" Continuing to scan the flyer, "Ryan, tryouts are the day after tomorrow!"

"I know."

"Well, we have to head home early, there's things you're going to need..."

"No. You can't do that! You Dad will hate me even more if his trip to the lake is cut short because of me."

"He doesn't hate you Ryan, and he just came back from two months in Italy! He'll get over it! Come on! We have to go tell everyone!"

"Kirsten, wait!" he yelled, pulling her back. 'I mean, don't you think you should talk to Sandy first? About the money? What if he says no? What if…"

A serious cast took over Kirsten's face as another reality from Ryan's old life crept in. "That's why you've been avoiding certain things, isn't it? You're afraid Sandy will get angry with you. Sandy's the head of the household…you're afraid of him and that's why you always come to me…"

"I'm not afraid, exactly." Off Kirsten's look, "Maybe a little. It's just, you've given me money in the past. I've never asked him for money. AJ would never give me money."

Taking Ryan's arm in hers, "I promise you, this news is going to make Sandy extremely happy and I will take care of the money. I'll talk to him. Okay? I want you to trust me Ryan."

It took a moment before Ryan nodded.

"Now will you admit to me that you really want to play soccer?" Kirsten pressed.

Clucking his tongue sheepishly, "I'd like to. I still have to make it through try-outs though."

"Are you kidding me? You're as good as on the team. Come on, let's go tell everyone the news."

The kitchen erupted with cheers when Kirsten shared the news. Well, everyone but Caleb was overjoyed. Ryan found him sitting in the sun porch a short while later.

"So you want to play soccer," Caleb greeted without looking up from his Forbes magazine.

Cautiously, Ryan made his way into the room, careful to keep a safe distance from Caleb. "You don't have to leave the lake early because of me. You brought your own car."

"We came here as a family, we'll leave here as a family," Caleb acknowledged, much to Ryan's surprise. "Besides, it's probably a good idea that you get some sort of hobby that doesn't involve breaking and entering."

"Too bad they don't have a club for that at Harbor, I'd be President."

"People who boast about their skills are not usually as good at what they do as they claim they are."

Eyeing Caleb, "So then, you're not the monster mogul behind Newport?"

"No one likes a smartass Ryan…except maybe me."

Disrupting their banter, Sandy entered. "Ready guys?

"Where are we going?" Ryan asked.

Tossing his magazine down, Caleb stood up, "I've made reservations at Port Edwards for lunch, for all of us. It's the best steak and seafood restaurant in the area. I'll drive."

Heading out to the cars, it didn't take long before a change in plans had Caleb throwing a fit.

"I can't believe this! Of all times! I don't have time for this right now!"

"Dad, what's the matter?" Kirsten asked.

"I've locked my keys in my car!"

"Grandpa, do you have an extra set of keys?" Seth inquired.

"Of course, but they're at home. Lot of good that's doing me there."

"So we'll take the Rover and deal with the keys later," Sandy offered.

"I'll have to call the auto club. Go on ahead without me, I'll catch up."

Ryan stood back quietly, watching Caleb pace the driveway along with retrying the door handle every so often as if his pacing was going to somehow, magically, pop the door lock.

When Ryan couldn't stand it any longer, "Alright already, move." Walking up to the car, he put his hand up and peered in the window.

"And just what do you think you're going to do about this?" Caleb barked.

With his hands on his hips, Ryan turned to Caleb and stated the obvious. "Sometimes it pays to have a car thief in the family."

Disgusted, Caleb crossed his arms over his chest as Ryan laid down on the pavement on his back to look under the front end of the car. Reaching under with his arm, Ryan stared at the sky while he felt around under the fender.

"Dude, are you seriously going to break into my Grandfather's car?" Seth gleamed with excitement.

"Yep," Ryan admitted confidently.

"Cool!"

Sandy and Kirsten exchanged a look of curiosity.

"Oh this is ridiculous!" Caleb whined. "The door is over here and the keys are inside. Some car thief he is!"

"You know old man, that's exactly where your weakness lies…you have a habit of underestimating your enemies."

Absolutely annoyed with Ryan, Caleb only glared at him.

"See, right here is the wire that runs your car alarm," Ryan explained, still groping around under the car. "And that runs back to…a box…right here. The box controls your remote for your door locks and what not."

Caleb's mouth was slightly agape considering this delinquent actually appeared to know what he was talking about.

"A quick snip of a wire or two and your alarm and your remote would be disabled. Now, you've got a pretty good alarm on your car. Your box is sealed, so I can't get in this way. We have to go old school."

"You going to bust his window?" Seth asked hopefully, wringing his hands.

Chuckling, "No Seth." Turning to Caleb, "I don't suppose you might have a blood pressure cuff, do you?"

"Are you insane?"

"You keep asking me that…you want to make your reservation or not? A successful businessman like yourself is under a lot of pressure I'm sure…not to mention I saw your bottle of pills on the kitchen table this morning. Surely you're monitoring your condition, per doctor's orders of course."

Grinding his teeth, "It's on my night table," Caleb replied.

"I'll get it."

With that, Seth took off running into the house and returned within minutes with the necessary item.

"Dude, what can you possibly use this for?"

"You'll see…"

Now even Kirsten was up near the car, curious. She wanted to see this.

Folding the cuff in half, Ryan wedged it behind the corner of the driver's door. Holding it in place, he squeezed the bulb, inflating the cuff. As the door pulled away from it's frame tediously slow, Ryan would stop every now and adjust the cuff deeper into the door jam. He continued to inflate the cuff until he was happy with the size opening he'd created.

"Seth, hold this just like this for a minute. Don't let go, don't move."

"Got it."

Walking over to the rose bushes, Ryan pulled out a long iron rod that was holding up one of the vines. Back at the car, he delicately slipped the rod through the open crack, aimed it at the power lock button, gave it a tap and popped the lock right open. Withdrawing the rod from the window, Ryan tossed it on the ground, took hold of the blood pressure cuff, grabbed the door handle and opened the door.

"I'll be damned," Kirsten muttered quietly.

"That was like, so simple," Seth acknowledged, amazed at Ryan's handy work.

"Another minute, minute and a half and I'd be on my way down the road in a working car…problem is, I don't know where the restaurant is," Ryan bragged. "Sometimes people really are just that good at what they do."

Caleb was speechless. The look on his face was priceless and Ryan made a point of absorbing every second of it. Who knew when he'd be able to trump the old man again.

Walking up to the car, Caleb gave it a quick inspection. "There's not a scratch on it," he finally offered.

"Nope. A car is worth more to the chop shops if there's no damage on it. I guess you could say a pro knows how to take her gently."

"I suppose a thank you is in order," Caleb grumbled, refusing to look at Ryan. He hated that this kid for showing him up.

"You owe me one." Off Caleb's glare, "Us rugrats from Chino, we like to keep score. We're going to be late," Ryan muttered, putting one foot in the back seat. "Oh, and you're alarm is broke. It should have gone off since I didn't disable it. You should get that looked at."

TBC…

A/N – I realize in RL Ryan played soccer in the Fall at Harbor but…for the sake of my A/U story, I needed him to play in the Spring…so, he's playing in the Spring. : D


	7. One Step Forward, Two Steps Back

Raising Ryan Chapter 7 – One Step Forward, Two Steps Back 

"Now that I enjoyed, very much. Thank you Cal," Sandy stated, wiping his mouth in his napkin.

Everyone sat back in their chairs, stuffed to the hilt. Bare lunch plates were scattered across the table, among multiple buckets of cracked crab legs.

"So Ryan, what do you think of crab legs?" Seth asked, the only one at the table still eating.

"Pretty good. A lot of work, but they're worth it."

After signing for the bill, Caleb stood up and put his wallet away. "Ryan, come with me please."

The unwarranted request had everyone at the table staring at Caleb, Ryan included.

"Grandpa, what's wrong?" Seth asked, concerned about his motive to pull Ryan aside.

"This is between Ryan and I. You stay with your parents, we'll meet you outside."

Sandy and Kirsten could see concern on Ryan's face and they could only imagine what was running through his mind.

"Dad? What are you doing?"

"Cal, you're making him nervous," Sandy cautioned.

"Stop jumping to conclusions. Come on Ryan."

Nerve-racked and confused, Ryan stood up and followed Caleb out of the restaurant. They continued walking to the railing overlooking the lake. Ryan's stomach churned wondering what the old man was going to say.

"Are you going to hit me?" Ryan asked suddenly, shocking Caleb.

Leaning on the railing, Caleb turned to Ryan and noticed the boy's state. "You think I brought you out here to scold you?"

Nodding, "Yeah," Ryan answered, in a tone that made it seem like the obvious answer.

"And what reason do I have to be angry with you? What? Because you ate a healthy sized lunch in an expense restaurant? Seth is still in there eating as we speak. Or what, because you were as good as your word and you got my car keys out of my locked car when I assumed you weren't as skilled as you claimed to be? Are these things people in Chino would have scolded you for?"

Nodding admittedly, Ryan tipped his head down and kicked at the ground with his boot. "I never did anything right in Chino. Didn't matter what it was. After a while you just learn to expect the worst."

Caleb had always seen Ryan when he was being cocky and confident, this raw look into his history was enlightening and disturbing at the same time.

"Ryan, I brought you out here to apologize to you for the way I treated you at the house. You were right. I underestimated you." Pushing off the railing, Caleb reached into his pocket for his wallet, causing Ryan to flinch. "I think you're the type of kid that could be good at anything you have an interest in." Reaching into his wallet, Caleb removed several large bills, folded them in half and held them out to Ryan. "I think you'll make a great soccer player."

"I can't take that," Ryan panicked, backing away.

"Only the best will do for my family Ryan and there's things you'll need. I'm sure you don't have a pair of soccer shoes, what do they call them?"

"Cleats?"

"Right. Cleats. You're going to need your own ball and a bag for your gear. I'm sure you didn't bring an athletic supporter or a cup with you from Chino and I'm confident that's something you'd rather shop for without Kirsten's help. Right?"

Ryan's mouth opened slightly, he was having trouble believing they were actually having this conversation.

"I'm sure she wouldn't mind avoiding that too," he agreed finally. "I can't pay you back. I don't have that kind of money. I mean…"

"I don't want you to pay me back Ryan, I want you to succeed. You take this, you get what you need for try-outs. You work hard and stay focused. Maybe after you make the team, you'll invite me to one of your games and we'll call it even."

Ryan was still trying to get used to having people around him that supported him and to have Caleb backing him now was extremely uncomfortable and overwhelming and he wasn't sure he liked the idea.

"Mr. Nichol…"

"I'm sure it will come as no surprise to you that I'm not the sort of man that takes 'no' for an answer." Raising his eyebrows at Ryan to make his point, he took a moment to make sure Ryan wasn't feeling threatened. "At least give it a shot. You'll never know what you're capable of if you don't try."

Try. He did promise Kirsten he'd try. Swallowing nervously, "Yes Sir."

"You're going to do fine Ryan, I have faith in you."

Ryan nodded again, looking at the relinquished wad of cash in his hand.

"Let's go meet up with the others. If I pat you on the back, you're not going to jump over the railing into the lake, are you?"

Snorting, "No. Not now that I know you're not going to kill me."

Seth's battle cry carried across the grounds, "Ryan! You okay?"

Feeling a little better about the situation, Ryan raised his hand and waved at Seth, who immediately took that as an invitation to come running over.

Seth waited for his Grandfather to walk away before questioning Ryan.

"So? What happened? What did he say?"

Looking up uncomfortably, "He um, he gave me money so I could play soccer." Raising his hand, he showed Seth the folded bills.

"Holy Moses, Ryan! That's so cool!"

"Yeah, but, what if I suck at soccer? What if…"

"Dude, we all know you're trying. Sooner or later you're gonna fail at something and that's okay. Look at me, I a poster child for failure. So what? Who cares? If you gave it your all and it doesn't work out, at least you tried right?"

"I guess so."

"So, can I come to your games?"

"I have to make the team first Seth."

"You'll make it. Come on, let's get out of here."

The last day at the lake house went by quickly and before they knew it, the cars were packed up and ready to head out.

"Do we have everything?" Kirsten asked, watching Sandy put the last bag in the back of the Rover.

"This should be the last of it."

Seeing the boys coming across the lawn, "Did everybody use the bathroom? It's a long ride," she asked looking at the boys pointedly, causing them to nod in unison before getting in the Rover.

"Wait a minute, wait a minute!" Sandy protested, leaning into the door of the Rover. "I already did time with your Grandfather. I think you guys should ride with him and I'll ride with your Mother this time."

Ryan raised his eyebrows at Sandy for implying Kirsten was his Mother too.

Seeing that neither boy planned on moving, "And you call yourselves men." With a teasing huff, "I'll see you guys at home. Be safe."

Opening the front door, everyone piled in, dragging at least one bag along with them. Leaving everything in the foyer, the boys headed to the kitchen for something to drink.

"How is it possible I could be so exhausted from just sitting in a car?" Seth wondered out loud, reaching in the fridge pulling out Snapples for both Ryan and himself.

Pausing at the phone, Sandy clicked the answering machine.

"_You have one new message_…Hi Kirsten, it's Dawn. I was wondering if you could call me. I need to talk to you. Thanks."

When the message clicked off, all eyes drifted to Ryan.

"You gonna call her?" he asked, his mouth set firm.

"Yes."

"Can it wait until after soccer try-outs?"

"Yes, absolutely."

Nodding, "Good."

"Speaking of which, Ryan why don't we run out and pick up a few things?"

"Okay."

The ride in the car was quiet and Kristen knew Ryan's mind was wandering.

"It might be nothing Ryan."

Shifting in his seat, "I told her not to call any more. Trust me, she wants something."

"Well, she'll have to wait. We have soccer try-outs to worry about right now."

Relief washed over Ryan and he was glad Kirsten wasn't going to drop everything just because his Mom called. That's what Dawn would expect. She always felt the world revolved around her. Not any more.

Monday was a long day sitting through classes knowing try-outs were coming after the last bell. When it finally did ring out, Ryan found his chest heavy with anxiety. Stopping at his locker, he dropped off his books and collected his new gear bag and headed to the boys locker room.

"You here for try-outs kid?" the coach asked.

Nodding, "Yes sir."

"Name?"

"Ryan Atwood."

The coach tipped his head back for a minute and eyed Ryan. "I've heard about you kid. If you give me any…"

"I won't. I'm here to play soccer."

Dropping his clipboard to his side, the coach watched Ryan a moment longer before reaching into the box behind him and pulling out a practice jersey. Tossing it at Ryan, "Alright. Bring your best game kid."

Changing quickly Ryan walked out to the field alone. He wasn't surprised by the other boys' attempts at whispering behind his back. When he'd had enough of it, a simple glare shut them all up. The assistant coach sent the boys up and down the field working on various warm-ups before splitting them into smaller groups. Ryan's group didn't hide the fact that they weren't happy about his participation. Little did they know what he was capable of.

Being third in line, Ryan waited his turn while the boys in front of him started their skills test. Unbeknownst to him, he was being watched by more than the coach and the other players.

Kirsten had made a point of parking behind the grandstand before school ended so Ryan wouldn't see the Rover. She stood on the far side, peering just over the steps. Positive she was feeling just as much anxiety as Ryan was at this point, she took a deep breath and searched the field to locate Ryan. She found him closer to her than she expected and she backed up a bit to keep herself hidden. He looked so good on the field with the other boys. Granted he was only in a practice jersey but she was so proud of him for trying. She knew how much he wanted this.

"Alright Atwood! Let's go! Show me something," the coach demanded.

At the chirp of the coach's whistle, Ryan left mid field and dribbled the ball through a series of cones. Gaining speed as he approached the net, he torqued his body and sent the ball sailing in the direction of the net. Not only did he score, he nearly took off the goaltender's head.

"Yes!" Kirsten yelled before throwing herself under the grandstand, covering her mouth. "Kirsten Cohen, do not embarrass him. He cannot know you're here. Let him do this."

Ryan and the other boys searched the stands briefly trying to figure out where the cheer came from, but to no avail. Walking back to his group, he noticed the tone had changed.

"You got some leg on you Atwood," a boy about his size remarked.

"Thanks."

"Name's Thomas," the boy explained, extending his hand. "I was last year's Captain. You keep going like that man, you're as good as in."

"I guess we'll see," Ryan answered, shaking the boy's hand. He didn't want to get his hopes up. He had a reputation at this school and it was very possible the coach would deny him a position on the team, simply because of his background.

Try-outs lasted a little over two hours and the boys were exhausted and soaked with sweat by the time it ended. Ryan felt a bit of pride for making it through the try-outs when several other boys came up to congratulate him on a good showing. He hadn't expected that. Crossing the field to the sidelines near the grandstand, he picked up his bag and was heading in the direction of the school when he noticed the Rover in the parking lot. Whistling between his teeth, he got the driver's attention. Sure enough, it was Kirsten.

Not happy with the fact that she'd been caught, Kirsten stepped out of the Rover while butterflies took over her stomach. Crossing the grass she walked up to Ryan at the gate.

"Kirsten, what are you doing here?"

"I'm sorry honey, I didn't want you to know I was here. I know how this must look. I trust you, I do. I know there were try-outs today."

"What are you talking about?" he asked, even more confused by her answer.

Sighing, "I was so excited for you today, I just couldn't stand sitting home waiting for you to tell me about it. I wanted to see you play so…I…came up here to watch."

A smile spread across Ryan's face. "You came to see me play?"

"I know, I know. This meant a lot to you and I shouldn't have interfered. I'm sorry."

"Kirsten, you don't have to apologize. I'm, I'm happy about it."

"You are?"

"Yeah, of course. My Mom never came to any thing I did and that's if she let me join in the first place."

"So you're not mad, or embarrassed that I'm here?"

"No."

"Oh good," she breathed. "I was about sick when you whistled. So, when will you know?"

"They're going to post the team on the trophy case tomorrow morning. Can you promise me one thing?"

"Anything."

"Don't do…anything…to help this along, okay? I want to make the team because I'm good enough and because they picked me. This will mean more to me if I do it on my own."

"I understand…and damn you for reading my mind!" After sharing a laugh, "I'm proud of you Ryan. You looked great out there today."

"Thanks," he blushed sheepishly.

"Now, how about we get your stuff and get some dinner to take home?"

"Cool. Give me five minutes to get my stuff out of the locker room. I'll be right back."

Dinnertime babble was spent entirely on Ryan's try-outs. Seth and Sandy wanted every detail and Kirsten would interject, bragging on shots he'd made or passes he'd stolen. It made Ryan feel good to know he was the center of attention at the table but it was over something good for a change.

He spent the night tossing and turning in bed and he was up before his alarm even went off. He paced the kitchen desperate to get to school. He wanted to see the cut list. He couldn't concentrate on anything else until he knew.

Running up the stairs to the school, he all but left Seth in the dust.

"Ryan, Ryan wait!"

When the came up to the trophy case, Ryan paused a minute and visibly took a deep breath.

"It's going to be good Ryan, you'll see."

"And what if it isn't?" he frowned.

"If not, then so what? There're guys in the school that didn't even have the balls to try out."

Ryan still didn't move.

"You stay here, I'll look, okay?" Seth delegated, walking ahead.

"Seth, Seth wait…"

Ryan still couldn't find the energy to propel his legs forward. Instead he watched Seth slump in front of the list, shaking his head and he felt his chest squeeze tight.

"I fucking knew it! I should've known better!"

"Dude, c'mere a minute. You gotta see this."

"What?" Disgusted and dejected, Ryan walked over to the trophy case to see what Seth was pointing at.

"I just thought you'd want to see that they did it alphabetically, and you're the first name on the list."

"What!" Looking closer, sure enough, there it was in black and white.

_Atwood, Ryan – Striker_

"I made the team…" he answered in disbelief.

"I knew you would man. You're good at everything you do."

"And you're an asshole for letting me think I didn't make it," Ryan snapped off, smacking Seth in the back of the head.

"Damn Ryan! Take your frustrations out on the field dude! My head is not a soccer ball!"

A smile returned to Ryan's face and he looked the list over to see who else made the cut. He was devilishly pleased to see several of the names of the boys that had teased him were not on the sheet. That'll show them.

"You better call the 'rents dude. They'll go nuts if you make them wait all day for this news."

In their respective offices, Sandy and Kirsten were both on cloud nine over Ryan's accomplishment and they couldn't wait for his first game. The ring of her cell phone dropped Kirsten right back into the office, though, and she answered it without checking the ID.

"Hello?"

"Hi Kirsten. It's…it's Dawn."

"Dawn…Hi. I'm Sorry I wasn't able to get back to you sooner, we'd gone away for the weekend and yesterday was a little crazy, being the first day home and what not."

"Oh that's okay. I'm sure Ryan didn't go out of his way to tell you I called."

"Actually, it was a family trip. We took the boys went with us so, we didn't get the message until we got home. How um, how are you?"

"I'm okay. I mean, you know. Okay as I get, I guess."

"Is there….anything wrong?"

"I just, I've been missing Ryan. I haven't seen him in so long and…he was so angry with me the last time I called."

"Well, you admitted to me yourself that the holidays would be hard on him."

"Was he…I mean…did he…"

"He did really well. We do things a little differently here than what he was used to so we tried to not overwhelm him. But he enjoyed himself. He dug his heels in until Christmas Day and then we got him to come around."

"That's…that's nice."

"Yeah it was."

"So, what else has he been up to? I…I look forward to your letters."

"Ah, well, as a matter of fact, um, he just made the soccer team at his school. Try-outs were yesterday and he found out this morning that he made the cut."

Chuckling, "Really? Wow. That's…that's really something."

"We're all very proud of him. This was something he wanted to do and he earned it. He played hard, he impressed the coaches and he got a spot on the team."

"I'm happy for him. That's good…good for him."

The stiffness of the conversation dissolved into complete silence on the line.

"Dawn, he's doing really well. I just hope…I just hope whatever your intentions are, they won't be detrimental to Ryan."

"I know. I was just hoping to see him. I know he won't want me to come there but, maybe you could ask him to consider coming to Chino. Even if it's just for an hour, I would be grateful. No tricks. I've already burned my bridges with him. I know how he feels about me."

"Give me a few days, to get past the excitement of this soccer thing. I don't want that ruined for him. I can't make you any promises Dawn. Ryan is old enough to make this decision on his own and Sandy and I will not force him to do something he is not comfortable doing."

"I know. I guess…I just want him to know that I still think about him. I haven't forgotten him…even though he's moved past me."

Kirsten didn't know how to respond to that. She tried to stay as vague as possible. "I'll talk to him and we'll let him handle it from there."

"Thanks, for doing this. Even if…he doesn't…I can't necessarily blame him. I'll see ya."

"Take care."

Closing her cell phone, Kirsten's mind felt fogged. Ryan had always joked about Atwood bad luck and the Atwood curse but this was one of those times she felt he was right. He was so happy and excited about the soccer team and here his Mother calls. It's like she smells his happiness. There was no way she was going to ruin this for Ryan. Not over Kirsten's dead body if she had any say about it. She'd wait a while before she brought this up to Ryan. Tonight was for celebrating Ryan's place on the team and there was no room for Dawn at that table.

Tuesday morning found Ryan at school with a new spring in his step. Other team members who'd made the cut said hello to him in the hallway. It was like his world changed overnight.

Taking a seat in class, his attention was drawn to Shelly as she sat down next to him. She didn't say a word to him, just took out her notebook and prepared for class. Ryan found himself itching to ask what the hell was wrong. This wasn't like her. Instead he forced himself to keep his mouth shut, maybe she'd finally gotten the big picture and would leave him alone.

As luck would have it, the teacher passed out an exercise to be completed between lab partners. So much for ignoring her.

"So, I guess we better get started," Ryan prompted her, still she didn't answer him. "What's with you today?" The words left his mouth before he could get a hold of them, partly from curiosity and partly from being annoyed.

"As if you don't know," she spat back.

Sorry he opened his mouth now, Ryan passed one sheet over to her, "Here, you work on this part, I'll take the formulas."

Wordlessly, she grabbed the sheet out of his hand and went straight to work.

Still unclear what all the attitude was about, Ryan took advantage of her silence and concentrated on his work.

When the bell rang, signaling the end of the day, Ryan met Seth on the steps as he always did.

"There's something wrong with your stalker man," Seth joked.

"You're just now figuring that out?" Ryan sassed back.

"Well, look at her," he explained, pointing over to the parking lot where Shelly was standing next to her car, holding her stomach.

Ryan took two steps in Shelly's direction for a better look when the girl puked on the pavement.

"Ack!" Seth moaned. "Could've done without that!"

"She's sick, she'll get over it," Ryan responded dryly. "And how the hell am I supposed to toughen you up when you still can't handle puking?"

"Let's just get one thing straight okay? I don't ever want to be comfortable with puking. Ever. That's just…gross."

"Come on, let's get out of here before she sees us."

Later that evening, Kirsten found herself relaxing on the couch in sole ownership of the remote, a rare occurrence. Settling on an old, black and white movie, she left the couch for a moment to nuke a bag of microwave popcorn. As luck would have it, the phone rang just as she shoved a large handful of popcorn in her mouth. Chewing quickly, she answered it.

"Hello?"

"Mrs…Atwood?"

"Um, no. This is Kirsten Cohen. Are you looking for Ryan?" she asked. She had no idea who the man was but she assumed he was possibly the soccer coach.

"I'm sorry. I was looking for his parents, I need to speak with them."

"Oh, um, well…it's a long story, but my husband and I are Ryan's guardians. Can I help you with something?"

"I see. So you're responsible for the boy and his actions?"

Kristen's forehead wrinkled and she scooted forward on the couch and set down her bowl of popcorn. This didn't sound good.

"I'm sorry…who did you say you were?"

"Terry, Terry Sampson. My wife and I would like to speak to you and your husband as soon as possible. Are you available this evening?"

"Sampson. Your daughter is Shelly Sampson?"

"Yes."

Oh boy. Stumbling over her own words, "Um, well, sure. My husband ran out on a brief errand, he should be back shortly."

"Very well. We'll see you within the hour then."

After a brief exchange of directions, Kirsten hung up the phone in a fog. Ryan and Shelly must have finally had it out and now her parents we're coming over to tell Kirsten he's not acting like a gentlemen.

Sighing, she heard the front door close and Sandy's footsteps grew louder as he approached the den.

"Why the long face?" he asked at the sight of his wife on the couch.

"There's been, a slight change of plans for our evening," she explained.

"Oh? The boys change their minds already? They want the TV back?"

"Ah, no. But, Shelly Sampson's parents are on their way over here to discuss something with us, regarding Ryan."

"Shelly Sampson? The dreaded lab partner Shelly Sampson?"

"That's the one."

"I'm sure it's nothing honey. Maybe he said something to the girl that upset her and the parents just want us to tell him to back off a bit."

"I hope you're right.

"When are they coming over?"

"Right now."

TBC…


	8. When It Rains, It Pours

**Raising Ryan**

Chapter 8 – When It Rains, It Pours 

There was an awkward air about the room when the Sampsons arrived, Shelly included. Seth couldn't imagine what they were doing here and he put his eavesdropping skills to work from his secret location on the stairs.

"Is Ryan home?" Shelly asked, breaking the silence.

"Ah, he's…around…somewhere," Sandy replied taking a seat next to Kirsten, careful to find out what this was all about before involving Ryan. Putting his arm around his wife, they waited for the Sampsons to plead their case.

"This isn't something I ever expected I'd be doing and, well, Mr. And Mrs. Cohen, I don't know how to say this gently…so I'll just get it over with. Shelly is pregnant…and Ryan is the Father."

"Oh my God!" Seth whispered to himself from the stairs, craning his neck to hear more details.

Sandy and Kirsten sat dumbfounded on the opposite couch, both with their mouths agape. Of everything they were expecting to hear, this wasn't it.

"I don't know what to say," Sandy finally forced the words out, tripping over his words in the process.

"We don't blame you. It's not you, it's that kid. This is what happens when you bring someone like him into Newport."

"Someone like him?" Kirsten rebuffed, quickly moving past the shock of the topic at hand and working rapidly toward perturbed.

"Well, yes. Where he comes from, people live like animals. They have no regard for anyone or anything."

"Animals!" Kirsten raged, huffing as she scooted closer to the edge of the couch.

"Honey, please." Sandy attempted to control the situation before it turned into a full-fledged war in his living room. "Mr. Sampson, I can assure you, whatever preconceived ideas you have about Ryan, you don't know him. He's a really good kid."

"Right. And that's why I'm on the verge of being a Grandfather!"

"This isn't happening. Ryan would never sleep with her!" Kirsten blurted out. "She's not his type."

"Oh, so now you're gonna play that card?" Mr. Sampson raged.

"Not his type? What's wrong with her?" Mrs. Sampson fumed, suddenly upset by the idea of someone not finding her daughter attractive.

"She's extremely controlling," Kirsten fumed back. "Ryan doesn't like to be controlled."

Taking Kirsten's hand, "With all due respect Mr. Sampson, and I don't know how to put this delicately either…but…we're having a hard time believing that Ryan was intimate with Shelly because…because he just doesn't think of her that way…at all."

"Get to the point."

Taking back the reigns, Kirsten fired back, "Fine…Ryan hates Shelly. With a passion. How's that for a point? He's complained about her since the day they were assigned as lab partners."

Raging, "A classic lie! And you believed him!" Mr. Sampson yelled. "What better way to cover up the obvious than to tell your guardians the opposite of what's true! And you fell for it!"

"Oh hell no!" Seth yelled from his hiding place on the stairs. "That is not the case at all!"

"Seth! What are you doing!" Sandy scolded as Seth came bounding down the stairs.

"I'm saving Ryan's ass!"

"Stay out of this Seth!" his Mother reprimanded.

"Stay out of what?" Ryan asked, walking into the room unaware of the topic at hand.

"Hi Ryan," Shelly chirped, giddy.

"Shelly? What are you doing here?"

"Don't you play dumb young man, you know exactly why she's here!"

Growing more defensive by the second, "No, I don't," he admitted, looking to Shelly to clear up the details.

"Ryan…I'm pregnant."

Putting his hands on his hips, Ryan laughed sarcastically. "Now I get it. You're pregnant and I'm the misfit in this town so why not blame it on the deviant, right?"

"Ryan, you don't have to be embarrassed…"

"Shelly, I'm not embarrassed. I'm pissed off. Huge difference."

Again, Sandy tried to diffuse the situation. "Ryan, we're just trying to get to the bottom of this."

"That's easy, there is no bottom. It doesn't exist."

"That's being said, did you and Shelly…"

"No! Never! Thought never even crossed my mind! She's not my type!"

"That's what I said," Kirsten mumbled confidently.

"Ryan, what are you saying?" Shelly asked coyly.

"I'm saying I never slept with you…and I never would sleep with you. I can't stand you! Christ you wouldn't have fucked you even if I was drunk!"

"We don't have to take this!" Mrs. Sampson barked, standing up. "Let's go! You'll hear from our attorney!"

Sandy wiped his hand over his face and both of the adult Sampsons stood up and walked behind the couch. "Let's go Shelly!"

"Wait a minute." Walking up to Shelly, Ryan pulled her arm and sat her back down on the couch.

"Don't you handle her like that!" the girl's Father threatened. "Don't you think you've done enough?"

"Hey, according to you I'm the Father and if that's true, I've touched more than her arm. This is between me and her. Just stand there and shut up for a minute."

"Easy Ryan," Sandy warned.

Glaring at her horrified and shocked parents, Ryan sat down on the coffee table again, this time in front of Shelly. Sandy and Kirsten leaned in to catch all of this, as did Seth. They knew his Chino skills were going to be working over time on this one.

"I want you to tell me the truth. Are you really even pregnant?" Ryan interrogated.

"Of course she is! We went to the doctor!" Her Mother interjected.

"Was I talking to you?" Ryan scolded.

"Yes Ryan, I'm pregnant. We're going to have a baby together."

Sighing, "Shelly, you know this isn't my kid."

"Of course it is."

Now Ryan was rubbing his hand behind his neck. "If that's true, exactly when did we hook up?"

"It was at one of the beach parties. We did it more than once so…I can't remember."

Tipping his head back, he glared at her. He wasn't going to take this.

"You don't know much about me Shelly."

"Sure I do. You're nice and you're smart…you're cute," she shrugged, grinning.

"Yeah, maybe. But by now I'm sure your parents have told you what a horrible person I am because of where I come from and how people like us live right?"

Shelly was starting to squirm on the couch.

"You don't have a clue what brought me to Newport in the first place or what my life before Newport was like. If you knew, you wouldn't be pulling this crap, and definitely not pulling it with me. Most importantly, what you don't know is that I've been lied to for most of my life. And because of that, I can sniff out a lie a mile away. And you're lying. Not only to me, but to everyone in this room."

"Ryan…"she gushed nervously.

"See, there's a few problems with your story. I happen to know you don't get invited to parties. That's a cold reality, but it's still reality. And even if you were invited to parties, you aren't part of the same crowd I'd be partying with. Even if I leave a party drunk, I arrived sober and I'd know whether or not you were there. I haven't been to any ragers in while. According to you, we only hook up at parties. I can't party with you if I'm not there."

Tears were forming in Shelly's eyes.

"Second, I made a promise to Sandy and Kirsten before Christmas. I promised them I would back off the booze and the girls. I'm not going to deny that I hook up. I've done plenty of that. I've had more girls than I can count. I'm not going to deny that I drink. I've done plenty of that too. My real Mom is an alcoholic. But I haven't been to any parties. I haven't been drinking. I haven't been with any girls. And I definitely did not hook up with you. That would just never happen…and you know that. I may have low standards, but they're there."

The girl was sobbing.

"Now…you wanna play games? We'll play. Ask the Cohens. I'm good at games. Where I come from fucking with people physically, as well as mentally, is a way of life. When this kid is born, there's going to be tests. And those tests are going to turn your world upside down. I am not going down for something I didn't do."

Standing up abruptly from the coffee table, Ryan took a few steps away from Shelly before she jumped off the couch.

"Okay!" she sobbed. "It's not his. He didn't do anything. He's telling the truth."

"Shelly, don't lie for him!" her Father whined. "Don't let him intimidate you! This is all his fault!"

"No. It's not. The baby isn't his. He never touched me. He barely talks to me. I wanted so bad for him to like me, to take care of me and the baby. But he told me from the beginning he wasn't interested. I thought I could change his mind."

"Shelly! How could you do this!" her Mother breathed, astonished. "Do you have any idea what you've done? You accused this boy…you made us humiliate ourselves in front of his parents. Do you have any idea how terrible this would have been had this all come out when the baby was born?"

"I know," she continued to sob. "Ryan, I'm sorry."

"Oh I wouldn't say that to him Shelly. Saying you're sorry doesn't carry a lot of weight with Ryan," Seth explained.

Coughing nervously, "Mr. and Mrs. Cohen, I don't think words can express how embarrassed my wife and I are right now. While an apology is in order, I don't think it even comes close to making up for what we've put you and your family through this evening."

"I'll walk you out," Sandy offered, flustered and frustrated.

Mr. Sampson turned to apologize to Ryan, but he'd already left the room.

On the driveway, Shelly and her Mom climbed into the car and waited for Mr. Sampson to join them. Shelly was still crying over her plan that had backfired. Mrs. Sampson was still pink with humiliation.

"I really am sorry Mr. Cohen. I had no idea."

Nodding, "I know. You know what the worst part of this whole thing is? Ryan was telling the truth tonight. He spent most of his life in a place where people lied to him and they tried to convince him that things were his fault, when they weren't. He thought he'd left that all behind when he came to Newport. He had a terrible childhood and he's worked hard to get past it. That kid hasn't touched a drop of alcohol since before Christmas, but I'm confident he'll go on a bender now as a result of this little escapade tonight. I'll be shocked if he doesn't. It's the only way he knows how to heal pain." Sandy watched as Mr. Sampson's face went pale. "I strongly suggest you talk to Mrs. Lloyd first thing tomorrow. At the very least, your daughter is going to need a new lab partner. I'd prefer she was removed from Ryan's class altogether."

Without bidding goodnight, Sandy turned and went back into the house to check on Ryan. He found him sitting on the foot of his bed, staring at his boots.

"You okay kid?"

Snorting, Ryan shook his head. "Of all the girls I've fucked, I get paired with a psychopath that I've never touched who thinks I'm the father of her kid. I guess my luck hasn't changed."

"This has nothing to do with you kid, nothing at all. Whatever demons she's battling, they're on her shoulders, not yours. You know that right?"

"I'm just so fucking sick of people blaming me for things I didn't do."

"I know. But you have to look at it from her angle. To her, you were quite the catch. Good-looking guy who gets good grades…just made striker on the soccer team. What girl wouldn't want you to be their boyfriend?"

Glaring at Sandy, a crooked smile found it's way onto Ryan's face.

"She's the one that made the mistake Ryan, and she's the one that has to face it. Not you."

Ryan nodded, not too convincingly.

"Promise me something kid?" Sandy asked, drawing Ryan's attention. "I know you're probably itching for a release of some kind right now. Promise me you won't go out tonight. I want you home where I know you're safe. Can you do that for me?"

Shifting uncomfortably on the bed, Ryan couldn't bring himself to look at Sandy. He should've known he'd be one step ahead, as usual.

"Can I have a cigarette?" Ryan bargained, finally meeting Sandy's eyes.

"You got it kid. So it's a deal?"

Nodding, "I'll stay put."

"Good boy. I'll be right back."

Retrieving the requested item, Sandy's heart skipped a beat when he returned and found the door to the pool house open and Ryan was no longer sitting on the bed.

"Relax Sandy, I'm right here."

Startled, he turned in the direction of the voice to find Ryan sitting on one of the lounge chairs by the pool. He visibly let out his breath.

"Kirsten doesn't let me smoke in the pool house. I have to be outside."

"Sorry kid. Old ghosts I guess."

"I know what you mean."

Sandy watched Ryan light his cigarette and take a long drag off the stick. Leaning forward, he rested his elbows on his knees. Clasping his hands together he held the smoke in his mouth for some time.

"I was proud of you Ryan. The way you handled this tonight."

Ryan looked at him questioningly, as if he'd stated something obviously stupid.

"I'm serious. I was proud of the fact that you stood up for yourself. You talked it out and the truth came out as a result of it. I think that's the first time you've done that since you came here."

Spacing out at the grass, Gina from the Ranch flashed through his mind. She's the one that had originally convinced him that talking was a good thing.

"What are you thinking about?" Sandy asked, after several minutes had gone by with no response from Ryan.

"My sponsor at the Ranch," Ryan sighed, snubbing his cigarette out in the grass. "She always said talking was a good thing."

"You've always been good at talking Ryan, you just never knew it."

"What the hell are you talking about?"

"Well I can't speak for Chino, but, back in the Bronx where I grew up, a good con could talk his way into, or out of, any situation. You've proven that long before tonight. You have more power than you give yourself credit for."

Leaning back on his hands, Ryan considered Sandy's comment. "So, if I choose my words carefully, you'll let me have a beer?"

"No."

Snorting, "Then apparently I've lost my touch."

"What happened tonight was not about you. Don't let this bring you down. You're doing great and you've worked too hard to let the likes of Shelly Sampson get to you."

Ryan nodded, still trying to convince himself he believed in himself as much as Sandy did.

"I've got homework to do and it's getting late."

They both stood up and Sandy studied Ryan for a moment before Ryan caught his gaze.

"I promise Sandy. No drinking. No prowling. You gave me a cigarette. When Kirsten does that, it's sort of like a contract…she goes nuts if I break my end of the deal."

"Good to know. Alright kid, I'll see you in the morning."

When the doorbell rang the next afternoon, Kirsten frowned at her magazine and kept reading on her way to the door. Pulling the door open revealed a surprise on her doorstep. When it rains, it pours.

"Dawn," she gasped. "I wasn't…I didn't…I had no idea you were coming."

Stepping aside, she allowed her into the house.

"I know. And I know this is really rude of me to come by unannounced. I know it's unfair to Ryan."

"So then why are you here?" Kirsten asked candidly.

"I just needed to see him. As a Mother to a Mother, please," she begged.

"Dawn, he's…he's not even home. He's at soccer practice right now."

"Could we…maybe…go there?"

Regretting sharing that information, "I…I…don't know that that's such a good idea, Dawn. It's one thing to surprise Ryan like this, but to do it in front of his friends…" Her explanation faded away hoping Dawn would catch her drift.

"I bet he's good at it…soccer I mean. I signed him up once when he was little. Made MVP on the team and everything. Not that I'd know about it first hand since I would…drop him off at the field and go to the bar."

"You've never seen him play?"

Shaking her head, "Never," she whispered back.

Taking a deep breath, Kirsten was torn between a rock and a hard place. She knew if Ryan spotted his Mother it would probably derail all the good that he'd accomplished. As a Mother, Kirsten could understand Dawn's pleas to see her son play. And most importantly, as Ryan's new Mother figure, Kirsten wanted Dawn to see how far he'd come, rub it in as it were. This wasn't the same kid they took out of Chino and she wanted to see Dawn's mouth drop to the pavement when she saw all that Ryan had become.

"Okay. I'll take you to the field, but, if Ryan asks us to leave, we're leaving."

"Okay. I understand."

The short drive to the school was torture. The lack of conversation left the air in the car stagnant. Parking behind the grandstand as she'd done before, Kirsten directed Dawn to the side of the bleachers. They scanned the field full of boys running drills in search of Ryan.

"There he is," Kirsten discovered. "Right by the goal, number twenty-three."

"That's Ryan?"

"Yep."

Dawn watched as Ryan followed suit, performing drills and talking with the other boys as he waited his turn in line. As expected, her mouth slipped open and her forehead wrinkled with disbelief. How could this be her son? How could this be the same boy that was such a troublemaker merely nine months ago?

"He's good. At this. He's good at soccer," she finally managed to say.

Kirsten felt an air of pride, "The coach was very impressed with him and many of the other boys feel he's one of the best players on the team."

Without warning, the soccer ball hit the fence where they were standing and Ryan ran in their direction to retrieve it, stopping dead in his tracks when he realized who was standing in front of him.

"Let's go Atwood!" the coach barked. "Throw that ball in!"

"Got it!" Grabbing the ball, he put it back into play. Whirling around angrily, "What the fuck are you doing here?" he asked his Mother directly.

"I heard you made the team. I wanted to see you…see you play."

"What is it with you? Huh? First you try making up for the Christmases you missed and now you want to catch up for all the games you missed too? It's too fucking late! Get over it already!" he hollered. "And you, I can't believe you brought her here," he seethed at Kirsten. "I trusted you."

"Ryan…"

Turning to glare at his Mother one more time, Ryan ignored Kirsten.

"Ryan! Get over here! Right now!" Kirsten's voice was angry. Ryan didn't hear her like that often, come to think of it, he'd never heard her quite like this.

He walked with her with the fence between them, putting some distance between themselves and Dawn. With both of them fuming, they lowered their voices even with anger boiling just below the surface.

"You think you have a right to be angry? I can't believe you brought her here! What the hell were you thinking?" he raged.

Grabbing Ryan by the arm, "If you would shut up for a minute and stop trying to show her how angry you are with her, you would have figured this out already!" Kirsten scolded. "She showed up at home unannounced and I brought her here so she could see how far you've come since you left Chino. I brought her here so she could see the man that you've become. The minute you see her, you revert back to everything you've worked so hard to get past. In an instant, you turn back into that kid from Chino, the one that's running scared in every direction but the right one. The same kid that begged me to take him back in, to help him change and make something of his life. You have changed. You're not that kid anymore. Now you take that smartass mouth of yours, get back on the field before your coach loses his mind and you show her what you can do. Show her that you deserve to be out there. You show her the man she doesn't know is inside the boy. Do you understand me? Do you understand what I'm saying? She can't take this from you Ryan…no one can. I love you and I'm proud of you. Nothing she can say or do will ever change that."

Blinking, Ryan rubbed his arm where Kirsten had let go of him. Kirsten was right. He was so hell-bent on making his Mom feel bad that he'd lost sight of what was right in front of him. She wasn't a part of his life any more. She was looking in from the outside, wishing she was a part of it. If he really wanted to open a wound, showing off his new life was the way to do it.

"I'm sorry," he whispered at Kirsten. "I wasn't thinking. She always gets to me."

"I know honey. It's not easy. And I'm sorry I grabbed your arm…I just didn't want to have to chase you out on the field in front of your friends."

Snorting a laugh, "That would not have been good and I know you would have done it. I get it. I'm sorry I didn't get it sooner."

"Atwood! Boy, are you wasting my time!"

"No sir!" Ryan yelled at the coach. "Kirsten, I gotta get back."

"You go…play hard. Take it out on the ball Ryan."

Smiling at Kirsten, his eyes grazed his Mother as he ran back to the field.

Folding her arms across her chest, Kirsten rejoined Dawn who was completely baffled by the display that just took place.

"Well…Kirsten, what did you say to him? How did you get him to calm down like that, so fast?"

"I told him his energy would be better spent on the field than on yelling at you."

"And he bought that?" Dawn questioned sarcastically.

"He's not the same kid any more Dawn. He tries really hard to do the right thing. He sees his life differently now. You're here today but who knows when he'll see you again. He's worked too hard to make the team and he wanted it so badly, I'm not letting either of you screw this up in front of his coach."

"That is, definitely…direct."

"I warned you on the phone that I wouldn't let you do anything that derailed what he'd accomplished since he's been here."

"I know. You did say that. I guess, after everything you've told me about him and about him changing…I suppose I thought maybe he'd change the way he felt about me too."

Back off a little bit, Kirsten glanced at Dawn as she shrugged, still watching Ryan out on the field.

"I suppose that hadn't occurred to me, but, there's an awful lot of hurt there Dawn."

"I know. I screwed things up but good. I know I deserve it…but it still hurts you know?"

"Healing takes time. You can't rush him through this. You'll only end up pushing him farther away."

They watched Ryan race across the field with a stolen pass before kicking it into the net. Dawn was having trouble processing the fact that was the same Ryan on the field. Her Ryan. Drunk, disorderly and usually missing, Ryan. On the field he was almost unrecognizable. Going after the ball with the same intensity she'd seen him use on the street. High-fiving the other boys on the field, reaping the rewards of his skills. Smiling. He was happy.

The practice ended only fifteen minutes later and Dawn found herself wishing it were longer. Her time with her son was over. She could see Ryan's demeanor change the minute he turned to head towards them. The smile left his face and he directed his eyes at the ground. When he reached the gate, he made a point of avoiding eye contact by rummaging through his gear bag and retying one of his cleats.

"You um, you looked really good out there kiddo," she offered, hoping he'd respond to her.

Squirting his water bottle into his mouth, he stood up and nodded, sweeping a looking in her direction before tossing the empty bottle back down into his bag.

"So now what?" Ryan asked, looking to Kirsten to break the uncomfortable tension that was mounting.

"It's time to go home and order dinner."

Dawn took that as her cue to hit the road. "I really should head out too. It's a long trip back to Chino."

Cringing at the random thought that popped into his head, Ryan watched her gather her things. "Are you hungry?"

She looked at her son quizzically, especially considering what he seemed to be offering. "You…you really would…be okay with that?"

She could see the reservation in his eyes. He was going through the motions but it wasn't heartfelt. Like Kirsten said, he was trying to do the right thing but he was fighting it heart and soul this time.

"Ryan, I only want you to do this if you can calm down a little bit. You're wound up awful tight," Kirsten observed.

Taking a deep breath, "I'll try." Turning to his Mother, "You've got one shot at getting this right. If you do anything to disrespect them or their home, and I mean anything…"

"I get it kiddo," she interrupted. "I'll try too."

Glaring at her, "You've gotta do more than try. You're the one that's looking for forgiveness." Bending down he grabbed his bag and headed toward the car.

TBC…


	9. Asking For Help

Raising Ryan 

**Chapter 9 – Asking For Help**

The car ride home was quiet and from her location in the front seat, Dawn could feel Ryan staring a hole through the back of her head.

"I'm going to go clean up," Ryan announced as they walked through the front door, making a beeline for the pool house.

Once they heard the door shut on the other side of the house, Dawn took the opportunity to talk to Kirsten alone.

"I, I think I've changed my mind. This isn't good for Ryan. I know he doesn't want me here."

"If he truly didn't want you to be here, you wouldn't be here. I think we both know Ryan has no problem voicing his opinion against things. I'd say he's tolerating you, and rather well at the moment. Just remember what he said earlier because he's going to be watching your every move."

Dawn didn't think it was possible to feel more uncomfortable than did a minute ago, but she was. Following Kirsten into the kitchen she took a seat at the table and tried to engross herself in something to take her mind off the pending dinner encounter. Scanning the table in front of her, she noticed a permission slip regarding 'away' soccer games. The bottom of the document had been signed by Sandy and Kirsten as "Parent and/or Legal Guardian". She could've done without seeing that.

"Why do you think he's doing this?" Dawn asked, stroked the edge of the fringed placemat.

"You mean why did he invite you to dinner?"

Dawn nodded.

"Truth?"

Dawn nodded again.

"I think he's testing you."

Not the answer Dawn wanted to hear. Within moments Ryan returned to the kitchen, showered and changed with his hair still wet. Walking over to the fridge, he snatched a soda off the shelf before forcing himself over to the kitchen table to sit opposite his Mother.

"So," she swallowed hard. "How long you been playing soccer?"

"Not even a week. Team just got picked last Monday."

"Is the season long? I mean, do you get to play a lot of games?"

Without moving his head, Ryan trailed his eyes across the table and they're both thinking the same thing. She's never taken an interest in what he did before and now it came off as a forced, fake conversation. Glancing in Kirsten's direction, her subtle nod told him she thought things were going okay, to keep going.

Wrinkling his mouth he looked down at his hands and scratched at a hangnail. "It's about two and a half months I guess. I never counted the games so, I have no idea."

"You looked good out there. I thought you were one of the best players." Dawn striving to be encouraging was like visiting the dentist, it's supposed to be good for you, but it's more like torture.

"You want a soda or something?" Ryan asked without acknowledging her compliment.

"Um, sure. Maybe some cold water…some really cold water."

She knew Ryan would recognize that request a mile away. She hated drinking water but it seemed to be the only thing that got her through when she was jonesing for a drink. Sure enough, she found him staring at her sideways without getting up from the table. She was sure he was going to explode in anger and was shocked when he didn't.

"I'll get it," he answered quietly.

They hadn't even ordered food yet and the trio in the kitchen were all wondering the same thing…how the hell are they supposed to make it through a meal like this?

"Ryan, I…I don't have to stay. I shouldn't stay."

With a glass full of ice in one hand and a bottle of water in the other, Ryan's blank expression offered no comfort. Placing the items on the table in front of his Mother, "Suit yourself," he breathed before turning to walk away. "I'm going to see if Seth is home."

Kirsten knew it was a cop out. Seth was home. Seth was always home. Ryan just didn't want to deal with his Mother leaving…again. Glancing through the living room, Kirsten took the opportunity to sit down with Dawn.

"Why are you changing your mind?"

"I don't belong here. This was a mistake. I know he doesn't want me here. I know you don't really want me here either."

"You're still his Mother."

"That's what makes this whole thing so awkward. Everyone is watching me like I'm going to make some huge mistake. Ryan is watching how I treat you, you're watching how I treat him…no one gives a shit how they treat me."

It wasn't until those words came out of Dawn's mouth that Kirsten realized she'd been a little harsh, albeit, she had good reason to be. "I'm just trying to protect my family. From day one, we told Ryan he could see you whenever he wanted to, and today he asked you over for dinner. When you leave here, Ryan will have a lot on his mind whether he admits it or not. We're the ones that will be picking up the pieces should something go wrong during this visit. That's why it's so important to get this right."

"But why am I the one that always has to try so hard? He has to work at this too," Dawn sassed selfishly.

"He was trying. The fact that he brought you back here for dinner, that was trying. Personally, I consider that an enormous effort on his part. You crushed that when you told him you were leaving."

Dawn's distressed face went pale. She'd been in the door fifteen minutes and she'd already screwed this up, even without alcohol being involved. Shifting nervously in her seat, she twisted her ring around her finger. No wonder she was such a shitty Mother, she couldn't even read her own child.

Seeing the lost look on Dawn's face, "Seth's bedroom is the first door on the right at the top of the stairs. Why don't you go talk to Ryan?" It was more of a statement than a question. Dawn needed some direction in this situation and Kirsten was doing her best to guide her without flat out telling her what to do.

"What do I say to him? I mean nothing I say is going to make him feel better. I've already made him angry."

"He's not angry, he's frustrated. I've seen him angry and I'm sure you have too…'that' is not angry," Kirsten explained, pointing toward the living room. "Go talk to him. I'm sure he's waiting to see what you're going to do. If he's had enough, he'll make it abundantly clear."

Taking a large gulp of her glass of water, Dawn mustered up the courage to go talk to her son.

"Ryan?" She could hear the boys talking, keeping their voices low, all conversation ceased when she called out his name.

"In here."

Entering Seth's room, she wrung her hands together nervously when she saw Ryan sitting at Seth's desk. "Could I talk to you?"

"Go ahead."

The uncomfortable feeling in the room landed on Seth now since he was the obvious third wheel.

"I'll just leave you guys alo…"

"You don't have to leave Seth, this is your room. Besides, I'm sure this will be short."

Folding her arms across her chest, "Ryan, I don't know what to do. I would love to stay and have dinner with you but, I'm so…nervous. I'm so afraid of doing the wrong thing and saying the wrong thing. You and Kirsten are both watching me like hawks, I'm afraid to breathe down there."

Without facing her, Ryan continued pulling at a loose string on the bottom of his jeans, unresponsive. If she was looking for sympathy, she was looking in the wrong place.

"I'll do whatever you want me to do. Just tell me what you wan…"

"Don't put this on me," he barked, snapping his head in her direction. "You show up, announced. You're rattling off compliments like you actually give a shit about what I'm doing when I know you don't. You never did. And you're asking me all these questions as if you're going to remember the answers by the time you get back to Chino. You don't care about any of this. You don't know anything about me any more." Ryan's face was heavy with anxiety. A hybrid of anger and hurt flashed in his eyes. "You're the one that gave up, said you were leaving. So go ahead. Leave."

Standing up in a huff, Ryan pushed past his Mother, knocking her off balance. Seth just sat on his bed more lost than ever. Several times he opened his mouth to say something after Ryan stormed out but he was at a complete loss for words.

Kirsten was pacing in the living room when Ryan came charging down the stairs.

"Ryan, honey. What's wrong? What happened? Ryan?"

Ignoring Kirsten, Ryan strode straight across the room to the bar and opened a large bottle of whiskey. Putting it to his mouth, he gulped it down as fast as he could.

"Ryan! No, no! No! Ryan, stop! Ryan, NO!" Rushing up to him, Kirsten yanked the bottle away from him, causing Ryan to choke as it spilled on his shirt and onto the floor. "We're not going to do this. We don't need to do this." Pulling him into a hard hug, she held him tight. "You tried honey. You tried."

Kirsten could feel his body shuddering against hers. It had been a long time since she'd seen him go to pieces like this. "This hurts," he whispered, hanging onto her.

"We're going to be okay. We don't need to do this to be okay."

"Kirsten, I can't do this. I need a drink," he stated bluntly as he tried to pull away from her and looked at the bottle.

"No, Ryan. No drinks. You can do this. You can. You don't need that. You asked her here and you're going to face this head on…without the booze."

Ryan's red, tear soaked eyes pleaded with her while he tried to wrestle his arms free. He wanted that bottle. He wanted to stop the hurt. The bottle would stop the hurt. It would stop everything for a while.

The sound of the front door closing could be heard in the background. Instinct made Kirsten turn her head in the direction of the sound but the view of the hallway only offered her a glimpse of Seth, frantically pacing and holding his arms out in defeat, equally unsure about what to do next.

The slight distraction was enough for Ryan to pull his arms loose. Snatching up the whiskey bottle he backed up further behind the bar, away from Kirsten. She made no attempt to chase him again. He knew how she felt about this. Leaning on the counter with one arm, she put her other hand on her hip, hoping it would guilt him into putting the bottle down.

Testing Kirsten's will, he raised the bottle toward his face, watching her intensely the entire time. With the bottle just below his nose, the scent of the devil in the bottle called to him. Just an inch or two more and he'd be on his way to relieving the pain.

"I've learned a thing or two since you've been here Ryan," Kirsten stalled. "You want me to be angry with you right now. You want me to stop you, take the bottle away from you. We've worked through a lot together Ryan and by now, you know there's nothing in that bottle that's going to change the way people are, or the way they treat you. You can't control her Ryan."

He started at Kirsten. His breathing was still heavy but she could tell he was listening.

"I know you brought her here for more than one reason. I think you hoped she'd changed a little bit in your absence. And I think part of you wanted to rub in the fact that you've moved on. Either way, this isn't worth spending tomorrow morning puking before school.

In hopes of helping keep Ryan sober, "Dude, you challenged your Mom to leave and she did. Now my Mom's challenging you, waiting to see if you're going to be defiant right to her face. We're here for you. Come on man, don't do this."

Glaring sideways in Seth's direction, Ryan lowered his mouth to the bottle.

"Ryan man, don't. Please," Seth pleaded.

With his mouth closed, Ryan pressed the bottle against his lips and closed his eyes, his chest heaving with each attempt to regain control of his breathing. Keeping a tight grip on the bottle, his forehead furrowed with anger.

Wanting a quicker resolution, Seth looked to his Mother and shrugged. She backed Seth down by simply shaking her head at him. Ryan had the power to control what was happening and Ryan was the one that had a decision to make.

Hearing a deep breath escape from Ryan, they turned their attention back to him. Maintaining his frustration, he lowered the bottle onto the bar with a thud. The bottle was down, but he hadn't let go of it yet.

"I don't think either of you will ever know how bad I need this right now." Complaining through clenched teeth, he avoided eye contact at all costs.

"I'm not sure you'll ever know how huge this is if you can walk away from that bottle right now. Everything you need is standing all around you."

His eyes met Kirsten's.

Seeing she hit a nerve, Kirsten continued. "If you drown yourself in that bottle, you're doing exactly what she does when she wants to hide from the world. I know you're better than that. You're stronger than that."

Swallowing hard, Ryan fought to keep his chin from trembling even though a tear managed to escape and run down his cheek.

"I hate her. I fucking hate her."

Stepping forward, Kirsten put her arms around him. Her heartstrings were tugged when Ryan returned the embrace. He let go of the bottle.

"Oh my sweet boy. See? Whiskey can't do this. I'm so proud of you Ryan."

"I know."

"We need to get some food into your system," she explained. "You managed to take quite a few big swigs on that bottle before I got to you." She smirked at him in a condescending way as she pulled away from him.

"I do feel a little buzzed," he admitted, ashamed. "Where is she? She leave?"

"Actually, she's on the driveway," Seth confessed, his Mother shooting him a dirty look.

Letting go of Kirsten, Ryan pushed past her and rounded the front of the bar.

"Ryan, where are you going? What are you doing?" she worried, getting that 'out of the frying pan, into the fire' feeling.

"I want to talk to her."

Jumping in Ryan's path, Seth blocked his way to the door. "Ry, do you really think that's a good idea? I mean, you only calmed down thirty seconds ago."

"I'll be fine. This needs to be done. There's things I should've said a long time ago."

Before either Cohen could stop him, he continued across the hall and out the front door. He found his Mom standing halfway down the driveway staring at Kirsten's flowers.

"I thought you left," he pressured, causing her to whirl around and look at him. "What do you want from me? Why do you keep doing this?"

"Doing what? Ryan, I'm still your Mom. Did you expect I would just disappear after you left?"

"Yeah, I guess I did. And quite frankly, when you do stuff like this, I wish you would have."

The comment stung to the point of taking her breath away.

"Ryan, you're the one that invited me here."

"Yeah I did. Because I thought I could do it. I thought I could get through two hours and somehow balance my old life with my new life, balance you…and us. I'm with them now…and that's the way I want it. You're the only one that seems to have a problem with that because you keep showing up in the middle of things that would make a normal person happy. It's taken me a long time to work through some of the things I've been through. And I'm still working through some of it. Thanks to them I feel pretty solid most days, feel pretty good about myself and my future. But every now and then, something comes up and I feel like I'm held together with nothing but Scotch tape. And you know what? They're all standing there, right next to me, holding me together."

Tears escaped from Dawns swollen eyes as she listened to her son. He had changed indeed. He wasn't raging, he was speaking from his heart. Something he'd learned to do since living with the Cohens. He'd been brutally honest in court with Judge Whitney when it came to their relationship, but having him say things to her face, one on one, it was a hard dose of reality to swallow.

Whether it was the raw anxiety of the moment or the tease of alcohol he'd ingested, Ryan could feel emotion rising within himself and he fought to control it long enough to finish saying what he came out to say.

"There was a time in my life when I would have given anything, anything, for you to come to my games, or to give me a Christmas present. Christ, just for you to treat me like your son, your kid. But to do it now, especially under the circumstances, all it does is piss me off. It makes me feel like you're rubbing my face in it. Like you think this is a game. I don't want to do this any more. You had your chance…you walked away from me long before I walked out of your life. I need you to leave me alone."

Sniffling, "Ryan, please…"

"You remember the stars?" He studied his Mother, searching for her response. "In the letter you gave me when the Cohens became my guardians…you told me at night you'd look up at the sky and find the brightest star and you'd know it was me, because I was happy. You remember that? When's the last time you looked for that star? Do I look happy to you right now?"

Taking a step closer to Ryan, Dawn's voice was but a whisper, "I look at the star's every night. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't miss you. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't regret not trying harder, wishing I was stronger like you. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't hope and pray you know I gave you up because I know you deserved better. And there isn't a day that goes by that I don't ask that same star to help you forgive me. I know I've lost you. My house is empty and my heart is empty. And I know you're better off without me, but it doesn't make it any easier to accept. In fact, it makes it harder."

Ryan listened to his Mother pour her heart out. She was sober and she was serious. Her words weighed heavily on him.

"Maybe someday we'll be able to get past this. Maybe. But right now…right now I just can't."

Nodding, "It's okay. I get it. It's good that you found your way kid. I wish I could… I love you Ry. I know that's hard to believe, but I do. And I'll still look at the stars every night. Your star. Take care of yourself kiddo. I'll miss you."

Stepping forward again, Dawn was surprised Ryan allowed her to embrace him and she let out a nervous laugh when she squeezed him tight. Her chuckle turned into a sob when she felt Ryan's hands on her back, returning the hug.

"Bye Mom."

"Bye Kiddo. Be good, huh?"

"I'm trying…"

Ryan watched his Mom hurry down the driveway and cross the court in the direction of the security gate. In less than a minute, she was gone.

"Dinner smells great," Sandy praised entering the kitchen. He hadn't noticed his wife sitting in the den, but all the food was out for the meal so he figured he'd go grab Ryan for dinner. Reaching the top of the steps by the pool house, he noticed Ryan sprawled out on one of the loungers in the yard. Given the uncomfortable bend of his body Sandy couldn't imagine what he was doing and walked up to him to find out.

To his dismay, Ryan was out cold. He pulled on his leg and corrected the direction he was facing and he rolled him over slightly to change the kink in Ryan's neck. All the while, not a peep was heard from Ryan. Frowning at the boy Sandy bent down with his head next to Ryan's head, relieved to hear the sound of deep, concentrated breathing that only undisturbed slumber offered.

Returning to the kitchen, he found Kirsten pouring herself a glass of Merlot.

"Hey, there you are. That looks good, I think I'll have one of those…the Merlot that is. By the way, Ryan is asleep outside, how long has he been out there? His skin feels a little warm."

"This is my third glass, you might want something a little stronger," his wife offered, pulling the large bottle of whiskey into view.

"Honey, that was a brand new bottle."

"Mmm-hmm. It was…until Ryan got a hold of it."

Concerned, "Uh oh. What happened?" he asked, suddenly understanding why Ryan was asleep outside.

"His Mom stopped by today."

"What?"

"Yeah. Unannounced. It made for an interesting afternoon."

Kirsten relived the day's events including the confrontation at the soccer field all the way down to the yelling match on the driveway.

"I can't believe you took her to the soccer field."

"Why? You think that was a mistake?"

"Apparently you don't," Sandy snickered.

"I was more than flustered when she showed up on the doorstep Sandy. I didn't know what to do." Lowering her voice, "As much as I dislike the woman for what she's put Ryan through, it's still his Mother. And if he's truly trying to work through his past, he's got to come to terms with her as well…whatever that means."

"You're right. Ignoring it won't make it go away that's for sure. So, did he get drunk?"

"No, not exactly. Sufficiently buzzed I'd say. He said he had a headache and he wanted to lay down. He wanted to go for a walk, down to the pier I'm assuming, but I wouldn't let him leave in the state he was in so I guess he chose to watch the waves from out there. He fell asleep about a half hour before you came home."

"That woman sure brings out the worst in him."

Nodding, "You're not kidding. I knew things were rocky between them but after today…today I realized he'll do whatever he has to in order to avoid dealing with her. I can usually get him to talk to me but today he went straight to the bottle, right in front of me."

"I supposed in some strange form that's actually a step in the right direction."

"How do you figure?"

"Well, in the past, he'd always run away to get drunk. He's not hiding anymore."

Laughing sarcastically, "Great. So now we have to lock up everything in the bar because he feels comfortable enough to get wasted right here, in front of everyone?"

Setting his own glass of wine down on the counter, Sandy's face was content with his analysis of the situation. "Kirsten, he wanted you to stop him. He knows the bottle works for him, but since he's been here he's learned there's always other options. He may not have said it out loud, but he was begging for other options when he picked up that bottle."

After pondering that statement, "I said that to him this afternoon. I said that I knew he wanted me to stop him but I only said it as a distraction. I was trying to get the bottle away from him."

"He's moving around out there. I'm going to go check on him." Crossing the grass Sandy took a seat on the opposite lounger. Ryan was engrossed with rubbing his forehead with his eyes closed. Obviously the nap hadn't relieved him of his headache.

"Hey kid." Squinting against the late afternoon sun, Ryan acknowledged Sandy with a guilty look. "I heard you had quite an afternoon."

Rolling over onto his back, Ryan set his jaw and stared at the ocean out in front of him.

"Wanna talk about it?" Sandy probed. Ryan only shook his head. "Okay well, I'm supposed to bring you inside for dinner."

Wincing, "Not hungry."

"I see. Well, I'm going to have to drag you in kicking and screaming then I guess," Sandy mocked, standing up. "Or you can stay out here and just wait. You know Kirsten will make you a dish if you wait long enough."

The dirty look Ryan shot at Sandy was enough to make him snicker. "Save that glare for someone else kid. I'm too tired, too old and too hungry to take that seriously."

Aggravated, Ryan frowned before throwing his legs over the side of the lounger and standing up shakily. Throwing his arm out to grab Ryan, Sandy steadied him.

"Easy there kid. Slow down."

"I'm fine. My head's just a little…" He curtailed his explanation in lieu of concentrating on walking. Damn whiskey. Even without getting completely smashed, it still left him reeling with the spins.

Entering the kitchen proved to be a daunting task. One whiff of the dinner on the counter and Ryan could feel his throat flexing.

"I'm not hungry," he grumbled, hoping he could head over to the couch and lay down to stop the room from spinning.

"Ryan, you need to eat something," Kirsten encouraged.

Walking past the counter on the way to the fridge for a bottle of water, Ryan regretted glancing at the container of Chicken Parmesan. Normally one of his favorite dishes, he felt his stomach churn. Grabbing his stomach with one hand, he raised a fisted hand to his mouth, gagging slightly.

"Seth! Garbage can!" his Mother yelled.

Reaching into the designated cabinet, Seth yanked out the container and set it down in front of Ryan just as additional coughing turned into gagging. For all the noise he was making, Ryan only dispelled a small amount of the alcohol he'd consumed.

"Geez Ryan, losing your touch? You used to be able to pound drinks and not puke for hours. Now you take a few sips of whiskey and it's ov…"

Still bent over the garbage can, Ryan reached up and grabbed Seth by the shirt as he continued to dry heave.

"What did you say to me?" Ryan gasped.

"Me? Nothing. Nothing at all. Merely an abstract observation is all. I could have been wrong." With Ryan tightening his grip on Seth's shirt, "I definitely think I was wrong. Maybe we could just drop it?" Seth squeaked.

With a firm shove, Ryan pushed Seth away leaving him to gawk, and try to smooth out the wrinkles Ryan had made where he clutched Seth's shirt.

When Ryan finally felt well enough to stand up straight, he swiped his hand over his mouth and went over to the sink to wash his hand and rinse his mouth out.

"Talk to me kid. What happened today?" Sandy inquired, silently signaling to Seth to leave the room.

"I'm tired of her interfering."

"Interfering?"

"I've come along way since I severed ties with her, even I can see I'm different. But just when I think I'm really onto something, I'm really going to beat it this time, no going back, she pops up out of nowhere. It's like she's planning to ruin me no matter what. When I asked her to stay for dinner, I didn't know what would happen…well, that's a lie. I knew it would end badly but I thought it would be over something else. When she decided she was going to up and leave over nothing, I fucking saw red. She always took the easy way out of everything. There was no reason for her to leave and I thought 'son-of-a-bitch, she's gonna walk out on me again'. I decided right then and there that I wasn't having any part of it. I was going to walk out first. I wasn't going to let her see she got to me. And then she came upstairs and tried asking me what I wanted her to do. If it was that simple and she was that willing, we wouldn't all be standing here right now."

"Why did you turn to the bottle Ryan?" Sandy knew the answer, at least he thought he did. He just wanted to hear Ryan say it.

"I didn't know how else to ask for help."

Sandy and Kirsten exchanged a look. Bingo. "Kid, any time you need us, we'll be right here."

"All of us," Seth called from the hallway, making everyone smile. Everyone in the house knew he'd be listening in on the conversation in the kitchen.

"Thanks. That means a lot. I'm sorry I let you down."

"You're doing better than you think kid," Sandy encouraged.

Ryan really was learning after all.

(TBC)…


	10. The Punishment That Changed Everything

**Raising Ryan**

**Chapter 10 – The Punishment That Changed Everything**

"I hate this already," Ryan griped.

"Come on now," Kirsten pepped, fixing his tie. "You've got your punishment to work off and this will take up a big chunk of that."

"I didn't drink that much. I know I'm being punished, but I really hate being dressed like this and I really hate these functions. Those women are a pain in the ass."

"You shouldn't have taken a drink at all and if memory serves me correctly, you enjoyed getting fitted for this suit. And Ryan, no swearing today."

"Kirsten, ass isn't a bad word."

"You can't be swearing, at all, in front of the women today. And if it gets back to me that you are, you'll answer to me. Got it?"

Sighing, "Got it."

"Wow, what's Ryan all spiffed up for?" Seth asked, gracing the living room with his presence.

"He's working off some of his time by helping out at the floral show."

"Ryan and flowers, now that's a wicked combination. Way to send him straight back to the bottle Mom," Seth mocked.

Rolling his eyes at Seth, Ryan pulled on the collar of his shirt, hoping to loosen it a bit.

"Don't be such a smartass Seth. Ryan, stop fussing."

"Wait, did you just say ass?" Ryan observed. "If I can't say it, then you can't say it either."

Intrigued by the conversation, "Why can't we say ass? Since when?"

"She doesn't like it when we say ass," Ryan explained.

On the brink of losing her mind, "Alright, nobody says ass! Not now, not tonight and I don't even want to hear it tomorrow. Got it!"

"What about the day after that?"

"Seth!"

Leaning into Ryan, "First she took way your booze and your cigarettes, then she took your women away…now she's taking away your manly ability to swear. Ryan, your balls are shrinking as we stand here."

"At least I had some to start with."

Infuriated, "That's it! Ryan, in the car! Seth, go to your room!"

"But you're leaving. When can I come out?"

"Some time next month!"

Now Ryan leaned into Seth, "You're screwed."

Still flustered from the events at home, Kirsten rushed into the event with a less-than-happy Ryan in tow. Heading straight to Peggy, "Peg, Hi. I'm so sorry we're late…had…a little something…at home to deal with." Glancing at Ryan, who maintained an innocent face, only reignited her frustration.

Peggy, amused by the situation, offered some advice. "That 'little something' you're talking about? They're called 'men'. Sadly, they don't ever grow out of it."

"That doesn't exactly make me feel better Peg. Ryan's here to help with set up."

"Oh well, there isn't much left to…"

"Anything. He'll do anything."

Catching on, "I see. Tell you what, Kirsten why don't you head into the conference room. Some of the other women are already in there discussing how they want things to go today. I'll find something for Ryan to do."

"That would be great. Behave Ryan."

After Kirsten walked away, Peggy smiled at Ryan. He learned to like her since she was one of the few people in Newport that gave him a chance from the get-go. Since she had four boys of her own, albeit very different from Ryan, she seemed to understand Ryan better than most people in Newport did.

"So, tell all, what did you do?"

Smiling with guilty eyes, "Um, it sort of involved guzzling some Jack Daniels…and I think I added to it today by saying the word 'ass' one too many times."

"Ass? That's it? Surely you can do better than that."

"Definitely. But, not if I want my life back anytime soon."

"Well then I guess we better put you to work. Follow me."

Outside of the banquet room, Peggy led Ryan to a table where she had him set up alphabetized place cards for the guests that would be arriving in another hour. After that she had him relocate some door prizes onto the stage behind the main table. He'd just finished moving the last box when Kirsten came in to check on him.

"Hey, how're you doing?"

"Good. I'm done with this."

"Good because the guests are beginning to arrive and I need you out in the lobby."

"For what?" Ryan worried with a sideways glance.

"I want you to greet everyone and give them a program for the event."

Groaning, "Can I have an extra week of punishment instead?"

"Absolutely not. You're still working off this week."

Standing next to the door, Ryan handed out the pastel colored program flyers with a perturbed half smile and used as few words as possible. Most of the guests just said 'thank you' and continued on their way, but every now and then a guest would put in their two cents in.

Like when whiny Evelyn walked in. "Oh. Ryan. What are you doing here? Well at least you're dressed like you belong here."

Or when Blaine's Mom walked up to him for a program. "Well, well. Look who's here. Come to kick up more trouble I assume?"

Glaring at the woman, Ryan held out a program. "I think your seat is off to the side, near the roses…since you both have thorns. Like speaks to like you know."

Huffing in disgust, she snatched the flyer out of his hand and kept moving, bringing a satisfied smile to Ryan's face. The confrontation didn't go unnoticed however.

"Ryan, what did you just say to her?" Kirsten asked, approaching with her arms folded.

"I told her to enjoy the show but she hates me so…wouldn't have mattered what I said."

Eying him carefully, Kirsten tried to decipher the truth. Ryan was excellent at the face game. He could make any bold-faced lie seem believable. "Please be polite okay?"

"Okay."

Moving to Ryan's side, Kirsten figured she'd monitor him for a moment. That's when Ryan 'punishment' took an unusual turn.

An older lady stood in front of Ryan with her hand outstretched, waiting patiently for him to hand her a program but his attention was locked on something across the room. A girl. More specifically, on a girl that appeared to be checking him out.

The older woman was growing impatient. "Excuse me? Sir? Sir? The program?"

Giving Ryan a nudge with her elbow, Kirsten put his mind back on the job. "Ryan…the programs?"

"Right. Sorry."

By the time he'd caught up with the women that were lined up in front of him, the girl that had grabbed his attention was approaching him.

"Hi," she smiled. "I bet you're bummed to be here. More of a girl thing really."

"I'm just helping out."

Kirsten rolled her eyes at the exchange. Now she knew she could get Ryan involved in almost anything if there were girls involved. Not old, Newpsie women…but girls.

"Are you staying for the reception after the show?" the girl asked.

"Yeah. I'm pretty much here for the whole event."

"Cool. Maybe I'll see you afterwards." Reaching toward Ryan, she laid her hand on the lapel of his suit coat. "Nice suit." Slipping the program out of Ryan's hand she disappeared through the door.

Trying to keep his grin hidden from Kirsten, Ryan returned his attention to the stack of programs in his hand and straightened out the pile by packing it against his stomach.

"You really are quite the chick magnet. Do all the girls just throw themselves at you like that?"

"Pretty much."

"Good God."

When the floral show was over, Ryan meandered through the reception. As much as he hated these things, he couldn't deny the food. Most days, the food alone was worth withstanding the torture of the event.

After sufficiently munching on appetizers, he made his way to the bar and ordered a soda, just plain soda. He had to show Kristen he was behaving. While waiting for his drink he felt a hand on his arm. He took his time acknowledging it, confident it was Kirsten warning him to be wise about his drink order. When he finally did turn, he was surprised to find the girl from the lobby standing next to him.

"Hey. Mind ordering me a Mountain Dew?"

"Sure." Nodding at the barkeep, "Mountain Dew, please."

With their drinks in their hands, the girl linked her arm around Ryan's and led him to a quieter part of the room.

"So, you never told me your name."

"It's Ryan."

"Samantha," the girl obliged, offering a handshake. "I also answer to Sami. Nice to meet you."

"Same."

"I've never seen you at these things before, are you new in town?"

"Sort of. I came and then left and now I'm back…to stay this time."

"That's good news," she flirted.

"Samantha? Honey I need you for a moment please," an older woman beckoned.

"That would be my Mom," Sami explained. "I'm sure this will lead to some long, drawn out female type situation. Tell you what, let me give you…this." Reaching into her purse, she pulled out a pen and pulled Ryan's cocktail napkin from between his fingers. Leaning over a nearby table, she scribbled her name and phone number down on it. "If you want to do something some time, give me a call. Maybe we could see a movie or something."

"Yeah?"

"Sure why not? I mean, if you want to."

Nervously giddy, "No…I mean yeah, sure. Sounds great."

"Good. I look forward to hearing from you. Thanks for the drink." Offering nothing more than a smile, Sami turned and walked over to the gaggle of women already talking and laughing loudly.

Interrupting his thoughts, "Ryan? You ready to go?"

Embarrassed, he quickly shoved the napkin in pocket. "Yeah, I'm ready."

Back at home, Ryan shuffled in the direction of the pool house but was detained by Seth in the kitchen.

"So? How bad was it?"

Sliding onto the barstool next to Seth, Ryan laid his head down on the counter. "I'm exhausted from being bored."

"The floral show isn't exactly meant to be stimulating Ryan."

Perking up a bit, Ryan twisted his head in Seth's direction. "There was a little bit of stimulation."

"Really? Like what?"

Sitting upright, Ryan leaned back and reached into his pants pocket, withdrew the folded napkin and held it up between two fingers for Seth to see.

"You were stimulated by a folded napkin? Ryan if this involves any sort of self-serve activities, I'd rather not hear about it."

Narrowing his eyes on Seth, "We really need to get you laid." Slowly Ryan unfolded the napkin to reveal the writing inside.

"Dude, that's a girl's digits! Are you kidding me? You're the only person I know of that can still manage to hook up with the opposite sex while their being punished. Is she nice?"

"Yeah, nice girl."

"What about hot? Was she hot?"

"Oh yeah."

"Are you gonna, you know, do what you do best?"

Sighing, "Not yet."

"Not yet? What do you mean not yet? Exactly how does one set the perimeters for something like that?"

Smiling, Ryan stood up and put the napkin back in his pocket. "I'm going to get out of this suit."

"Ryan wait!" Stopping Ryan with one hand on the door handle, "I just wanted to add that, if you were serious about getting me laid, you know, I'm all for it. Just wanted you to know that."

A knowing smile spread across Ryan's face. "I'll see what I can do."

"Seriously? Dude, do you mean it? You seriously mean it? You can help me get laid!"

"Say it a little louder next time Seth, I'm not sure your Mom heard you. We'll see okay?"

"I'll do whatever you say, just tell me what to do and where to be and when. I'll do anything you say."

"Seth?"

Breathing heavy with anticipation, "What?"

"I think we both know you're gonna be scared to death your first time so why don't you tone it down a notch or two?"

"Calm. Right. Got it. I can be calm. I can do that." Walking away, towards his room, Seth continued to talk to himself. "I'm going to get laid! Ryan's gonna get me a girl! This is so cool! I hope I don't pass out…"

Shaking his head, Ryan sighed again as he jogged up the steps to the pool house. "I've created a monster!"

The next morning found Sandy standing at the kitchen counter, reading the previous day's mail, when a half asleep Ryan dredged in, making a straight line to the coffee pot.

"Hey kid. Morning. How'd you sleep?"

"Fine."

Ryan yawned heartily and leaned back on the counter but flinched hard when Sandy reached up to get himself a coffee mug out of the cabinet next to Ryan's head.

"Sorry. Old ghosts," Ryan mumbled, hoping the situation would be overlooked.

The awkward moment left both men at a loss for additional words.

Sandy continued his task of pouring himself a cup of coffee, hoping the right words would find their way into his mind. This needed to be addressed.

"Ryan…can we sit down at the table for a minute?"

"Sandy, it's okay."

"No, it's not."

The comment grabbed Ryan's attention and he found himself suddenly nervous to be alone in Sandy's presence.

"Are you going to hit me?"

"No. I'm not going to touch you. Please sit down."

Sandy half expected Ryan to bolt. Instead, he watched as Ryan methodically chose a chair at the table. His selection allowed him ample access for a quick escape from the table. He even turned his chair so his body was facing the escape route. Seeing this course of action only made Sandy feel even more guilty about not addressing this matter sooner.

"Ryan, I know you're afraid of me. I also know that you trusted me enough to come with me to Newport. I want to know what I can do to help you feel more comfortable around me. I had hoped you would've learned by now that we don't hit our children."

Licking his lips, Ryan avoided eye contact with Sandy and instead, allowed his eyes to dart back and forth across the floor.

"It's not you Sandy. It's me."

"What do you mean? I was just getting a cup from the…"

"I know. That's the problem though. Just doing this or just doing that…anything could happen at any time and I have to be ready for it. It's what I know."

"Ryan, I feel terrible, that you're afraid of me. I know I'm, I'm the Father figure and you're history with other men in my position isn't the best. But, I'm not like the other people that treated you badly and I'll do anything to prove to you that I won't ever hurt you."

Ryan's eyes continued to dart about before he allowed them to lock onto Sandy's.

"I want to believe you Sandy. I really do. But you don't understand what it's like."

"Can you help me understand?"

There was a deafening silence while Ryan considered Sandy's request. Finally deciding he had nothing to lose, Ryan opened up to Sandy.

"I told you guys once before that the first time AJ ever hit me was the second time I met him."

"Yes. I remember that." Sandy could see the anxiety rising in Ryan like mercury rising in a thermometer. He turned away from Sandy, unable to tell him the story to his face.

"My Mom had left me home alone with AJ. She went out on a beer run, AJ convinced her to go. He said he'd watch me. Of course, Trey was nowhere around, he learned to take off at an early age. It was easier to catch hell for being out late than it was to tolerate what went on in that house every day. I asked AJ if I could have some soda. He told me to go pour it my damn self. I was little but I was already pretty used to taking care of myself so I went in the kitchen and climbed up on the counter to get a glass. I put it on the kitchen table and I took the liter of pop of out the fridge. AJ had come into the kitchen to get his lighter when I started pouring the soda into my cup." Ryan paused at the memory. Even without looking at Sandy directly, Sandy could tell he was reliving it as he talked about it. "Hell, I don't know exactly what happened…but the bottle slipped and I accidentally poured some soda onto the kitchen table." Ryan wrung his hands as the memory replayed in his head. "I set the bottle down right away, but AJ lost his mind. He backhanded me so hard across the face that he knocked me down on the floor against the fridge. It felt like forever for the room to stop spinning. I saw fucking stars. The whole time he was screaming about the mess I made and how I wasted the soda and how fucking useless I was that I couldn't even pour a drink. It's not like I ruined anything. I didn't break anything. It was 'just' some soda. It was 'just' on the kitchen table. It was 'just' a spill." Locking his eyes on Sandy again, "It was always 'just' something Sandy. I never knew what would trigger him to go off, until it was too late." Pausing again, "You might be ready to trust me and I want to trust you, I do…but I'm not ready."

"I understand Ryan. I'm sorry you had to go through that. Nothing like that will ever happen in this house. I won't allow it."

Ryan's eyes slowly dropped back to the table. He'd never really had anyone ward off abuse on his behalf, especially not a person in Sandy's position.

"Ryan, I respect your need for space and time. It's okay to not be ready. There's nothing wrong with that. I told you not too long ago that healing takes time, it's something that can't be rushed. Most importantly, I'm grateful that you were honest with me. No matter what you're feeling son, I just want you to be honest with me."

"Okay. I'll try. Maybe…maybe we'll be okay for a while."

"I think so."

"I think so too."

"Now how about you and I whip some breakfast for the lazier troops? You want to be in charge of the eggs or the bacon?"

Ryan stared blankly at Sandy. These Cohens always moved so quickly past something negative and onto something positive, Ryan still wasn't used to it. Sandy could see Ryan wasn't necessarily convinced.

"Tell you what, I'll cook breakfast today. I like your pancakes so I'll cook today and next time you make the pancakes. Deal?"

Ryan nodded absently and after watching Sandy for a few minutes, he got up and started laying out the bacon in the pan.

"It called to you, did it?" Sandy joked, causing Ryan to snort a laugh.

"Yeah I guess so. I thought I could help."

"I'm so glad you boys know how to cook a few things. Kirsten's great but cooking is just not her thing."

"Seth knows how to cook?"

"Well, you know, it's subjective really. Seth knows how to make Seth type foods like…macaroni and cheese, Ramen soup. Although, both involve bringing water to a boil and he's screwed that up a time or two. God help us all if he acquires his Mother's cooking capabilities."

"Maybe we can work on him. You know, teach him a thing or two."

"Oh no doubt. It would be great to have another Chef in the house. Not sure we'd actually want the stuff Seth would cook but, wouldn't hurt to try I guess."

"He's family, I guess we better be supportive, how else is he going to get any better?" The words hit Ryan right between the eyes as they left his mouth and he immediately glanced at Sandy.

Smiling, "You're exactly right, kid. You are…exactly…right."

(TBC)…

A/N – So sorry to keep y'all waiting! We've been busy with squeezing fun time in before 'back to school' arrives and we've been planning my daughter's birthday party. Only a week and a half more and school is IN: D I've also been sitting on this for a while trying to concoct a creative title for this chapter and my brain just isn't cooperating! I'm not nuts about the title – at all – but it engulfs what happens in this chapter so…we're moving on! LOL: D


	11. Sex, Lies and Napkin Girl

**Raising Ryan**

**Chapter 11 – Sex, Lies and Napkin Girl**

The house was quiet when Ryan entered the kitchen. He wasn't sure where everyone was but he chose to gamble on his privacy anyway.

Grabbing the hand held phone, he pulled the napkin out of his jeans pocket and dialed.

"Hello?"

"Hi, um, is Samantha there?"

"Can I tell her who's calling?"

"Ryan."

There were a few moments of quiet while the person on the other end attempted to locate Samantha. Ryan paced in the kitchen waiting for a voice to return on the line.

"Hello? Ryan?"

"Hey."

"Hey! I'm glad you called. So what's going on?"

"Nothing much. Just thought I'd give you a call."

"I was actually on my way down to the pier, do you want to meet me?"

"Um," wincing, knowing full well he was currently grounded from his intimate moment with that bottle of Jack a few days before, he stole a look into the living room before replying. "Yeah, I can meet you. Where are you going to be?"

"Meet me out front of the diner and we'll go from there."

"Cool. See you in a bit."

Hanging up the phone, Ryan stood locked in his spot for a moment. It had been a while since he purposely disobeyed Kirsten, and he was suddenly second-guessing his decision to do so. He was surprised to find himself feeling so guilty. Guilty or not, Samantha was waiting. Slipping out the patio door, he grabbed his jacket and he left.

On the pier, Kirsten stopped at the last florist to drop off a 'thank you' for participating in the charity event. When the store's owner suggested that Kristen select some flowers for a fresh cut bouquet, she moved over to the cooler to indulge herself in the offer. With several flowers already in her hand, she noticed a young girl standing next to her, looking perplexed while studying flower arrangements in the next cooler.

"Go for something that has hot pink, purple and yellow. Those colors always seem to pop," Kirsten encouraged the girl.

Surprised by the stranger's interest in what she was doing, the girl turned to Kirsten and they shared a moment of déjà vu.

"I'm embarrassed to admit, I think I know you, but I can't place from where," the girl greeted politely.

"Me too, um…"

After studying each other for a moment, Kirsten finally put it all together. "Oh wait, you came to the floral show. You're the girl in the purple dress," she smiled.

"That's right! That was me. And you were the lady standing next to the boy handing out the programs. Are you his Mom?"

"Oh, um, no. No, I'm not, exactly. It's a long story but I am his guardian."

"Oh that's nice. I'm looking forward to seeing him again and getting to talk to him a little more."

"I'm sure he'd like that."

"That's good to know. Well, I guess I should go catch up with Ryan," she giggled enthusiastically.

"It was nice seeing you."

"Bye. Oh, and thanks for the advice on the flowers. My Mom's birthday is next week so I came down here for some ideas."

Kirsten was happy for Ryan and she was glad to see a 'nice' girl had taken a liking to him. Unaware of the secret rendezvous, he hoped the girl would keep to her word and call Ryan sometime.

Out front of the diner, Ryan nervously rocked back and forth with his hands in his pockets. He'd looked up and down the pier so many times he was beginning to wonder if Sami had changed her mind.

"Hey Ryan."

"Hey."

"Sorry to keep you waiting."

"That's okay."

"So, what should we do? Can I interest you in a Balboa Bar or something? My treat."

"Aren't I supposed to be doing the treating?"

Laughing, "Well, I've been a little forward all along. I'll get this one, next one's on you, okay?"

"Okay," he smiled, following her across the pier.

They picked a bench off to the side, away from the traffic of the pier. Sitting down they quietly munched on their snack and stared at the ocean.

"So Ryan Atwood, tell me about yourself."

"On the first date? Do I have to? I was just starting to like you."

Chuckling, "Oh come on. What's the matter? Afraid I won't still like you after you tell me you come from a place not quite as glamorous as Newport and that you've gotten into some trouble now and then…maybe even stole a car or two…"

Ryan felt a piece of unchewed sugar cone slide down his throat, scraping the sides and causing him to cough. "Four cars actually." He looked questioningly at his new friend.

"Don't look so upset. Gossip runs rampant here just as it would in any small town in the Midwest."

"So that's why you wanted to go out with me…for the shock value. Maybe to get even with your parents…"

"No, no. That's not it at all. I didn't know a thing about you until after the floral show. Of course Blaine's Mom was all too happy about filling my Mom in with all the details of your troubles with her son…who probably had it coming as anyone who lives here would freely admit." She paused a moment, noticing that Ryan's mood had changed. "Ryan, when I met you, you were such a gentlemen to me. You looked amazing in that suit…and from where I'm sitting you're looking good in those jeans too. You can't let these Newpsies make your life for you. They'll try to control you if you let them. I saw a good person the day I met you and that's the person I'm interested in getting to know. I don't care what anyone else thinks."

"You mean it?"

"Absolutely. Now you better eat that ice cream, it's melting."

The sun was setting when Ryan raced up the driveway on his bike and made a detour towards the back yard, dropping his bike in the grass. Bolting around the bushes on foot near the barbeque pit, he came face to face with Sandy and it stopped him dead in his tracks. Out of breath from barreling home on his bike, Ryan couldn't even get any words out.

"Hey," Sandy greeted. "You're looking a little guilty there kid. Anything you want to tell me?"

Realizing he wasn't going to get out of this entirely, "I went for a bike ride, down to the pier. I lost track of time."

"The pier? I thought you were grounded."

"I was…I am."

An uneasy silence consumed the patio.

Returning his attention back to the dinner cooking in front of him, "Kirsten just walked in. I don't think she knows you were gone. It's time for dinner. I want you to do inside and sit down."

Swallowing hard, Ryan nodded. "Okay."

He felt equally as awkward in the kitchen in Kirsten's presence. Seth, who was normally a good diversion for times like this, was sitting quietly at the table just waiting for his Dad to bring the main course in.

"Oh, Ryan, there you are. It's time to eat honey. Sit down."

Taking his seat at the table, Kirsten noticed his demeanor but tuned it out. She knew he tended to brood when he was being punished. But her interest was perked when Sandy walked in from the patio and set the plate full of chicken down on the table. She could see Ryan tense up and she noticed Sandy studying him as he set the plate on the table.

"Alright you two, what's going on?" Kirsten asked point blank before standing in front of them both with her hands on her hips, expecting an answer.

"Ryan?"

Ryan only closed his eyes and lowered his head. Not a good sign.

"Sandy?"

Taking a deep breath, "I wasn't going to say anything because I thought it was harmless enough. He went on a bike ride today even though he was supposed to be grounded."

Ryan's thumb stroked the tail of his fork as a distraction.

"Ryan, we talked about this. You were grounded for a week. Why did you go out?"

"I just went for a ride. I'm going stir crazy sitting in my room."

"Where did you go?"

"Just…out riding."

Forcing Ryan to keep his story straight, Sandy sat down at the opposite end of the table and interjected his version of the events. "Ryan, you told me you went down to the pier."

That information was the missing piece to the puzzle…but no one, except Kirsten had the rest of the pieces.

"The pier? You went down to the pier, knowing you were grounded?" she pressed. Ryan nodded. "What did you do there?"

"Nothing."

"Nothing?"

"No. I didn't do anything. The only thing I'm guilty of is leaving."

"And lying."

The words hung in the air like storm clouds and they caught Ryan's attention.

"Ryan, I was at the pier today."

"So?"

"So…I happened to run into someone…someone you showed an interest in. The girl in the purple dress. Ring a bell?"

It rang a bell, with Seth, unfortunately. "You snuck out of the house to go see napkin girl?"

"Shut up Seth!" Ryan warned. "Alright. I'm sorry. I'm sorry I snuck out and I'm sorry I lied to you. Okay? It's just that…"

"It's just what?"

Stalling, "She likes me, for me. And she talks to me. She's different, I can tell. I didn't want…I didn't want to lose the chance to get to know her."

Unable to control his mouth, "I'm sorry, did you say 'know' her or 'bone' her?" Seth inquired, bringing Ryan to the brink of rage.

"I thought I told you to shut the fuck up!"

"Hey!" Sandy reprimanded. "That word, and what it represents, will not be used or discussed at the dinner table. Is that clear?" He waited for both boys to acknowledge him with a nod.

Returning his focus back to his dinner, "Guess Ryan is a little protective of napkin girl," Seth mumbled under his breath.

Sandy and Kirsten exchanged a look. Now what? Ryan broke a rule, but he was also being honest and came clean. Part of this situation required a punishment and part of it required praise. Sandy was relieved when Kirsten took over the reigns.

"Okay Ryan. I understand why you did what you did. Do you understand that leaving the house was wrong?"

He nodded.

"Because you were honest with me, I won't extend your grounding. But…if you pull that again, you'll get two extra weeks instead of one. Do you understand?"

He nodded again.

"Okay. Eat your dinner."

That night, Kirsten turned down the blanket as she and Sandy prepared for bed. Removing her robe, she hung it in the bathroom and shuffled across the room and into the bed next to Sandy, who'd already made himself comfortable.

"Quite a day huh?" he asked.

"Boy you're not kidding."

"Think he really likes this girl?"

"He seems to. I found it odd that he got upset when Seth brought up them sleeping together. Ryan would never have thought twice about taking a girl to bed."

"He said this one talks to him. Maybe she makes him feel appreciated."

"Maybe. Then again, maybe he's the one that's changing."

Sandy thought about his wife's observation and thought it was a good time to bring up his conversation with Ryan.

"I hadn't had a chance to tell you this yet, but Ryan and I had a talk."

"You did? About what?"

"Yesterday morning he flinched really hard when I reached past him to get a coffee mug. I felt terrible. I just didn't think. I especially didn't think something like that would startle him."

"What did he say? Did he explain anything to you?"

Nodding, "He did. I was glad you didn't worsen his punishment today after he'd been honest because he was honest with me too. I don't want him to stop talking to us."

Sandy shared the story Ryan had told him of the soda, the spill and the smack that sent him to the floor. Kirsten could only sit and shake her head as the story evolved from bad to worse.

"I'm not sure he'll ever trust me," Sandy stated softly. "I can see he tries, he wants to. But I think he's just going through the motions. He's always got his guard up."

"Don't give up on him Sandy. He's come a long way since he's been with us."

"Oh I'll never give up on him. But I think he's the one that feels defeated. It's humiliating to him. What those people put him through…" His words trailed off. It hurt too much to consider the truth. "Just when I think I'm gaining his trust, something happens, like the coffee mug, and it sends us back to the beginning."

Laying her head on Sandy's shoulder, "You know, there was a time when he came to me and you praised the fact that he was comfortable enough to talk to me. He told you this story about the soda. That's how it starts Sandy. He trusted you with this piece of his life. That's a good start."

"It is."

Snaking through the house in the dark, Seth found himself at the door to the pool house. Seeing Ryan's light was still on, he let himself in.

"Ever heard of knocking?" Ryan grumbled without looking up from his book.

"Yeah, but it's overrated." Having learned his lesson in the past, Seth skipped taking a seat on Ryan's bed and promptly parked himself in the Warden's chair, immediately drawing Ryan's attention.

"What?"

"Well, couple things, actually. First, I wanted to say…I'm sorry."

"For what?"

"You know, for making fun of napkin girl at dinner."

"She has a name Seth."

"I know. But I sort of like calling her napkin girl. It has mystery to it. Anyways, I'm sorry."

"Fine. What else?"

"Well, I was wondering…were you serious when you said you could get me laid or were you just messing with me?"

Lowering his book down onto the bed, Ryan glared at Seth, who continued to babble.

"I'm just asking because sometimes I never know whether or not you're being serious."

"Right. I always keep a loose girl in the closet for emergencies."

"A loose girl?"

Getting irritated, "A girl who'll fuck anybody…look, if you're that desperate I'm sure your Mom has some lotion in the house somewhere and I seriously doubt your right hand has any other plans tonight." Closing his book, he tossed it on the floor and stood up from the bed. Realizing Seth wasn't countering his wisecrack, he turned and found him sitting quietly, picking at the wicker under his hand. He was such a poster child for self-pity. "Come on man. I told you, when it's meant to happen…"

"I know, I know. But what you don't get is that for a guy like me, it'll never happen like that. Girls like you. They don't treat you like fungus. They look at you and they want to do things to you. Girls look at me and wonder if I'm in Special Ed. You're confident when you talk to them. You know what to do with them and I don't know anything. See what I mean? Unless there's an intervention from a higher power, or at least you running some interference, I'm going to die a virgin, Ryan."

"What happened to finding a piece of ass you can love?"

"No, that was for you because you get an over abundance of ass. I can afford to be less choosy."

"You're serious? You don't care about the girl, you just want to get laid?"

"Yes. For ten minutes I want to be you."

"Don't ever refer to me as a quick trigger because I'm not."

"Sorry."

Ryan looked at his pathetically girl-challenged foster brother and took pity on him. "All right, I'll get you hooked up. But it's going to have to wait until I'm done being grounded. If you're Mom gives me two more weeks for another screw up, I'll go insane."

"You mean it? You'll really help me…get a girl."

"She won't be the love of your life, but yeah. We'll think of something."

"Okay. I can wait. I've waited this long, what's another few days."

"I'm sure it'll be a long few days for me," Ryan complained.

Carrying two take out bags full of food, Kirsten plunked them down on the table and noticed Ryan's voice in the air. Glancing out the open patio door, she found him sitting on a patio chair with his back to her, talking on the phone. She was surprised to hear how laid back he sounded, even laughing at times. Walking up to him, she tapped him on the shoulder causing him to whirl around with his smile fading away at the sight of her.

"Can you hold on a second?" Ryan asked the person on the other line. Standing up he cupped his hand over the phone, lowered it and turned around to face Kirsten, expecting certain scolding for being on the phone.

"Who's that?"

"Sami."

"Do I know who that is?"

"Napkin girl."

"Who?"

Rolling his eyes, "Purple dress girl."

"Oh! I see. Well, tell her that you have to go because you have to set the table and…" Kirsten continued to give instructions as Ryan tried to protest ending the call. "IF…you're a good boy and you do as you're told, you can invite her to dinner sometime after you get ungrounded."

That was a pretty good deal. Raising the phone to his head, "Sami? I have to go. I have to set the table for dinner. No, I don't, it's a girl chore, but I sort of got…grounded…and I'm trying to make the Warden happy. I know. Maybe you could, come by for dinner sometime? Okay. Cool. I know. I will. I know. Bye."

Kirsten waited patiently in front of Ryan to make sure he ended his call. "What was all of that at the end?"

Suddenly regretting letting Kirsten eavesdrop, "She said to stay out of trouble and do what I'm told because she'd like to see me again."

"Aw."

"Don't even…"

"Come on Romeo. Time to set the table."

(TBC)…


	12. A First For Seth

**Raising Ryan**

**Chapter 12 – A First For Seth**

It had only been three hours since Ryan woke up on the morning of his 'ungrounding' but Seth was already driving him mad. Searching the house, he found Kirsten in her room, preparing a bag for the dry cleaners.

"Morning Ryan."

Flopping himself down on her bed, he laid on his stomach with his face buried in the comforter. Kirsten frowned at the back of his head.

"What's the matter?"

"Nothing. Can I please have a cigarette?"

"Uh oh. What's wrong?"

"Nothing. Seth is driving me nuts!"

"Nuts enough to need a cigarette? What did he do?"

"Nothing. He's just…Seth."

Nodding admittedly, "Sadly, I can relate. Okay Ryan, but only one."

"Thank you. I'll get it."

Wrestling with the dry cleaning bag, "Ryan wait, wait! I'll get it. I don't think I want you going through my box of tampons."

"Imagine how I feel. I get to put this in my mouth after it's been in that box." Emerging from her bathroom, Ryan put the stick in his mouth and raised the lighter to his face.

"Uh uh uh! Outside with that! You know the rules."

Lowering his arms, he walked out the open patio door, parked himself on the concrete stoop and lit up. Kirsten watched from her bedside, still stuffing items into the dry cleaning bag. She couldn't help but smile at him. Joining him on the stoop, she sat down next him and he moved his hand to keep the curls of smoke away from Kirsten.

"So, what are you going to do today? You're first day of freedom."

"I'm not going anywhere near the bar, if that's what you're asking," he smirked.

"I wasn't, but that's good to know."

"I'll probably call napkin girl."

"Sami?"

"Yeah. Seth calls her napkin girl and now he's got me doing it."

"You really like her don't you?"

Ryan shrugged, "Yeah she's okay."

"Just okay? You're keeping her around. Not your style really."

"People change."

"That they do."

When Sunday afternoon rolled around, Ryan decided it was time to put Seth out of his misery. Walking into the den, he found Seth sitting on the couch.

"Hey, your parents gone?"

"Yeah. They left for that cruise thing. They'll be gone all day."

"Cool. They leave the keys for the Rover?"

Narrowing his eyes on his foster brother, "Why do I get the feeling you're up to something?" Seth inquired.

"Come on, let's go."

They'd only been in the car for roughly twenty minutes, but Seth was already getting restless. "Where the hell are we going anyway?"

Ryan smiled, still concentrating on the road ahead. Lifting only his index finger off the steering wheel, he pointed at the interstate sign.

"Chino? You're taking me to Chino?"

"Yep."

"What for?"

Turning only his eyes in Seth's direction, Ryan's expression relayed 'there's only one thing worth doing in Chino.'

"Oh my God! Today? Right now?"

"Yep."

"Ryan! You can't spring something like this on a person! Why didn't you say something?"

"Because you wouldn't have gotten in the car."

Good point. Rattled by the news, Seth's mouth dropped open and he spaced out the window for a moment. "Ryan, I mean, what if I'm not…ready?"

Smirking again, "This is you we're talking about. You're as ready as you're ever going to be."

"But we didn't finish 'the talk'," Seth worried, accentuating the air with his fingers. "There's so much more you have to teach me."

"She'll teach you."

"She? She who? Loose girl?"

"It's someone I know. We've spent time together."

"Ryan, stop the car! I can't! I can't do this!"

"Why?"

"I can't be with someone you've slept with! You're like a high-performance vehicle and I'm just a wind up toy."

"Seth…"

"Ryan, I'm serious!"

"Seth, where do you think I learned everything? You think I just woke up one day knowing what to do and what to say? Everybody's first time is…an experience. Once you get the first one behind you, you'll have a clue for the next one."

"Ryan, I feel sick."

"Get over it because soon you'll be feeling really good."

The rest of the ride to Chino was spent in silence. Ryan knew Seth was scared to death, but he'd survive. When the car finally came to a stop in front of a bungalow style home, Ryan was worried he might have to coax Seth out of the car.

"Ready?"

Wringing his hands, "Ryan…what if…I mean…what if I make a fool out of myself?"

Seth's voice was so pitifully serious, Ryan couldn't help but feel sorry for him. "Hey, look at me." Ryan waited for Seth to turn an embarrassed and petrified face in his direction. "You're going to be fine. I've known this girl for a long time. I brought you here because I trust her. She'll take good care of you."

Seth still wasn't talking. Maybe he didn't believe Ryan. Maybe he really wasn't as ready for this as he thought he was. Either way, Ryan made a point of proving he had his back.

"Seth, I wouldn't mess with you…not with this. I know this is important to you. You'll be fine. Just let her do her thing. She'll make you feel good."

"You really think I'm ready for this?"

"Yeah. You're ready," Ryan admitted with a little more confidence than Seth wanted to hear. "Come on, let's go."

They'd only taken a few steps down the walk toward the house when a thin, but curvy, girl with long black hair came barreling out the front door, screaming with her arms in the air. Taking a running jump, she landed in Ryan's arms and wrapped her arms and legs around his body, still squealing in delight.

"Ryan! Ryan! Oh my God! Honey where have you been!" the girl hollered, cupping his face in her hands when he finally set her down.

"Hey, it's good to see you," he smiled.

"And this must be Seth," the girl greeted extending her arm to a clueless and confused Seth.

"Seth, this is Dina," Ryan explained.

"Dina. Right. Hi. Hi, I'm Seth. Um, Seth, that's me," he stuttered.

"Aw, he's so sweet." The girl reached up and stroked the hair on the back of Seth's neck, causing him to nervously retreat a bit. "Well come on inside boys!"

Seth couldn't help but worry about the girl's enthusiasm. So far he'd only said 'hello' and he already felt out of his league.

The inside of the house was modestly decorated and the scent of fajitas wafted through the air.

"Smells good in here." Suddenly remembering which appetite he'd come to satisfy, Seth felt stupid about his observation.

"That's for later. First things first," Ryan explained. Seth marveled at Ryan's composure, as if he'd done this a thousand times. Then again…

"Sex and dinner?"

"Her Mom is always cooking something."

"Her Mom is home!"

"Ryan, oh dolly, there a-you are!"

A petite, yet stocky, woman with a heavy accent emerged through the doorway, offering Ryan a hug. He had to bend over a bit to embrace her.

"And, who is a-this?" the woman asked, staring at Seth skeptically.

"This is Seth. He's ah, he's like a brother to me."

"Ah. Well anyone that Ryan a-trusts is a-welcome in this a-house." Reaching up she embraced Seth as well before pulling away to give him a brief lecture. "But no a-cigarettes in this house. You understand a-me? No a-smoking here!" To prove her point, the woman fondled Seth's pockets in search of the unwanted contraband.

"He doesn't smoke," Ryan offered.

"No a-smoke?"

"No."

"Aw, he is a good boy then. Okay then. He can a-stay." The woman disappeared back through the doorway, assumingly into the kitchen.

"So? Are we ready boys?" Dina flirted.

Swallowing hard, "Ryan…" Seth panicked.

"Dina can you give him a minute?" Ryan requested.

"Sure. Bring him up when he's ready."

Watching Dina disappear upstairs, "Alright here, I've got something for you." Fumbling through his jacket's inner pocket, Ryan retrieved a condom and held it out to Seth. "Take this with you. You don't do anything without it, hear me?"

Panicking, "Ryan, I don't even know how to put his on! I don't know…"

"Relax, man. She'll do it for you. She'll do everything. Just…relax."

"Relax. Right. Okay. Okay. I'm okay."

Smiling, "Come on, let's get you upstairs."

"What about her Mom?"

"She has a tendency to turn a blind eye. If she does walk in on you by chance, just keep going. She won't say anything. This is Chino Seth. The normal rules don't apply here."

Opening Dina's bedroom door at the end of the hall, Ryan stepped in and nodded Seth in.

"There's my boys. Sure I can't change your mind Ryan?" Dina courted, pleadingly.

"Not today. Today's for him. Take good care of him alright? I gotta take him home in one piece."

"Oh I'll take real good care of him, don't you worry."

"It's his first time Dina…make him earn it."

Concerned about the coded exchange, "What? Earn what? Who has to earn what?"

Slapping Seth on the back, "Good luck man. I'll see you downstairs."

"You're leaving!" Seth panicked, bringing a smile to Dina's face.

"I'm certainly not staying. Remember what I gave you. Use it."

Seth watched the door close behind Ryan and looked to Dina for direction.

"I promise Seth, I'll make this worth your while."

"Ryan gave me this," he advised, absentmindedly holding up the wrapped condom.

"I'm not ready for that just yet honey. We'll get to that, just relax, okay?"

Everyone kept telling him to relax…how?

Nodding nervously, "Okay. Just…one thing…if I should, at any point, pass out, promise me you won't go on without me."

"I promise. I want you to see everything I'm going to do to you."

"Dear God," Seth whispered.

Dina's voice was sultry enough by itself to make certain parts of Seth stand at attention. He watched as she knelt down in front of him and teasingly undid his pants. Within seconds, his eyes were closing and his mouth was gaping open. Relax…relax…God he was going to owe Ryan huge for this…

Ryan happened to glance at his watch when Dina came into the den. "Hey. How is he?"

Putting her hands on her hips, "He was with me! He's great of course!"

Smiling, "I meant, is he still breathing?"

"Yes, loudly."

Cuddling up to Ryan, she straddled his lap and playfully pulled at the belt on his jeans.

"Not today Dina."

"Not today? You disappear for almost a year and you're gonna deny me what I know is waiting for me? Wait a minute. What's her name?"

Ryan let his head rest on the back of the couch and allowed himself to study the girl in front of him. There was a time when she meant a lot to him. Not as a girlfriend, just as a release, an escape. He'd spent more wild nights in her bed than he cared to remember. There was a time when he really needed her. It amazed him to recognize that time was over.

"Samantha."

"Yeah? Is she good to you?"

Knowing better than to burn a Chino girl's heart, especially one that provides such a valuable service, "No one will ever measure up to you Dina."

"Ack, now you're covering your ass!" she laughed. "I mean it, is she good to you?"

Shrugging, "So far. Haven't known her that long."

"Well, if she turns out to be a bitch on wheels, then you come see Dina, okay?"

"Alright," he smiled again.

"You better go check on your boy upstairs. Dinner's going to be ready soon."

"Thanks Dina…for everything."

"Any time Ryan. And I do mean, any…time."

Ryan knocked on the bedroom room and waited for Seth to mumble a response. Cracking the door open, "You dressed?"

"Yeah."

Ryan couldn't control his grin at the sight of Seth sprawled across the bed flat on his back. "So? How'd it go?"

Shaking his head, still staring at the ceiling, "That, Ryan, was amazing. I feel euphoric. I'm a man now."

"So you went through with it. That's good."

"I kind of got the impression that Dina's the sort of girl that doesn't really take no for an answer."

"Did you remember to use the condom?"

Nodding at the ceiling, "Yes I did. I told her you'd break my legs if I didn't use it."

"That's probably true."

"That's exactly what she said." Seth forced himself to sit up on the bed, his hair sticking out in all different directions. "I did good. I amazed even myself! I lasted longer than five minutes, might only have been seven or eight, but it was definitely longer than five."

Chuckling, "That's good man, I'm happy for you. Feel better now?"

Nodding again, "I do. I really do. I can walk with my head held high now. I'm a man now."

"Well, good. I'm glad. Let's grab a fajita and then we gotta hit the road. I gotta warn you, her Mom likes hot peppers so they're pretty spicy."

Getting off the bed, "Hey Ryan, um…thanks…for, for…you know… I mean, I know I'm a huge pain in the ass and I drive you nuts and make you hate me…"

"Enough alright. You really think I would have brought you here if I hated you? You can definitely be a pain in the ass, but you've sort of grown on me."

"So I'm like a wart?"

Laughing, "Yeah, something like that. "

"Well, cool…so can I ask you something?"

"Sure."

"Has she ever done that thing with her tongue to you?"

Turning to leave the room, "We are so not talking about this."

"Ryan wait! This is what guys do, isn't it? They have sex and then compare war stories right? Right? Ryan? Where are you going?"

"To put extra hot peppers on your fajitas so you'll shut up!"

Pulling in the driveway at home, they were surprised to find Sandy and Kirsten already there.

"Isn't it a little early for them to be home?" Ryan wondered out loud.

"Yeah it is. Wonder what's up."

Strolling through the front door, they found them sitting on the couch, sipping wine and laughing. Seth did a little side step into the room, still feeling euphoric from his experience earlier that evening.

"So, what brings you guys home so early?"

"Well aren't you in a festive mood."

"I am. I feel great! I'm on top of the world!"

Ending the conversation with his parents, Seth danced his way into the kitchen, where he continued to sing in a high-pitched voice.

"Wow, what's up with him? Ryan, what did you give him something?" Kirsten asked point blank.

"I didn't give him anything."

"It's like he's high or something, listen to him," Sandy added, wincing at his birth son's screeching voice in the next room.

"He had a good night that's all. You know how he is."

"He had a good evening? That's it?" Kristen inquired, watching Ryan carefully.

"Yeah. We had fajitas, he hasn't been right since he ate all those hot peppers."

Shrugging off the conversation Ryan made a quick escape from the room.

It was after midnight when Ryan made his way into the kitchen and made himself a snack.

"Ryan? What are you doing up?"

"It's only midnight."

"I guess my age is showing," Kirsten joked. "Is everything okay?"

"Yeah. Just, hungry."

"Ryan now that we're alone, can I ask you something?"

With a spoonful of cereal in his mouth, he looked at her. He knew what was coming.

"Were you telling us the truth about Seth earlier? Are you sure he didn't take anything?"

"Kirsten, you've seen me do a lot of things but in all the time I've been here and all the things I've done, have you ever known me to do drugs?"

Tapping her hand on the counter, she knew he had a point. "You're right. I believe you. But something was up with him when he came home. Do you know something you're not telling me?" By Ryan's expression she could tell she was onto something. "Ryan, why won't you tell me this?"

"Because there's nothing to tell. We went out, had a good time…he told me he was sorry for doing things that make me hate him and I said I didn't hate him. Apparently that news was important to him because he's been happy ever since."

"You're sure there's nothing else?"

With his face still buried in his cereal bowl, "Mmm-hmm."

Still skeptical, "Okay. Well, I'll see you tomorrow then. Goodnight."

"'Night."

Ryan watched through the kitchen doorway as Kirsten walked through the living room toward the stairs. For the first time, all day, he had doubts about his decision to bring Seth into manhood. For the first time he felt like this could blow up in their faces. He'd have to talk to Seth in the morning and tell him to tone it down a bit. Hopefully this would all blow over quickly and everyone would stop talking about it.

(TBC)…

A/N – This one's for Romie007…because she was twitchin' really bad for an update: D

Sorry there wasn't more Sami in this one…as you can see, she didn't really belong in this one: D On the horizon though…more Sami, her Grandmother and some old faces from Chino. Coming soon to a computer screen near you!

: D


	13. Leveling Out

**Raising Ryan**

**Chapter 13 – Leveling Out**

After his shower, Ryan exited his bathroom to find Seth standing on his bed and singing. Not at all pleased with the scene, he folded his arms across his chest and waited for Seth to turn around with the sole intention of causing him bodily harm.

It took longer than expected, but when he finally whirled around, Ryan bounded onto the bed tackling Seth and sucker punching him in the arm and thigh, leaving him whimpering in pain. Getting off the bed, he grabbed Seth by the ankle and dragged him onto the floor with a thud.

With Seth's mood broken, Ryan stood over him, straddling his wounded body. Bending down he grabbed Seth by the shirt and laid down the law.

"Alright look, you got laid. Great. It's done. If you don't come down off of cloud nine and start acting like a normal human being your parents are going to start drawing their own conclusions and it's not going to be pretty. It was four days ago Seth. Calm. Down."

Still wincing and rubbing his arm, "Couldn't you have told me all of this without beating me?"

"No. Now fix my bed and then stay the fuck off of it."

Releasing Seth's shirt, Ryan walked away, leaving Seth to wallow in his injuries.

"Do you really think they'd know?"

"Yes."

"Really? How?"

"Because you're acting like a five year old who just got a pony for their birthday."

"Am I really acting that…out of sorts?"

"Yes, and it's starting to get on my nerves. We've made it through four days without it coming up but if you don't cool your jets, they're going to start getting ideas and I've already lied for you once…no, make that twice. Don't make me regret this."

Pushing himself up on his elbows, "You're right. I really should…control myself. Sorry."

Seth put Ryan's bed back together and they headed to the kitchen for breakfast.

"Morning guys. Coffee?" Sandy greeted, with both boys nodding 'yes'.

Small talk filled the kitchen with plans for the day when Kirsten entered and the tone changed.

"Good Morning. I'm glad everyone is here because we need to have a family meeting."

"We do?" Sandy asked, equally as surprised as the boys were about the announcement.

"As you know, Rosa was here doing laundry yesterday…and this turned up." Raising her hand above the counter, she set down an open condom wrapper.

Ryan felt his heart come to a dead halt. Only Seth would forget to get rid of the evidence of his excursion. Likewise, Seth was mentally kicking himself in the ass for making such a stupid mistake.

"Since Rosa was doing laundry for both of you, she wasn't able to tell me where this item originated from. Anyone care to explain?"

Ryan could feel the back of his neck heating up with anger. They would never believe Seth even if he told the truth. And, even if the truth was believed, it would still roll downhill to him because he's the one that hooked Seth up.

"It's mine," Ryan blurted out, staring at the wrapper.

Ryan's admission left Seth stunned. Why was he doing this? The wrapper wasn't his. And yet he couldn't seem to get the words out of his mouth fast enough.

"Ryan…don't…"

"Forget it. If Sami calls, just tell her I'm grounded. Again."

Setting his coffee cup down, Ryan turned and walked out, in the direction of the pool house.

Sighing, "At least he told you the truth," Sandy acknowledged.

"No, he didn't," Seth interrupted, rather flustered. "I know, given Ryan's history it's easy to believe that's his. But it's not. Not this time."

"Seth, there's no need to cover for…"

"I'm not covering!" he yelled. "I'm sure Ryan said that because, because he knew you'd automatically think it was him!"

"Seth…"

"Dad, I'm serious!"

"Honey, why would Ryan admit to that if it wasn't his? That doesn't make sense," his Mother explained.

"Because…" Swallowing his pride, "Because the wrapper is mine, okay? I…I had my first…time…last weekend. The wrapper is mine. He said it to protect me because he knew about it."

The adult Cohens stood in silence, staring at their son. With his confession coming across very genuine in nature, they felt guilty for jumping to conclusions.

"I'm going to go talk to Ryan."

Kirsten worried about the encounter that would follow. "Sandy, go easy."

"I will."

In the pool house, Sandy found Ryan standing at the foot of his bed with his hands on his hips, glaring at his bed.

Making his way into the room, he took a seat in the wicker chair, across from the Warden's chair. The move caused Ryan to turn around and narrow his eyes at Sandy.

"Aren't you in the wrong chair?" Ryan sassed, given the conversation that was sure to follow.

"I don't think so. You're not in trouble…are you?"

Rolling his eyes, Ryan folded his arms across his chest.

Not exactly following his wife's advice, Sandy jumped right into the matter at hand. "Why did you cover for Seth?"

"Who says I'm covering for Seth?"

"Seth did."

Now that got Ryan's attention. His eyes flashed to meet Sandy's in an attempt to analyze the truth behind that statement. When he realized Sandy was serious, he let his gaze drop to the floor.

"If the wrapper wasn't yours, why did you say it was?"

"Isn't it obvious?"

"Apparently not to everyone."

"I saw your faces. I'm the one with the history of sexual misconduct. No one would have believed him anyway."

"But…you didn't do anything."

"It doesn't matter. Everyone assumed it was me. I know that."

"But Ryan, it does matter. It took us a long time to get you to take responsibility for your actions, but at no time did we think you'd be taking responsibility for other people's actions." Sandy paused a moment, studying Ryan to see if he was absorbing what he was saying. "So Seth had his first time. He's sixteen. Is that so far out of the realm of possibilities? I don't think so. So that's what all the singing and dancing and happy moods have been about. That's understandable. When Kirsten asked you about it, why didn't you just tell her the truth last weekend?"

"I've admitted a lot of things to Kirsten. I'm sure she's told you most of it. She knows more than any Mom probably wants to know about what her kids are doing or with who, but I trust her." Ryan's eyes drifted to Sandy's again before he quickly blinked and looked away. That wall was still up. "This wasn't my secret to tell. It's his business."

"I understand. That makes sense. From now on though, let him take responsibility for his business, okay?"

Ryan nodded.

When Sandy stood up from the chair, Ryan unfolded his arms and positioned himself a safe distance from Sandy. The strategic move didn't go unnoticed, but Sandy chose to drop it. Drawing attention to it would only empower the action.

Sandy hadn't even made it into the house yet when Seth came bounding up the steps to the pool house.

"Ryan? Ry? So, what did he say? You're not in trouble are you? I told them the truth. I told them it was mine."

"I know."

"So, what did he say?"

"He said I need to let you be responsible for your own actions."

"He's right. Why did you do it?"

"I don't know."

"You didn't think they'd believe it was me?"

"I'm used to things being my fault. This wasn't exactly a stretch for me."

Seth wrung his hands together. "Well I'm not going to let you take the fall for me. Ever. If I screw up, it's on me. Or, in this case, the screw is…on me."

A smile found it's way onto Ryan's face. "I told you the damn dancing would get you in trouble."

"You were right. I should have listened."

"So you punished?"

"No, actually. But I got the same lecture you did about 'the bigger picture', Seth explained, making quotes in the air.

Sighing, "Yeah, I know that one forwards and backwards."

"Maybe later on we could have some sort of ritual reciting of the rules of life. Mom would be so proud."

Laughing, "Yeah maybe. From now on Seth, always, always, always…throw the wrapper away. Don't keep any souvenirs."

"I swear, I will never again forget that detail!"

It was roughly four-thirty in the afternoon when the doorbell rang. Disgusted that no one else was around to answer it, Seth, begrudgingly, paused his video game and lumbered to the front door.

Pulling the door open, he discovered a rather cute brunette with school books in her hands and immediately straightened up his posture.

"Hey."

"Hi there. Is Ryan home?"

The girl had an intoxicating smile, it came as no surprise she was looking for Ryan.

"Well, um, I mean, I think he's home. And you are?"

"Sami."

Seth's mouth dropped open. "Napkin girl?"

"Excuse me?"

"Nothing. Nothing at all. Why don't you come in, please do, come in, this way, is fine."

"Thank you."

"Why don't you make yourself comfortable here, in the living room, and I'll go…go…find Ryan."

"Okay." There was that smile again. No wonder she had Ryan turned inside out. Seth talked to her for exactly twenty-three seconds and he could feel his stomach doing flip-flops.

Seth walked as calm as possible until he was out of sight in the kitchen and then he bolted into the pool house.

Ryan was quietly laying on his bed studying, his books sprawled out in front of him. He was concentrating on formulas and chewing on his pen cap when Seth burst into the room.

"What the hell is the matter with you?"

"You have to come inside! Now! Right now! It's here! I mean, her! She's here! In the living room! It's her!"

"What the fuck are you talking about?"

"Napkin girl! She's here! She's…she's in the living room with books and, and brown hair and she's smiling Ryan! Get in there!"

"Sami's here!"

"Yes! What the hell do you think I've been explaining here!"

"Shit!"

Jumping off the bed, Ryan pulled on his shirt to straighten it out and ran his fingers through his hair. "Do I look alright?"

"Yeah, you look fine."

"Okay."

On the brink of turning to leave, Seth grabbed his arm. "Wait!"

"What!"

"Come here!" he hollered, dragging Ryan in the direction of the bathroom.

"What the hell are you doing now?"

"You need a splash of mouthwash! What if she wants to kiss you!"

"Good idea!"

In the bathroom, Seth yanked out the bottle of mouthwash and poured some into the cap. "Here. Swish!"

After a few healthy sloshes in his mouth, Ryan spit the mouthwash out and promptly received a towel in the face from Seth.

"Okay, let's see. Huff."

Ryan blew a hefty breath in Seth's face, causing his eyes to water.

"Whoa."

"What? Not enough?"

"No, no. It's plenty. Trust me. Very minty. Just don't blow in her eyes or she'll go blind."

"Very funny."

"She's in the living room man. Get in there."

Walking through the main house, Ryan took a deep breath before entering the living room.

"Hey Sami."

"Hi. I'm sorry to just sort of drop in like this but I was wondering if maybe you had some studying to do and thought maybe you'd like some company?"

"Yeah, actually formulas were just getting boring when you got here."

"Great!" she smiled. "So, where should we get set up?"

"Well, I sort of burned the bridge when it comes to the whole 'girls in my room' thing. It's nice outside and there's a great view of the ocean. How does the patio sound to you?"

"Sounds great!"

Leading Sami back through the kitchen, they paused to grab some drinks out of the fridge before moving on to the patio. Ryan dashed into the pool house for a moment to snag his books before quickly returning to the patio.

"So, I get to do formulas, what are you working on?"

"The art of the Haiku. Lucky me."

Chuckling, "I hate poetry."

"I don't know why, it's so you."

"Yeah right."

"I guess we should try to get some of this done, then we can take a break. Maybe go for a walk or something."

"'Kay."

An hour and a half later, Kirsten came home and discovered Seth in a very unusual place and awful engrossed in something in the back yard.

"Seth? What are you doing?"

Unaware his Mom had walked in, Seth jumped in his hiding spot behind one of her large potted plants.

"Me? Nothing. Just…felt like…spending time with this plant."

Doubting the sincerity behind his explanation, Kirsten walked over and peeked out the window.

"Is that…?"

"Napkin Girl. Yeah. That's her."

"Seth! They're kissing! Don't be watching them!" she scolded, rapping her son in the back of the head with the mail.

"Mom! They weren't kissing before! They were just talking! The kissing is new. Boy, they're…really…kissing."

"Seth! Get out of there!"

"Sorry."

Still laughing, Kirsten entered the kitchen and stuck her head out on the patio. The kids had obviously started out with good intentions since textbooks and notebooks were strewn across the patio table. But clearly boredom with the tedious task of homework had set in at some point and they relocated to a horizontal position on one of the lounge chairs, kissing being the subject they were both currently catching up on.

Walking over to the smooching couple, Kirsten cleared her throat. When that didn't get anyone's attention, "Excuse me? Ryan?"

Immediately both of Ryan's hands went up in the air, "We're not doing anything," he announced, proving his innocence.

The scene caused Kirsten a hearty laugh, which she did her best to control. "Could I borrow you for a moment Ryan? Hi Sami," Kirsten greeted.

"Hi Mrs. Cohen."

"I'll be right back." Pulling himself up and off the lounge chair, Ryan sheepishly followed Kirsten into the house. Once in the sanctity of the kitchen, "It's just kissing Kirsten."

"I didn't say you did anything wrong. I thought you might want to invite Sami to stay for dinner. That is, as long as you promise me that you will, at some point, finish your homework."

Smiling, "We were doing homework." Off Kirsten's look, "Well, I mean, we started out doing homework."

"Just remember to be a gentleman Ryan."

"I know. I'll…go ask Sami if she wants to stay."

Returning to the patio, Ryan wisely closed the door to the house behind him.

"So, I was wondering if…maybe…you wanted to stay for dinner?"

"I'd love to."

"Cool."

Ryan felt childishly giddy when Sami took her seat at the dinner table.

"Are you sure you don't need help with something Mrs. Cohen?" she offered.

"Oh no, Sami, it's fine. We're all set."

Entering the kitchen, Seth went into stealth mode, slipped right up to the table and attempted to sit down next to Sami.

"So, staying for dinner? That's nice. Very nice."

Before Sami could even respond, a large smack signaled Ryan's hand on the back of Seth's neck. Tightening his grip, Seth had a revelation.

"You know Sami, I hope you don't mind if I sit over there. This is actually Ryan's seat."

Laughing, "Not a problem!"

Taking his seat Ryan smirked at Seth. 'Nice try'.

Sandy and Kirsten immediately recognized the relaxed feel at the table. The kids were talking as if there were no parents at the table, Ryan included. It was refreshing to see him like this. Sami was having a profound affect on him. It appeared life had finally leveled out for Ryan and they enjoyed relishing the moment. At the same time, they realistically worried when Ryan might be tested again and they hoped it would be a long time before they had to find out.

(TBC)…


	14. Just Like Old Times

**Raising Ryan**

**Chapter 14 – Just Like Old Times**

Seeing Sami and Ryan together had become a regular staple in the Cohen household. Under Sami's wing, Ryan had taken an unprecedented interest in his schoolwork, something that made Sandy and Kirsten extremely pleased with his progress. While Ryan still wasn't appreciating the concept of having a curfew, it did appear the rest of the rules were finally sticking with him.

Rolling in the door late one afternoon after soccer practice, Ryan dropped his gear bag on the kitchen floor and reached into the fridge for the Gatorade bottle.

Hearing him guzzling from the bottle, "Ryan, honey, don't drink out of the bottle," Kirsten reprimanded from her position at the kitchen table, surrounded by blueprints.

Stealing one last drink out of the bottle, Ryan moved across the kitchen and dumped the remainder of the liquid into a glass. He knew he could have finished the rest of the bottle in only a couple of swigs, but Kirsten adamant about drinking out of the bottle so he humored her by polishing off the Gatorade and rinsing his glass out right away.

"I guess I should have just let you drink it out of the bottle huh?" she laughed.

"That's okay."

"How was practice?"

"Fine."

"Big game this weekend."

"Yeah it is. You better wash your polo shirt."

Snorting a laugh, Kirsten felt guilty about the news she was about to share. "Ryan, I'm afraid I have some bad news." The look on Ryan's face made her immediately regret her choice of words. "I shouldn't have worded it that way, it's not devastating news, but I feel bad."

"What is it?" he asked biting his inner cheek, waiting for her explanation.

Sighing, "I'm going to have to miss the second half of your game on Saturday. I have to leave in order to meet the planner of the new development. I'm sorry."

Now it was Ryan's turn to snort a laugh, "You're sorry?"

"Ryan, please don't be angry."

"Angry? Kirsten…"

"You know if there was any other way around this, I would have done it. I love going to your games."

"Kirsten, I'm not angry. I'm not even upset. I find it funny that you think I would be."

"You're not upset?"

"Why would I be? You've come to every game so far and probably half of the practices."

"I don't go to the practices," she stated mater-of-factly.

"You gonna try to tell me that's not you under the grandstand?" he rivaled, raising his eyebrows.

"I…might have…been…to a few…practices."

"Just a few?"

"Okay, fine, I've been to quite a few of them," she chuckled. "But it's only because I enjoy watching you play."

Laughing, "Look I get it okay? You've been to more games in one season, than my Mom went to in my entire life. It's okay.

"Well the goods news is that Seth and Sandy will still be there to watch the game." Kirsten noticed his eyes drop at the mention of Sandy's name. "Ryan, how are…things…between you and Sandy?"

"They're okay, I guess. Nothing's changed really, for better or for worse."

There was an uncomfortable pause of silence while both tried to find the right words to express what they were thinking. In the end, Ryan got his thoughts together first.

"Sometimes…sometimes I wish something bad would happen. Just so I could test him, you know? See what he'd do. See if he means what he says. Then maybe I could…"

"Ryan, you've gotten into plenty of trouble since you've been here and Sandy's never raised a hand to you. We told you we don't hit in this…"

"I know, I know. Unfortunately actions speak louder than words and I need to see it to believe it."

"Like I said, you've gotten into plenty, especially when you first got here. That's when you were really rough around the edges and if he didn't come down on you then, I'd think you're on your way to being in the clear, wouldn't you?"

"Not necessarily."

"Why not?"

"Because that's what they do. They gain your trust and the minute you let your guard down, something happens. Deep down I think I know he's not like the others. I wish I could forget everything I know and just go forward, but I can't. I have to do this my own way."

"There's nothing wrong with that Ryan. That's the way it should be."

"So, you're not disappointed with me?"

"No, not at all. The only thing I'm disappointed about is missing your game this weekend."

Her unwavering support at the soccer field brought a smile to Ryan's face. "There's still three more games Kirsten."

"I know, but I still wanted to see this one. I've heard those boys play dirty."

Surprised, "How do you know that?"

"Moms gossip too you know," she smiled.

"I better go get cleaned up."

"Oh, before I forget, there's a message for you on the machine."

"Is it Sami?"

"No, it's from a boy."

Walking across the kitchen, Ryan poked at the message button and waited for a voice to present itself…

"Hey Ry, it's Trey. Long time to see huh? I thought…I thought maybe you'd want to come by. It's been a while." A long pause followed. "Okay so, maybe I'll hear from you. You know where and how. I hope it's all good man. Take care."

Erasing the message, Ryan waited for the next onslaught of questions to come from Kirsten.

"Who was that?"

And there they started.

"Trey."

"Who's Trey?"

"My brother."

"Oh. I knew you had a brother, I don't think I ever knew his name. Are you going to go see him?"

"Maybe."

"It's okay if you do. You can go."

Sighing, "I'm not sure I want to."

"Really? How come?"

"Because it means going back to Chino. He's in Chino. And the two of us, together, in Chino is…not…always a good idea."

"Oh."

"Yeah."

"We'll see. I have to think about it."

In the den that evening, Sandy and Kirsten snuggled on the couch together watching the evening news. With both of the boys absent with their heads wrapped in homework, they enjoyed the rare moment alone to catch up on the day's events.

"So, did I miss anything today? Any new Napkin Girl news?"

Chuckling, "No, everything is good on the napkin front but there was some other interesting things that came up."

"Oh?"

"Ryan and I talked about you a bit today."

"Really? What did he say?" Sandy asked, extremely curious to hear his wife's answer, he shut off the TV.

"It sounds like he's waiting for a sign."

"A sign?"

"My words not his. He said he wishes something would happen so he could test you, see how you would react."

"He said that?"

"Mmm-hmm. He basically admitted he wants to trust you but he's afraid to because he thinks that's when you'll turn on him."

"But I would never do that."

"You know that, and I know that…but he needs to see it for himself."

"That makes me nervous though. Certain situations may call for certain things, I still would never raise a hand to that kid, but what if I don't handle something the way he feels it should be handled? Then what?"

"You can't do what you 'think' he wants you to do. You have to be yourself. That's the Sandy he needs to see. That's the Sandy that can show him he's safe."

"More patience, huh?"

"Yep."

It had been two days since Trey left his message when Ryan finally broke down and called him.

"Hey man."

"Well I'll be damned! How the fuck are you little brother?"

"Good. You?"

"You know me man."

Snorting, "Yeah I do."

"So, you think you're gonna come by? What are you doing tonight?"

"Not sure tonight is good. It's a school night."

Ryan had to pull the phone away from his head to spare his ear the horrendous cackling of his brother's overwhelming laughter.

"What the fuck Ry? You turn into some sort of pussy after you left? School night? Who gives a shit! Come on down here man!"

"Yeah well, the people that would give me a car to use to come down there will be the ones to give a shit."

"You mean you're really trying to fly the straight and narrow Ry? That's not you man."

Silence took over the line while Ryan held back from admitting how much he'd changed and that he was happy about it…while, at the same time, his brother was absorbing how his little brother had moved on and, apparently, for the better.

"That's good Ry. Really. I'm happy for you."

"Look I'll come down for a little while, but I can't stay long."

"Okay well, I'll be at the pool hall. I'll wait for you there."

"Okay. Later."

Turning around Ryan caught Sandy walking into the room and he wondered how much of the conversation he'd heard.

"Hey kid, how you doing?"

"Okay. Can I…have the keys to the Rover?"

Surprised my Ryan's forwardness, "Sure. Where you going?" Fishing the keys out of his pocket he offered them to Ryan. Surely this was one of those tests Kirsten was talking about since Ryan went to Kristen with everything. He hadn't asked Sandy for a single thing since he arrived.

"Can you just leave them on the counter?"

Not sure what Ryan was avoiding, Sandy placed the keys on the counter before picking up his drink. "Since we both know you feel a curfew is…optional, just remember it's a school night. I still expect you back home as close to curfew as possible."

Ryan actually found it in him to smirk at Sandy's remark about curfew. He waited for him to leave the kitchen before grabbing up the car keys and heading toward Chino.

Ryan hadn't been to this side of town in a long time. Sure, he'd brought Seth to Chino, but Dina's place was on the border, not in the heart of the stranglehold known as Chino. The city looked more seedy than ever. The buildings and homes looked even more run down than he remembered. The drunks outside the bars looked dirtier than ever. The wanna-be-hoods on the corners looked more pathetic than ever. Chino had never looked more desperate to him than it did right now.

Passing through town, he rolled down the chewed up, four lane black top, and finally pulled off into the pool hall. Shutting the car off he sat there for a minute. Many of the same people were still roaming around the lot and walking in and out of the joint. He was suddenly, acutely aware of how far he'd come since he left Chino.

Crossing the lot, he tugged open the door to the bar. Everything inside was just as it was when he left. Smoke hung thick in the air, patrons sat bent over the bar spending their hard earned paychecks on liquor rather than their bills and hustlers worked the pool tables as if it were just another day at the office. Recognizing a figure sitting at the end of the bar, staring at his drink, Ryan wound his way through the crowd in that direction.

"Hey man."

"Ryan? Jesus. Look at you!"

Sliding off his barstool, Trey embraced his brother with a hearty hug that made even his hair shake.

"How are you Ry? Look at this would you? No scruffy chin, nice clothes, all cleaned up and doing the town huh?"

"Something like that."

"Well sit down man."

Taking a seat, the bartender immediately recognized Ryan and dropped a Seven and Seven in front of him.

"Go ahead man, drink up."

Ryan squirmed uncomfortably at his brother's request. "No. Not tonight. I gotta drive back."

Laughing loudly, "What the fuck Ry? You're in Chino now. What? Are you like Cinder-fucking-rella now, you have to be home by a certain time or you'll turn into a pumpkin or some shit?"

"Something like that."

Realizing Ryan was serious, "What happened to you? You used to be a man."

"Oh fuck you! I'm the same person Trey, I just…"

"Just what?" Trey asked, rather disgusted.

"I just see things a little differently now. That's all." Ryan could feel his brother staring him down. "I need some air. Let's get out of here."

Without waiting for his brother's reply, he jumped off the barstool and pushed his way back through the crowd toward the door. Trey had no choice but to throw his money down on the bar and follow him.

Outside, he found Ryan standing with his hands in his pockets, staring at the ground.

"You alright man?"

"Yeah. I'm just, sick of this scene man."

"I know what you need. Follow me."

More out of curiosity than anything else, Ryan followed his brother through the parked cars before stopping in front of a classic Dodge Charger.

"Nice car." The words left Ryan's mouth before he could get a hold of them. It shouldn't have come as a surprise. He always liked cars. He didn't become a boost for nothing…although, the money didn't hurt either.

"It's a beauty alright," Trey admired, standing next to his little brother. "Marco's been wanting this one for a while."

Ryan could feel a knot forming in the pit of his stomach. He wanted to give his brother the benefit of the doubt so he waited to see what would follow.

"This one would fetch a good price," Trey continued, in the direction Ryan was hoping to avoid. "Only one problem."

"What's that?"

"It's got a Flatley alarm on it. You're the only one I've ever known that could bypass a Flatley."

And there it was. Ryan huffed in frustration before turning and walking through the gravel lot.

"Ryan? Hey. Come on man! Don't be an asshole!"

"I'm the asshole? No, you know what? I am an asshole…for thinking you asked me back here to see me. I should've known this was about a job. I guess I was hoping…I was wrong."

"Look man, I'm sorry okay? I just…I need the money Ry. Don't you know if there was any other way, I would've done it?"

Ryan's cheeks flexed with anger and he glared at his brother. "I don't want to have anything to do with this anymore. I walked away from all of this when I left here. You told me yourself to leave all of this behind. Well, I did. You're on your own this time."

"What the fuck Ry? You're all high and mighty now? Think your shit doesn't stink? Nothing's changed Ry!"

"Everything's changed! Nothing mattered before. I didn't care. I had nothing to lose…now I have everything to lose. It hasn't been easy…but I'm not going back. I'm done."

Trey could only look away. His brother was a guy who kept his word. When Ryan left the Chino, he said goodbye to his brother and 'the life', but still, Trey couldn't believe his was still holding his ground all this time. He really had walked away.

"I'll see you around man. Good luck with the job." Slapping Trey on the back, Ryan took a handful of steps away from his brother before pausing and turning around. "Cut the black wire and tie it off to a ground. The car'll be yours."

"Ry, the black is the main, it's a sure trigger."

"No, Flatley switched the colors on purpose. Stay away from the red, it'll lock down the car. See ya."

"See ya…little brother."

Trey watched his baby brother cross the lot and jump into a black SUV. When the car sped away, Trey had a gut feeling he'd burned the 'brothers for life' motto. Ryan had changed. He still had the tough skin, but he seemed even stronger now than he was before he left. Empowered. He said it himself, he could lose everything with one little mistake. Kicking at the gravel under his boot, Trey regretted asking him back to Chino.

Ryan found himself driving aimlessly around Chino before he pulled off into a diner. Stopping briefly at the counter, he purchased a pack of cigarettes and a lighter before making haste to a booth in the back of the diner.

Tearing open the pack of smokes, he put a stick in his mouth and got it lit. He took several long drags before achieving the desired affect. Using the heels of his hands, he rubbed his eyes and let his head rest there a moment. With his eyes closed, he inhaled slow and deep from the cigarette, still pursing in his lips.

"Well, well, well. Now there's a face I haven't seen in a long time."

Ryan cringed at the voice. This might have been a good place for this little encounter, but it certainly wasn't the right time.

Exhaling a cloud of smoke across the table, "I'm not in the mood Tommy."

"Be serious Atwood, you're never in the mood to talk to me."

Not bothering to wait for an invitation, Tommy slid into the booth across from Ryan, pissing him off royally.

"Aren't you supposed to be out patrolling? Saving lives or some shit like that?" Ryan barked, making Tommy laugh.

"You didn't usually want my help, what makes you think others do?"

Rolling his eyes, Ryan reached for his pack and retrieved another cigarette, lighting it off the butt of the first one.

"You old enough to be buying those yet?" Tommy interrogated.

"No," Ryan sassed back, the plumes of smoke through his nostrils punctuating his displeasure with the conversation.

"Did you…pay for those?"

"Yeah I did, so don't run off with 'em."

Leaning back Tommy studied the boy in front of him. He was the same and yet something had changed.

"I haven't seen you around here in a long time man. What brings you back to Chino?"

Still aggravated by Tommy's presence, Ryan shook his head and turned his attention out the window.

"Did you see your Mom today?"

"No."

One down.

"Well, you definitely didn't pay Dina a visit or you'd be in a much better mood."

Ryan's glare threw daggers across the table.

"So that leaves Trey." Tommy nodded, putting two and two together. "Not everyone is strong enough to beat this place Ryan."

Tommy watched him carefully as he forced a puff of smoke out through his lips.

"And what makes you think I'm strong enough?"

"I've kept tabs on you since you left. You've been doing okay. That's good. What I don't understand is why you came back."

Ryan fussed with the lighter on the table. "I just wanted to see him. That's all."

"Nothing wrong with that." Tommy watched Ryan again. There was more to this than he was letting on. "You miss the life?"

Snorting, "Yeah right. Who would miss being chased and shot at and arrested?"

"Hey, some guys love the chase, can't get away from it."

"I miss the cars. Sometimes." Catching himself in that slip of the tongue, Ryan plugged his own mouth with a cigarette and decidedly shut up.

"Do you like it where you're at? People good to you?"

"Don't get all psychological and concerned on me man."

"I wouldn't ask if I didn't care Ryan. You have any problems over there?"

"Not really. I still can't seem to wrap my head around the concept of having a curfew." Glancing down at his watch, he sighed, loudly, "And it looks like tonight's not going to be my night either."

Chuckling, "Compared to what you left behind, a late curfew doesn't sound so bad. Is that all? The family? They're nice?"

Flicking ashes into the ashtray, "Yeah they're nice, for the most part. Seth can get a little annoying at times and Sandy…Sandy and I have some issues."

"Sandy?"

"Mmm. The guy that got me out of Chino."

"Has he…hurt you, at all?"

"No. He's a lot like you actually. Always talking," Ryan explained with a dirty look.

"Ryan that doesn't make sense."

"What?"

"Why would he go to the trouble of giving you a new home just to beat the crap out of you? Seems like it would be a lot of work for nothing if you ask me." Tommy gave Ryan a moment to absorb what he'd said. "You weren't exactly little Lord Fauntleroy when they took you in. He took a chance on you…you owe it to him to give him a chance."

With his elbows on the table and his hands folded, curls of smoke left the cigarette from its perch in his fingers. The line between Tommy and Sandy blurred even more after that comment. Maybe Tommy was right. Maybe Sandy was worth taking a chance on.

A call came over Tommy's radio and he responded to the dispatcher. "Well kid, I guess it's time for me to go save the world." He noticed the hardness in Ryan's face was gone. Maybe something he said helped. Ryan didn't always acknowledge him verbally, but he could get him to listen to him most of the time.

"Oh, one more thing…"

"What?"

"Lay off the cigarettes huh? I'll leave you with that pack since I know it'll be your last…right?"

"Oh yeah, absolutely," Ryan agreed sarcastically.

"You better head home kid. You're already late. See you around."

Ryan didn't say anything, just watched Tommy turn and walk away from him. He had always trusted Tommy's judgment. He would never admit it, but Tommy was right most of the time and he always had Ryan's best interest in mind. Maybe he was right. Maybe it was time to open up to Sandy. Maybe…

(TBC)…


	15. The Test Part 1 of 2

**Raising Ryan **

**Chapter 15 – The Test (Part 1 of 2)**

Ryan wasn't surprised to find the lights on at home when he arrived, especially since it was pushing one o'clock in the morning on a school night.

Walking through the front door he also wasn't surprised to find both Sandy and Kirsten sitting on the couch waiting up for him. What did come as a surprise was the level of Sandy's frustration.

"Ryan, it's almost one o'clock in the morning. Did we not have a conversation about keeping it down to a reasonable hour on a school night?"

"I'm sorry."

"You should be. I knew you would bend the rule tonight, I didn't think you'd break it in half."

Trying to keep the waters calm, Kirsten got up and stepped up to the boys. "Sandy he said he was sorry."

"Honey don't coddle him. He's a big boy and he knows the rules and I feel, at this stage, he's just taking advantage of us."

Angry, Ryan pushed past both of them giving them each a healthy whiff of smoke from his clothes.

"Were you smoking?" Sandy asked point blank.

"No."

"Ryan, you reek from…"

"I met my brother in a pool hall Sandy. There's enough smoke in that place to flood the streets of Chino." It was only a partial lie, and that info happened to be true.

"Well talk more about this tomorrow. Get to bed, you have school in the morning."

Without looking back, Ryan left the room.

In the morning, again, it came as no surprise when Kirsten showed up in the pool house, wanting to smooth everything over.

"Morning Ryan."

"Morning," he greeted with very little enthusiasm.

Taking a deep breath, "Is there anything I need to know about last night?"

"Why would you ask me that?"

"Because, you admitted to me that sometimes you and your brother can be…trouble…in Chino."

"Kirsten, nothing happened."

"Nothing?"

"I said nothing," he reiterated as he packed his backpack for school.

Wanting to stir the pot a bit, Kirsten picked up Ryan's jacket and started going through the pockets, on a hunch. She had just stuck her hand into the jacket's interior pocket when Ryan turned around and caught her.

"What the fuck are you doing?"

"Getting to the bottom of this."

"The bottom of what?"

With the pack of cigarettes in her hand, she tossed the jacket down on his bed. "This. What is this Ryan?"

"Gee, I don't know. Might be cigarettes."

"Don't you get smart with me. You were asked about this specifically last night. Why did you lie to Sandy?"

"Look, he was already angry. I didn't want to…"

"I specifically remember you saying you wish something would happen so you could see how he'd react, well, today's the day. You lied to his face and now you're going to march right into the kitchen and admit it to him."

"Like hell I am!"

"Would you like me to go get him?"

"No!"

Stepping back Kirsten floated her arm in the arm in the direction of the door.

"Why are you doing this?" Ryan pleaded.

"Because you're playing games, that's why. You want to trust Sandy but you can't. You want him to prove himself to you, but you avoid the situations that allow him to do so. Ryan, this part of your life is not going to go away. You can't keep running from it. This won't change everything or fix everything, but it's a step in the right direction." Kirsten noticed his eyes darting back and forth across the bed. He was listening. "I'll go in with you and I'll be there the whole time, but you have to own up to this." When Ryan didn't move, "Honey, what are you so afraid of?"

When he raised his head, his eyes revealed the same lost boy that had a conversation with her in the kitchen so many months back. "I'm afraid of being right. I don't want to be right about him."

"You won't be. Come on. Let's do this."

Walking in a fog, Ryan squeezed the pack of cigarettes in his hand. He could hear his heart pounding in his ears. Sandy was sitting at the counter eating a bagel when they walked in. Kirsten held the door open for Ryan to enter and then winked at Sandy.

"Morning. Bagel anyone?"

"Sandy, Ryan has something to tell you."

"Oh? Okay. What is it?" Glancing at Ryan, Sandy thought for sure the kid would pass out. He was pale and wide-eyed, he looked terrified.

"Go ahead Ryan," Kirsten encouraged.

"Um, yesterday…yesterday I wasn't…completely…honest with you."

"Okay."

Ryan stole a look at Kirsten, who nodded at him. Raising a shaky hand to the counter he set down the pack of cigarettes and waited for Sandy to go off. Instead of commenting, Sandy reached for the pack of cigarettes, causing Ryan to yank his arm away and back up.

"So, you did smoke yesterday?"

Ryan stared at the pack in Sandy's hand. Guilty as charged.

"Why did you do it?"

There was a lengthy silence while they waited for Ryan's response, which never came.

"Ryan," Kirsten encouraged again. "We know you usually only need a cigarette when you're upset. Did something happen?"

Ryan's eyes hadn't left Sandy's face with the exception of glancing down at the pack in his hand before returning to his face.

"Were you upset yesterday?" Sandy asked, trying to move around as little as possible.

Swallowing hard, Ryan finally nodded.

"Did something happen?" Kirsten inquired again. "It's okay to talk about it Ryan."

Backing up another step, "I got in a fight with my brother."

"And?" Sandy pressured.

"He wanted me to help him with a job. A car."

Sandy's head snapped up to meet Ryan's gaze. "He wanted you to steal a car?"

Nodding, "It had a Flatley on it."

"A what?"

"A Flatley. It's a certain kind of alarm. I know how to get past those, but he doesn't." Realizing that wasn't a good place to stop his explanation, Ryan continued. "I told him I wouldn't do it. That's what the fight was over. The car was worth a lot of money to him…and I wouldn't help him. He was angry with me."

Baffled, "Honey, why didn't you call us?" Kirsten wondered out loud.

Huffing, "And say what? 'Hi, it's me. I'm blowing off curfew because I'm sitting in a diner in Chino going through a pack of cigarettes because my brother wants me to steal a car for him?' That would have gone over well."

Sandy set the pack down and stood up. Stepping directly in front of Ryan, he reached out to put his hand on Ryan's shoulder. The move didn't sit well with Ryan who immediately ducked out of the way and relocated himself across the kitchen.

Reminding himself that Ryan was weighing everything he was going to say and do, Sandy did his best to be encouraging. "I'm proud of you kid. Well, I'm not happy about you lying about the cigarettes, but I understand why you had them. They are the lesser of the evils that you encountered last night. I'm elated that you walked away from…from doing something you know you shouldn't do. I know that probably wasn't an easy decision to make in front of your brother."

Selectively placing himself near two doorways, Ryan looked like a cat ready to bolt from the neighborhood dog. He didn't say a word. He just stood there looking at Sandy. Waiting.

"Unfortunately, I do think there's going to be a few days worth of grounding over this. You're still not getting home by curfew and even though we agreed you would probably be late, one o'clock in the morning is too late. The cigarettes are two-fold. You know you weren't supposed to be smoking and then you lied about them when I asked you about them." There was a pause before he continued, "Are they stolen?"

Ryan shook his head.

"Where did you get them?"

"Diner in Chino."

Sandy nodded. "Okay. So here's the deal. You're grounded for four days. Unfortunately, that's going to ruin your weekend, but I will allow you to play soccer. And you're going to have to do much better when it comes to curfew. I need to see you're at least trying to get home by the time we've told you to be home. Understand?"

Ryan nodded.

"Good. I've got get to the office. I'll see you guys tonight."

Pulling his briefcase off the counter, Sandy walked in Ryan's direction, on purpose, causing him to back up into the living room to get out of Sandy's way. Once he disappeared through the front door, Kirsten gave Ryan a little pep talk before sending him on his way.

"That wasn't so bad. I thought that went rather well."

Ryan's dirty look proved he didn't agree. "He's mad at me now."

"He has a right to be, you lied to him. But he talked to you, he didn't raise a hand or his voice to you. That's good isn't it?"

Ryan shrugged. "You were standing here. Maybe that's why he kept his cool."

Looking at Ryan in disbelief, "You can sit there and make all the excuses you want…he cares about you Ryan. One of these days you'll see it. Now get your stuff or you'll be late for school."

It turned out to be an unproductive day at the office for Kirsten, so she left early. Walking into the house, she noticed things were particularly quiet. She found Seth sitting at the kitchen table doing homework and after a brief exchange of greetings, she realized Ryan was nearby and talking…to someone else.

"Is he on the phone?" Kirsten asked, frustrated with his defiant ways.

"Yeah, he's outside," Seth explained, pointing with his pencil without looking up from his book. "But if he asks, you figured that out on your own. He beats me up enough I don't want him to know I narked on him."

"What is it with that kid and rules?"

"I think he just doesn't like them."

Rolling her eyes, Kirsten walked briskly out the patio door and up the steps where she found Ryan standing next to the pool with his back to her. Clearing her throat, loudly, Ryan whirled around to face her, his smile evaporating in the process.

"Sami, someone's home, I gotta go. Yeah. I'll see ya. Bye."

After the phone was clicked off, "Ryan, what are you doing? You're grounded. No phone."

"I had plans with Sami tonight. I called her to tell her I couldn't go."

This was one of those times when Ryan would bend a rule to just above the breaking point. No, he wasn't supposed to use the phone but, yes, Sami deserved to know that plans had changed. She was confident Ryan didn't see anything wrong with saying hello while he was already on the phone. Instead she chose to avoid the entire episode.

"Dinner will be ready in an hour. You can work on your homework until then."

Without giving Ryan a chance to refute her statement, she went back into the house and started going through menus to plan dinner.

Twenty minutes or so had passed and English Lit was really dragging. Since Kirsten hadn't remembered to get the phone out of his hand, he took it with him into the pool house. Glancing at it laying on his nightstand, he decided he'd had enough of homework for the time being.

Dialing quickly, he put the phone to his ear and scanned the patio for any signs of movement outside. A smile came to his face when a familiar voice answered the line.

"Hello?"

"Hey Sami, it's me."

"Ryan! What are you doing? You're going to be grounded for a month if you keep this up!"

"I know, but doing homework without you just isn't the same."

"Aw, that's sweet! But you're gonna have to do your homework alone today."

Wincing at his books, Ryan hoped Sami would change the subject, but instead, the line went quiet. Finally, Ryan spoke up.

"I miss you."

"I miss you too but that's exactly why we can't be doing this. The more you get grounded, the less time we get to spend together and I want to be with you."

"Yeah?"

"Yes! There's going to be a family ordeal at my house next weekend and I want you to come over. You can't do that if you're grounded," she reminded him.

"Family ordeal? Why does that sound like something I don't want to do?"

"You mean because it has the word family in it?"

"No. Because it has the word ordeal in it!"

Both teens laughed at the miscommunication.

"Seriously, I want you to meet my Mom and my Gram, she's the sweetest person on earth."

Hesitantly, "I don't know. People don't…people don't usually like me once they learn who I am and what I've done."

"I don't plan on spending the day talking about your past so unless you're going to be the one telling stories…"

"Not likely."

"Well, there you have it. Besides, I'm learning about you and I'm crazy about you!"

Ryan could feel his cheeks blush with embarrassment.

"And don't say anything like, 'Well, you don't know everything yet!' I know enough!"

A knock at the pool house door made Ryan's heart jump. "Sami, hold on a minute." Before he had a chance to shove the receiver under his pillow, Seth appeared.

"Are you on the phone again? My Mom's gonna kill you."

Cupping his hand over the phone, "She's not going to find out…is she, Seth?"

Catching Ryan's drift, "No, no of course not. That wouldn't be good for her and it would definitely be bad for…me. Anyways, I'm supposed to tell you that dinner is ready."

"I'll be right there."

Dinner was set out on the table and everyone was filling their dishes, everyone accept Ryan, who was still missing from the table.

"Seth, didn't you tell Ryan it's time to eat?" his mother asked.

"I did, he said he'd be right in."

"I'll go get him."

"NO! Mom, that's, that's okay. He'll be in. He will."

Suspicious of her son's reaction, "What was he doing?"

"Homework, I guess, books all around, I don't know."

"Fine, then I'll take him a dish and he can eat in his room."

"Mmmm, no. That's not good either. He'll come in when he's ready."

"What are you hiding?"

"I'm not hiding anything Mom."

"Fine, then I'm going to tell him to come in and eat."

"If you interrupt his call again, he's going to get pissed…I did NOT just say that…"

"What call?"

"It's nothing."

"Is he on the phone again? Ugh! That child! He is all about pushing limits today."

Throwing her dishtowel down on the counter, Kirsten prepared to confront Ryan, again until Sandy intervened.

"I…will go get him."

Both Seth and Kirsten watched as Sandy jogged up the steps to the pool house and waited for the fireworks to go off.

Inside the pool house, Ryan had lost track of how much time had elapsed, still lost in conversation with Sami.

Without knocking, Sandy pushed open the door and allowed it to slam behind him. The interruption caught Ryan off guard as well as at a loss for words.

"Hang up. Now," Sandy instructed sternly.

Saying goodbye to Sami, Ryan did as he was told and waited for the fallout.

"Give it to me." Sandy held his hand out and waited for Ryan to stand up and pass the phone to him. "You were told to come in to dinner. Let's go." When Ryan didn't move, "Come kid, everyone's waiting." Reaching out, he put his arm on Ryan's shoulder…and the fireworks began.

"Don't fucking touch me!" Ryan hollered. Twisting away from Sandy's grip, he put both hands on Sandy's chest and shoved, forcing Sandy to take a few steps backwards to keep from falling.

Sandy's heavy eyebrows lowered in frustration. Ryan's eyes narrowed, prepared for anything. He'd crossed the line now by laying his hands on Sandy first. Surely he'd come after now. Ryan stood with his chest heaving nervously, waiting for Sandy's response.

"That's not going to work Ryan. I can take anything you can dish out. I know you want to see what I'm made of…well kid, you're looking at it. This is me. You think you've got enough to make me lash out? It's not going to happen. It's not my style. You're so wrapped up in turning me into what you think men are, that you're ignoring who I am." Sandy hesitated to let the meaning of his words sink into Ryan's thoughts. "I'm not, at all happy about you shoving me. I'm hurt more than anything. I'm…I'm going to go out for a walk. I guess it would be best if we didn't eat dinner together tonight."

When the door to the pool house clicked closed, Ryan let himself sink slowly down onto his bed. What had he done? What the hell was he thinking? This was the man that got him out of Juvie, the man that gave him a home. Kirsten, Seth, Sandy, there were his world right now. He may as well have gone out and stolen that car with Trey. What he did to Sandy was inexcusable and now he could only sit and wonder if it could cost him everything.

(TBC)…

A/N – Part 2 of 'The Test' coming at you shortly! (It's a damn big test, took some time to organize!): D


	16. The Test Part 2 of 2

Raising Ryan 

**Chapter 16 – The Test (Part 2) **

**Kleenex Alert**

Of all the reactions Ryan expected Sandy to have, walking away was not one of them. Sitting on his bed, he replayed the scene over and over in his mind, attempting to reanalyze it from every possible angle. There had to be more to this, there had to be. Sandy must have caught onto something, something he could use against Ryan at a later time. The more he thought about it and analyzed it and picked it apart, the more clear it became. Sandy wasn't going to lay a hand on him. For Christ sake, he shoved Sandy. All it took was a dirty look and AJ would have backhanded him across the face without a second thought.

Visions of Sandy leaving the pool house, upset, stuck in Ryan's mind. He couldn't shake the image. He'd done that. He was responsible. There was only one way to fix that.

Pulling his boots on, he went into the house and found Kirsten sitting at the table in silence, with Seth, who was the only person in the house still interested in eating.

Kirsten's eyes met with Ryan's. They were angry. He'd crossed the line and he knew it.

Shifting his weight, "I think I know where he went," Ryan explained quietly. "Can I have permission to go look for him?" Off Kirsten's look, "I want to make this right."

"I'm not sure that's a good idea Ryan. Maybe you should leave it be for now."

Ryan's heart sank, not only had he pissed off and hurt Sandy, it was clear he'd also royally pissed off Kirsten, the one adult that he could trust all along.

"I screwed up. Bad. Please let me fix this…please."

The pleading in Ryan's voice and the concern on his face found it's way into Kirsten's heart. "You're going to have to try like never before Ryan. You really hurt him today, emotionally. He loves you."

Ryan nodded before dropping his eyes to the floor.

"I'll give you one hour and then you have to be back here. Do not…be late."

Having heard enough, Kirsten left the kitchen without waiting to see if Ryan would stay or leave.

"You okay Ry?" Seth's voice was soft for a change. This wasn't the time for banter.

"I really screwed up," he repeated.

"Well, if there's any light at the end of the tunnel, it's the fact that it's my Dad you locked horns with."

"And how is that good?"

"My Dad forgives everybody."

Ryan stared at Seth, wondering if that was true.

When Ryan arrived at the pier, he scoured the spots he thought Sandy might be but he didn't find him. Leaning forward on the handlebars of his bike, he let his head hang down. His legs ached from all the pedaling he'd done. He thought for sure he would have found him. Looking into the distance, Ryan caught sight of one of the lifeguard towers. The same tower he and Sandy had sat and talked at before when Ryan was the one down and out.

Pushing off, he ignored the burning in his legs and pedaled in that direction, scanning the sand below from the pier above. Nothing. He continued until he was almost at the end of the pier. He was about ready to give up when he noticed someone sitting on a bench at the end of the pier, staring out into the water. Sandy.

Quietly laying his bike down behind the bench, Ryan gingerly walked around the front, catching Sandy's eye. Neither said anything. Making an effort, as well as taking a risk, Ryan carefully sat down next to Sandy, within the 'strike zone', and looked out at the sea. Every now and then, Ryan would turn his eyes to Sandy, or blatantly turn his head to Sandy, hoping he would say something. He didn't. He didn't know why he expected Sandy to be the one to speak first. Ryan was the only one that had to say anything.

Several minutes of silence and Ryan's unsettled fidgeting had passed before he finally worked up the courage to speak.

"I'm sorry Sandy." His voice was small but in their quiet location, Sandy heard every word.

Still looking out at the waves, Sandy smiled and nodded. "I know kid."

"I've been looking all over for you…I shouldn't have…it was wrong."

Sandy nodded again. "You're right. It was wrong. I guess…when we talked not too long ago and we agreed we were doing okay…I guess we aren't really doing okay." Still searching the water, Sandy shrugged.

Swallowing hard, "That's not true. Seth and I are okay and I hit him all the time."

Unable to hold his face at the serious tone behind that explanation, Sandy chuckled out loud, allowing his shoulders to bounce in laughter. "I never thought I'd see the day when someone would tell me their hitting me was good for me!"

Shaking his head Sandy's smile faded and he turned his head to Ryan. He'd never seen the kid in such a 'sorry' state. He'd rattled his own cage with this one.

"I don't ever want you to do that again. Do you understand me?"

"I won't, I swear. I didn't mean to…"

"I know. You let your temper get the best of you and we've talked about that before. I may be the man of the house Ryan, but you're coming of age. You're on the brink of being a man yourself. And the bottom line is…we're a family. I don't want anyone in my family treating anyone else like that. I've said it before and I'll say it again, I would never raise my hand to you. It won't happen. Now you tested those waters today and I hope you learned from it. I would never hit you, under any circumstances…and I expect you to give me the same respect."

Ryan could feel a lump forming in his throat and his eyes heating up. Blinking away the emotion, he turned away. He knew now what it meant to have his heartstrings tugged because Sandy's comment definitely struck a nerve.

"Not to change the subject, but…didn't I ground you?"

Snapping his head to Sandy, Ryan nervously offered up another explanation.

"Um. I was. I mean, I am. I got permission from Kirsten…to go look for you. She gave me an hour." Looking down he frowned at his watch, "I guess that's another curfew I just fucked up."

Sandy felt for the kid…one step forward, two steps back seemed to be his motto in life. Reaching into his pocket, he pulled out his cell phone and dialed home. Ryan watched carefully, unsure of what was happening.

"Hey, it's me…no, everything's okay. I just wanted to let you know that Ryan is going to be a little longer than he agreed to…no, he's fine, he's right here. We're talking…yes, seriously. We'll be on our way shortly…I know. Bye honey."

Clicking his cell phone shut, Sandy put it back in its place in his pocket before returning his attention to Ryan, who was back to fidgeting and avoiding eye contact.

"Thanks," Ryan mumbled.

"No problem. What do you say we head home kid? I've got the Rover, I can put your bike in the back."

Ryan nodded. "I really am sorry Sandy."

"I know. Just please promise me you'll never do that again."

Ryan toyed aimlessly with the face of his watch. Nodding, "I'm sorry," he whispered.

"Come on, let's get out of here."

Kirsten was standing on the porch when they pulled in the driveway. She was crossing the driveway to the car before it even came to a stop. Ryan immediately went to the back to retrieve his bike and promptly put it away in the garage.

"What happened?" Kirsten questioned her husband, just out of Ryan's earshot.

"I'll tell you in a minute," Sandy whispered in reply, nodding at the approaching Ryan.

Taking one look at Ryan, Kirsten could tell it'd been a rough hour. Ryan looked weary and his eyes were red. He looked 'broken', and it had been a long, long time since she'd seen him that way.

"Ryan, honey?"

Ryan immediately looked to Sandy, unsure of what he was supposed to say.

"It's getting late. Ryan, why don't you go finish your homework and get to bed? Tomorrow is the big game."

Prone to nodding at this point, Ryan bobbed his head and disappeared into the house.

"What happened?" Kirsten asked, clearly concerned. "Did you yell at him? He looks terrible. What happened?"

"The short version goes…he found me on the pier and he sat down next to me. He looked scared to death. He kept looking at me, waiting for me to make the first move. When I didn't he simply said he was sorry. We talked about me being the man of the house and as such, I'm trying to show him respect since he's also reaching an age where he'll be a man and I asked him to show me the same respect. I also pretty much admitted he'd broken my spirit with that little stunt of his. I think this really rattled him. I've never seen him like that before. He got upset and he just kept saying he was sorry."

"Do you think he's okay?"

"I think so. He's got plenty on his mind right now though. I think he expected me to go off when he showed up on the pier. It's like he doesn't know how to handle me unless I'm angry."

"But you're never angry. I mean, yeah, these last couple of days he's been pushing the envelope but…"

"Honey, you're missing it. That's the whole problem. He's used to men in my position being angry, at him specifically. I've done nothing but try to be nice to him. I think all this time he's been seeing me as a fake. He didn't think it was real."

"What do you think he's thinking now?"

Sighing, "I wish I knew. He told you he wanted to test me and this was one hell of a test, at least it was in my book. I never would have imagined he would have put his hands on me, not in anger. He was definitely testing me, to see if I'd go off on him."

"Can we trust him in the pool house tonight? You don't think he'll run do you?"

"No, he'll be fine."

"How do you know that?"

"Kirsten, he wants this to work out. He wouldn't have come to find me and apologize if he really didn't care."

All these years of working with kids, Sandy had become a pretty good judge of character himself. Kirsten had learned to trust his instincts. The next morning, a smile crept onto her face when she walked into the kitchen for that first cup of morning coffee and she found Ryan sitting at the kitchen table in his soccer uniform, relacing one of his cleats.

"Morning Ryan."

"Hi."

"Ready for your game?"

"Yeah."

"Me too," Kirsten smiled, pointing to the logo on her polo shirt.

Ryan smirked, knowing Kirsten was only coming to half the game today.

Her cell phone rang on the counter, interrupting the morning routine.

"Hello? Yes, this is Kirsten Cohen…what? Oh no. Does it have to be at that time? Well I had…of course I know it's important, it's just that…so there's no other time he can do this?" Sighing, "Then I guess I don't really have any choice. I'll be there. Bye."

"I guess you're not going to get to see any of the game now," Ryan commented without looking up from his cereal.

"I'm not happy about this Ryan, but I don't seem to have much of a choice."

"It's okay."

"Is it?" she asked. "I mean, after yesterday I…"

"I'll be fine," he replied through a mouthful of cereal.

"Can I believe that?"

Swallowing his cereal, "You always told me when it was a new day, I could start again. Try harder."

"That's true. Still is true. I just want to make sure you're okay with…being alone with Sandy today."

Ryan's eyes darted back and forth across the table, signaling to Kirsten he was considering what she said.

"Yesterday was my fault. I think…I think it'll be okay."

"Okay." Crossing the kitchen, she cupped Ryan's face in her hands and kissed his forehead. "Play good. Score for me okay?"

Snorting a laugh, "Okay."

The game against Glenbrook was turning out to be grueling. Despite bad calls from the refs and blatant, yet ignored, fouls from Glenbrook, Harbor was still winning the game as they neared the end.

Ryan ended up right in front Seth and Sandy just as an opposing player checked up against him, knocking him to the ground. Sandy and Seth both jumped up at the same time.

"Come on Ref!" Sandy screamed from the bleachers. "What are you going to do, what till our guys are missing teeth? What is this guy looking at?"

Seth watched the action in front of him, as the referees tried to keep Ryan and a competitor separate from each other. "Um, what are we angry about again?"

"That was an illegal check, he can't do that!"

"Right. Illegal check. Got it!" Cupping his hands around his mouth, "C'mon Ryan! Show them how a badass can really play!"

"Seth!"

"Dad, what? You said be encouraging."

"I did, but yelling 'badass' through the grandstand was not part of the deal."

"Well now, you're just taking all the fun out of it."

The game wore on in true battle fashion. Ryan scored another goal, bringing his assistance for the day to three goals. With five minutes left in the game, Ryan and two other Harbor players were aggressively attacking the ball, while the frustrated, losing players from the other team were doing everything in their power to get even, rather than play to win.

The pack of boys clashed together in mid-field, resembling more of a wrestling match than a soccer game. By the time the ref blew his whistle, two of the Harbor players were down on the ground, Ryan being on of them. Everyone in the grandstands stood up and started booing and yelling at the refs for not stopping the mayhem before someone got hurt.

"What is it? What happened?" Seth asked trying to get a better look at Ryan. "Why isn't Ryan getting up?"

"Something's wrong, we've got to get down there."

Fighting against the irritated crowd, Sandy was thankful they chose to sit closer to the front. When he reached the gate at the bottom, he was stopped by a security guard.

"Sorry Sir, no fans on the field."

"The one boy that's down, that's my son. He's not getting up, can I see him? Please?"

"Alright, but just you," the guard agreed, looking at Seth.

"Fine. Seth, wait here."

"Okay."

Sandy ran across the field to where Ryan lay on the ground, rolling in pain.

"Tom? What happened?" Sandy asked the Coach.

"The fucking refs let this go too far! He's hurt Sandy. It's his hand. One of the boys on the other team was wearing metal cleats. He was fine when he hit the ground, but then someone put their cleats through his hand. He's going to need stitches."

Kneeling down by Ryan, he could see he was doing his best to remain tough in front of his teammates. But Sandy knew better. The hospital wasn't going to be an easy task given his history. More than ever they were both wishing this was a game that Kirsten hadn't missed.

They walked into the ER and Sandy headed straight for the registration desk after telling the boys to sit down. Seth was a basket case himself watching Ryan pace back and forth with this hand wrapped up in ice and bloodied towels.

"I need to find a bathroom," Ryan panted, sweating. "I think I'm going to puke."

"Oh not good. Bathroom's this way chief." Signaling to his Dad, Seth led Ryan down the hall where he broke into a run at the first sight of the door to the men's room.

Finally catching up to him, Seth was surprised to learn he was indeed vomiting.

"You okay man? Does it hurt that bad?"

"No," he gasped.

"Then…why are you…sick?"

"I can't do this Seth. I can't be here. I can't do this with your Dad. If your Mom was here, maybe. But not with your Dad. I can't be alone in that room with him. I can't."

"Hey, calm down Ryan. It's going to be okay."

"No it's not. I can't be here. I can't be hurt and I can't be alone with your Dad in that room. Not after what I did yesterday. I can't…" Ryan ended his panicked explanation with another splatter of vomit in the toilet.

"Well, maybe the doctor could work on you alone. Maybe my Dad doesn't have to be in there."

When they returned to the waiting area, "Ryan? Follow me please," the nurse instructed.

"It's okay kid. Go ahead. I'll be right here."

Sandy took a seat just outside the door as Ryan followed the nurse inside. Seth seized the opportunity and parked himself next to his Dad.

"I think it was a good idea that you stayed out here."

"Oh yeah? Why is that?"

"Ryan…Ryan doesn't really do hospitals…very well."

Seth's brief explanation was followed by thrashing and yelling in Ryan's room. Sandy allowed the raucous to continue for a bit, assuming Ryan would eventually calm down, that he was better off without Sandy in there. When the chaos continued, he knew he had no choice but to step in.

After instructing Seth to stay out of the room, he swung the door open to find Ryan cornered and hysterical. A male nurse held restraints in his hands and another nurse held an injection in hers, all the while, the doctor was trying to coax Ryan out of the corner.

"What is going on in here?"

Sandy's voice got everyone's attention, including the doctor. Rushing across the room to Ryan's side, he hoped he could calm the kid down and convince the doctor to not use the restraints in the process.

"It's okay kid. Just calm down."

Ryan was holding his injured hand and trembling. "They want to tie me down! You can't let them tie me down! I'll be fine. Please just take me home. Please. Sandy, please, just get me out of here. Please!"

Speaking softly, "Kid, we've got to get that hand fixed."

"Can we call Kirsten?"

Taking a deep breath, "Not this time. It's going to be okay Ryan. We'll get through this."

Ryan stood his ground, shaking his head. "I can't do this," he whispered. "Please don't make me do this."

Turning to address the doctor, "Look, Ryan has had…a difficult past. Hospitals do not hold good memories for him. You cannot tie this kid down. He'll go ballistic. You cannot restrain him. As his guardian, I will not allow it."

"Mr. Cohen, as you saw when you entered the room, he's extremely agitated and combative. For his own safety, as well as the safety of my staff, he must be restrained," the doctor lectured, unsympathetic to Ryan's emotional trauma.

"He'll be good, he will. He'll be fine but you can't restrain him."

Slowly Sandy held out his hand to Ryan. "Come on kid, let's do this so we can go home. I'll be right here with you. I won't let them hurt you." Sandy waited patiently for Ryan to go along with the program. The doctor, however, was not as patient.

"Ryan, I have other patients to attend to. Either you want my care or you don't."

Irritated, "So much for the great tableside manner," Sandy barked. "I just got done telling you this kid has had bad experiences in hospitals and the only thing you have to offer him is a comment like that? No wonder he doesn't trust you."

The doctor's disgusted expression didn't faze Sandy in the least. He went right back to coaxing Ryan back to the table.

"It's going to be okay Ryan. You don't have to do this alone."

Sandy was surprised when Ryan took a step toward him, followed by another, and another. It didn't take long and Sandy, somehow, managed to get Ryan lying down on the table.

Ryan might have been going along with the program, but he hadn't calmed down. At all. He attempted to talk to Sandy but his voice was shaky and it skipped syllables from hysterical hiccups in his speech.

"San-y, please don'- let -em tie me dow-. Please."

"Shh. I'm right here kid. No one's going to tie you down. Give me your good hand," Sandy instructed, wrapping his hand around Ryan's good hand. "There. Now you just hang onto to me as tight as you can. I'm not going anywhere. I need you to trust me kid. Please, trust me. It's going to be okay."

With his other hand, Sandy stroked Ryan's bangs off his face. He could feel Ryan's grip tightening around his hand. Ryan's eyes filled with tears until they overflowed and ran down the sides of his face into his hair. His lips trembled and his chin shook. He was fighting to stay in control with everything he had…and then he finally gave in.

"O-kay," he whispered, catching Sandy off guard.

"Okay?"

Hesitantly, "-kay. Trus- you."

More tears spilled down as the words left Ryan's mouth and the wall he'd erected between himself and Sandy came crashing down.

The words brought tears to Sandy's eyes as well. Given the previous day's events, he thought this day would never come.

"Aw kid. I've been waiting to hear those words since the day I brought you home."

Sandy allowed his eyes to run over as well. Leaning forward, he gently kissed Ryan's forehead. "You and me kid. We're gonna get through this together."

Nodding, "Okay. O-kay," Ryan breathed.

Staying close to Ryan, Sandy searched the room for the snotty doctor. "I think we're ready Doc. Just, please make sure that hand is numb before you stitch. I don't want him to feel a thing."

"Consider it done Mr. Cohen. Let's begin."

(TBC)…

A/N – I'm not sure how everyone else came through this one, but this one made me cry! If anyone needs a note for their boss, I'm sure I can come up with one! LOL!

Well folks, that was three chapters in a single week! I think that's a record for me! Y'all are caught up to me now, so I'll get the next update out just as soon as it leaves my imagination: D


	17. The Calm After The Storm

**Raising Ryan**

**Chapter 17 – The Calm After The Storm**

"Pulling! It's pulling!" Ryan complained, squirming.

"Easy kid, easy. You're doing great Ryan, just look at me. Is it just pulling or does it hurt? Are you in pain?" Sandy asked, keeping his voice even and calm.

Ryan's eyes searched the ceiling while he considered the sensation in his injured hand.

"I feel pull…pulling."

"Okay. That's just the stitches. They're closing the cuts. They're almost done. Hang in there kid, we're almost outta here."

"-kay. Okay."

Swallowing hard, Ryan concentrated on Sandy's shirtsleeve. He turned his head to avoid seeing what the doctor was doing to his hand. He didn't want to know.

Sandy monitored the doctor's progress and allowed himself to relax a bit when he noticed the procedure was coming to an end. With his hand still wrapped tightly in Ryan's hand, and his other hand still attempting to, soothingly, stroke Ryan's hair, he continued to talk to Ryan.

"We're almost done. About, three or four more stitches and we're outta here kid." Sandy recognized a flicker of relief in the boy's eyes.

Just a few short minutes later, the doctor confirmed Sandy's statement. "Okay folks. We're all done here. You did good kid. I'll be right back with his release and the instructions for the stitches."

Ryan jumped at the doctor's hand on his shoulder. He'd had enough and he wanted out. Pulling his hand away from Sandy's grasp, he bent his legs and tried to roll off the table.

"Easy. Sit up slow Ryan." Wrapping his arm around Ryan's back, Sandy helped him sit up. "Sit there for just a minute longer kid. I don't want you to feel woozy."

"I'm fine," Ryan disagreed, trying to get past Sandy and off the table.

"Ryan…Ryan, listen to me." Putting his hands up in front of Ryan, he stopped him from getting down. "You're done kid. You don't have to do anything else. We're gonna get out of here in just a couple more minutes. The doctor just needs to sign your release. Okay?"

Cradling his bandaged hand, Ryan nervously avoided eye contact with Sandy.

"You okay son? How's that hand? If it's smarting, we'll get something from the doctor for…"

"You didn't hit me."

His statement caught Sandy by surprise and he wasn't sure what to expect after that. The two locked eyes on each other. For once Sandy wasn't sure what to say and he was thankful to see Ryan had something on his mind.

"You didn't hit me…and you didn't let them…tie me down. AJ, he'd…" Ryan stalled, unsure of how much information he wanted to share. Considering what he and Sandy had survived together, he owed him one. "I've…I've been through a lot. I've had so many visits to hospitals, I could walk through Chino General with my eyes closed. When the hospital started asking questions, AJ stopped taking me there and started taking me to this clinic to get fixed up. AJ used to…he used to tell the guy to not give me any anesthetic, that I'd get a bad reaction from it. He wanted me to hurt even more than I did when I walked in the door. The guy used to try to talk him out of it, but AJ'd offer him drugs so he'd go along with the program. AJ would tell him I was a problem and that it would be wise to use restraints to tie me down so I'd hold still. He'd tell him that I was a punk kid and that I'd make his job hard, that he was just trying to give him a heads up on how combative I could be. Tied down with no painkillers, who the hell wouldn't be combative? Couple of times I actually passed out from the pain and AJ got mad at me because I slept through it all. At least, that's how he saw it. After the third or fourth visit, it just became routine." Ryan shuddered at the memories and looked away from Sandy for a moment, trying to regroup. "When you brought me here, I assumed…" he paused. "You've been telling me the truth all along. I was afraid to believe you. But, if you really were like AJ, that would have come out today. Here, at the hospital."

Stunned by Ryan's story, "Ryan, what kind of doctor would ever agree to…"

"A Chino doctor at a low income clinic…who happens to be hiding a drug addiction."

"Jesus. Kid, I so sorry for what you've…"

"No, don't. I'm the one that's sorry. All this time…everything you've tried to do for me…" Raising his head, Ryan's eyes took on a serious stare. "Can I tell you something?"

"Sure. Anything."

"I think…I think we'll be okay now. I mean…I want us to be, okay now. I just…don't screw this up Sandy."

"I won't. You mean too much to me. I promise, I will never raise my hand to you and I will never allow anyone to hurt you. Nobody hurts my family."

Swallowing hard, Ryan nodded. "Okay. I trust you."

Leaning forward, Sandy embraced Ryan, rubbing his back reassuringly. Tears formed in his eyes when Ryan returned the embrace.

Letting go of Ryan, "I don't know about you kid, but I'm ready to get the hell out of here. Where the hell is this guy with the forms?"

"Mmm. Probably on the phone with AJ, trying to ruin a very important moment."

Chuckling, "Nothing can ruin this kid. We're family."

Kirsten was frantic with worry. The soccer game had ended hours before and there was no sign of the boys. She'd left countless messages for Sandy on his cell phone, which he wasn't answering or returning. She drew in a deep breath when she heard a greeting bellow through the house.

"Hello," Sandy called through the foyer.

"Sandy? Oh my God, I've been calling your for hours! Where have you…"

Striding into the living room, she took one look at Ryan, his bandaged hand and his red eyes and she about fainted.

"Oh no! What happened? Ryan? Honey? Are you okay?" Rushing up to him, she cradled his face and gently examined his hand.

"Yeah."

"What happened? Oh I knew I shouldn't have missed this game!"

"Kirsten, don't start," Ryan warned.

"Well look at you! You're all frazzled and upset and your hand and…"

"And for the first time Sandy and I are okay," Ryan announced publicly.

Stiffening her posture she looked at the men before her. Even Seth was quiet, a sure sign that this appeared to be the truth.

"Really?"

"Yeah. I guess maybe it was a good thing you missed the game today. At least so far it seems…okay."

Kirsten stood dumbfounded before the trio.

"I'm going to get cleaned up."

Sandy seized the opportunity to talk to his wife alone. "Seth, why don't you give Ryan a hand?"

"A hand? That's funny. I think Ryan is old enough to shower alone Dad."

"I know that, but maybe he could use some help covering those bandages with plastic wrap so they don't get wet in the shower."

"You want to talk to Mom alone…I get it," Seth added shuffling off.

"Seth, I didn't mean…"

"It's okay Dad. Saying Ryan wants help was a dead give away…Ryan never wants help. With anything. And I'm just telling you now, if he hurts me, it's on you."

Smirking at their birth son as he left the room, Kirsten turned to her husband to fill her in on all the important details.

"So what happened? Is he really okay?"

"I think so. We had a, a moment. You know how he is about hospitals. I guess, AJ used to…tell the physician at the clinic that he didn't need anything for pain and then they'd time him down during the procedure to hold him still."

"Oh my God," Kirsten whispered.

"It wasn't easy to calm him down but I promised him I wouldn't let them hurt him and I wouldn't let them tie him down."

"Sandy…"

"He said he trusted me. He said it twice. He also made sure to warn me not to screw this up." Sandy snickered at his own remark. It was such a Ryan thing to do, to cover all the angles.

"Do you think he means it?"

"I do. You didn't see him in there. He was absolutely hysterical. Of his options, it was either me, or the doctor. He took a chance on picking me. The first thing he said afterwards was that I didn't hit him."

"When I think about what those people put him through…"

"That's over with. He's with us now and I'd say he just turned another corner."

Entering the pool house, Seth waved the obligatory roll of plastic wrap in the air. "I've been told by the 'rents to mummify you before your shower.

"What?" Ryan winced, not liking Seth's explanation.

"I'm supposed to help you," he clarified, causing an even more disgusted look to take over Ryan's face. "Look, I'm not following you into the shower with a loofa, or anything like that. I'm to wrap your hand then your own your own. Cool?"

"I hate fucking plastic wrap."

"I know buddy. I'll do this as quick as possible and then I'll be on my way."

Less than happy about the idea, Ryan poked his way to the foot of his bed and plopped down, holding out his left hand so Seth could do his handy work.

"Don't make it too tight. This hurts like hell," Ryan instructed, watching Seth wind the plastic wrap around his bandaged hand.

Finishing up with the plastic wrap, Seth reached into his back pocket and pulled out some electrical tape.

"What the hell is that for?" Ryan inquired.

"You need waterproof tape to keep that on," Seth garbled with the end of the tape caught between his teeth.

"I'm not keeping this on for a month Seth."

"I know." Cutting the strip free, he wrestled with finding the right angle in which to apply the tape. "Okay, um. Maybe if I…no. What about…no good either. Here, turn your arm over," he instructed sitting down next to Ryan and applying the tape. It was in the middle of cutting the second strip that he froze, completely panicked.

"What?" Ryan asked unaware of any problem. "What's the matter?"

"I…I…um, it's my gluteus maximus."

"What?" Ryan answered sharply, on the verge of losing patience.

"I'm…sitting…on your bed…" Wrapping his hands around the roll of tape, he held it close to his chest. "Just…don't hit me in the face, okay?" Wincing, he hunched up his shoulders and prepared for the impact.

Sighing, Ryan couldn't believe he'd actually trained Seth to be afraid to sit on his bed. It was almost humorous. "I'm not going to hit you."

"You're not?" Seth asked, shocked and opening only one eye.

"No. It's okay."

"What?"

"It's okay," Ryan repeated, sighing again. "Can we just finish this already?"

"Dude, are you feeling okay?" Seth wondered out loud, placing his hand on Ryan's forehead.

"You wanna keep that hand?"

Snatching his hand back right away, "I'm just…you know, wondering."

"Wondering what?"

"Well, first you crossed a huge bridge with my Dad this afternoon and now…now you're letting me sit on your bed. Ryan, this is…monumental!"

Ryan allowed half of his face to smile. "Yeah well, the same rule I gave your Dad applies to you…don't screw this up."

"And just so we're clear on this, what, exactly, would constitute 'screwing this up'," Seth inquired, adding the last piece of tape to Ryan's hand.

Leaning into Seth, "If I catch you dancing on my bed…I'll see to it that that roll of tapes finds it way around your neck." Raising his eyebrows, Ryan sealed his point.

Placing his hand protectively around his throat, "But…Ryan…"

"Oh, I can make it fit," he threatened.

"Okay then. I think I'll just leave you to your shower. I'm going to…go…bury this," Seth stated, holding up the role of tape.

With one last sideways glance, Ryan disappeared into the bathroom and Seth went back into the house, where he found his parents in the kitchen.

"Everything okay?"

"Dad, when are you going to learn? Ryan and 'ok' don't belong in the same sentence."

"Sure they do. How is he?"

"Actually he's…he's okay. He only threatened my hand and my neck, one time each and he let me sit on his bed."

"Well, I'm glad we got that straightened out," Sandy mocked.

"Mock me if you must, but that was a big step on the brotherhood front. The only people he allows in his bed are girls." Off his father's look, "Don't even go there. I don't plan on donning a dress anytime soon."

Kirsten waited a few more minutes before slipping out to the pool house to check on Ryan. She found him angrily wrestling with the plastic wrap on his bandage.

"Oh Ryan wait, you'll rip your bandage." Locating the seams, Kirsten gently pulled against the tape on both ends of the plastic wrap freeing Ryan's injured hand from Seth's handy work. "There. How's that?"

Ryan nodded before sitting down on the edge of his bed.

"What is it? What's wrong?" Kirsten asked.

"Nothing's wrong. I know you're here to ask me a hundred and one questions about what happened at the hospital so…go ahead."

It was his demeanor that made Kirsten realize she needed to ask the right things, to not tamper with the strides he'd made that afternoon.

"Well, I'm really only interested in the serious stuff," she admitted, drawing a glare from Ryan. "I mean it. You took one for the team Ryan, did anyone else get spikes in their hand? I doubt it."

"They're called cleats."

"Well come on, did you guys kick their butts or what? What was the score?"

A child-like grin spread over Ryan's face. Kirsten always was good at saying the right thing at the right time. It was the main reason he took to her in the first place.

"We were killing them. It was eleven to three when I left the game. It didn't take much to get under their goalie's skin and he just went to pieces after that. Made the rest of his team pretty moody."

"Damn I missed a good game!" Kirsten emphasized her disappointment by slapping her hand against her leg. "That's it. No more business on game days."

"Yeah well, you can't be everywhere at once. We'll just have to kick ass again next week."

"Okay. That works for me. I'll be there," she smiled. "Now come on inside, it's time to eat."

Standing up to follow Kirsten inside, "Hey, thanks for…not making such a big deal out of things."

"I didn't make a big enough deal out of missing the game? Because I'm really upset that I missed…"

"No. About…other…things."

"I know, and I understand. Let's go. Time to eat."

They'd barely entered the kitchen when the phone rang. Seth snatched it off the counter, greeted the caller and motioned to Ryan. "It's napkin girl," he whispered.

Yanking the phone out of Seth's hand, Ryan disappeared into the living room for some privacy.

"Hey."

"Hey Ryan. How are you?"

Looking down at his hand, "Okay. It's been a long day," he sighed.

"How was your game?"

"Long," he evaded.

"I can't talk long, but I just wanted to remind you about the dinner at my house tomorrow night. I'd really like you to come and meet my family."

"I don't know. I mean, I'm not sure if I'd…"

"Fit in? You'll be just fine. And I'll be right by your side the entire time. Okay?"

Nodding into the phone, "Yeah. Okay. I'll be there."

"Great! I'll see you tomorrow."

Taking his seat at the dinner table, Ryan was thrown right back into life in a real family.

"Seth, can you cut Ryan's dinner up for him?" Kirsten commented innocently from across the kitchen.

But one look at Ryan with his knife in his hand had Seth thinking otherwise.

"So now might be a really good time to get a few things out in the open. Mom, Dad, I know you're trying to make things easier for Ryan and that's really sweet and all but…well…first of all Ryan doesn't really do 'sweet'…unless he's with napkin girl. Secondly, I'd prefer to be left out of the helping-Ryan-against-his-will thing because it only leads to him threatening my life and or various body parts. And Ryan, I need you to know that I would do anything for you and I only offer to do the things I know you don't want help with because the 'rents force me to do so. There. I've said my peace."

The adult Cohens shared a look before Sandy told everyone the way it was going to be. "I respect that son, and Ryan, I respect your need for independence, however, for the next week or so we're all going to have to work together to make sure that hand heals properly. Ryan, that means someone needs to wrap that bandage before you can shower. And the doctor said no pressure on that hand for the next two weeks and that means you'll be treated like royalty when it comes to dinnertime fair. And please don't kill Seth, he's only doing this because we're forcing him to."

The last comment got a snicker out of Ryan. "Okay. I'll try to cooperate." Proving his point, he set his knife down and pushed his dish near Seth.

"Right. Got it. Cooperation. How little do you want your Cordon Bleu cut up?"

"My right hand still works Seth."

"See Dad? First thing out of his mouth – always a threat!"

Ryan leaned onto the kitchen table, making Seth lean away from him.

"Right. Chino sized bites. Coming right up."

Late that night, Ryan lay in bed, staring at the door when Sandy walked in.

"Hey kid."

"Hey. What are you doing up?"

"I was thinking about your hand, brought you some Advil. I thought, incase it started bothering you during the night, you wouldn't have to get up. I'll just leave them on your night…"

"Actually, can I have those?"

"Sure. I'll get you a bottle of water."

A quick trip into Ryan's mini-fridge produced a bottle of water and Ryan quickly swallowed the pills.

"Does it hurt that bad? Should I get you an ice pack?"

"No. I'll be okay," he answered hurriedly. Not wanting Sandy to read into anything, "I just meant that it's a little sore. The Advil was probably a good idea."

"Okay. Well if you change you mind, let us know or help yourself. Sleep tight kid. I'll see you tomorrow."

Ryan watched through the glass as Sandy went back to the main house. For the first time in a long time he felt truly comfortable. His relationship with Sandy was always delicate, tedious, and exhausting even. But today they both learned about each other and Ryan hoped it was a relationship that would continue on its current course.

Rolling over he found himself staring at the glimmer from the swimming pool that was reflecting on his ceiling. His mind turned to Sami and he tried to prepare himself for what to expect tomorrow at the dinner. Sami liked him for who he was. Maybe her family would feel the same way. Maybe. Sami. Napkin girl. He smiled at the thought of her. She made him feel good about himself and that was quite a feat considering their relationship wasn't based on sex. Sex always made him feel good. He'd never been with a girl he wasn't using for sex. Sami was definitely different and he liked that.

With the Advil finally taking the edge off of the sting in his hand, he dozed off.

(TBC)…

A/N – Sorry for the delay y'all. RL has been a bear lately! Good news is, the next chapter is already started. The bad news is…the end is in sight! I had never imagined this one going this long!

I'm also looooong overdue in saying 'thank you' to those who've been pimping my goods! Thank you! Thank you! For taking the time to do so! 


	18. A Dinner To Remember

Raising Ryan 

**Chapter 18 – A Dinner To Remember**

It was approximately seven o'clock by the time Ryan arrived at Sami's house. The driveway was full of cars and he found himself standing next to his car, staring at the house. He hadn't met anyone from Sami's family yet, why the hell did he agree to do it on a day when they had so much company? He didn't have time to ponder that thought for very long since Sami was already on her way down the driveway with her arms outstretched and a smile plastered across her face.

"Hey Ryan! I was starting to worry about you!"

"Sorry I'm late. I had…had a distraction this afternoon. It takes a little longer to get ready to go out." Holding up his bandaged hand, he frowned and glanced down at the ground.

"Uh oh. What happened? Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm okay. Some guy at the game yesterday was wearing metal cleats and he stepped on my hand. I had to get about twelve stitches."

"Oooh," Sami moaned. "I'm sorry to hear that." Wrapping her arm around Ryan's good arm, "Tell you what, how about you to come inside and let me make you a plate full of food? Oh and I want you to meet my Grandma. She's a very wise woman and she's super sweet."

"Can't wait," Ryan forced, shuddering inwardly and wishing he could just be alone with Sami.

Following Sami through the house, Ryan was aware of all the whispering going on. 'Who is that boy?' and 'Oh, look, that must be Samantha's boyfriend' swirled through the air as they meandered through the crowd. Ryan found himself walking just a bit taller when it dawned on him that none of the whispering was negative. In fact, everyone seemed rather intrigued by him.

They came across her Mom first. She looked a lot like Sami. When her eyes landed on Ryan he could see the nervousness in her body language, apparently she knew all the wrong things about him. He could see it in her eyes. Still, Ryan put on a brave face and let Sami drag him right up to her. He could do this. He'd done this a thousand times…met the Moms that hated him. This was nothing new.

"Mom, I'd like you to meet Ryan, Ryan Atwood. Ryan, this is my Mom."

"Hi," Ryan muttered, more shyly than he expected.

"Ryan, well hello," the woman greeted, more enthusiastic than Ryan was expecting. "Samantha has told me a lot about you. I'm glad you were able to make it to dinner. Make sure you have some of the chocolate mousse later, it's to die for!"

"Thanks," Ryan replied, allowing an embarrassed smile to flash on half of his face.

Turning to Ryan, "There see? That wasn't so bad was it?"

"It was okay, I guess. Not really into…"

"Parents?"

"Right."

"Come on, my Dad is right over there. After that I want you to meet my Gram…"

"Ah, Sami? Can we, not, do this right now?"

Sami looked at the boy before her. Whatever confidence he had when he walked in the door was now teetering on the brink of being lost at the mere mention of her Father.

"Ryan, do you trust me?"

"Sami…"

"Do you trust me?" she repeated.

Curling his lips inward, Ryan nodded, knowing exactly where this was heading and his stomach was already forming knots just thinking about it.

"My Dad is a good man. He would love to meet you."

Tipping his head to one side, Ryan threw a sideways glance at the person he knew would be talking to him next. He would try to get through this…for Sami.

"Can you promise me we'll keep this short?" Ryan requested, hoping he wasn't sounding like he was begging.

"We'll just say a quick hello and we'll move on okay?"

Hesitating, "Okay."

With her heart pounding in his chest, he felt his feet propelling him forward. They came to a stop in front of tall man in a business suit.

"Excuse me, Dad? I just need you for a quick second. We're off to the kitchen to get some food, but I wanted to you meet Ryan," Sami introduced.

Ryan was partially relieved when Sami told her Father right off the bat that they were basically just passing through. Then again, AJ had the ability to strike without warning. It only took seconds for something to go wrong.

"Ryan, it's good to meet you," he greeted offering a handshake.

Nervously extending his arm Ryan returned the handshake. "My pleasure," he managed to force out, with his heart still beating in his throat. "Sami tells me you enjoy cars. Do you do body work, or work on engines?"

Ryan's eyes grew as wide as saucers. Now what? Saying, 'No, I used to steal them' didn't seem like a great answer to share.

Noticing his panic, Sami jumped in with a save. "No Daddy, Ryan likes muscle cars. You know, like the race cars?"

"Ah yes. I used to be into those when I was younger. Have you gone down to the track at all? To see them in person?"

"Um, I'm going in a couple of weeks, actually. I got some tickets for Christmas," Ryan stuttered.

"There's nothing like hearing those engines. I love that sound."

"Hey Glen, you gonna nurse that drink all night?" a voice shouted across the room.

"I guess I'm being paged," the Father explained. "You kids have fun. Ryan, it was a pleasure to meet you. Make sure Sami let's you try the chocolate mousse before you go, it's out of this world."

With a quick nod of his head, he made his way through the crowd of party guests to the loud man across the room. Ryan fought off a smile and let his eyes fall on Sami, who was also smiling enormously at this point.

"Okay, okay," he surrendered.

"What?"

"Go ahead, say it…you told me so."

"Okay. I told you so. Feel a little better now?"

"Yeah, I do. So I guess Grandma is the only one left?"

"Yep, follow me."

Grandma was enjoying herself on the patio when Sami and Ryan walked up to her.

"Gram? I'd like you to meet someone. This is Ryan."

"Hi…Ma'am."

"Oh Sonny you don't have to 'Ma'am' me…it makes me sound so old dear!"

Ryan chuckled at the quick-witted old woman.

"I'm going to fix Ryan a dish Gram, mind keeping him company for me?"

Ryan winced at the thought of being babysat by the Grandmother. He had planned on sticking to Sami like glue in order to avoid conversations as much as possible. But everything was going along rather well so far, trusting Sami's judgment was probably the right thing to do.

"Absolutely sweetness. I'll beat off any other girls with my cane. Have a seat Sonny," the woman gestured to a chair next to hers.

"I'll be right back Ryan. Remember Gram, his name is Ryan…not Sonny."

Ryan sat down apprehensively and watched Sami disappear around the corner. His attention was drawn back to the old woman when he realized she was patting his knee.

"Ryan, dear, at my age, everyone is 'Sonny'…I don't mean anything by it."

"That's okay."

The woman sat back in her chair and narrowed her eyes on Ryan, causing him to shift in his seat under her stare.

"You like Sami, don't you?"

God help him. If this old woman was going to lecture him about the birds and the bees, he'd rather he'd stayed home altogether.

"Yeah…I do."

"I can tell. I can see it in your eyes."

Until the Cohens came along, no one really paid much attention to Ryan and he found himself somewhat curious about the old woman's take on him.

"Are you a tough guy?" she asked candidly.

"Excuse me?" Ryan stuttered.

"I met my husband when he was sixteen, and he was a tough guy. He got into a couple of scuffles and one time, he threw a rock through the window of the grocery store in our town."

Nodding politely, "Really? Wow. That's…that's tough," Ryan replied trying not to snicker at the woman's story. Her version of a 'tough guy' would have been swallowed whole in Chino.

"You know, in those days, when you got in trouble for something, there were physical consequences to be paid. After he threw that rock, his Daddy took him out behind the shed and spanked him with a leather belt. Nowadays, kids don't have to deal with those kinds of beatings. Parents aren't allowed to treat their kids that way."

Ryan's eyes drifted away, tuning out the old woman's voice. Suddenly the woman's story was getting a little too close to home. Her take on modern events compared to history couldn't have been farther from the truth. Memories flashed through Ryan's mind, unwanted memories. AJ had a black leather belt and Ryan knew all too well what it felt like when it made contact with his backside, or any other part of him for that matter.

"Well, I'm rambling now," the old woman babbled, before pausing and putting her hand on Ryan's hand. "The point I wanted to make is…tough guys have good hearts. Tough guys will do whatever it takes to get the job done and that includes taking care of his family and friends. It's true that there are some out there that ruin the image of a strong man by using their tough exterior for the wrong reasons. But it's been my experience that tough guys are good guys. You're a good guy Ryan. I can tell just by looking at you. I've had a lifetime of looking at faces and yours tells a thousand stories."

Ryan stared at the woman. It seemed impossible to make words out of his thoughts. How could she seemingly know so much about him when he didn't even tell Sami anything about his past? At least, nothing about the abuse.

"What kind of stories?" The words left Ryan's mouth without his permission and he immediately regretted his question. Dodging his eyes from the old woman, he couldn't ignore his curiosity and met her gaze again.

Smiling, she leaned forward, squeezed Ryan's hand and looked directly into his eyes. "You're young, but you have an old soul, old and wise. I'm guessing someone close to you has wronged you in this life. Your eyes…they sparkle with new found happiness, as if a huge weight has been lifted off your shoulders. And your smile, you protect it like you're afraid to share it. Maybe you're afraid someone won't give it back to you."

Ryan's mind and face went blank at the old woman's observations.

"Sonny, life is a journey. You never know where the road is going to take you unless you keep going forward. Let your heart dance. Let your smiles glow. Take it from me, it all goes by entirely too fast to not enjoy every minute of it. You're a good boy. I can tell. Find your happiness and let your heart run over."

The woman watched Ryan. Her words rang true. She didn't know why, but she knew she'd gotten through to him.

"Tell you what Sonny," she started again. "Why don't you catch up with Samantha in the kitchen and tell her I'd like some Kool Aid?"

Nodding, "Yeah sure." Easing to the edge of his seat, "You know, Sami told me you were very wise."

"I am dear," she smiled.

Standing up, Ryan paused and returned the woman's smile. "Thanks for the advice."

"Any time Sonny."

Meandering his way through the house, Ryan had wished he'd left a trail of breadcrumbs when he came in. After walking down several hallways and not finding the kitchen, he positioned himself near the foyer and started paying attention to guests who had filled dinner plates and, more specifically, the direction they were coming from.

Heading in the assumed direction, he found himself rather enjoying the party. He was slowly relaxing. No one seemed to know him here. It was as if he'd located a bubble within Newport that gossip of his past hadn't penetrated. It was extremely refreshing.

He allowed himself to smile when he discovered Sami in the long lost kitchen, talking with other guests, still holding his plate of food. Excusing herself from the guest she brought the plate of food over to Ryan.

"I'm so sorry to keep you waiting, that was my Aunt I was talking too. She can get a little chatty sometimes."

"That's okay. I'm actually on a mission for your Grandma. She wants some Kool-Aid," Ryan explained.

"Ha! That woman and her Kool-Aid! She thinks that's just the greatest stuff! I'll take care of the Kool-Aid. You come over here and sit down, start eating. I'll be right back."

"I can wait for you."

"That's okay, I've been munching all evening. Eat up while it's hot," Sami instructed disappearing into the crowd.

Indulging as instructed, he noticed Sami had already taken the time to cut up his food for him. That alone made him smile. Ryan was happily self-engrossed in his meal when he heard a voice addressing him.

"Do I know you?" a woman asked.

Clenching his teeth, Ryan allowed his eyes to slowly skim up the body of the woman standing next to him until he got to her face.

"Who are you?" she pressured again.

Pushing the food aside in his mouth, "Ryan. I'm sort of…with…Sami."

With her hands on her hips she narrowed her eyes quizzically on the teen in front of her before making a seat for herself next to Ryan, which turned out to be practically right on top of him. "You wouldn't by chance be Ryan Atwood…of Chino decent, would you?"

Immediately losing his appetite, Ryan forced his mouthful of food down his throat. "I should probably see if Sami needs…"

"Oh my God, you really are that kid!"

Feeling his heart sinking, and sinking fast, Ryan put his fork down and attempted to stand up but was quickly knocked back down onto his backside by the same woman that was unnerving him.

"Oh, Ryan, please don't be upset. I didn't mean to upset you. You're looking at the only female in this family to be kicked out of three of the most reputable private schools on the East Coast. To be completely honest with you, I'm a little excited to see another little bit of rebellion around here."

"That's…great. I hate to disappoint you but, I'm…I'm not like that anymore."

"Well, I supposed it's helpful that we all grow up at some point…just don't lose all of that spark. It's the zest of life dear."

With a kind smile, the woman stood up and walked away leaving Ryan to wonder exactly 'what' that was all about. He was tempted to follow her, to see if she went directly to Sami's Mom or Dad. But Sami returned in an instant, canceling that idea.

"Okay, what's up? I know that look."

Ryan didn't even bother trying to hide the smirk brought on by that comment. "You're getting dangerously close to knowing me too well," he chuckled. "It's nothing. Just, some woman came up to me and asked me who I was. Apparently my reputation precedes me because she knew who I was."

"Ah, I'm guessing that would be my Aunt Lucy. She's quite the busybody. Knows everything about everyone…and she's got some rather large skeletons in her own closet." Noticing Ryan's appetite had dropped off, no doubt the result of her Aunt's inquiries, "Say, you want to get out of here for a while?"

"I thought you'd never ask!"

Pushing their way out of the house, they headed down the path to a private beach area.

"This is so much better, don't you think?"

"Oh yeah, definitely!" Ryan agreed.

Taking a seat on some nearby boulders, the two stared at the ocean for a moment.

"I'm really glad you came over tonight Ryan. It meant a lot to me, to have you here with the rest of my family."

"It was nice, wasn't it? I think that's the first time in my life that I got to meet a Mom that wasn't ready to take my face off."

Laughing, "Well, we haven't done anything to make her angry at you…yet," Sami insinuated, smiling devilishly.

"Yet?" Ryan questioned rather hopeful.

"Would you put your eyebrows down! I hate to break it to you, but tonight is not your night!"

Frowning, Ryan snapped his fingers in disappointment. "Damn! I was 'this' close!" he complained.

Laughing louder, "You were never that close! Tell your little man to stand down, he's got the night off!"

"Hey, hey, hey! I'm from Chino, don't call him little. He's got a reputation to protect."

"And we wouldn't want that damaged, would we?" she snickered.

"Nooo, not at all!"

"Can I ask you something?"

"Sure."

"We've joked about it, but I want you to be honest with me…have you really been with a lot of girls?"

"Sami…"

"Don't be embarrassed, it doesn't matter to me, I just want to know the truth."

"If it doesn't matter, why are you asking?"

"It's just one of those things you usually discuss with someone you care about when you're considering having a physical relationship with them."

"Physical…relationship?"

"Again, not today…but, something to consider I'd say."

Looking back at the ocean, Ryan contemplated what to say. He wanted to tell Sami the truth but if the girls in Chino taught him anything at all, it was that girls really don't want to hear about other girls.

"You're not like anyone I've ever met before," Ryan finally managed to explain, vaguely.

"What do you mean?"

Biting his lip, Ryan hoped to stall his answer long enough to find the right words. "I care about you. I didn't care about the others."

Sami pondered that thought for a moment. "What are you trying to say Ryan?"

Sitting forward he laid his arm across his bent knee. "The others…I took what I wanted from them and I walked. I don't want to take anything from you." He glanced at Sami to see how well she was taking his explanation. "I want to be with you because you want to be with me. I'd wait for you." Thinking on his words for a moment, "That came out pretty cheesy didn't it?"

"No. That came out perfect."

With a gentle smile, Sami leaned over and pressed her lips against Ryan's causing his entire body to tingle. He placed his hand behind her head, returning the kiss. He wasn't ready to let go. When the finally parted, they stayed close, appreciating each other silently.

"I, I guess I should get going," Ryan muttered, hoping Sami would attempt to change his mind.

"Yeah?"

No dice. "Yeah. But there's something I need before I go." Closing his eyes, he pressed another kiss against her lips.

"Oh yeah? What's that?"

"Chocolate mousse, of course!"

Laughing, "Mousse! Of course! Can't let you go home without that! Come on, I'll get it for you."

Somewhat disappointed the night had come to an end, Ryan was also somewhat relieved to be on his way. Things were getting a little heated and he didn't want it spoiled. After what Sami said, he was confident they'd be together eventually. He was willing to wait, a first by his standards. In the meantime, a drive home with the windows down and a cold shower were probably a good idea.

When he arrived back home it only took a matter of minutes before Seth wormed his way into the pool house.

"Ryan, you can't sneak in like that. I need to know what happened tonight. How did it go with napkin girl and the tablecloths?"

"The table…cloths?" Ryan repeated, wrinkling his forehead.

"The…parents…it…was a…joke."

Removing his belt, Ryan tossed it on his bed before sitting down in front of Seth. "Fine. It went, amazingly, fine."

"Seriously? Her Mom didn't want to gouge your eyes out, or her Dad didn't want to break you in half?"

"Thanks Seth. That's extremely motivational. Wrap this would you?"

"You took a shower before you left. Just how clean do you need to be?"

"This isn't about being clean."

In mid-wrap, Seth paused, gaping at Ryan. "Ah. So she left your soldier standing at attention and sent you back to the barracks, huh? Dude, that's just wrong."

"And this is coming from a guy whose soldier spends more time running practice drills than being in actual combat." Ryan raised his eyebrows as if to warn Seth to tread lightly.

"That's…that's a good point, but maybe we could drop the whole soldier thing now?"

"That's probably a good idea. Keep wrapping."

"So, um," Seth continued to intrude on Ryan's personal experiences for the evening, although this time he tried to come across as more genuinely interested, rather than mocking. "Why…why didn't you, you know, put the Chino moves on her if you wanted to be with her?"

Sighing, Ryan pulled his finally wrapped hand away from Seth and looked down at the floor. "Because I like her. And once you sleep with someone, it changes everything."

"Right. And this is coming from the same guy who holds the record in Chino for one night stands."

Ryan didn't have to say a word. The look on his face said it all and Seth could see, clearly, that he wasn't appreciating that last comment.

"Sorry."

"Her parents were pretty nice to me. I guess they haven't heard all about me yet," Ryan sighed.

"Maybe. Then again, maybe they're just really that nice."

"Maybe. Sami's gotta get it from somewhere I guess. Take this off," Ryan instructed, holding out his wrapped hand.

"But I just…"

"I know but I don't need it any more."

"You mean you've got…that much…control…over it?"

"Actually, talking to you apparently has the same effect of ice water."

Wadding up the plastic wrap, Seth let his shoulders slump.

"Hey, I'm kidding," Ryan explained.

"Seriously?"

"Seriously."

Seth turned and parked himself on the bed next to Ryan. Tipping his head toward Ryan, Seth made circles with his finger, implying a question Ryan knew was coming.

"It's still okay to sit on the bed Seth."

"Cool."

"I really like her. I just hoping I don't screw it up."

"Well, not that I'm speaking from experience or anything, but I'd say you're on the right track."

"I hope so." After a beat, "Now can you get off my bed so I can get some sleep?"

"Dude, I thought we were having ourselves a little moment here."

"Moment's over. Get off."

"Indian giver."

Laughing, "See you tomorrow man."

"'Night."

(TBC)…

A/N – I must say, I was surprised that y'all are still wanting more out of this one! LOL! I'm glad everyone is still really enjoying this one. Here I thought everyone would be thinking I was starting to get long winded on this one! I'll see what I can do guys: D I've got my hands full with RL these days, I'll get the next update as soon as I can.


	19. A Typical Teen

**Raising Ryan**

**Chapter 19 – A Typical Teen**

Ryan stepped into the kitchen with his gear bag in tow. It had been a full week since he received his stitches and since soccer wasn't played with the hands, the doctor cleared him to take the field. He wasn't surprised to find Kirsten, already dressed in her 'soccer Mom' attire, messing with the rolling cooler. He watched her dump a large bag of ice into the bottom of the cooler before loading countless bottles of water and Gatorade inside.

"What are you doing?" Ryan asked, even though he was watching exactly what she was doing.

"I'm getting ready for soccer. Do you have all your things?"

"Kirsten, who's going to drink all of that?"

"Well, I missed the game last week so, I just thought…"

"Kirsten, you don't have to make up missed Gatorade."

"I know," she remarked. "But still, I wanted to. Grab that backpack too," she instructed next, pointing at a prepared bag on the counter.

Slinging the pack onto his shoulder, "What the hell is in here?" Ryan complained at its weight.

"You know, the usual…granola bars, sports bars…gummy bears…"

"Gummy bears?"

Kirsten nervously threaded the afternoon's schedule into her purse. "There's some Swedish fish in there too. They looked good at the supermarket! Don't make fun!"

Clucking his tongue against his teeth, he bent down and grabbed his gear bag. It was game time.

The stands were particularly full at this game, since the remainder of the season hung in the balance. If Harbor won today, they would go on to the playoffs, but if they lost, their season was over. Kirsten waited while Ryan and Sandy lowered the filled cooler from the back of the Rover. Tugging on the handle she led the way toward the field.

"You are so the Gatorade Queen! Go Mom!" Seth mocked.

"And I guess that means your not the Gatorade gentlemen, or you'd be lugging that for your Mother," Sandy pointed out.

"I don't see anything in your hands," Seth retaliated.

The two paused in the parking lot for a moment.

"Yeah, I've got no comeback for that," Sandy finally admitted.

"It's my Gatorade, I'll pull it," Kirsten announced bravely…until she got to the curb. "A little help guys."

With the cooler up on the grass, Sandy took over dragging it through the rough terrain. He followed Ryan through the gate and parked the cooler near Harbor's bench. "You better check in with your Coach, kid."

"Okay. I'll see you guys later."

"Good luck today Ryan! Play hard!" Kirsten yelled as he ran across the field to meet up with the other boys who had already arrived.

The Cohens, minus one, made their way into the stands and managed to fit into a small space still available right in the middle and down in the front. Kirsten took out her camera and prepared it for the game. She had lots of shots of Ryan playing soccer but she wanted more, just incase this turned out to be the last game of the season.

Once the game was underway, it didn't take long for Ryan's teammates to start dipping into the cooler for drinks and the backpack for a quick pick-me-up during the game.

There was a small break in between the periods of play when Kirsten noticed Ryan sitting on the bench with some of the other boys. All of them with a bottle of Gatorade between their thighs, all of the chewing on gummy bears and Swedish fish. Embracing the Kodak moment that was so graciously unfolding right in front of her, she quickly snapped off a few shots of Ryan and the boys as well as a few close ups of Ryan. These were her favorite photos to take of him, when he was enjoying himself and he had no idea she was watching him.

Down on the bench the boys praised Ryan for 'hooking the team up".

"Dude! This was such a great idea to bring this stuff! I love these damn fish!"

"Kirsten did all of this. She thought everyone would like it," Ryan explained.

"Man, your Mom is so cool!" one of the boys praised again.

Ryan put another fish in his mouth and looked down at the bag of red fish in his hand. His Mom was cool. And someone else even said it out loud. They weren't saying his Mom was drunk or a loser. She was cool. He'd never had anyone say that about his real Mom. Ever.

The Coach blew the whistle for the team to huddle up. After a brief discussion of plays and defense, the boys each put their hands in a circle and yelled "Go Harbor!" in military fashion. Walking back to his gear bag, Ryan caught Kirsten's eye and he showed her his bag of fish. Smiling he tossed them into his bag before taking the field to finish the game.

Early in the game Harbor's Captain had scored a goal giving their team the early advantage. But the other team rallied at the end of the first period and scored a goal just before the break. As if things had flip-flopped for the second half, the other team scored first and it was Harbor that caught up a while later. The second half was brutal. To say boys on both teams were out for blood was an understatement. Everything was on the line and it was coming down to these last five minutes. It was a deciding game so there would be no tie. Someone had to win and both teams wanted it, badly.

Play was getting rough on the field. Pushing and shoving was becoming a constant staple in between whistles. Many of the boys had been warned about their conduct, Ryan included.

At the last time out, the Coach warned his team, "I want you guys to be aggressive but don't cross the line. No yellow cards guys! I need you guys on the field! Everything you do in this last five minutes counts! Do. Not. Get. Carded! Now dig deep and give me everything you've got! Show that team you boys are the ones who deserve to go to the playoffs! Let's go!"

Several of the boys guzzled a quick mouthful of Gatorade before returning to the field. Kirsten noticed Ryan was fired up but he looked exhausted. He'd proven to be on of Harbor's best players and the Coach never allowed him to get comfortable on the bench as a result of it.

When the referee whistled again, the game was thrown into motion once more. It was obvious that both teams received the same motivation from their coaches and both were playing even stronger than before. The ball moved up and down the field with both teams defending their goals accurately and not giving up any points.

With only two minutes left, play on the field was starting to wear down. The boys were starting to drag and yet they all knew, one careless mistake would cost their team a chance at the playoffs. Boys were tripping more, passes were getting sloppy and coaches on both sidelines were losing their minds.

Ryan kept his eye on the ball as it moved quickly down field yet again, in the direction of the opposing team's goal. 'Come on' he thought out loud. 'We only need one.'

As if he was heard but the soccer Gods, a mad scramble broke out in the center of the field with the ball squirting loose and heading right for Ryan. Digging his cleats into the lush grass as hard as he could, he mustered every last bit of energy to beat the other team back to the loose ball. Stealing it away, he dribbled it between his feet, heading straight for the goalie. This was it. This would either win or lose the game for Harbor. He recognized the intensity in the goalie's face, he was thinking the exact same thing for his team.

As Ryan approached the net, he could hear the thunder of running boys behind him as well as the panting and grunting from all the blocking that was going on. He concentrated on the ball. Rapidly approaching the goalie now, he faked right, shifted his weight and kicked left with all his might, growling in the process. He watched the ball sail through the air and waited to see what would happen.

The goalie dove to the right at Ryan's first move, hoping to save the ball. He wasn't prepared for the fake however and all he could do was watch the ball slide down the back of the net. Harbor had scored.

The stands went nuts. Ryan fell to his knees after the whistle blew. It was like he didn't even save enough energy to walk off the field. His team swarmed him in one big pile. When they eventually climbed off of him, the team captain and another boy walked Ryan to the bench. The Coach immediately reached into the infamous cooler for a bottle of cold water, opened it and handed it to Ryan.

"Now that's what I'm talking about!" he praised. "Come kid, drink some of this." He watched Ryan take the bottle in his shaky hands and guzzle some water. When he took a breather from drinking the coach cupped his face in his hands. "I am so proud of you kid! That was a beautiful move! BEAUTIFUL!" Giving Ryan congratulatory slap on the cheek, "You did great kid! You're done buddy. Drink that up and cheer your guys on."

As quickly as he was there to praise Ryan, the Coach was off yelling at the boys who were still on the field to keep their heads out of their asses because there was still a minute left in the game, anything could happen. Ryan sat quietly sipping his water. He was dizzy from all the excitement. The other team made one more solid drive down the field but Harbor was on top of them every step of the way. When the horn sounded, signaling the end of the game, the celebrating began.

Ryan stood up slowly from the bench, it's not that he didn't want to celebrate, it was that his legs had already given up on him. He reached down into the cooler for one more bottle of water. When he stood up, something caught the corner of his eye. A beat-up, old, tan Pontiac was pulling out of the school lot and hurriedly heading in the direction of the expressway. It vanished almost as quickly as he had noticed it. It couldn't have been. Could it? Ryan knew there was no other car like that and he only knew one person that owned a car like that and who would have the guts to park it in a lot full of luxury cars…his Mother. As if it were a ghost, the sighting was fleeting and Ryan wished, momentarily, that he could have a second look, a better look, at what he thought he saw. But his teammates wouldn't allow it. They'd won the game because of Ryan's goal and now they were going to the playoffs. There was celebrating to be done and the game's MVP was standing on the sideline with a bottle of water in his hand.

Against his will, Ryan was hoisted up on the shoulders of two boys. There was some ridiculously goofy chanting going on before they allowed him down on solid ground again.

In the stands, Kirsten was hoping to get some great shots with her camera and commented out loud how she had to stop crying to she could see what she was shooting.

It took a long time for the boys to come off the field, everyone was savoring the victory and no parent rushed their son home that afternoon. Back at the car, Sandy loaded the, now empty, cooler into the back of the Rover.

"Sandy Cohen," a man addressed. "I had no idea you had a boy on the team."

"Gary, good to see you," Sandy greeted, shaking the man's hand. "Not only do I have a boy on the team, he scored the winning goal today. This is Ryan."

"Hey kid, great shot today. You did your team proud."

"Thanks," Ryan blushed under the praise.

"Hey Ryan," the team captain interrupted. "Celebration at my place! Go home, clean up, and get over there!"

"Cool. See ya there."

Sandy and Kirsten snuggled on their bed, reliving the day's events. Ryan had such a glow on his face when he left for the party. They were surprised Seth declined Ryan's invitation to tag along. Looking back on everything they'd been through until this point, who knew Ryan would ever be like a normal kid.

A sudden urge for some microwave popcorn had Kirsten wandering downstairs to zap herself a bag. Heading back toward the stairs, she bumped into Ryan coming in through the front door. I was only midnight, rather early by Ryan's standards.

She watched him wrestle to free his key from the lock, before he slammed the door, took two steps forward, apparently forgot there were steps in the foyer and face planted himself on the tiles.

"Ryan?"

"Uh huh."

"Oh Ryan! You're drunk!"

"Uh huh."

Setting her bag of popped corn down, she crouched down next to Ryan to help him sit up. He instantly put his hand to his head to rub his new, self-inflicted wound.

"That's going to need some ice," Kirsten said flatly. "Come on, get up."

Without arguing, Ryan allowed Kirsten to help pull him to his feet and he hobbled off to the kitchen under her direction.

Irritated, she plopped him down at the kitchen table, rather unsympathetically, and went about preparing an ice pack for him. Wrapping the cold bag in a damp washrag, she placed it against his head as he winced.

He tipped his head up to her, using his puppy dog eyes to the best of his ability.

"Don't give me those eyes," Kirsten stated, standing her ground.

"Don't be mad," Ryan replied, almost pleadingly.

"Don't be mad? Ryan, you're drunk."

Sighing, "This is different."

It was an odd remark coming from Ryan and Kirsten was curious for him to explain more. "What do you mean?"

Licking his lips, he closed his eyes momentarily. "I won the game Kirsten. This was fun."

Raising her eyebrows, "Getting drunk was fun?"

"Yeah, until I fell down in the living room," he slurred back. "I was just…being a kid. This had nothing to do with my Mom…or my past. It was a party. I don't think…I don't think I've ever gotten drunk solely for the sake of having fun. Like you used to say, I was always running, hiding from something. I wasn't hiding tonight. I was having fun with my team. Don't be mad. Okay?"

Kirsten had a love/hate relationship with Ryan's drinking. She hated seeing him drunk, but when he was drunk, he was brutally honest. Yes, he was underage and shouldn't be drinking in the first place, but Ryan wasn't your average kid. It pulled her heartstrings to know he realized the difference between drinking to drown his emotions, and drinking, as he stated, to have fun.

"Okay Ryan, I won't be angry."

"Really?"

"Really. I know you're going to drink whether I want you to or not, but I want you to work on not drinking until you're drunk. There's no reason to get completely wasted when you drink," she explained.

"I know. I was playing a game."

"A game?"

"Uh huh. I lost." A weak smile crept onto his face and melted Kirsten's anger away.

"Alright Ryan. Time to call it a night. Let's get you into bed."

In the pool house, getting a drunk Ryan into bed was becoming old news. Kirsten walked him up the steps and into the bathroom, only this time he gave her the courtesy of waiting until she left the room before he relieved himself.

Stumbling back down the steps, Ryan was happy to be laying on his bed. He watched Kirsten pull his blanket up on him before rewrapping his ice pack and putting in next to his head.

Snuggling up against the ice pack, "You're a good Mom."

The comment surprised Kirsten. "What?"

"You love me no matter what. And today, the guys said I have a cool Mom. No one's ever said that before."

That was a hard comment to argue with. It was the first time it ever occurred to Kirsten that Ryan's life was about more than just what went on in the Cohen household and what went on in Chino before Ryan arrived in Newport. In one day, his Coach praised him, his team praised him, hell, even someone he'd never met before praised him about his goal. This really was a big day for him, on many levels.

Finding it hard to control the smile that wanted to take over her face, "Well, now that we're getting your drunk for all the right reasons, can we work on celebrating without getting drunk at all?"

Ryan attempted to be funny by wrinkling his face as if he was truly considering her request.

"Not funny!" she laughed. "Get some sleep, you'll feel better in the morning."

Frowning at Kirsten, "When was the last time you were drunk? Good time is now. Tomorrow morning I'll be puking."

"You're probably right, so I hope it was worth it," she mothered, getting in one last line.

"It was."

Bending down Kirsten kissed his forehead and straightened his covers one more time. "I'll check on you in a little while. I don't want that ice pack to melt all over your bed."

Ryan looked so peacefully content. Granted half of it was probably the alcohol but she knew this day meant a lot to him. It was the type of day he'd probably only thought about in his dreams.

She waited about an hour before checking on him one more time. He was just as she left him and the ice pack was indeed starting to leak onto his pillow. Gently pulling the ice pack away from his head, she brushed the hair out of his sleeping eyes and caressed his rosy cheek with her hand momentarily. The alcohol was still keeping him plenty warm was his skin was warm to the touch. Cupping the leaking bag in her hands, she left him to sleep it off.

(TBC)…

A/N – Sorry this one is a little on the short side, but we accomplished what we wanted to here and I didn't want to start the next 'thing' here…(I need more room for that one): D


	20. Looking For Love In All The Right Places

**Raising Ryan **

**Chapter 20 – Looking for Love In All The Right Places**

As expected, Ryan was the last person up the following morning. The kitchen was already alive with the brewing of fresh coffee and the schmearing of bagels. Kirsten went through the trouble of making everyone fruits parfaits for breakfast. Since it was a matter of just layering vanilla yogurt and fresh fruit, followed by a sprinkling of granola bits, it fell well within her perimeters for 'cooking'.

Taking a seat at the table, Ryan shocked everyone by pulling a parfait closer to him and digging in.

"Look at this," Seth mocked. "Since when are you ever hungry after a night of drinking?"

"I threw up a couple hours ago, I'm hungry now."

"So I heard you were playing drinking games last night," Sandy added. "Kirsten said you told her you lost and that's why you came home drunk."

Ryan paused in mid-chew, wondering just how angry Sandy was going to get over his drinking. This was well-covered ground and Ryan was well versed in the rule he'd broken.

"There's just one thing I don't understand," Sandy continued. "You're from Chino. How could you lose?"

Ryan snorted a laugh of relief. Turning to Sandy, he could see this wasn't going to be as bad as he was expecting.

"Lost my touch I guess," Ryan smirked.

"Well, I'll tell you what, I understand why you partied like you did yesterday. I do. It was a very big day for you and the team had a lot to celebrate and you were the reason Harbor won. But as your guardians, Kirsten and I need to remind you that you are under the legal drinking age. We know you guys are going to drink," Sandy explained, looking at both boys at the table. "We know if we flat out tell you 'no', you'll do it just to spite us. We need you both to know that we wish you wouldn't drink until you're old enough. However, since we also know that's probably not going to happen, you boys are both old enough and smart enough…to know when you've had enough. If you think you're old enough to be drinking, then you're old enough to be responsible about it. This goes for both of you. Do you understand?"

Both boys nodded at Sandy.

"Good. Good talk guys. I think I need another parfait, these are really good."

When Sandy stood up from the table, "So…that's it? Aren't I grounded or something?" Ryan asked, confident there was more to all of this.

"Nope, that's it. Unless you want to be grounded. Do you?"

Frowning at Sandy's ridiculous question, Ryan waited for another answer.

"Grounding doesn't really seem to work on you. I would prefer to have your word that you're going to tone it down. It's been a long time since you came home in that condition. I just don't want you to forget what you've already accomplished."

That made sense. Sandy was right. Sandy was almost always right. "I won't. I promise."

"Seth?"

"Responsible drunkenness, got it. If I ever get invited to a party, I'll remember that."

"Hey, I invited you last night," Ryan reminded him.

"Yes, you did, but to a party full of athletes. Give credit where credit is due Ryan, I know where I don't belong."

Scowling at Seth, Ryan stood up and grabbed a sliced strawberry full of yogurt out of Seth's cup and stuck it on his forehead.

"Gee, thanks Ryan! What the hell was that for anyways?"

"I just felt like it."

"I'm glad I'm here to amuse you."

A couple hours later, Ryan found Sandy alone in the living room reading the Sunday paper.

"Hey kid, how's it going?"

"Good." Parking himself on the arm of the couch, "I just wanted to say…I'm glad you didn't go nuts this morning. I mean, I was expecting it and you had every right to, I know better, but, still."

"Ryan, you can't go through life and not make any mistakes. You'll go insane trying to figure out how to juggle it all. Everyone makes mistakes. It's how we grow, how we learn. And quite honestly, you said it yourself last night, you were just being a kid. This wasn't bottled up anger or one of those magical disappearing acts you used to be famous for. It wasn't until recently you learned how to just be a kid. As a parent we have to keep an eye on the drinking. Ryan, if anything were to happen to you, or to someone else as the result of the drinking…we'd lose you. Forever."

The comment struck Ryan hard. Of all the consequences he'd thought about, having the courts yank him and send him packing hadn't occurred to him.

"I never…looked at it like that. I guess, I've done so much since I came here…and I'm still here. I assumed it was permanent."

"We love you Ryan, and we want you to stay with us, always. But that's the one thing that scares us about the drinking. If the court caught wind of your drinking, now they can question whether or not we are providing sufficient parenting, or if we're contributing to the delinquency of a minor because we didn't stop you. We don't' want to see you hurt, meaning an accident of some sort, and we don't want anyone thinking you don't belong here as the result of an accident. I don't even want to consider the consequences of an accident that hurts someone else. If we lost you, it would break our hearts. Just…think about what you're doing before you do it. Okay?"

Nodding, "I understand. I'm sorry I worried you guys."

"Comes with the territory kid. Besides, we need you on our side because what if Seth goes out on a bender? You realize what it's going to take to pull him back in?"

Laughing, "That'll never happen, Seth can't handle puking. But it would be pretty entertaining for the rest of us."

"Don't be getting any bright ideas," Sandy warned.

"Thanks Sandy."

"Just remember what I said. A drink isn't worth letting someone take you from us. So please, just think about it the next time it comes up. Okay?"

Nodding, "Okay."

It was after dinner the following weekend when Ryan ran through the house to answer the chiming doorbell. A smile took over his face immediately at the sight of Sami on the steps.

"Hey."

"Hi there. Are you ready to work?"

Groaning, Ryan leaned against the closed door. "No. Not yet. Come on, you can put your stuff in my room."

In the sanctity of the pool house, Sami tossed her books onto the Warden's chair and Ryan instantly pulled her into an embrace. Sami allowed herself to get lost in his kisses for a moment before pulling away from him.

"Ryan…Ryan, we're supposed to be studying."

"Got all weekend to study," he cited, nestling up against her neck.

"Just what do you think you're doing?" she giggled.

"Seducing my girlfriend," he whispered.

"O-kay. Let's slow down a minute here," Sami hesitated.

"I just want to kiss you. I missed you." Licking his lips Ryan went right back to where he left off.

"Hold on, hold on. There's something I have to ask you."

Standing in front of Sami, Ryan looked down at her. "What?"

"Do you have anything?"

"What?" Ryan tried to clarify.

"Do you have any…protection?"

Sami could visibly hear Ryan draw in his breath as his eyebrows went up. "Sami, you don't have to…"

"I want to. We've been together for a while now and I've been thinking about since before we talking about that day you came to dinner. I want to…do you?"

He was a 16 year old boy, seemed a silly question. And yet he found himself intrigued by the fact she was asking him what he wanted, rather than telling him the way it would be.

"Yeah. I want to. I've got…" His words slipped away at the unsexy mention of protection.

Sami smiled and bit her lip before tipping her head up to Ryan and locking her mouth with his. Ryan could swear he'd just been electrocuted. His body tingled in places that didn't normally tingle, he felt the need to catch his breath but he didn't want to let go of Sami. His heart was going a thousand miles an hour when they finally parted.

"Why don't you go get that thing you've got…we're gonna need it," Sami instructed.

Nodding Ryan ran into his bathroom, a little more quickly than he meant to. Retrieving a wrapped condom, he came back into the room to find Sami laying on his bed, patting the blanket next to her.

Swallowing anxiously, Ryan tried his best to keep his wits about him. He stepped down off the ledge and tossed the condom on his night table before crawling onto his bed next to Sami. They laid there for a moment, just absorbing each other. Ryan had thought about doing this with Sami from the minute he'd met her. Now that the moment was here, he didn't want anything ruining it, anything rushing it.

He ran his fingers through Sami's hair, looking into her eyes the entire time. She was committed to this. He moved his hand down and ran his thumb over her lips. When he didn't think he could wait any longer and he gently wrapped his hand around the back of her neck and pulled her close, pressing his mouth to hers. He wanted this so badly. He never knew love could be so intoxicating. The way she smelled. The way she felt. The way she touched him. He closed his eyes and let the moment unfold.

Around nine in the morning the next day, Seth paced the kitchen, growing impatient with each passing minute. Ryan owed him a rematch and he was ready. Now. Ready now. But without Ryan, there was no rematch. He downed his third up of coffee and, running solely on caffeine, decided it was a grand idea to wake Ryan up. True, in the past this always proved to be a bad idea, but today it felt right. Today, Ryan would go along with the program. He hoped.

Racing up the steps, Seth boldly walked right up to the pool house door and yanked it open.

"Okay Ryan, time to…"

Seth froze, completely in awe at the sight in front of his eyes. He knew Ryan got plenty of action, he just never really took the time to get a visual on it. Granted he'd missed the main event and Ryan was sleeping, shirtless, with an equally naked and still sleeping Sami snuggled up against him.

Dear God! It was a blessing he didn't wake Ryan up. Talk about a beating! Ryan would have left him just this side of a coma. Acting as stealth as possible, Seth, closed the door and, for some unknown reason, tiptoed across the patio back into the house.

He got a bird's eye view of what it's like for Ryan coming into the house when he bumped, literally, into his Dad attempting to take a seat at the table.

"Morning oh son of my loins."

"Dad, please, it's too early for that."

"Sorry. Where's Ryan? Didn't you drag him out of bed?"

Seth hid his panic by pouring himself yet another cup of coffee. "Um, you know how Ryan is Dad. I…didn't feel like taking my life in my hands today."

"Oh. Well. Good for you. That's probably a wise decision."

"Where's Mom? She's normally up by now."

"She is. Actually, I left her in the bed room, she was going to go wake Ryan up, she needs you guys to help her out today, with what, I have no idea."

Seth half swallowed, half inhaled his latest sip of coffee. "She's (cough) waking him (cough) up?"

"Yeah, so you're off the hook for today."

"But Dad! Doesn't Mom understand how dangerous that is?"

"She's a Mom. Nothing scares her."

Seth moved in the direction of the patio door with the intention of intercepting his Mom on her way to Ryan's door. But one glance through the glass proved he was too late. His Mom was standing, frozen, holding Ryan's door open. He could only imagine her face resembled his own shock at the sight in the pool house. He took a seat at the table and waited for the yelling to begin.

Kirsten's heart raced as did her mind as to the best way to handle the situation. Taking a deep breath, she crossed the floor and gently rubbed Ryan's arm. It took a bit of rustling to wake him up but finally his eyes opened, squinting against the morning light. He gave Kristen a quick, groggy smile and closed his eyes again.

"Ryan, wake up," Kirsten forced again.

This time Ryan opened his eyes a bit grouchily and waited for further instructions.

"I want you to get cleaned up, say goodbye and meet me in the kitchen."

Not exactly understanding the instructions, Ryan attempted to get up only to learn Sami sleeping next to him weighed him down. His eyes grew wide as the previous evening's events came flooding back to him.

Cool as a cucumber, Kirsten nodded at him to get moving and then turned and casually walked back to the main house.

Oh this was bad. Really bad. He was dead. He was sure of it.

As gently as he could, he roused Sami, who instantly pulled him into a hug.

"Um, we have to get up."

"What's the hurry?"

"Kirsten knows." The panic on Ryan's face was evident.

"Okay, just, stay calm. Wait to hear what she has to say before you worry. No parent wants to face the fact that their kids are having sex…"

"I've been told not to use my room as a playground."

Sitting up, Sami pulled the blanket around her. "Ryan, you and Kirsten are tight. I can see it. I don't think you're in as much trouble as you think you are. And, if you are, what's the worst that could possibly happen? They'll never leave us alone!" she laughed. "I love you. It'll be okay. You'll see."

"I gotta get in there."

Sami opted to gather her things and shower at home so Ryan could clean up for his conversation with Kirsten. He walked her out to her car and kissed her goodbye.

"Even though we got caught, last night was…really nice."

Smiling, "I thought so too. Call me later. Let me know what happens."

Nodding, Ryan waved then stuck his hands in his pockets and watched her drive away. Taking a deep breath, he kicked at the ground and turned slowly toward the house. Opting for dragging out the inevitable, he wandered back around to the back of the house and entered through the kitchen. Kirsten was sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee prepared for both of them.

Without making eye contact, Ryan took his seat and hung his head low.

"So," Kirsten initiated. "You and Sami…"

The hard swallow from Ryan answered that question.

"Ryan, it's okay."

For the first time Ryan allowed his eyes to dodge up to Kirsten's. He'd made the transition from panicked to confused.

"You didn't do anything wrong. I know you care about Sami and quite frankly, I'm surprised you waited as long as you did."

"But you said…that I…"

"I told you being intimate with someone should mean something. You shouldn't be doing it just to pass the time. I can see that Sami means something to you."

Okay. That made sense. She wasn't a one-night stand and Ryan kept seeing her because he really did like her. Their relationship had nothing to do with sex.

"But…I did this, in my bedroom. You said…"

"I know," Kirsten agreed, wrapping her hands around her coffee mug. "And yet, I'm not sure what I expected. Where did I think you'd go? Intimate moments are meant for…intimate places. I wouldn't want you out in public somewhere doing this. And something tells me, if I force you out, being in public wouldn't phase you."

"So, you're not angry?" Ryan asked, unsure of the answer that would follow.

"No. I'm not angry."

Still confused, "So, then…why did you call me into the house?"

Smirking, "Because as the Mom of this household, I cannot, in good conscience, allow you to lounge around in your bed with your girlfriend all day, especially since she'd already spent the night."

"Right." Ryan scanned the tabletop, still trying to absorb the fact that he, apparently, wasn't in trouble.

"I'll keep this between you and me but I just want you to promise me you won't make a habit out of it. Sami is special to you and this is something you should keep special too. Just take it slow." After a pause, "Oh, and Seth knows. He actually found you first. He didn't turn you in, he just didn't get to me before I made it to your door."

"Great. I'm never going to hear the end of this now."

Kirsten looked at Ryan, a small smile still present on her face. She was wondering what Ryan was thinking and it only took a moment longer before she found out.

"Okay, you win, alright?"

"Win what?"

"It…means something…when it's with someone you care about. You were right. You're always right."

"Uh! I wish I had a tape recorder!"

"Yeah well, you know me…gotta do it my way."

"That's okay. As long as you get to where you need to be. And right now I'd say you're ahead of schedule."

"I'm really not in trouble?"

Laughing now, "No. You're free to go. Just remember what I told you. Besides, I think Seth is ready for his crack at you," she remarked, standing up from the table.

"Why thank you Mother," Seth interjected, entering the kitchen. It came as no surprise to anyone that he'd been eaves dropping the entire time. "So…inquiring minds what to know man! Was it hot?"

"Seth!" his mom scolded.

"Oh come on Mom, you've caught him in the act, he's an animal!"

"I am not!" Ryan disagreed in his own defense.

Taking over his Mom's seat at the table, "We're brothers Ryan, you can tell me anything. Was it an all-nighter? How many places did you do it in? Did you use anything that was, oh, say, battery operated?"

"SETH! Enough!" his Mother raged. "Does he always do this?" she asked walking back to the table.

Poor Ryan. What a way to start his day. First a conversation with his Kirsten about what he did the night before and now Seth wanted a detailed rundown of everything single thing he did. At least Kirsten had the courtesy to be vague and it's not like he told her anything she didn't already know.

He slumped in his chair and stared at the ceiling. "Seth has no problem whatsoever in getting to the bottom of…anything."

With her hands on her hips, "So he's going to needle you all day long until you throw him a story or two about last night."

"Oh yeah."

"Seth, leave Ryan alone."

"Mom! That's so unfair! You got to talk to Ryan about having sex, why can't I talk to him about having sex?"

"I didn't ask him details Seth, that's private," she explained.

"But you're a Mom, you know what he did."

"Exactly, which is why I don't feel compelled to force him to give me the blow by blow details."

The kitchen fell quiet and the boys looked at each other while Kirsten got a grip on the words that just ran out of her mouth.

"There was no pun intended with that…it just, came out that way. I think now would be a good time for me to run those errands. I'll see you guys later."

A grin found it's way onto Ryan's face. Maybe being good wasn't as bad as he thought. Kirsten was barely gone from the kitchen when Seth started on him again.

"Okay she's gone, you can tell me now. Everything. I want to know everything! I can make you breakfast while you organize your thoughts. Want some paper, you could make an outline?"

Ryan sighed and sat forward. "Not this time man. I'm not telling stories this time. Sami's special and I want it to stay that way. I hope you can understand that."

A bit dejected, Seth nodded his head. "I can respect that. She's cool. I'm glad you're happy with her. You guys are good together."

"Thanks. So does this mean you're not gonna make me breakfast now?"

Tipping his head, Seth drummed his fingers on the table. "How about this…we'll skip breakfast, because it's sort of late now anyway, and you can make lunch." Off of Ryan's look, "You make better lunches than I do," Seth reasoned.

"Ham and grilled cheese?" Ryan offered.

"I'll get the stuff."

Kirsten tiptoed away in the hallway so the boys wouldn't hear her. It seemed life with Ryan had come full circle. Ryan had a better understanding of who he was really was as well as a much better handle on his life. His relationship with Sandy had come a long way since day one, even if it wasn't quite perfect yet. And the boys were finally truly friends and brothers. Managing that was rather easy for Seth, but it was something that took time for Ryan to realize he appreciated it.

Coming back down the stairs, Kirsten caught the aroma of Ryan's ham and grilled cheese sandwiches. Dropping her purse on the couch, she hollered through the house, "Those smell really, really good! Is it too late to make one more?"

Seth was setting a bag of chips and a jar of pickles on the table as Ryan plated up the last sandwich.

"I already made you one." Stepping close to Kirsten, Ryan offered her the plate and whispered, "For the record, you can't tiptoe in the hallway when you're wearing heels…it's not very stealth."

When he pulled away, that mischievous gleam twinkled in his eyes causing Kirsten to bite her lip in spite of herself.

"I'll have to remember that."

(TBC)…


	21. Moving On

**Raising Ryan**

Chapter 21 – Moving On 

Time marched on and Ryan found falling into step with his new, well-adjusted self rather easy to do. A charity function he was attending that evening with Sami proved he'd crossed the line into the new world.

"Kirsten? Kirsten!"

"In here Ryan." Kirsten listened to Ryan's frantic steps coming down the hallway, his dress shoes echoing against the tiled floor. "What's wrong?"

Flying up the stairs into her bedroom, "There's no buttons on the cuffs of this shirt! Neither one! I can't wear this tonight, Sami is going to be all decked out!"

"Okay, okay, calm down. First of all, there's nothing wrong with that shirt honey, you need cuff links."

"What?"

"Cuff links. Here." Reaching into Sandy's jewelry box, she retrieved a set of fancy cuff links.

"Um, I don't think I should take those. They're Sandy's."

"Oh, he's got lots of them, he won't even know they're gone."

Ryan still wasn't keen on the idea of walking off with Sandy's cuff links and Kirsten figured she had the answer to his problem.

"Here, take these, go down stairs, tell Sandy I want you to wear these tonight and ask him if it's okay. Alright?"

"Okay."

This little fashion emergency was causing them to leave the house later than they should have and Ryan was anxious to get to Sami. Grabbing the cuff links he hurried back downstairs to Sandy.

"Well don't you look sharp," Sandy bragged.

"Yeah, well, almost. Kirsten said I need to wear these, but, they're yours so I thought…"

"Those will look great. Here, let me show you how they work."

Ryan passed the cuff links to Sandy. Internally he was worried maybe Sandy wouldn't want him using his things, but as usual, Sandy was all too happy to let Ryan borrow them. Holding out his arm, he watched Sandy work the cuff link.

"They go in like this and they keep your cuff together," Sandy explained. "Now, they should stay in but on occasion I have lost one, or both. If that happens, don't worry about it. Between you and me, I'd rather have regular buttons on my cuffs anyway. And if one should get lost, I'm sure Kirsten would love the opportunity to go shopping for more of…well, what none of us guys really want to wear."

Chuckling, "These are a little weird. Thanks though."

"Any time kid. Do me a favor, yell up the stairs to Kirsten that it's getting late. We need to get going."

A short car ride later, they all piled out in front of the Ocean View Country Club ballroom. Staying with his family, Ryan eyed the gathering room for Sami. Since they'd arrived a little bit late, he'd assumed she was already inside. He waited patiently through greetings and watched Seth rolling his eyes after each introduction.

"This is so lame," Seth complained. "Why couldn't we just stay home, invite napkin girl over, order a pizza and play a little PS2?"

The comment amused Ryan. "You wouldn't mind napkin girl infringing on Seth/Ryan time?"

"No, that's cool. I like napkin girl. She's nice."

"We need to get you a girl," Ryan said flatly. "Then the four of us could hang out."

"Yeah, good luck with that Ryan."

"Come on man, there's lots of girls here. For starters, girls like this sort of stuff. You have to at least pretend like you want to be here. Show some interest."

"Who are you?" Seth mocked sarcastically. "The Prince of Chino has graduated to telling me how to behave at a Newport charity function? Oh that's rich Ryan."

It did seem a little ridiculous and Ryan laughed at himself. "Fuck you! All I'm saying is, if you took an interest, maybe a girl would take an interest in you. I met Sami because I was handing out programs. What have you got to lose?"

Seth considered Ryan's theory. He was right. Ryan usually enjoyed being the hunter, but Sami is the one that did the tracking in that relationship. Maybe it could work.

"Okay, so what do I do?"

"You're killing me Seth!"

"Come on! Just tell me what to do. You're the expert, just send me off in a certain direction and I'll either, you know, achieve greatness or fail miserably, which is my bet by the way."

"Alright look, just walk through the hall and see if there's a girl you think you'd like to talk to. Watch her for a few minutes to make sure she doesn't already have a date. The last thing you need is some guy on an ego trip because he sees you talking to his girl. Then just go up to her, ask her if she wants a drink from the bar or something."

Nodding, "Sounds simple enough."

"It is. Just try it."

By the time the boys had initiated Seth's 'get a date' plan, they'd moved through the lobby and into the ballroom. Ryan still hadn't caught sight of Sami, but he did notice her Mom approaching.

"Hi Ryan," she greeted offering him a hug. "Sami was starting to worry about you."

"I know I'm late. I had trouble with, um, my cuff links."

"Ah," she smiled. "I know how you guys hate to wear those. Sami's Dad hates them too. Well, I'm glad you're here. Sami ran to the Ladies to freshen up a bit. She should be back soon. We're sitting at table 13, so you know where to find her."

"Thanks."

With a pat on Ryan's arm, she went back to circulating through the party.

"Wow. Even napkin girl's Mom likes you," Seth observed out loud.

"Shut up. Did you find a prospect yet?"

"A what?"

"A girl, Seth."

"Oh. No."

Ryan scanned the party. "What about that one in the red dress, next to the fountain?"

"Noooo Ryan, no red dresses."

Turning his head painfully slow in Seth's direction, "Why not?" he questioned through clenched teeth.

"Because Ryan. Red is, is feisty and fiery and all that that entails. I'm at the beginner level Ryan. I'm at like the chocolate brown, forest green level."

"Seth, it's just a dress."

Turning to Ryan, "Did you ever spend the night with a girl in Chino, who happened to be wearing red?"

Ryan thought on that for a moment. "You're right. You're not ready for red."

"I told you."

Both boys searched the ballroom for a worthy candidate with Ryan finally locating a girl, nice but casually dressed, standing near the French doors.

"There. That one. Go over to her. Good luck." With a slap on the back, Ryan sent Seth off to make or break his evening.

Thinking now was a good time to grab a drink, Ryan spun around to locate the nearest bar. In the process, his line of vision landed on Shelly. Shelly Sampson to be exact. She was sitting at a banquet table all alone. She was nicely dressed, even with her now obviously pregnant belly sticking out. With no smile in sight, she gave a single wave of acknowledgement to Ryan.

He wasn't sure what propelled his legs in her direction but Ryan found himself approaching Shelly's table.

"Hey," he mumbled.

"Hi. You look really nice," she complimented.

Ryan knew plenty of girls back in Chino who'd been knocked up, but not one of them ever claimed he was the father of their kid. The awkward moment continued as they both struggled for something to say. It was about this time Ryan wished all he'd done was return the wave and headed straight to the bar.

"So, you and Samantha…you guys look good together. You look happy."

It surprised Ryan to learn she'd been paying attention. Even though she wasn't at his school any more, surely she'd seen them together at several of the community functions. Funny, after their confrontation, Ryan tuned her out altogether. Before today, he never even noticed Shelly.

"Thanks," he stammered. "And, what about…" His words trailed off with the flip of his hand, his eyes trailing down to her belly.

"Oh, he's long gone. Doesn't want anything to do with either of us." Her cheeks reddened with the embarrassment of real life consequences. "Look, Ryan, I just…I just wanted to tell you how sorry I am…for what I put you through. I don't think I ever really said it. You didn't deserve that. I'm sorry."

Ryan nodded slowly.

"Ryan, there you are."

Sami's face was never a happier sight and Ryan was thankful for the interruption. All smiles as usual, Sami walked up and planted a quick kiss on Ryan's lips before turning to acknowledge Shelly.

"Oh hello. I don't believe we've met, I'm Sami."

Embarrassed by the kindness of Ryan's girlfriend, Shelly extended her arm, her face reddening all over again. "I'm, I'm Shelly," she stuttered.

"It's nice to meet you. So, how do you and Ryan know each other?" Sami inquired innocently enough.

Shelly's face went pale. She didn't want this girl, Ryan's girl, to know the truth. "Um, well, I…I…"

Ryan didn't want that can of worms opened either. "Shelly and I used to be lab partners, at Harbor. But…she had to transfer out when the school found out about the baby."

"Oh that's terrible. You would think they would encourage you to finish school. I'm sorry to hear that. I'm sure you'll be a great Mom."

Shelly didn't hear much of what Sami said. She was too engrossed by Ryan's cover story. After what she did to him, he wasn't running around town blabbing it to everyone. He wasn't rubbing it in her face. He really was a classy guy, clearly out of her league. She didn't deserve him.

Before there was another opportunity to have another awkward moment, the host of the banquet made an announcement for everyone to take their seats, the meal would begin soon.

"It was nice to meet you Shelly, enjoy your evening." Just as warmly as she'd greeted her, Sami bid farewell. "Ryan, walk me back to my table?"

"Sure." With Sami facing the other way, Ryan looked at Shelly one last time. "See ya."

Shelly mouthed 'thank you' to Ryan as he placed his hand around Sami's waist and guided her back to her table.

The meal went painfully slow and was also painstakingly quiet. Even Seth was keeping his trap shut. The lack of interaction at their table made dinner feel like it lasted forever. Ryan just wanted it to be over so he could get back to Sami.

The dessert finally arrived at the table and Ryan inhaled it. Looking at Kirsten with pleading eyes he prayed she would say the magical words he was hoping to hear.

Instead, "You're too late Ryan," Kirsten sighed.

"What?" Ryan snapped.

Kirsten nodded to signal Ryan to turn around. There was Sami. Apparently dinner lasted too long for her too.

The lights in the hall dimmed a bit and music got louder in the background. A slow tempo, forties style song drew couples to the dance floor.

"Come on Ryan, dance with me." Tugging on Ryan's arm, she proceeded to pull him, unwillingly, from his chair.

"Wait! Um. Sami, I…I can't dance."

"I'll teach you. Come on."

Now regretting his quest for a quick escape from the table, Ryan looked to Kirsten for a lending hand.

"Try, Ryan. Let Sami show you."

Pursing his lips, "Right." That was not the answer he wanted to hear.

Ryan let Sami lead him to the dance floor. Keeping his head down, he threw sideways glances at the other people already dancing. They looked so comfortable, so confident. Even other boys his age were dancing as if they'd done this all their lives. This was Newport after all, they probably had.

Digging his heels in, Ryan objected to going too far into the dancing crowd. He preferred to stay closer to the edge. Sami explained briefly to Ryan about where to put his hands and how to hold his arm. Once they had their frame, they started to rock back and forth a bit.

"Don't look at the floor honey, look at me," Sami suggested.

A weak smile lit up Ryan's face as they rocked in a circle.

"Congratulations Ryan Atwood. You're dancing." Sami's eyes glistened when Ryan allowed himself a full smile.

When the song changed to another nostalgic classic, Ryan pulled Sami closer. He was holding his own on the dance floor and didn't want the moment to end just yet.

Two songs later, Sami took his hand and led him out onto the terrace. The evening air was crisp and the moon was casting a washed out glow across the grounds. Taking advantage of their alone time, they embraced and allowed their lips to meet.

The sound of a man clearing his throat interrupted their little rendezvous. Ryan hoped he was doing a good job of hiding his concern when he found Sami's Dad standing nearby.

"Sorry to…infringe…on your privacy, but…it's time to go Sami. I'll meet you in the lobby so you can say goodbye. We'll see you next time Ryan."

Ryan nodded, appreciating the way Sami's Dad dealt with him. It was refreshing. Any girl he'd ever been with, her parents always wanted to kill him.

"Sorry I have to go so soon. Thanks for the dance tonight."

"Thanks for teaching me how to dance," Ryan laughed.

"I'll call you tomorrow. Enjoy the rest of the night."

"Nah. May as well go home now. The best part of the evening is going home."

Ryan brushed her hair away from her cheek before giving her one more solid kiss.

"'Night."

Ryan watched as Sami met up with her parents in the lobby. He meant what he said. The evening may as well be over now. Now it was just a matter or waiting for the Cohens to wrap up conversations with the rest of Newport. There was however, still Seth to deal with.

"Ryan, thank God!" Seth gushed, rushing up to Ryan. "Wait, napkin girl's going home?"

"Yeah," Ryan sighed. "What's up?"

"You gotta help me."

"Now what?"

"I've spent the entire night doing exactly what you told me to. I found girls that looked, you know, nice but not dangerous. I asked them if they wanted a drink, or whatever…"

"Okay. So what's the problem?" Ryan asked, failing to see a problem at all.

"The problem, Ryan, is that I've spent the entire night, and I mean the entire night with the exception of dinner, delivering drinks and making trips to the coat room. I made twenty-three dollars in tips for God's sake! It didn't work Ryan!"

Trying to keep from full out laughing in Seth's face, "Take it easy Seth, this was only one night. You can't give up."

"Give up? Incase you weren't listening Ryan, I never got started!"

"We'll think of something man. We'll find someone for you. Maybe napkin girl knows someone."

"You really think napkin girl would do that for me?"

"Maybe."

Hoisting themselves up on a concrete divider, they sat outside for a moment.

"Check out that star," Seth mentioned, motioning upward at a particularly bright star.

Ryan's head tipped backwards as he took in the spec in the sky that was larger and brighter than everything around it.

"Maybe you should make a wish for some more alone time with napkin girl," Seth razzed.

"And maybe you should wish for some damn good painkillers…you're gonna need them if you keep talking like that."

"Oh stop," Seth whined. "Put down the hair on the back of your neck. There's no need for that. I have to pull your chain every now and then. You've got something I can only dream about. I'm jealous."

Ryan's mouth parted as Seth's words took root in his head. He had something someone else wanted. He was envied. Another first, that had never happened before.

"Don't be jealous. You're no different than me. Just, you're special someone hasn't found you yet. We'll find her. I'll help you find her."

Nodding, "Thanks man." After a beat, "I think I'll go back in and actual order myself a drink at the bar this time…then again, maybe I could pick up a few more bucks if I try talking to some more girls. You coming in?"

Chuckling at Seth's plans, "In a few minutes."

After Seth went inside, Ryan turned his attention to the undeniably bright star in the sky and his Mom crossed his mind. She said she looked at the stars every night. She said she talked to them every night. Even after everything he'd been through, he wondered if she was looking at that same star tonight.

At that moment, Ryan realized where he was. This was the first place in Newport the Cohens ever took him to for an event. He'd only been with them a few days and he was feeling terribly out of place.

Jumping down off the wall, he turned to face the fancy brick façade of the building. It didn't look intimidating now. It was nothing but a bunch of white bricks and windows. Ryan decided to go back inside and he, absently, wandered the corridor until he located a staircase leading down. Descending the stairs, he followed the hallway until it brought him to a back room.

The room was dimly lit and very quite. Apparently they weren't using it tonight. Flipping the switch near the door, the overhead florescent lights hummed to life. Everything was as he remembered it, and he was surprised he remembered it at all. Last time he saw this room he'd drowned himself in quite a bit of alcohol.

"Ryan?"

The voice startled him and he spun around to find Kirsten near the doorway.

"You okay Sweetie?" she asked softly.

"Fine. You scared me."

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to. When I saw you coming down here, I was worried…"

"It's okay. I haven't exactly given you a lot of reason to trust me. At least, not when it comes to me being down here."

Kirsten smiled and stepped into the room. She wrapped her arms around herself to fend off the chill in the unused room. "What um, what made you want to come down here?" She hoped his answer would be honest.

"The stars." Off of Kirsten's look, "It's a long story, but the stars make me think of my Mom."

Feeling a ping of worry in her chest, "Do you…miss her?" she inquired, worried what the truth to that question might be.

"No. I don't miss her. I just…she's the one open ended piece of my life. I wish I could finish that part somehow."

Kirsten listened to Ryan intently. He was trying to say something but she wasn't sure exactly what it was yet.

"You remember the last time you found me down here?" Ryan questioned, changing the subject.

"That was a long time ago," she answered. "You were not happy."

Smirking, "No, I wasn't. I think I had every emotion you can think of running through my veins that night. I came down here to get drunk so I wouldn't have to feel any of it."

"I remember that. You were sitting on the crates."

"You were nice to me even back then. You didn't yell at me or kick me out. You just walked me back to the car and took me home." Ryan shoved his hands in his pants pockets and remembered that evening. "I almost screwed up the opportunity to have a great family. All because I was afraid to trust you guys.

"Trust is something that's earned Ryan. You were only living with us for a few days at that point, we couldn't make you trust us that quickly, that wasn't enough time."

Ryan kicked at the floor. "I'm glad I got my head together. It took a while, but I did it. I really do appreciate everything all of you have done for me. You, Seth, even Sandy. I guess I should probably tell him that sometime."

"I know he'd love to hear that," she smiled.

Returning the smile, "I don't know about you, but I think I've spent enough time down here. I don't belong down here," he explained, offering his arm to Kirsten.

Wrapping her arm around Ryan's, "I would love to go back upstairs. They opened the sweet table you know."

"They did? Any chocolate cake up there?"

"Ryan…"

"I'll race you!"

"Do not make me chase you, I have heels on!" she laughed.

Sighing, "Then I guess we'll go together."

"Together."

(TBC)…

A/N – Be prepared…the end is in sight! I know everyone wants this to go on forever, but we're coming full circle. Expect one, possibly two chapters left in this one. : D


	22. Strong Enough

**Raising Ryan **

**Chapter 21 – Strong Enough**

A month had gone by when Ryan found himself sitting at the kitchen counter, deep in thought. Concentrating on those thoughts went out the window the minute Seth walked in.

"Hey buddy. Why the long face?"

"I don't have a long face."

"Come on Ryan, I know you better than that. Is something wrong? You and Napkin Girl…"

"No, no, we're fine."

"So then, what's up?"

Taking a deep breath, Ryan wrung his hands together. "I've been thinking about my Mom."

Of all the possible problems Ryan might have been contemplating, this wasn't a topic that was even remotely on Seth's radar. "And…?"

Hesitating, "And…I've been thinking about, going back."

"You're…leaving?" Seth asked, immediately pale and sick to his stomach at the mere concept.

"No, no, just, for a visit."

Seth steadied himself against the countertop, relieved. "Okay. But, why would you do that? She makes you crazy."

Sighing again, "I know, but…did you know she was at the last two soccer games?"

"She was? How do you know that?"

"I saw her. Well, I saw her car. No one in Newport drives a car that looks like that."

Nodding, Seth was starting to understand the bigger picture.

"I only saw her at those two games, but, she could have been at more of them for all I know."

"But why wouldn't she come up to you then? Tell you how great you played?"

"Because the last time she came to the field, it blew up in both our faces. I drew a line and she was staying on her side of it."

"Can I ask you something?" Seth inquired meekly and waited for Ryan to look at him. "Why now?"

"Because I'm finally strong enough."

Still, another week passed before Ryan worked up enough courage to pick up the phone. A prime opportunity presented itself when he found himself home alone. His hand trembled as he dialed the phone. He'd made up his mind beforehand, if she was drunk when she answered, he'd hang up abandon the idea and never think about it again. The phone rang several times. His heart raced and he could feel his blood starting to boil. It was late afternoon. She was probably passed out already from her early morning binge. He was just about to give up when she answered the phone, out of breath.

"Hello? Hello?" she answered hurriedly.

Ryan found himself tongue-tied at first. She was sober. It was four o'clock in the afternoon and she was sober. That was a step in the right direction.

"Hello?" she repeated again.

"Mom?"

The phone fell silent as Ryan waited for her to reply.

"Ryan? Oh honey. How are you? Are you okay?"

"Yeah. I'm, I'm fine."

He could hear her pull out a kitchen chair, surely the shock of his voice on the line made her weak in the knees.

"My baby! I can't believe you called me! It's so good to hear your voice!"

Her voice was trembling. She was fighting back the emotions she knew Ryan wasn't interested in hearing. Tears never worked on him, there was no point in using them now.

Ryan swallowed, hoping it would ease the dryness in his mouth. It didn't.

"I…I wasn't sure you'd be home," he finally offered, choosing his words carefully.

"I usually get home around this time. I, I got a job at the coffee shop down the street. It's nothing glamorous, but it pays the bills. I've been there for about three months now. I guess that's gotta be some sort of record for me, huh kiddo?"

Ryan smiled weakly into the phone. "Yeah, I think it is." Closing his eyes for a moment, Ryan decided to bite the bullet. "So, I've been doing some thinking. I thought, I thought maybe I'd come back…for a visit. Maybe…"

"Oh honey! Please come by! Please! I'll make lunch, I'll ask for the day off of work, I'll…"

"No, no, don't be missing work. I'm in school all day anyway."

"Sunday? Can you come this Sunday? I don't have to work on Sunday. Please?"

"No. AJ will be there on Sunday."

"No, no he won't. AJ…AJ is in lock up, Ryan. He won't be here."

It didn't surprise Ryan to learn AJ was in jail, again, and the news seemed to point to Sunday as the best day to do this.

"Okay. Sunday. I'll see you…and Mom?" after a beat, "I need you to get this right."

"I will. I promise."

Ryan hung up and stared at the receiver in his hand. He hoped he was doing the right thing. This felt like something he just had to do. Now he had to hope the Cohen's would understand, and approve of his actions.

Waiting until dinner was over, Ryan wanted to get his plans off his chest as soon as possible. Clearing his throat, he got the attention of everyone at the table.

"So, I have something I need to tell you guys."

Realizing the seriousness of Ryan's tone, the adult Cohens immediately gave him their full attention.

"This Sunday…I'm going to go back to Chino, to visit my Mom."

Sandy and Kirsten exchanged a look, unsure of what to think.

"Ryan is, is everything okay? Is your Mom okay?"

Nodding, Ryan kept his down and fussed with the corner of his napkin. "Yeah, everything is fine. It's just…something I feel I need to do. If she's drunk when I get there, I'll turn around and come home. Then it was a mistake. If she's sober, then maybe it'll be okay."

Sandy and Kirsten exchanged a look for the second time, still unsure of what brought this up and if Ryan had a hidden agenda behind the trip to Chino.

"Are you…I mean…is there any particular reason for going back to Chino?" Sandy asked.

Ryan hesitated, still fussing with his napkin. "I just…I just…" The answer seemed so clear to him when he made the phone call to his Mom. Now Sandy's question seemed like a loaded question. "I guess I want her to see me. I don't have any expectations for her. I mean, she couldn't stop before, all these years of drinking and abuse. I want her to see that I got out. Who knows, maybe it would give her strength to do the same thing."

Sandy and Kirsten both breathed a sigh of relief.

"That's understandable Ryan. I think you have the right mindset. I'm glad you realize…even though you've changed…"

"She could still be the same," Ryan added, finishing Sandy's sentence. "I know. And quite honestly, I expect that to be the case. I just feel like it's something I need to do. I hope you can understand."

"Ryan, she'll always be your Mom," Kirsten explained. "We would never keep you from seeing her. Our concern will always lie in what's best for you. As long as you're comfortable doing this…then we support your decision."

"It'll be okay."

Ryan pedaled feverishly to the pier after school the next day. He found Sami in the usual place. Pouncing off his bike he let it fall against the back of the bench and cheerfully took a seat next to her.

"My, aren't we in a good mood today!" Sami teased. "What's going on?"

"Nothing. I'm just, I'm happy to see you."

"Aw. I'm happy to see you too."

Kissing like the teenagers that they are, they realized they may have gotten a little out of hand with the public display of affection when an older lady on the bench across from them repeatedly cleared her throat in attempt to separate the two young lovers.

"Sorry," Ryan mumbled automatically before straightening his posture and decidedly trying to keep his hands to himself.

Happy that she'd achieved ruining their blissful little moment, the old lady stood up and headed down the pier.

"Well…what was the point of that?" Ryan complained.

"Maybe she doesn't have anyone to love. Maybe she's jealous," Sami teased again, snickering.

"Grump like that, who'd want to kiss her!"

"Hey now, watch it! I remember a certain someone telling me he used to be quite the grump before someone gave him a reason to change."

"Alright, alright, you win." Ryan laughed as he watched Sami's hair twisting in the coastal breeze. Allowing himself to lock into her eyes, "Of all the guys in Newport, why'd you pick me? You could've had any guy you wanted."

"Because I wanted you. You're a true soul Ryan. Boys like you are hard to find. Your heart is genuine."

That was one of the things Ryan loved most about Sami. She always seemed to explain things in the simplest terms, with the most convenient definitions…and she was usually dead on accurate.

"What's on your mind Ryan Atwood? I can see the gerbil is on the wheel."

Squirming in his seat a bit, "You really want to know?"

"Yes, of course."

Ryan took a deep breath and tried to think of the best way to explain the train-wreck that was his mother. "There're parts of my life that I don't talk about. Mostly because…I would rather forget about them."

Sami turned to face Ryan, showing him she wasn't intimidated or turned off by what he was saying.

"My Mom…she's…she's an alcoholic." Embarrassed at the admission, Ryan broke eye contact with Sami and turned to the ocean, something he found comfort in since the day he came to Newport. "She always drank, for as long as I can remember. But it got worse when I got older and my Dad went away to prison."

Ryan's eyes skittered to the side to take in Sami's reaction. She didn't have one, she was still right there with him, listening.

"The drinking led her to making poor choices in boyfriends, especially when it came to finding boyfriends that could get her buzzed, no matter what. Conveniently, none of them seemed to be interested in kids either. Anyway, I ended up in Juvie and I decided I'd had enough. I didn't want to go back to that life. To make a long story short, that's how I ended up with the Cohens."

Sami reached forward and stroked Ryan's sleeve. "I knew you had some tough times before you came to Newport, but I had no idea about your Mom. I can't even imagine what that was like."

"Yeah well, it's not exactly something you tell people about. It's…embarrassing."

Tipping her head, Sami caught Ryan's eye and waited for him to turn his head. "You had a rough start, but look at you now. You took control of your life the day you said you were done with all of that and you never looked back. My Gram always says that God doesn't give you more than you can handle. And if that's true, you've got to be the strongest person I know!"

Snorting, "And if all that is true, then why do I want to fuck it all up by making a trip back home?"

"Do you want to see your Mom?"

Ryan squirmed again and looked back to the ocean. "Not exactly. I want her to see me."

"Ryan, no matter what happens…be proud of who you are. Be proud of where you're going with your life. No matter what happens when see her, she can't take any of that away from you."

Ryan nodded, still looking at the ocean.

"And when you get back…I'll be here waiting for you. Because I'm proud of who you are."

Blinking several times, Ryan fought back the emotion that was rising in his chest. Sami was worlds beyond where he considered himself. Yes, he'd come a long way but Sami…Sami blew him away. She was always so warm and welcoming, so patient and understanding. She always had the right thing to say and she always knew how to make him feel good about damn near anything and everything.

Still blinking, he turned to Sami, "Come here." Wrapping his hand around the back of Sami's head he pulled her into a kiss. "I love you," he whispered.

"I love you too."

After a bit more snuggling and kissing, "Better be careful, that old woman could come back," Sami warned.

"I don't care. I want more of this," Ryan smiled, leaning into Sami again.

"Ryan Atwood, are you dropping hints?"

"Oh yeah."

"Then I guess it's time to leave the pier."

It was going on eleven o'clock in the evening when Ryan returned home and cut through the main house on the way to his room. It came as no surprise when Seth intercepted him in the kitchen.

"Hey man, where you been? We're you with napkin girl this whole time?"

"Yeah." Offering a crooked smile, Ryan reached into the fridge for a bottle of Snapple.

Gasping dramatically, "You did the deed again, didn't you?"

Letting the refrigerator door slam shut, "Some things aren't meant to be public knowledge, Seth."

"Public? Who cares about public? You got some tonight!"

"Like I said, some things are meant to be public…like the inscription on your headstone."

Curbing his excitement for a moment, "You're right. I did say I would…respect your privacy where napkin girl was concerned."

"Thank you."

Relieved he'd managed to, somehow, put Seth off again, Ryan opened the French door leading to the patio.

"Just tell me this," Seth interjected at the last moment. He waited for Ryan to turn and offer him a dirty look, which came like clockwork. "Was it good?"

Ryan thought for moment before allowing that infamous, mischievous smile creep onto his lips.

"I knew it! I hate you!" Seth exclaimed.

"'Night Seth."

When the door clicked shut and Seth found himself alone again, "I think I'll drown my depression in a bowl of Fruit Loops."

Miles and miles away, Dawn sat on the back stoop smoking cigarette after cigarette. Immersed in the dark, she allowed herself to listen to the world around her. Somewhere nearby, a couple was fighting. There was yelling and screaming and she recognized the sounds of physical contact being made. In the distance, gunshots could be heard and the faint moan of a single police car trailed through the center of town.

Taking another drag off her cigarette, she thought about the places she'd frequented, the places where she drank and picked up men, all of them the same, drunk, abusive and broke. She was usually too drunk or hung over to recognize this wasn't a place to raise a family. No wonder her boys wanted out. Both of them had fallen prey to what the streets of Chino had to offer. Trey had become a jack-of-all-trades in Chino, doing whatever he could to make money in order to stay away from home. And Ryan was more subtle about it, but she knew he'd stolen things and he was just beginning to make a name for himself stealing cars when everything changed and he found a way out.

Still inhaling from the nearly gone nub, she considered that her boys had learned the only thing there was to learn in Chino, how to stay ahead of the game. It pained her to know, even though Chino was still swallowing them whole, her boys were better at the game than she was. They knew how to beat the system. She was older, she'd been through more in life in general and she was still trying to pick herself up and dust herself off.

Letting the smoke sift slowly through her lips, she tipped her head back and stared into the sky. She found the brightest star of the night, Ryan's star. She wondered what he was doing. Panic clenched her chest at the thought of Ryan visiting her the next day. What was she thinking when she agreed to that? Ryan and her hadn't gotten along in years. Years. What made her think this visit would be any different? Why would tomorrow be special? Ever since he was a little boy, Ryan had begged her to stop drinking. He'd come home from school with those damn flyers that talked about getting help and she'd rip them up in his face every single time, yelling at him that she wouldn't be told what to do with her life by a child. She was a grown up, she could make her own decisions. In hindsight she could see that Ryan was wise beyond his years. He knew what he was doing, even as a little boy. He was always the strong one, the smart one. Shaking her head at the sky she joked with herself about where he got his brains because it certainly wasn't from either of his parents.

She lit another cigarette and thought about the pending meeting with her son. Seeing your own flesh and blood shouldn't be so nerve racking, but this was her own doing. She'd made his life hard, harder than it needed to be. He was the way he was, largely due to her actions, her decisions.

She never expected to hear from Ryan again. The day she said goodbye on the Cohen's driveway, she assumed he'd washed her hands of her for good. Ryan was like that. When he was done with something, he was done. In that sense, he could walk away from anyone and anything, at any time. That was one of his strengths. For the life of her, Dawn still couldn't figure out why he was coming back. For that matter, she wasn't sure she cared. She had another chance to see her son. She couldn't justify the chance to make things right with Ryan, but she was thankful for the opportunity.

Giving the stars one last look, she snuffed her cigarette out against the concrete, picked up her beer bottle and emptied the remainder of its contents into the grass. Morning would come quickly. She knew this was her only chance to get this right. She just hoped Ryan wouldn't change his mind.

(TBC)…


	23. Going Home

Raising Ryan 

**Chapter 23 – Going Back**

Ryan had tossed and turned most of the night. Finally at six a.m. he forced himself out of bed. Showered and dressed by six twenty, he plopped himself on the edge of his bed and spaced out at the pool just outside the window.

He didn't hear the knock on his door, but the click of the latch got his attention. Assuming it would be Seth, he was surprised to find Sandy standing there.

"Hey, you're up early," Sandy greeted.

"Didn't sleep so good," Ryan admitted.

"Mind if I come in?"

"Sure."

Closing the door behind him, Sandy crossed the room and sat down on the bed next to Ryan.

"It's okay if I sit here, right? I've seen what you can do to Seth."

Snorting, "I think I'm over that."

"Good." Sandy waited a minute to see if Ryan would offer any information on his own but sharing his fears was still something Ryan was working on. "So, anything I can…help with?"

Ryan sighed heavily. "I just hope I'm not making a mistake."

Sandy was pleased Ryan was willing to talk about what he was feeling. Nodding, "I know how you feel. At least I think I do. Part of you hopes maybe things are a little different after all of this time. Part of you is curious. Part of you is still angry and wants to rub her nose in it."

Ryan smirked at that last line. Sandy was on the right track.

"The real question is, what do you want out of this? Do you expect anything to…change…as a result of seeing her today?"

"No, I don't expect anything to change. I don't want to move back or anything like that. I like it here. After all this time, I finally feel like I belong here. But I guess you're right. Part of me wishes she'd get her life together. No one wants a Mom like that and yet, she's still my Mom. And if she is still, a mess…I guess I just need that closure to know I've done the right thing. That my life is heading in the right direction. I mean, I know it is. I don't know what I'm looking for. Maybe life's been too good and I need some chaos."

Chuckling, "God I hope that's not the case. You've racked up enough chaos to last you a few years. And maybe by then you'll have grown out of it."

The two sat on the bed in silence for a moment, mentally reliving some of Ryan's old antics. He definitely kept things interesting.

"Tell me one thing Ryan. What if you go to Chino and she surprises you? What if she has changed?"

Again Ryan took a deep breath and wrapped his arms around his stomach. "She'll be the same. To expect her to be different is expecting too much. I learned that lesson a long time ago. I guess that's why I don't really understand why I want to do this. I'm only going to be let down again."

Sandy nodded again. "Maybe. Then again, maybe not. For whatever reason, there's a part of you that needs this. Everything we face in life makes us stronger. I have no doubt whatever you find in Chino will make you stronger. I'm proud of you kid. You've turned corners that I hadn't even thought of yet. And just remember one thing…we will always be here for you. No matter what happens in Chino, or after Chino, we love you."

"I won't come back and go on a bender if that's what you mean."

"I hope not. But that's not what I meant."

Ryan nodded. With his arms still wrapped around his stomach, he griped his belt loops. "You know, I don't think I've ever…told you…how much I…appreciate…everything. I never knew my life could be…like this. Thanks for getting my out of Chino."

Sandy felt his eyes moisten. He knew how hard that was for Ryan to say. More importantly, he knew it was genuinely heartfelt.

Wrapping his arm around Ryan's shoulder, "Oh kid, you have no idea how happy that makes me…to know you're happy here."

To Sandy's surprise, Ryan let go of himself and returned the one armed hug. It was a moment Sandy planned to treasure for a long time.

"When were you planning to head to Chino?" he asked, following Ryan's lead and letting go.

"Um, around eleven I guess. She wanted to make me lunch so… Again, if I knew what was good for me, I'd go after lunch. She's not much of a cook."

"I'll tell you what, take this. If the choices at her house don't look all that…appealing…you can treat her to lunch." Standing up, Sandy removed sixty dollars from his wallet and handed it to Ryan.

Ryan immediately laughed at the money held out in his direction. "I'm going to Chino Sandy. Even dinner at the best restaurant in town wouldn't cost more than thirty five bucks."

"Right. I'm used to the four of us going out. Take it anyway, just incase you need it. That way I know you're safe and you've got some money on you, for anything…food, car trouble…"

"Bail."

Laughing in spite of himself, "Not funny!"

Chuckling, "I'm kidding."

"Alright. I'm gonna let you get back to…whatever you need to do. Just let us know when you're leaving. We'll be home all day, if anything should come up and you need…"

"It's okay. I'll be okay."

Giving a single nod of approval, "Okay then. I'll see you inside."

Just as Sandy opened the door to leave, Ryan stopped him. "Hey Sandy?"

"Yeah?" he answered enthusiastically.

"Thanks."

"Anytime kid."

The morning went by faster than Ryan expected and before he knew it, he'd said his goodbyes and he was driving down the freeway in a daze, heading for Chino. His mind wandered for a majority of the trip. He thought about what he'd find when he got to Chino, he thought about the Cohens and he thought about Sami. Catching sight of the exit sign for Chino, he snapped back to reality. He really was going to do this.

Swallowing hard, he exited the freeway and wound through town before coming to a halt in front of his old house. Shutting the car off, he sat back and took in his surroundings. Funny, Chino never looked this hopeless when he lived here. Probably because it was all he knew. He looked at his old house with it's unkept lawn and it's equally uncared for house. He swore it looked the same as the day he left. It was as if nothing had changed. Chino seemed to be frozen in time. He pursed his lips, frustrated. He knew chances were, his Mom was also equally frozen in time, stuck in her ways. She'd probably answer the door with a bottle in her hand. He may as well get this over with. Depending on just how bad Dawn Atwood planned to let this get, the afternoon could be over before it started.

Gingerly, Ryan stepped out of the Rover and slammed the door. Reminding himself to breathe, he crossed in front of the car and pulled on the latch of the rusty chain link fence. The gate groaned as Ryan swung it open. It seemed to echo the dread he was feeling.

His heart was pounding when his boot landed on the front porch but Dawn answered the door even before Ryan could knock.

"Hey kiddo!" she smiled.

She was as cleaned up as Ryan had seen her in a long time. She was dressed nice, her make-up was applied with care, her hair had been washed…and she was sober.

Barefoot, she rushed across the porch to embrace Ryan. Holding him tighter than he liked, he managed to put one hand on her back before attempting to pull away. She was never this lovey with him and he wasn't about to start now.

"I'm so glad you came! So, why don't you come in?" she offered, still smiling.

Begrudgingly, Ryan nodded and followed her into the house. He paused at the front door and looked around. Everything was clean. Everything was in its place. The house even smelled clean instead of like stale beer and vomit.

"Wow. This is…it's nice. It's clean."

An even bigger smile broke out on Dawn's face, she was happy he noticed. "I knew you were coming and I wanted everything to be nice," she explained. "I thought maybe…"

"I'm not coming back," Ryan said with more power than he intended, his nerves getting the best of him.

"I know kiddo. I just thought, maybe if I could make it nice and keep it that way, maybe you'd come to visit every now and then."

"Let's just try to get through today first."

"Right. How about some lunch?" When Ryan grimaced, about to decline the offer, "I went out and bought that ham you like. You know, the one with the brown sugar on the edge? I got it this morning, you can look at the date. It's fresh. Please? Please let me make you lunch."

Licking his lips, Ryan let his head fall to the side and his Mom jumped all over that, assuming it was a 'yes'.

"Come on in the kitchen, I'll fix you a plate."

In the kitchen, Ryan took off his jacket and threw it over the back of his chair. His Mom immediately took notice.

"So, looks like you got a new jacket."

"Yeah, Kirsten bought it for me for Christmas."

Right after the words left his mouth, he regretted saying them. The conversation was now wide open for his Mother to ask about the gifts she'd sent him.

"That was nice of them. It looks expensive."

"Yeah well when you can hold a job for more than a week at a time you can buy nice things for the people you care about."

His Mother nodded, fighting the urge to cry. It wasn't the fact that the jacket was expensive. It was the fact that they got him something in the first place. He was her son and she hadn't bought him anything in years.

"I'm glad they got you something you know? That they made Christmas special for you, that was nice."

"You don't really want to talk about Christmas, do you?" Ryan wondered out loud. Then again, what did he think they'd talk about?

"I'm just saying…it's nice. That's all."

With his nerves still in control, Ryan was doing a slow burn over the fact that his Mom was sort of blowing off the Cohens generosity. After all, they'd run circles around his Mom in the parenting department.

"Actually, I got…thirteen gifts from them. Well, that included my stocking and there was some stuff in there too."

"They gave you all of that?" Dawn asked, bewildered.

"Yeah. Kirsten bought me some new clothes since I pretty much showed up with nothing. My jacket, a new watch, my boots are new. Oh and she got me a new backpack for school since mine was falling apart."

"Jesus," Dawn mumbled under her breath, setting Ryan's ham sandwich down in front of him.

"So, I guess, you really like it there huh kiddo? Nothing like this place huh?" She laughed hoping to hide the pain she was feeling. She wanted so badly for this visit to take away some of the hurt she was feeling, instead it only made her hurt more. She had nothing new to tell Ryan, at least, nothing he would have been interested in hearing. And all Ryan had to talk about was his new life and how great it was.

"Yeah I like it. Took some time to get used to and I had to put a lid on some of the things I used to do, but it's good."

Nodding, "That's good Ry. I'm happy for you. Really. I mean it. You…you deserve nice things."

Ryan paused in the middle of pulling his sandwich closer. Okay. Maybe not all of Chino was frozen in time. This was definitely a different woman than the one he left behind. Maybe this visit would be different after all.

"Thanks." Running his finger on the rim of the dish, "So, I saw you at a couple of the soccer games."

His Mom got nervous and stood up from the table to grab a bottle of water from the fridge. "I…I didn't want you to know I was there. I know how you felt about me…being in Newport. I don't belong there."

"How many games did you come to?" Ryan asked, looking at his Mom with the eyes of a hopeful little boy.

"Um, about, four, I guess. It took me a while to work up the guts to call the school to get the game schedule. I felt like, like I was going behind your back. But I'm glad I went you know. You're, you're amazing out there. I had no idea…" Dawn caught herself in mid sentence. "Then again, how would I know right? I never made the time before. I should have…made time."

Ryan had questions of his own he wanted answers to, but things were going rather well at the moment and he didn't want to blow the lid off just yet.

"Are you…gonna have a sandwich?"

A nervous laugh slipped out of Dawn's mouth. She wasn't expecting that. "I think I will. That ham looks awful good."

The kitchen fell quiet with the exception of lunchmeat bags rustling and the occasional slamming of the refrigerator door. Ryan bit down on his sandwich. The bread was fresh. The meat was fresh. He couldn't remember the last time fresh food had seen the light of day in that house.

Sitting down across from him, his Mom opened a new bag of Doritos and dumped them into a bowl in the center of the table. Unconsciously, Ryan helped himself to the chips and continued to eat his sandwich.

His Mom watched him eat at her table. The food was actually good for him, he actually wanted it, and they were actually sharing a meal together. She couldn't remember the last time they'd done that.

"I haven't had this ham in a long time. It's good," Ryan commented, keeping his eyes on his sandwich.

"I'm sure Kirsten has gotten it for you. Don't they sell this in Newport? It's just ham."

"Actually, I never told Kirsten I liked it."

Dawn stopped chewing and stared at her son. Apparently some parts of Ryan remained in Chino and brown sugar coated ham was one of them. She found herself tickled pink over the fact there were still things she knew about her son that no one else knew, things only a mom would know.

"I didn't realize…I guess I just assumed…"

"Newport's a little different. Well, it's a lot different than Chino. We eat a lot of Thai food."

"What's that?"

"Sort of like Chinese food. It's pretty good."

Raising her eyebrows, she looked at her son. "You like that kind of food Ry?"

"Yeah. It's good."

Touché. Now she knew Kirsten had motherly secrets as well. She never would have guessed that Ryan liked ethnic food, besides Mexican food that is. Chino had more Mexican food than American food.

"So that's interesting huh? I bet, I bet you've had some really…interesting opportunities in Newport, things you can't do in Chino." Leaning forward she hoped she was showing her son she was interested in hearing about his life.

Ryan twirled a Dorito chip in his mouth and chewed on it to flatten it out before responding. "I got to ride a wave runner. It's…like a jet ski. That was fun. Seth wouldn't ride with me after a while, I guess I drove too fast for him." Ryan snickered at the memory of Seth screaming across the lake.

"Is this it?" Stepping over to the fridge, Dawn pulled a photo out from a collection of photos held up by magnets. It was the first time Ryan realized there were several photos of him spread across the top portion of the fridge.

When his Mom handed him the photo, he found his own face staring back at him, smiling, drenched and sitting on the wave runner.

"How did you get this?" Ryan asked, more out of curiosity than anger.

"Well, um, Kirsten sent it to me. Don't be mad at her, I never asked her to keep in touch. I guess she just wanted me to know that you were safe, and you were doing okay. When I came to Newport, there was a time when I noticed a photo of you and Seth and…Sandy…I guess you guys had a water fight of some kind. Everyone was soaked and happy. You looked like you were having so much fun. I told Kirsten I didn't have any photos of you smiling. It's one of the ways I knew you belonged in Newport. I could see how happy you were there."

Ryan stood up to look at the photos on the fridge. There were several photos of him there, all of them with him smiling, well, with the exception of the one with him asleep at the kitchen table on top of his physics book. He knew life with the Cohens had worked out but it wasn't until he could see certain events laid out in front of him like this that it really hit home. He really was part of a family now.

"It doesn't bother you that she sends these?"

"In the beginning it was hard to get the letters and see the pictures. She was giving you everything that I couldn't…or…wouldn't. I never put you and your brother first. That's a mistake I'll regret for the rest of my life. But look at you, you know. You're in a place now that…Ryan it'll open doors for you for the rest of your life. That's something I could never have given you, no matter how hard I tried. You'll never have to work at the mill. You won't have to spend your hard earned paycheck at 'Ray's Place', just because it's the only hangout in town. You'll have a life, a real life. You have a family now that can give you the right guidance and support. And you'll have an education, a good one. Hell, you even have a brother now that's not trying to help you get arrested every five minutes."

They both snickered at that last comment. That remark was dead on accurate.

When the humor died away, "You could've done this too you know. You just never tried," Ryan reminded his Mom.

Facing the truth, "You're right. I never put any energy into you boys. I only thought about myself. Now you boys are old enough to make your own way. You're both smarter than I am and braver than I am. Who knows maybe I'll learn a thing or two from you guys now that I'm a little older."

Ryan watched his Mother, embarrassed, turn away and take her seat at the table. He gave the photos on the fridge one last look before sitting down.

There was one question that was still eating his brain and he wanted to know the answer. "I was surprised…I mean, when I got here…"

"You thought I'd be soused," she answered, completing his sentence.

"Yeah. Do you still drink?" Ryan didn't want to see her face when he asked that question, but he needed to see it for the answer. Her face would tell him things her mouth refused to admit if she chose to lie to him.

Dawn placed both of her hands flat on the table and took a deep breath. "I do. Not as much as I did, I'm…I'm better, but I'm nowhere near perfect. I guess the difference is now I drink for different reasons. I used to drink to party, or to keep up with the guy I was with at the time, or even to forget that I live in this hellhole. Now I drink because…because I had more than I realized…and I lost it all. And it's my fault that it's gone. Some days it hurts so much it makes me numb, even without the bottle."

Ryan wasn't prepared to hear that. It was safe to say that he came to Chino with both barrels cocked, expecting the worst. He was pleasantly surprised the visit was going along rather nicely. It was almost unnerving.

"I tried to get you to stop," Ryan mumbled.

"You did. You tried so many times Ry. You were always so smart. I just…I couldn't see what was happening to me. I wasn't ready to stop."

"And now?" Ryan interrogated matter-of-factly.

Dawn met her son's eyes. He knew how to read through lies. There was no point in skirting the truth. "It's too late."

Ryan never saw his Mom like this, truthful, regretful and defeated. "You managed to get yourself together for today."

Chuckling, ever since you called, I've spent every moment possible trying to get this place in order. It wasn't easy, but it turned out pretty nice."

"If you think it's too late, why did you try so hard?"

"Because, you said it yourself, this was my only chance to get this right. I'd already pushed you so far away Ryan…it was a miracle when you called. And, to tell you the truth, I…I didn't think you'd come. I thought for sure you would change your mind and cancel the plans, and I would have understood that."

"I'm proud of you…for trying. You know, when I moved in by the Cohens, it wasn't easy for me either. Life is, so different there. I made mistakes too. I made a lot of them. Kirsten would always tell me that I had to try. Nothing would change unless I tried. And she was right. It took a while but I finally got my act together. I guess anything is possible if you want it bad enough."

Dawn nodded, chewing over her son's words. He'd learned a lot since he left. She could see it in his demeanor and she could hear it in his words. He had grown up so much. He was no longer a boy. Now there was a man sitting across from her.

"Maybe one of these days I'll get my life together too. Maybe someday I could…be someone you could be proud of."

"You just have to remember to try," Ryan encouraged. "Every day is a new chance, but you have to try."

(TBC)…


	24. Finale Finding Your Place

**Raising Ryan **

Chapter 24 – Finale: Finding Your Place 

A few hours had passed by the time Ryan realized how much time he'd spent in Chino. His Mother caught him glancing down at his watch at one point.

"I didn't realize the time. I'm sure you need to get back. I hate to see you go, but I'm sure everyone is expecting you."

Rising from the couch, Dawn kept her eyes away from Ryan's. She didn't want him to see how sad she was that it was time for him to go.

"I probably should hit the road. It's a good hour's drive back." Striding to the kitchen, Ryan pulled his coat on and walked back to the front door where his Mom was waiting for him.

"I know um, I know I shouldn't ruin this with any tears, but I'm not sure I can stop them," she explained. In a voice barely above a whisper, "I just want you to know how much I appreciate you coming here today. I didn't deserve this, but you made me so happy."

Ryan shifted uncomfortably on his feet and gestured to the room behind him. "You impressed me today. You put your mind to it and did all this. Who knows what you could do. Just…you gotta remember to try. Maybe next time…"

"Next time?" she interrupted.

Ryan looked at her with those blue eyes of his, eyes that penetrated in all the right ways. "If it could be like this, I wouldn't mind…coming back, every now and then. If it…could be like this…"

He watched his Mom's eyes erupt with tears. Kirsten taught him that change would come about once the right motivation was in place. He couldn't help but wonder if maybe this was the motivation that would make a difference in his Mother's world. He supposed it was worth a try.

Extending her arms she held Ryan tight again. This time he wrapped both arms around her and closed his eyes. He'd dreamt of having a moment like this since he was a little boy. He didn't want to let go.

"Oh my sweet boy. I don't want this day to end but your family is going to be looking for you. I have to let you get home or you'll miss dinner." Chuckling nervously, she pulled back from her son, only to find his eyes were red and damp. The only emotion she was used to seeing out of him was anger. "I'm so proud of you Ryan. I hope someday I can make you proud too."

"It's not easy. You have to keep at it even when you think you've got nothing left. I did it and you can do it too. This meant a lot to me today. I told you to get this one right and I couldn't have asked for anything more. You did really good today."

Dawn's cheeks reddened with embarrassment. She was so worried about the visit going well and here her son was confirming its success.

"You're welcome here anytime Ryan." Snickering a bit, "Just, give me a bit of notice before you come…just incase I didn't try as hard the day before," she joked.

"That's fair. You're on the right track. Just take it one day at a time. I'll call you again sometime."

"I'd like that." As Ryan turned and passed through the doorway, "Ryan…I really enjoyed this. Thank you for coming today," she repeated.

Offering a shy smile, "Me too. I'll see you around."

Dawn watched her son climb back into his car and buckle his seatbelt. He held his hand up to wave goodbye, before finally pulling away.

She watched the car pause at the corner before turning and disappearing from her sight. Just like that, her son was gone again. She slumped against the doorframe and allowed the tears to stream down her face. She wished there was a way to replay the day so she could relive each and every moment of it.

Eventually she pulled herself together and went back inside. Dragging her hands across her face her make-up streaked from the lingering tears. She opened the fridge intending to reach for another bottle of water but found a bottle of gin looking right back at her. She could feel a strange feeling in her gut, something that she'd never experienced before.

Shaking her head at the bottle, "I lost my son once to you, I'm not losing him again." Slamming the refrigerator door, she immediately began rummaging through her junk drawer for a black magic marker and some scrap pieces of paper. Feverishly she jotted down the words Ryan had said to her or at least the gist of what he said, repeating them all out loud as she did so.

"Every day is a new chance…it's okay to make mistakes, try again." And on the last piece she wrote, "TRY" really big. Taking her bits of encouragement, she scattered them in between Ryan's photos across the front of the fridge. "I might make mistakes, but I'm gonna try too Ry. You said you made mistakes along the way and look how far you've come. I'm gonna try kid. I'll try."

Wiping her eyes one last time, Dawn picked up the phone and dialed. "Angie? It's Dawn. I was wondering if you wanted to come over tonight, maybe we could go out for some fajitas or something…no…no margs for me…today's a new day."

Ryan pulled off at a local diner before hitting the highway. He was desperately craving a cup of coffee as well as a better understanding of what just happened. After a lifetime of struggling and fighting, the drinking and the abuse, it was hard to fathom such a nice afternoon was possible with his mother.

Sliding into a booth near the window, he ordered himself a cup of coffee. He watched his cup fill up with the black liquid and offered the waitress a 'thanks' before she walked away. Wrapping his hands around the cup he pulled it closer and studied the white curls of steam that drifted upwards from the cup. He still couldn't believe the afternoon went as well as it did. His Mom was really sober. She had food in the house that wasn't moldy or sour. She actually confirmed seeing him playing soccer. And when he thought about it for a moment, she really did acknowledge the Cohens as his family. She really did make today count.

"Well, well, look who's out in my neck of the woods," a voice interrupted.

Still deep in his thoughts, it took Ryan a moment to look and recognize Officer McGhee standing before him.

"Hey Tommy," Ryan greeted, surprised to see the officer. "Must be three o'clock, time for coffee," he teased.

"You know it kid!"

"You can sit down if you want," Ryan offered, throwing Tommy off guard.

"An invitation? To sit down for coffee with Ryan Atwood? Where's my Ryan and what did you do to him?"

Stifling a smile, "Shut up and sit down!"

Accepting Ryan's offer, Tommy sat down and the waitress automatically delivered him a cup of coffee. "Look at you man. All cleaned up, a little bit of manners to you now. I'm impressed. Why the hell would you come back here?"

Throwing his arm across the back of the booth, Ryan toyed with a sugar packet with his right hand. "I came back, to see my Mom."

Knowing the history there, Tommy's face got serious and his head tipped back preparing for the worst, assuming all joking had just come to an end. "And? She okay?" It was also safe, based on Ryan's history, to assume he had come to see his Mom only because something happened, something was wrong.

"She's good. Matter of fact, today she was really good, surprised me even."

Tommy had been down this road many times with Ryan. This wasn't the first time she had a good day. Truth was, that's all they ever seemed to be was good 'days'. The woman could never seem to string several good days together to form a good week or a good month. A good day here or there was all she could ever manage.

Worried about Ryan's enthusiasm, "Ryan…"

"I know, I know…it's only one day. But this was an important day. I haven't seen her in a long time and the last time I saw her we had a pretty bad fight. We said things, goodbyes and everything. When I called her and told her I was coming back for a visit, I told her not to screw this up…and she got it right. The house was clean, she went out and bought fresh food for lunch, she was sober…" Ryan paused a moment, thinking about the afternoon's events. "She got it right. Given her history I came back here expecting the Dawn Atwood I know and hate. But for once, she got it right."

"That's good man. And what about you? What about Ryan?"

Raising his eyes off the table, Ryan gave a crooked smile. "You wouldn't recognize me on the street any more."

"Oh no? I found you today!"

Smiling, "Yeah, but that's cheating. This is Chino. Back where I live now I go to school, I do homework, I'm on the soccer team…I've been with the same girl for about three months I guess."

"Ryan Atwood has a steady girl? Get out of here! You were doing a different girl every night! I know because I caught you a few times!"

Laughing at the person he used to be, "That was then man."

Shaking his head, "Unbelievable. So this girl is she…entertaining," Tommy asked jokingly, still playing off Ryan's past.

"Don't go there. Not with this girl, this one's a real lady. I spent a lot of time with tramps in Chino. I only wanted one thing from them. I care about this girl. She got me interested in school, she's got manners, she opened my eyes to a lot of things, good things. And she likes me for who I am. Hell, even her folks seem to like me, I still can't get used to that."

"Ryan, no girl's parents like you," Tommy teased.

Laughing at the truth behind that comment, "Yeah well, this one's does. I'm taking it while I can get it."

"My God," Tommy stuttered. "It's like you went away and became a man while you were gone. And not this rite of passage mumbo-jumbo Chino style, stealing cars and picking up women. You really got your life together."

"I'm working on it," Ryan smirked.

"I gotta tell you kid, I was worried about you. There were nights that you had me wondering if we were gonna have one of those long-term relationships, you know what I'm saying?"

"I was heading that way, I really was. This family that took me in…I've never known people like them before. They didn't give up on me even on the days I'd given up on me. I learned a lot from them. If it wasn't for them…" Ryan ended his comment abruptly and stared into his coffee mug.

"Well whatever you're doing Ryan, you're doing it right. You're back in school and you're with a good girl now. I'm glad to see you're on your way to a happy ending man. You deserve it."

"You're not gonna get all mushy on me now, are you?" Ryan asked, grimacing.

"No. But I am going to get back to work." Standing up from the table the officer called in to the dispatcher to let them know he was back on the street.

"I should get moving too."

"I supposed you're going to hit up the waitress for some smokes on your way out?"

"Nope. I quit."

"What do you mean, you quit? You love cigarettes."

"I'm telling you, I quit. They were just another crutch for this hellhole. I don't need them any more." Sliding out of the booth, Ryan pulled out a couple of singles and threw them down on the table for the waitress.

"Going to school, having a real girlfriend and he gave up cigarettes? This is more than I can bear!" Tommy razzed. "But I love it. You did good for yourself kid. Stay strong and stay off the streets. I'm proud of you for turning it all around. It takes a real man to do that."

"I doesn't hurt to have a good family behind you either," Ryan added shyly.

"That's true. Take care of yourself kid." Tommy extended his hand for a street shake and pulled Ryan into a one-armed hug just as his radio went off with a call. "I'll see ya kid."

Ryan followed Tommy out the door before turning to head to his own car. Starting the engine, Ryan buckled his belt and cranked the radio up. He never spent a day in Chino that made him feel as good as he felt at that moment. Putting the car into gear, he aimed it for the expressway to head back to Newport.

When the Cohens heard the front door shut, they were relieved to know Ryan was safely back home.

"In here Ryan," Kirsten called. "You're just in time, we ordered some Thai for dinner."

"Smells great," Ryan replied, entering the kitchen with a smile.

"He's smiling, that's a good sign," Seth observed. "So, since I'm the only one with the brass to be forward enough…we want to know how it went, so spill the beans."

"Seth! Let him have some dinner would you? Maybe he doesn't want to talk about it," Sandy fussed, bringing a smile to Ryan's face immediately. He liked the fussing over him, quite a bit in fact.

"It's okay Sandy. The visit went really good. She really surprised me. I could tell that she really tried. Now I know how Kirsten could always tell the difference between when I was trying and when I wasn't. It was obvious that she went out of her way to make today really nice."

"Well, that's great. It sounds like everything went even better than you hoped for," Seth added.

"It did. She…admitted a few things that were important to hear. We had lunch as her house and she even went out and bought new food just for that. I can't remember the last time that house saw fresh food. She cleaned everything from top to bottom." Flipping his hand in the air, Ryan shook his head at the vision of his old home being so clean. "That house never looked that good, not even when my Dad was still living there. She really tried. I told her…I told her if it could be like that again sometime, I would…be willing to come back for another visit. She knows I'm not moving back. She knows that I like it here and she knows I belong here. But, maybe we could at least get to a place were we could have some sort of understanding or respect for each other. We'll see how it goes I guess. This is only one day. Anyone can pull off one day."

Kirsten handed Ryan a fork for his dinner. "But you, of all people, realize how much work it is to put a few good days together. It takes time and patience…and support from people who care about you."

"One day at a time right? Because it's okay to make mistakes," Ryan recited his learned lesson out loud.

"That's right. As long as you get up and try again. I'm so happy for you Ryan. I know how much this meant to you. Give her a chance. You never know…"

Sensing the mood was getting a little thick in the kitchen, "Hey, how about we get to this food before it gets cold?" Sandy interrupted.

A unison of agreement filled the kitchen and everyone reached across each other to get to their food of choice. When all was said and done, Ryan and Sandy were alone in the kitchen, still piling a few things onto the plates.

" Boy am I glad you got here in time for this. You have any idea how hard it would have been to keep Seth out of your Pad Thai?"

Laughing, "I'd just smack him around a little bit. He'd give it up eventually."

Sandy put his hand on Ryan's back and gave him a few pats. He noticed Ryan didn't even flinch. "Come on kid, let's eat."

After dinner was over and Ryan had satisfied Seth's curiosity about his trip to Chino, Ryan slipped out to the pool house and dialed Sami. A smile spread over his face when she answered the phone.

"Hey, it's me."

"Ryan, hey! You sound good, I take it the visit was a success?"

"Yeah it went pretty good but maybe I could save that story for another day? I was hoping maybe you wanted to come over, maybe rent a couple movies or something?"

"I happen to have, in my hands at this very moment, a copy of Saw and a copy of The Transporter…and a brand new box of microwave popcorn. How does that sound to you?"

"Sounds like the perfect evening to me."

"I do have one favor to ask."

"Sure."

"My cousin is over, do you think Seth would be interested in a double date sort of thing tonight? You can be honest, I don't want to make him feel like he has to do this. She's only a year younger than us so if I don't bring her with me, she'll go out shopping or something. It's no big deal."

"Are you kidding? I bet Seth would love to meet her. One question for you now…she's not a 'red blouse' sort of girl, is she?"

Giggling at Ryan's comment, "No! No, not at all. She's more of a forest green blouse if you ask me. She's very much a lady, I promise."

"Perfect. See you guys in about an hour?"

"We'll be there."

Ryan made his way back to the family room and plunked himself down on the couch next to Seth and picked up a game controller.

"Uh oh, what happened? No napkin girl tonight?" Seth inquired.

"Nah, she's coming. She's even bringing someone for you to meet."

Seth paused the game before Ryan could even get started. "Wait…what? You mean like a date? A date with a girl? Tonight? Ryan, we don't have time for games, you have to prime me for this. You have to tell me what to do and what to say! How much time do we have? Should I get my index cards?"

"Seth! Calm down. It's her cousin. They're coming over with movies and popcorn and I'm told she's 'forest green'."

"Oh yes! I can handle this, I can. At least I think I can. Should I change? Do I look alright?"

"Just…be yourself. Or, be a much calmer version of yourself…and you'll be fine."

Talking to himself, Seth settled back against the couch again. "So, we have a whole hour to kill. What are we going to do in the mean time? It's a whole hour Ryan!"

"In the mean time, we get Seth/Ryan time so I can kick your ass." Grabbing Seth's controller, Ryan restarted the game and started programming his players.

Seth on the other hand was still staring at the screen.

"What's wrong with you?" Ryan asked finally.

"Can I just tell you something?"

"Seth, it'll be fine tonight. It's movies, you don't even have to talk."

"No, it's not that."

"What?"

"I just…you're the best brother I could have ever asked for. And not just because of tonight. You get me and a lot of people don't get me…or, don't want to get me because well, I'm me."

Ryan snickered at that remark. It made perfect sense.

"At first when you said you were going to Chino and I thought you might be leaving, I can't even explain how that made me feel. I didn't want you to leave. You mean a lot to me and I don't think I've ever told you that. So…I just wanted to tell you that."

"Thanks. I feel the same about you…even though you force me to kick your ass every now and then. You know you always bring those moments on yourself."

"I do. But then again, brothers do that right? They wrestle and stuff?"

"They do."

Nodding in silence for a moment, "Maybe just once you could let me hit you?" Seth remarked.

"No."

"Okay. Maybe we should just get back to Seth/Ryan time?"

"That would probably be best."

It was late in the evening when Sami cornered Ryan alone in the kitchen and wrapped her arms around his waist. "This was a really nice evening. I hate to say it, but I'm going to have to get going."

"That's okay. There's always tomorrow, right?"

"Always."

Raising her hands to Ryan's face, she kissed him. Still holding his face, "I'm so glad today went well for you. I can see it in your eyes."

"It did. It really did. But Chino is Chino and this is Newport…and I've got everything I need right here."

"Me too."

After seeing the girls off, Ryan managed to put Seth off, telling him he'd grade his girl skills in the morning. Still floating on cloud nine, Ryan watched Seth float up the stairs on his way to bed. He could be such a character at times.

Ryan paused in the living room and stood at the mantle looking at all the photos displayed there. His life was finally at peace. He could feel it. Even the part of him that dealt with his Mother seemed oddly calm. Even if she failed the next time he saw he, he'd remember today. She did try today and that was more than he expected.

"Oh Ryan, I didn't know you were still up."

Kirsten's voice startled him and he jumped. She noticed him looking at the photos.

"Is everything okay?"

"Yeah. Fine. Sami and her cousin just left. I was just looking at these before I went to bed."

"I love these photos."

"Can I ask you something?"

"Sure. Anything."

Nodding, "How come you never told me that you sent my Mom pictures of me?"

Licking her lips, "Well, it wasn't to keep a secret, that's for sure. At the time you and your Mom weren't getting along and I wasn't sure you'd approve of the photos…and yet, on the other hand, I'm a Mom too. If you or Seth went to live somewhere else, with someone else, I'd want to know they were taking care of you, that you were happy there. That would be important to me. I tried to treat her the way I would hope someone would treat me if I were in her shoes."

The explanation surprised Ryan. "But…I thought you hated her. Why would you go out of your way to be nice to her?"

"Because she's still your Mom. She may have done things that upset me, mostly because I got to know you and some of the things she did, hurt you. As Moms we tend to be protective and we think we're doing the right thing all the time, even when we're wrong. You guys don't come with any instructions so we're winging it most of the time. Maybe she did the best she could with what her Mom taught her. Maybe she didn't have anyone to help her pick up the pieces. Whatever the reason, she's still your Mom and out of respect for you, I tried to be respectful to her."

Ryan turned his attention back to the photos on the mantel. "She saved them all. Well, she had a bunch of them up on her refrigerator. She said she liked them because I was smiling."

"Mmm-hmm. She told me that too. She said she didn't have any pictures of you smiling. I guess that's why they are so special to her."

Turning to Kirsten again, "She told me that's one of the reasons she knew I belonged here, she could see how happy I was." Breaking eye contact, Ryan looked down at his hands. "You know, it wasn't until I saw all those photos in her kitchen that I realized I really am a part of your family."

"Ryan, of course you are. Always."

"I know, I know I am, but I guess I never realized just how much you accepted me you know? Coming here changed my life. I owe so much to you and your family."

"You mean your family. Or maybe I should say our family."

"Right," Ryan snickered.

Leaning forward, Kirsten embraced Ryan and he returned the gesture.

"Thank you," he muttered. Pulling away he tried to, discreetly, wipe his eyes.

"We will always be here for you. Always. We love you."

"I love you guys too." Pausing a moment, "I guess I better get to bed. Seth with be up bright and early, wanting me to critique his technique with Sami's cousin," Ryan smirked.

"You better take some aspirin with you, you're gonna need it come morning."

"I'm gonna need more than aspirin. I'll see you tomorrow."

"'Night."

Kirsten watched Ryan disappear into the kitchen before she turned out the living room lights and went up to bed.

Ryan paused on the patio before entering the pool house and looked up at the sky. The stars seemed brighter than normal. It was hard to pick out the brightest one. He wondered if that meant something. He wondered if his Mom made the same observation. It had been a good day. A really good day.

In the pool house, he lazily stripped out of his clothes and prepared for bed. After flopping down on his bed, he rolled over to look at the photo on his night table. It was a photo of him and the Cohens from their vacation to the lakes. Everyone was smiling, everyone was happy. It was clear they were enjoying themselves. The photo made Ryan smile to himself. As Kirsten reminded him in the living room, the photo of his family.

Reaching up, Ryan switched off the lamp and snuggled against the sheets, still staring at the photo. So this is what it felt like to have a life that meant something, that fulfilled voids he'd only dreamed of.

Rolling onto his back his mind drifted to what the morning would bring, mainly Seth and more of his incoherent babbling and paranoia about girls, specifically the difference between the right and the wrong way to serve microwave popcorn to a girl who is the cousin of your sort of brother's girlfriend. Snorting out loud, he shook his head. That was exactly what was going to happen…and he looked forward to it for once.

Allowing his eyes to close, he replayed the day's events in his mind. He couldn't imagine a more perfect day, at least he couldn't have asked for anything more. Letting his thoughts turn into dreams, he dropped off into a peaceful sleep, knowing dreams can come true. And sometimes, they can be even better than anything he ever imagined.

THE END.

A/N – So there we have it. Ryan's life has come full circle and he's at peace with himself and all other aspects of his life. What a journey this has been! I had no idea it would ever have been this big! THANK YOU to everyone who has followed me through this little adventure, or trilogy (Shadow Games, Bad Behavior and Raising Ryan). Your feedback and encouragement helped make this story a great success!

For those who don't know…there is a new Baby Chino in the picture: D Much thanks goes out to everyone for their support, prayers and well wishes. That meant so much to me. With God's blessing, Baby Chino will arrive in early June – our own little Junebug! Baby Chino is one of the reasons I chose to wrap up 'Raising Ryan' but mostly because Ryan's story is complete…he's grown, he's achieved and he's moved on…and thus, so must we: D I promise to keep writing, there's always more ideas on the back burner!

I wish you all a wonderful and joyous holiday season!

Super Chino : D


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